The Bad. / The Good. / The Great. The Noticings and Wonderings. / and For You (whoever reads this)
The Bad:
I get very lonely.
I am now in week 6 of stomach jitters (about loneliness and future).
One day last week I felt like wanted to die.
I am having a very bad time forgiving myself for my past lacks and actions...
I have grown a LOT. But I do wish I were here where I am now inside, at age 23-25!
Littler but still: I need work here on house omg. Dark - electrician issues - outdoors a horrible broken mess - need new bed - bathroom a horrible broken mess.. Money, overwhelming feeling...
The Good:
That awful thing last weekwhen felt wanted to die, I did get through it. I ran to computer to friend, AND shoveled greens in my mouth. It only happened twice and for about 10 minutes each time. Not weeks straight like a few years ago!
I am asked to share more about mindfulness. Which is wonderful. And will also push me to DO it more!
I have a wonderful class.
Everything is breaking but I am able to replace. So ordered new tv and new car.
Finally found snow removal guy helped a lot this winter.
I am a coach now, beachbody. I don't make money in fact it costs me lol but I enjoy it at this level! Helping others and being part of this particular team of positive nice people! And it expands my life. And keeps me from boredom at night when lonely.
The Great:
At Best Buy had a major revelation. I think I'll have to write about it separately. It is the hugest lifetime revelation.
I am eating so much better.
I am working out.
I am losing weight.
I am gaining energy, strength, and confidence.
I am able to pull myself back when falling, better than before.
I am really enjoying piano! And French!
I appreciate my work.
The Noticings and Wonderings:
W - I wonder if other people find life hard. I think it's hard. WORTH IT! But hard. It's work to be happy. Especially with lots of childhood damage.
N - I KNOW how important nutrition and moving my body are to my emotional health. I KNOW it now! From experience!
N - I have hope.
N - I enjoy something each day. I make sure to.
N - Work is important for me, in terms of not falling.
For YOU if You're Reading This:
Oh do not give up on yourself. I am so late at coming to healing. But yay that I've been coming to it. Better now than never oh yes.
Eat some green vegetables.
Workout.
Meditate even just focus on breathing 2 minutes a day is something.
Get out. Get outside get outside get outside. Even the first minute can change your mood.
Plan things. I have an event this month and one in July paid for and planned. Things to look forward to.
Keep up with your daily shit. I have paid a price for falling behind because "too emotion to bring up stuff from car (hello filthy car people couldn't even fit in and would walk by and talk about) or pay parking ticket, or fight red light ticket that was wrong (hello scrambling around on last day possible to avoid car boot, in GHETTO, with 300 cash I owed!) or deal with hsn when they sent letter because I'd changed credit cards after hacked and I forgot about it (hello collections agency). This cleaner feeling is worth the doing! Learn from my mistakes.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
E.J.
Hi Hon, I only just this minute saw your comment and hi and thank you! It won't let me reply so I've written here. I am about to catch up and keep up with blog again, but I'm ok.
Love to you!!
Love to you!!
Monday, February 16, 2015
The Next 134 Days!
So I’ve been thinking:
If I start anything new tomorrow, there are 134 days during which I can do it
before July 1. I wonder what I can accomplish in 134 days!
Let me say that again: ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FOUR WHOLE DAYS!! Summer will come either way, whether I do or not...
So - for example:
If I spend 20 minutes a day on French, I will be 2,680 minutes better in French than I am now! 44 and a half hours better!! PLUS 18 hours of lessons is 62 hours better! Wow!
Or: If I spend 10 minutes a day meditating that's 22.3 hours of meditation bliss and all that it brings.
If I spend 30 minutes a day on piano, I will be 4020 minutes better a pianist! 67 hours better! PLUS a couple of really good lessons = 70 hours better! Wowie!
If I spend 30 minutes a day on PD, I will have grown 4020 minutes more as a developed person – actually more - ‘cause it grows on itself, so it compounds!
If I spend an average of 30 minutes a day working out, I will be 15.3 pounds lower without changing a thing in my eating!
Not to mention sizes and inches.
Not to mention emotional benefits.
If I reign in my eating with a good food plan too, I will be lighter still!
And, if I spend just one little dollar a day less, I will have money for a new bathing suit in the end of June!
**
You know what, I think I’m going to do all of that! If I just devote 5:30 – 7:30 pm every day, there it is, done!
***
What would ~you~ like to accomplish by July 1?
I really really *really* r*E*a*L*l*Y want to know my friends’ thoughts about this!
: )
I hope some people will comment! I would LOVE to know!
Let me say that again: ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FOUR WHOLE DAYS!! Summer will come either way, whether I do or not...
So - for example:
If I spend 20 minutes a day on French, I will be 2,680 minutes better in French than I am now! 44 and a half hours better!! PLUS 18 hours of lessons is 62 hours better! Wow!
Or: If I spend 10 minutes a day meditating that's 22.3 hours of meditation bliss and all that it brings.
If I spend 30 minutes a day on piano, I will be 4020 minutes better a pianist! 67 hours better! PLUS a couple of really good lessons = 70 hours better! Wowie!
If I spend 30 minutes a day on PD, I will have grown 4020 minutes more as a developed person – actually more - ‘cause it grows on itself, so it compounds!
If I spend an average of 30 minutes a day working out, I will be 15.3 pounds lower without changing a thing in my eating!
Not to mention sizes and inches.
Not to mention emotional benefits.
If I reign in my eating with a good food plan too, I will be lighter still!
And, if I spend just one little dollar a day less, I will have money for a new bathing suit in the end of June!
**
You know what, I think I’m going to do all of that! If I just devote 5:30 – 7:30 pm every day, there it is, done!
***
What would ~you~ like to accomplish by July 1?
I really really *really* r*E*a*L*l*Y want to know my friends’ thoughts about this!
: )
I hope some people will comment! I would LOVE to know!
Friday, January 30, 2015
Grats 54 - 66 Some Health Things
54. Breath all the time
55. Heart beats healthily
56. How quickly my body responds to sleep, greens, and workouts! : )
57. How quickly my body responds to the "bad" things too - good reminder
58. My ability to heal
59. Working kidneys
60. Healthy blood
61. Eyesight!
62. Hearing
63. Ability to walk
64. Ability to drive
65. Two hands that work so well. For typing, lifting things, cooking, piano, everything!
66. A good brain that has enabled me to get an education and to work.
55. Heart beats healthily
56. How quickly my body responds to sleep, greens, and workouts! : )
57. How quickly my body responds to the "bad" things too - good reminder
58. My ability to heal
59. Working kidneys
60. Healthy blood
61. Eyesight!
62. Hearing
63. Ability to walk
64. Ability to drive
65. Two hands that work so well. For typing, lifting things, cooking, piano, everything!
66. A good brain that has enabled me to get an education and to work.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Grats 53
53. J. called. Wanted to make sure I have all need (snow coming here).
And we are going out next week
And he was endlessly thankful for the iPad (I had one I never use it had been a gift and he needed one for work so I gave to him Dec 30 when we went to dinner)
I have to admit, I am very very grateful for the hope.
I am stronger now, and whatever happens I will accept and be fine and love my own life!
But - I do love him and am very grateful for the hope.
Thankful here.
And we are going out next week
And he was endlessly thankful for the iPad (I had one I never use it had been a gift and he needed one for work so I gave to him Dec 30 when we went to dinner)
I have to admit, I am very very grateful for the hope.
I am stronger now, and whatever happens I will accept and be fine and love my own life!
But - I do love him and am very grateful for the hope.
Thankful here.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Grats 34 - 52
Things "Bad" That Worked Out to Be Good!"
1. J. leaving. All my strengths I would not have found
2. Piano lessons I hated and never wanted growing up. But playing helps save me now, when down. Plus brings me joy!
3. No voice for 8 months. That's when I found my Reiki teacher and Reiki itself.
4. And - I appreciate my voice so much now.
5. And - I came to realize how much of what I say doesn't need to be said, too.
6. Having to work. But work saves me in many ways too.
7. Plus I help others that way.
8. Gaining all that weight. But through it I've found exercise.
9. And - strength
10. And - energ
11. And - confidence!
12. Shyness, fear, and other weaknesses. 'Cause they've helped me to empathize and to help others, including students and adults too.
13. Breathing problems I had. Because I SOOOOO appreciate my breath now!
14. Health problems AND scares last Oct (2013) because I have gotten happily serious about my health now!
15. Doggie with husband and I miss her so. Because I now have the birds.
16. And, because I don't want to walk a dog at night in the cold and dark and I don't have to.
17. And, because I can go out and even go away weekends without guilt over her
18. And, because she is not alone there so much as she would be here.
There are more! I'm just out of time for now!
1. J. leaving. All my strengths I would not have found
2. Piano lessons I hated and never wanted growing up. But playing helps save me now, when down. Plus brings me joy!
3. No voice for 8 months. That's when I found my Reiki teacher and Reiki itself.
4. And - I appreciate my voice so much now.
5. And - I came to realize how much of what I say doesn't need to be said, too.
6. Having to work. But work saves me in many ways too.
7. Plus I help others that way.
8. Gaining all that weight. But through it I've found exercise.
9. And - strength
10. And - energ
11. And - confidence!
12. Shyness, fear, and other weaknesses. 'Cause they've helped me to empathize and to help others, including students and adults too.
13. Breathing problems I had. Because I SOOOOO appreciate my breath now!
14. Health problems AND scares last Oct (2013) because I have gotten happily serious about my health now!
15. Doggie with husband and I miss her so. Because I now have the birds.
16. And, because I don't want to walk a dog at night in the cold and dark and I don't have to.
17. And, because I can go out and even go away weekends without guilt over her
18. And, because she is not alone there so much as she would be here.
There are more! I'm just out of time for now!
Monday, January 19, 2015
Grats 17 - 33
17. my voice. I remember when I didn’t have it for the better part of 8 months
18.
an oven. I am
roasted vegetables in it today.
19.
The recipe for
creamy curried broccoli soup from Supermarket Vegan. I love it and am making it
today and adding beans to it for protein (in fod processor adding them)
20.
That I am off
today, so I can heal – have had a physical thingy going on
21.
My health
22.
My dear birds.
They are healthy and happy and songful
23.
That I let them
fly about so much
24.
That I am SO
lucky they only poop in or over their (big, flight) cage!
25.
Knitting.
26.
That I had the
money to get my car fixed Friday.
27.
Health insurance
and that I am able to pay the up-front and the co-pay costs.
28.
My eyesight!
29.
My fb communities
30.
Washer and dryer
and place in cellar to hang clothes drying too. Very lucky for this!
31.
That laundry is
in now
32.
Dishwasher
33.
That it is on
now.
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