I am grateful:
1. M loved the locket
2. I think E is okay. He fell and even hours later didn’t feel well. Had hit head. Adult in room where he was when fell was so upset (it was not in my room) she cried…Nurse checked with his dr., and it seems he should be okay and I’m grateful for that.
3. I’m grateful – so grateful – for my time with MA last night.
4. I’m grateful that I called her, because I really needed a friend
5. And although she *thought * she wouldn’t have time, *just as I was getting into my car * in the school parking lot, she called
6. And once again, I find myself grateful for cell phones
7. And driving over, I almost stopped several times. Was so tired and shaky, felt like might not be able to drive safely after more hours.
8. But got there (it’s very near school) and called and she said come up first
9. And I got to do some of my self-help book at her table while she did some paper work.
10. And I mentioned about J and our apparent divorce talk coming tomorrow. And she was very calm. And asked about my dr’s help. And I’m grateful that the whole thing was like 2 minutes, really.
11. Especially because when we left for the diner, she mentioned that she’d seen her doctor the day before, and her test results prove that she has lost a lot of lung function during the last year and a half. (She has interstitial lung disease). I’m not at all grateful for that. But that I was able to put aside my crap and be there for her.
12. And that we had a good, honest talk about it.
13. And then we talked about other things. It was I who was able to tell her stories I knew she’d want to hear and she laughed and laughed.
14. And I reminded her that the year when she exercised regularly, she did not lose lung function.
15. And she is thinking about doing it again.
16. It worked out for the best that no one else could get together
17. Maybe that means you never know what good can come after/of bad
18. And I’m grateful that although I’m not involved, M does have comfortable plans for her birthday weekend.
19. And that I went and picked up the mani-pedi gift certificate to give her from me and D
20. And that I have a private present too.
21. And that now I’m done with presents. Because I really need to not spend anymore.
22. And that she knows that too – and has said it to me
23. I’m still grateful for the help my sponsor was to me yesterday morning.
24. And I’m very grateful that the phone therapist is available for this evening after work.
25. That it says in today’s For Today: “Moving ahead requires only awareness and willingness. Nothing complex. No figuring out, no master plan, only a desire to change.”
26. I am grateful for my online spiritual community and that we pray together there.
27. And that D. wants help to do 100 gratitudes a day.
28. And that I’m willing to give her that help. Even though she’s difficult to deal with. But I would never refuse to help anyone with something like that.
29. I’m grateful that today’s Voices of Recovery says: “The stress of attempting to trust myself when my disease was rampant was like trying to push a rope up a tree - impossible. I'm grateful that today I have a Higher Power I can trust to guide me in honesty and truth.”
30. The Third Step Prayer. And that I just looked it up, so at least now maybe I’ll remember the end: “God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and They Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
31. The Seventh Step Prayer, to which I’ve just re-introduced myself: “My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.” I must memorize that one and say it daily too.
32. And the Eleventh Step Prayer, which is referred to in today’s Voices of Recovery: “Lord, make me a channel of thy peace–that where there is hatred, I may bring love–that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope-that where there are shadows, I may bring light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.”
33. And this version of the Serenity Prayer. I have an aversion to the Serenity Prayer and I think this morning, for the first time, I understand why. Because I really don’t WANT to accept. I am still too afraid. I guess all the more reason why I NEED the prayer.
34. That I gave my food choices over to HP the last two days and they were great and it was much easier.
35. And that yesterday I prayed to be gentle all day. And I pretty much was.
36. And that I’ve given the kids more of the happy and learning days.
37. I will go to the post office at lunch today. Phew. Glad it’s so near and that I’m not too phobic to do it. A number of things are feeling more natural now.
38. And that I will probably meet O for Chinese food lunch today. Yay.
39. I am confused by things in the readings about “hardship as the way to peace.” So isn’t that the opposite of yesterday’s Emerson quote about don’t live in lists and waiting? I have the hardship – when is the peace? But despite this, I am grateful for hope.
40. Breath
41. MA being alive
42. People who give me compassion.
43. People who give others compassion.
44. Deep breaths
45. I believe I’ll get through this day. I’m grateful for that belief
46. Having helped two troubled kids yesterday.
47. And another not troubled, but with a problem.
48. Not wanting to stay for that meeting, but staying, enabled me to be there for MA’s call.
49. Doing the next right thing. That saying
50. And every time that I do it
51. Laughter.
52. Laughter with MA last night
53. Hope about money
54. Hope about J someday
55. Or someone else
56. Or being ok on my own
57. And for health. Hope for health.
58. That I have a job
59. That I *will * help J. financially how I can. And hope that he won’t try to screw me.
60. Movies
61. The great dinner I had at the diner last night. Grilled yellow squash, eggplant, roasted peppers, tomato, avocado, whipped hummus, fresh fruit salad, and a little piece of herb bread, and 4 tiny breadsticks, hot tea, and water. Didn’t finish all, but it felt light and healthy.
62. Kale salad
63. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water. Such a fortune.
64. Beaches.
65. Foxes
66. Firefighters
67. Pocketbook
68. I finally re-set the clock in my car. I think it’s actually correct now lol
69. Not making as much garbage/recycling as I used to
70. Not being as obsessed with *stuff * as I used to be
71. My breaths are becoming more relaxed now.
72. God
73. Buddha
74. Thich Nhat Hahn
75. Martin Luther King, Jr.
76. Oprah
77. Helen Keller
78. Eleanor Roosevelt
79. All the years I had pretty stationary. Now I think it is a waster of resources. But it was fun before I knew.
80. And like when I was 17 or so, and my parents had me pick out professional Christmas cards
81. And I picked “and the lion shall lay down with the lamb”
82. And even before that, my mother had cards made up with my name. It was very elegant.
83. The jumper my seamstress made for me. My first seamstress experience. I was twelve. I had some very nice experiences growing up.
84. That I was always faithful about visiting my mother in the psychiatric hospital.
85. That I don’t feel so much a need to feel sad anymore.
86. That with my dr., I’m working out the thing about this “hole” inside me. This feeling of a NEED to be attached to someone else to exist.
87. Life
88. That I didn’t kill myself.
89. MM. She is wonderful, and I’m so glad she is there and I get to work with her.
90. And that I see that on Jan 19, I e-mailed her and told her that.
91. The gifts I’m giving my secret valentine buddy
92. The gifts my secret valentine buddy is giving me
93. Kids
94. Happy, smiling kids
95. That I do fun little stuff for/with them
96. That we giggle together
97. And that they love it
98. Second-grade-appropriate activities – despite the ridiculous over-the-top curriculum. That we’re still fitting them in.
99. That my principal, superintendent, etc., are out there fighting for quality education rather than politicians’ agendas.
100. K’s help with getting in the SMARTBoard course paperwork.
101. And that she’ll help me with the project as well.
102. Nice people.
Showing posts with label Gratitdues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gratitdues. Show all posts
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Grats
I am grateful:
1. My French lesson was yesterday!
2. It was fantastic!
3. I’m to have one a week. So excited.
4. And my teacher said, as everyone does, that my pronunciation and inflection is wonderful. Yay.
5. And I remembered more than either of us thought I would.
6. And then I said I’d like to read some “primer” books for practice and she told me which library to go to as that town has a large French population.
7. And it’s MA’s town!
8. I called, MA ran down in the rain to my car, and we went over.
9. Her friend of 35 years was the librarian yesterday, and they had a great talk.
10. And I have a bagful of books!
11. Plus there are many many more there.
12. And – I feel like my students. “Ooh, I can’t wait until someday I can read a chapter book,” like some feel in the beginning of second grade.
13. Plus – they met my teacher. That was cool for them.
14. And as always, when I am bring taught, it reminds me of MANY things that they might be feeling and makes me yet more sensitive to them.
15. Actually, my time and energy here are so limited, that I am glad she comes to school at lunchtime even though I get less than the full hour.
16. She was thrilled to have a student who is there for the love of it (not mother forcing kid to tutor because failing…)
17. ***And it all means I am doing something for myself! ***
18. I’m grateful that unlike yesterday, I was not up and active at 2:30 am today!
19. I’m grateful that I told my principal and her sort of assistant principal yesterday, about J not living here.
20. And that one held my held and one hugged me.
21. They were SO nice.
22. And I, as always, was honest. And said I am nice to the kids and they are learning, and I am professional with other adults, but I must be nervous because schedule-remembering (outside of class – meetings, courses, mother,…) is getting confused so I have to keep very careful lists.
23. So Ma is going to help me plan the zoo trip. (They said if you need help with anything, let us know).
24. AND – a luncheon yesterday conflicted with my lesson. Speaking of schedules). So principal said, make your way through, make a plate even though I know nothing will be vegan and there’ll be nothing you can eat, smile a lot, get out and go to your lesson. You can bring your teacher the plate! I’m so grateful.
25. I also told N. and she was wonderful.
26. I am finally ready for everyone at work to know. (Hopefully not students and parents, but professionals. But I can’t control that anyway).
27. Hey – in years and years, I could wind up with one of the widowed or divorced grandparents or something! : )
28. J. went to see my mother yesterday am and thinks she’ll stick it out for the next week. I am SO grateful.
29. And she did sound much better yesterday afternoon. PHEW
30. And – back to the French, I think during private reading today, I will read my primer French books – trying to decode and ascertain meaning – rather than engaging with a group or whatever – for the purpose of them seeing me do it. For their sake. Good.
31. And MA was proud of me.
32. And – and this is uncomfortable – MA said she’d love to come over (lives near school) and sit in. Was actually thinking about it. Afraid might interrupt too much… - well, I love her, but this is MINE and I’m grateful that I would be able to say that if it comes up. I think : )
33. And that I feel so good now without walking around school with the secret. Phew. So grateful to feel that way!
34. Woke up tired, heated coffee, poured it, and as sipping, opened e-mails from parents – all complimentary!
35. One reminding me how grateful she (mom – and one who’s known to be difficult) is that he has never been as happy as he is in my room. I honestly don’t know why, but this child smiles all day long. I’m so glad!
36. J. seems to notice that I’m happier and busy with nice things. *It is not my intent – I am doing these things for me! But it is nice that he seems to notice.
37. My. Life. Does. Not. Revolve. Around. Him. Now. Thank you, God, friends, therapists, programs, universe, self.
38. That I just thanked myself.
39. That I am not alone in cyber-space.
40. I have stomach hunger right now. Good. I shall go make some breakfast. For the right reason.
41. I am having a life without J living here!
42. That today I am not in the shape I was in yesterday.
43. I’ll have nice day for class today.
44. And nice session with other class too.
45. Principal kept saying how great I look – and looking at my face.
46. Now later in the morning, the school psychologist – on whom the principal relies greatly – was hanging around my area a lot. I wonder is she asked her to take a look. But I’m fine with it either way, and I’m grateful for all of that.
47. Practicing piano before school yesterday!
48. Offering to lend my very special copy of Secret Garden to some fifth graders I don’t know, when I overheard them asking for it at our school library and she thought there were no more copies.
49. I am grateful for exercise
50. And more steps in a day
51. And my clean house!
52. And my freedoms here. Hey, someday – someday far away, I could fall in love. And then I’ll “have to” make compromises. And I understand that. But right now, I don’t have to! I can play piano – loudly – at 4 am. I can watch sitcom reruns. I can eat veggies for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, in front of the tv.
53. I can leave out a jigsaw puzzle in progress, or put up a dollhouse or turn the sofa backwards (I don’t do these things, but I could!) or paint a room black (which I would never do – I’m just brainstorming freedoms here) or sleep on the floor or have parties or watch chick-flick type tv. Or be silent. Or talk on the phone for long periods
54. Wow. What a deep breath I just took.
55. This is virtually the first time in like 28 years I’m not spending ginormous energy on worrying about J and me. Wow.
56. I am grateful for my hands and all that they do.
57. And how soft they are right now! This is new to me.
58. And that I’m planning to have paraffin and a massage in Febr.
59. And a vacation. Not away, but time off, in Feb.
60. And that my students are happy.
61. And quality furniture. I have mostly less expensive stuff, but I appreciate it.
62. And St (friend)
63. And saints. Really.
64. I forgot – not phobic, just forgot – to take out the garbage this am. Heard the truck and realized. And did not panic. I’ll do it Friday. There is so little anyway: )
65. And – and – last week, for the first time, I heard the recycling truck and did NOT run to the window to look. Sort of (sort of) assumed they’d just nonchalantly take it. Good.
66. Not spending any more time around bullies. I’m serious.
67. Indoor recess yesterday. I like it better. (
68. I’m afraid today we’ll be outside. But the kids will love that so I’m grateful on their behalf).
69. I’m nervous and tired about going to after-school meeting and then mother’s apartment and then nursing home by myself tonight. But grateful that she is in the shape that I can do it.
70. B seems to be adjusting better to my classroom now. She was really pissed about being moved.
71. KH. So nice to have her in M’s class now that she’s almost fully grown, helping out, and I taught her in gr. 3 and get to spend some time with her now and we love each other.
72. I am smiling. Right now. So grateful for that!
73. Piano in classroom
74. And piano at home
75. And O’s mother noticing how much better I’m getting when she saw me
76. And noticed right away no wedding ring
77. And when she heard I’m practicing
78. And how we are able to laugh together
79. Ex they were talking in Russian and I understood nothing except one word. So their talk sounded like this – I’M NOT MAKING FUN OF THE LANGUAGE I’M JUST EXPLAING : blah blah ushki rah rah schmanoff sex schmoos schmosshi sex rah ha yada yada sex ichof aninoff ushiov sex. That was the one English word in the story and it kept coming up. It was so funny.
80. Life
81. My life even. Wow.
82. Breath
83. Smiles
84. One of my students whose goal is to smile more.
85. A child who asked me yesterday, while lining up: “Do you think doctors are important?” “Yes.” “Lawyers?“ “Yes.” Thoughtful look thoughtful look: Me: “I think ALL jobs are important.” “Huh.” “Where would we be without garbage collectors? What would the world be like if no one planted flowers? How about no teachers? Or (touching the paper in her hand) if no one made paper? Or no one danced or sang for us? Or the people at the hospital who don’t get paid but do volunteer work, like the lady who massaged my hands with cream when I was sick in the hospital and it made me feel so nice… But I’m interested – what do YOU think?” Her, thoughtfully, with very serious 7-year-old face: “You’ve convinced me.”
86. Voice. I so vividly remember when I couldn’t speak for like 8 months. I’m so grateful that I can speak.
87. Experiences. Even the hard ones have added to some good things.
88. Vitamins
89. Hope
90. Trees!
91. Flowers.
92. My yellow tulips in the d.r. are opening up and so beautiful!
93. The fancy dinners I’ve had at K’s.
94. Nice people. With compassion.
95. Laughter
96. Jokes
97. Riddles for the kids
98. Great dvd yesterday on Chinese New Year
99. The little wind chimes in my classroom.
100. This is a little sad, but all the years I kept vacation things around in the classroom like the beach rock, the wind chimes, etc. I AM grateful for that.
1. My French lesson was yesterday!
2. It was fantastic!
3. I’m to have one a week. So excited.
4. And my teacher said, as everyone does, that my pronunciation and inflection is wonderful. Yay.
5. And I remembered more than either of us thought I would.
6. And then I said I’d like to read some “primer” books for practice and she told me which library to go to as that town has a large French population.
7. And it’s MA’s town!
8. I called, MA ran down in the rain to my car, and we went over.
9. Her friend of 35 years was the librarian yesterday, and they had a great talk.
10. And I have a bagful of books!
11. Plus there are many many more there.
12. And – I feel like my students. “Ooh, I can’t wait until someday I can read a chapter book,” like some feel in the beginning of second grade.
13. Plus – they met my teacher. That was cool for them.
14. And as always, when I am bring taught, it reminds me of MANY things that they might be feeling and makes me yet more sensitive to them.
15. Actually, my time and energy here are so limited, that I am glad she comes to school at lunchtime even though I get less than the full hour.
16. She was thrilled to have a student who is there for the love of it (not mother forcing kid to tutor because failing…)
17. ***And it all means I am doing something for myself! ***
18. I’m grateful that unlike yesterday, I was not up and active at 2:30 am today!
19. I’m grateful that I told my principal and her sort of assistant principal yesterday, about J not living here.
20. And that one held my held and one hugged me.
21. They were SO nice.
22. And I, as always, was honest. And said I am nice to the kids and they are learning, and I am professional with other adults, but I must be nervous because schedule-remembering (outside of class – meetings, courses, mother,…) is getting confused so I have to keep very careful lists.
23. So Ma is going to help me plan the zoo trip. (They said if you need help with anything, let us know).
24. AND – a luncheon yesterday conflicted with my lesson. Speaking of schedules). So principal said, make your way through, make a plate even though I know nothing will be vegan and there’ll be nothing you can eat, smile a lot, get out and go to your lesson. You can bring your teacher the plate! I’m so grateful.
25. I also told N. and she was wonderful.
26. I am finally ready for everyone at work to know. (Hopefully not students and parents, but professionals. But I can’t control that anyway).
27. Hey – in years and years, I could wind up with one of the widowed or divorced grandparents or something! : )
28. J. went to see my mother yesterday am and thinks she’ll stick it out for the next week. I am SO grateful.
29. And she did sound much better yesterday afternoon. PHEW
30. And – back to the French, I think during private reading today, I will read my primer French books – trying to decode and ascertain meaning – rather than engaging with a group or whatever – for the purpose of them seeing me do it. For their sake. Good.
31. And MA was proud of me.
32. And – and this is uncomfortable – MA said she’d love to come over (lives near school) and sit in. Was actually thinking about it. Afraid might interrupt too much… - well, I love her, but this is MINE and I’m grateful that I would be able to say that if it comes up. I think : )
33. And that I feel so good now without walking around school with the secret. Phew. So grateful to feel that way!
34. Woke up tired, heated coffee, poured it, and as sipping, opened e-mails from parents – all complimentary!
35. One reminding me how grateful she (mom – and one who’s known to be difficult) is that he has never been as happy as he is in my room. I honestly don’t know why, but this child smiles all day long. I’m so glad!
36. J. seems to notice that I’m happier and busy with nice things. *It is not my intent – I am doing these things for me! But it is nice that he seems to notice.
37. My. Life. Does. Not. Revolve. Around. Him. Now. Thank you, God, friends, therapists, programs, universe, self.
38. That I just thanked myself.
39. That I am not alone in cyber-space.
40. I have stomach hunger right now. Good. I shall go make some breakfast. For the right reason.
41. I am having a life without J living here!
42. That today I am not in the shape I was in yesterday.
43. I’ll have nice day for class today.
44. And nice session with other class too.
45. Principal kept saying how great I look – and looking at my face.
46. Now later in the morning, the school psychologist – on whom the principal relies greatly – was hanging around my area a lot. I wonder is she asked her to take a look. But I’m fine with it either way, and I’m grateful for all of that.
47. Practicing piano before school yesterday!
48. Offering to lend my very special copy of Secret Garden to some fifth graders I don’t know, when I overheard them asking for it at our school library and she thought there were no more copies.
49. I am grateful for exercise
50. And more steps in a day
51. And my clean house!
52. And my freedoms here. Hey, someday – someday far away, I could fall in love. And then I’ll “have to” make compromises. And I understand that. But right now, I don’t have to! I can play piano – loudly – at 4 am. I can watch sitcom reruns. I can eat veggies for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, in front of the tv.
53. I can leave out a jigsaw puzzle in progress, or put up a dollhouse or turn the sofa backwards (I don’t do these things, but I could!) or paint a room black (which I would never do – I’m just brainstorming freedoms here) or sleep on the floor or have parties or watch chick-flick type tv. Or be silent. Or talk on the phone for long periods
54. Wow. What a deep breath I just took.
55. This is virtually the first time in like 28 years I’m not spending ginormous energy on worrying about J and me. Wow.
56. I am grateful for my hands and all that they do.
57. And how soft they are right now! This is new to me.
58. And that I’m planning to have paraffin and a massage in Febr.
59. And a vacation. Not away, but time off, in Feb.
60. And that my students are happy.
61. And quality furniture. I have mostly less expensive stuff, but I appreciate it.
62. And St (friend)
63. And saints. Really.
64. I forgot – not phobic, just forgot – to take out the garbage this am. Heard the truck and realized. And did not panic. I’ll do it Friday. There is so little anyway: )
65. And – and – last week, for the first time, I heard the recycling truck and did NOT run to the window to look. Sort of (sort of) assumed they’d just nonchalantly take it. Good.
66. Not spending any more time around bullies. I’m serious.
67. Indoor recess yesterday. I like it better. (
68. I’m afraid today we’ll be outside. But the kids will love that so I’m grateful on their behalf).
69. I’m nervous and tired about going to after-school meeting and then mother’s apartment and then nursing home by myself tonight. But grateful that she is in the shape that I can do it.
70. B seems to be adjusting better to my classroom now. She was really pissed about being moved.
71. KH. So nice to have her in M’s class now that she’s almost fully grown, helping out, and I taught her in gr. 3 and get to spend some time with her now and we love each other.
72. I am smiling. Right now. So grateful for that!
73. Piano in classroom
74. And piano at home
75. And O’s mother noticing how much better I’m getting when she saw me
76. And noticed right away no wedding ring
77. And when she heard I’m practicing
78. And how we are able to laugh together
79. Ex they were talking in Russian and I understood nothing except one word. So their talk sounded like this – I’M NOT MAKING FUN OF THE LANGUAGE I’M JUST EXPLAING : blah blah ushki rah rah schmanoff sex schmoos schmosshi sex rah ha yada yada sex ichof aninoff ushiov sex. That was the one English word in the story and it kept coming up. It was so funny.
80. Life
81. My life even. Wow.
82. Breath
83. Smiles
84. One of my students whose goal is to smile more.
85. A child who asked me yesterday, while lining up: “Do you think doctors are important?” “Yes.” “Lawyers?“ “Yes.” Thoughtful look thoughtful look: Me: “I think ALL jobs are important.” “Huh.” “Where would we be without garbage collectors? What would the world be like if no one planted flowers? How about no teachers? Or (touching the paper in her hand) if no one made paper? Or no one danced or sang for us? Or the people at the hospital who don’t get paid but do volunteer work, like the lady who massaged my hands with cream when I was sick in the hospital and it made me feel so nice… But I’m interested – what do YOU think?” Her, thoughtfully, with very serious 7-year-old face: “You’ve convinced me.”
86. Voice. I so vividly remember when I couldn’t speak for like 8 months. I’m so grateful that I can speak.
87. Experiences. Even the hard ones have added to some good things.
88. Vitamins
89. Hope
90. Trees!
91. Flowers.
92. My yellow tulips in the d.r. are opening up and so beautiful!
93. The fancy dinners I’ve had at K’s.
94. Nice people. With compassion.
95. Laughter
96. Jokes
97. Riddles for the kids
98. Great dvd yesterday on Chinese New Year
99. The little wind chimes in my classroom.
100. This is a little sad, but all the years I kept vacation things around in the classroom like the beach rock, the wind chimes, etc. I AM grateful for that.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Grats
I am grateful:
1. It is still 1/21. Bright yellow tulips in my d.r. right now
2. Bright colored mixed flowers in my l.r. right now
3. And both were really cheap (like 3 or 4 dollars)
4. They are really cheering up the place!
5. And *I * am really cheering up the place!
6. And if it weren’t for the really dark floors, which I didn’t want, I might not have had the incentive to brighten it. So everything has worked out!
7. Reiki. And that although it is against integrity and against Reiki to EVER give it to a child without the PARENT’S consent, and against integrity to EVER give it to any adult without their own consent, we ARE allowed to give it to the world at large, like in situations like earthquakes, the cruise ship that just went down… etc.
8. I just wrote to Kairava about reiki.
9. Maybe I can get a level two refresher.
10. And maybe Mer can take reiki once *from * Kairava. That will be so wonderful.
11. I just took a great, full-of-bubbles bath. No tea, candles, magazines. Not needed. Great.
12. And I smell and feel so good.
13. And this is cheap bubble bath from the drugstore, no less!
14. Now it’s Sunday. They did come and do the snow.
15. And I gave Ch coffee.
16. And he said they will always do it. Phew.
17. And the price was great. Double phew. Whole sidewalk, car and needed part of driveway, stairs and back by sunroom for very little more than guy knocking on door wanted just for car.
18. And they’re insured, bonded,… What a great relief!
19. And now I’m up and cooking for my mother because she’s not eating their food, not most of it “It’s terrible.” Oy.
20. Big pot of soup on for her right now.
21. Started telling M. yesterday about my new therapy.
22. More today (her kids needed her).
23. Practiced piano for two hours!
24. Fresh coffee this morning. Yum. And hot hot hot.
25. Meditative reminders
26. Gonna find a way to calm those kids this week.
27. Gently, lovingly, still with plenty of fun, but for their own sake.
28. That in the two daily meditation books I’m reading for the second time, I am seeing more.
29. I expect that will happen the third time too….
30. And later with the two I’m reading for the first time.
31. I am seriously grateful for herbs and spices. Rosemary
32. Sage
33. Oregano
34. Parsley
35. Hot pep
36. Black pep
37. Garlic
38. Thyme
39. Dill
40. Curry powder
41. Paprika
42. Saffron
43. Chili powder
44. Cumin
45. Coriander
46. Turmeric
47. That little red one that’s really hot. I can’t think of what it’s called right now.
48. Onion powder
49. And for basic everyday healthy things. Like onions
50. Carrots
51. Garlic
52. Spinach
53. Green beans
54. Collards
55. Broccoli
56. Cauliflower
57. Peppers
58. Celery
59. Salad
60. Brown rice
61. Bulgur
62. Whole wheat couscous
63. Whole-grain Barilla linguini
64. Beans
65. And how lucky I am to consider them “basic, everyday healthy things.”
66. That I just thanked God for my waking up today. I am so so so grateful to appreciate my life. There are not words for it. I never did before. THIS is a MIRACLE.
67. Today’s In This Moment.
68. All of today’s readings, really. In a way.
69. That I feel okay today. Emotionally. Somehow. So grateful for that.
70. That I’m not fatigued like 2 weeks ago. So grateful for that.
71. That I shall see people today.
72. And did yesterday. When Ch came for the snow, and I gave him coffee, it made me feel so much less alone.
73. And he wants us to get together (with his wife, who is my friend : )
74. God, I hate doing this work sometimes. But I’m SO glad I do it nonetheless.
75. That I just finished today’s readings.
76. That the soup, although there had to be a couple of substitutions, smells fine.
77. My nose. I remember when it needed two kinds of internal surgeries. And it works now.
78. Eyesight. Always so grateful for that.
79. My two books which I will find time for reading more today.
80. And piano practice today too.
81. And the recital I’m helping O with
82. And visiting my mom today
83. And chilling out tonight.
84. Kiddies tomorrow. Grateful for them, the little innocent, loving souls.
85. Doggie next weekend! I miss her so. Can’t wait.
86. French lessons start tomorrow!!!
87. K
88. That I’m starting to take such better care of myself.
89. This blog
90. Other people’s blogs too.
91. Poetry
92. That I can quote some Shakespeare
93. That the fairy tale/song unit I’ve been doing has openly changed two kids’ lives, from the other class.
94. That I have energy today.
95. That I can breathe on my own. I am very grateful for that.
96. And speak
97. And walk
98. And think
99. And grow
100. And continue losing weight.
101. Support of people here.
1. It is still 1/21. Bright yellow tulips in my d.r. right now
2. Bright colored mixed flowers in my l.r. right now
3. And both were really cheap (like 3 or 4 dollars)
4. They are really cheering up the place!
5. And *I * am really cheering up the place!
6. And if it weren’t for the really dark floors, which I didn’t want, I might not have had the incentive to brighten it. So everything has worked out!
7. Reiki. And that although it is against integrity and against Reiki to EVER give it to a child without the PARENT’S consent, and against integrity to EVER give it to any adult without their own consent, we ARE allowed to give it to the world at large, like in situations like earthquakes, the cruise ship that just went down… etc.
8. I just wrote to Kairava about reiki.
9. Maybe I can get a level two refresher.
10. And maybe Mer can take reiki once *from * Kairava. That will be so wonderful.
11. I just took a great, full-of-bubbles bath. No tea, candles, magazines. Not needed. Great.
12. And I smell and feel so good.
13. And this is cheap bubble bath from the drugstore, no less!
14. Now it’s Sunday. They did come and do the snow.
15. And I gave Ch coffee.
16. And he said they will always do it. Phew.
17. And the price was great. Double phew. Whole sidewalk, car and needed part of driveway, stairs and back by sunroom for very little more than guy knocking on door wanted just for car.
18. And they’re insured, bonded,… What a great relief!
19. And now I’m up and cooking for my mother because she’s not eating their food, not most of it “It’s terrible.” Oy.
20. Big pot of soup on for her right now.
21. Started telling M. yesterday about my new therapy.
22. More today (her kids needed her).
23. Practiced piano for two hours!
24. Fresh coffee this morning. Yum. And hot hot hot.
25. Meditative reminders
26. Gonna find a way to calm those kids this week.
27. Gently, lovingly, still with plenty of fun, but for their own sake.
28. That in the two daily meditation books I’m reading for the second time, I am seeing more.
29. I expect that will happen the third time too….
30. And later with the two I’m reading for the first time.
31. I am seriously grateful for herbs and spices. Rosemary
32. Sage
33. Oregano
34. Parsley
35. Hot pep
36. Black pep
37. Garlic
38. Thyme
39. Dill
40. Curry powder
41. Paprika
42. Saffron
43. Chili powder
44. Cumin
45. Coriander
46. Turmeric
47. That little red one that’s really hot. I can’t think of what it’s called right now.
48. Onion powder
49. And for basic everyday healthy things. Like onions
50. Carrots
51. Garlic
52. Spinach
53. Green beans
54. Collards
55. Broccoli
56. Cauliflower
57. Peppers
58. Celery
59. Salad
60. Brown rice
61. Bulgur
62. Whole wheat couscous
63. Whole-grain Barilla linguini
64. Beans
65. And how lucky I am to consider them “basic, everyday healthy things.”
66. That I just thanked God for my waking up today. I am so so so grateful to appreciate my life. There are not words for it. I never did before. THIS is a MIRACLE.
67. Today’s In This Moment.
68. All of today’s readings, really. In a way.
69. That I feel okay today. Emotionally. Somehow. So grateful for that.
70. That I’m not fatigued like 2 weeks ago. So grateful for that.
71. That I shall see people today.
72. And did yesterday. When Ch came for the snow, and I gave him coffee, it made me feel so much less alone.
73. And he wants us to get together (with his wife, who is my friend : )
74. God, I hate doing this work sometimes. But I’m SO glad I do it nonetheless.
75. That I just finished today’s readings.
76. That the soup, although there had to be a couple of substitutions, smells fine.
77. My nose. I remember when it needed two kinds of internal surgeries. And it works now.
78. Eyesight. Always so grateful for that.
79. My two books which I will find time for reading more today.
80. And piano practice today too.
81. And the recital I’m helping O with
82. And visiting my mom today
83. And chilling out tonight.
84. Kiddies tomorrow. Grateful for them, the little innocent, loving souls.
85. Doggie next weekend! I miss her so. Can’t wait.
86. French lessons start tomorrow!!!
87. K
88. That I’m starting to take such better care of myself.
89. This blog
90. Other people’s blogs too.
91. Poetry
92. That I can quote some Shakespeare
93. That the fairy tale/song unit I’ve been doing has openly changed two kids’ lives, from the other class.
94. That I have energy today.
95. That I can breathe on my own. I am very grateful for that.
96. And speak
97. And walk
98. And think
99. And grow
100. And continue losing weight.
101. Support of people here.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Grats
I am grateful:
1. Fabulous, (though tough: ) session with the new therapist yesterday. Wow. My head is kind of reeling. I’m grateful for it.
2. M seems to be keeping strong about what she has to do.
3. I am there for her.
4. So are many others.
5. I am feeling stronger.
6. I have many (too many lol) plans for the weekend. But that’s much much better than feeling isolated, lonely, useless, bored and depressed.
7. Tomorrow, either I’ll work (for money) or the weather will be prohibitive and I’ll read all day
8. I have 3 great books now!
9. And maybe see M a little
10. Sunday I have OA
11. And I’m ushering for O’s concert in the afternoon.
12. And of course I’ll see my mother
13. And do laundry
14. and cook something
15. and a bit of shopping.
16. But I CAN do it. (Right? : )
17. I have now told two cousins about the separation
18. I have the best French teacher in the world for the summer! (And after if I want).
19. She’s far away, and expensive, but giving me a reduction plus I LOVE her plus she has a way for me to only have to see her once every 4 – 6 weeks. I’m so excited.
20. So I’ll take from one person through June, and then perhaps switch. I’m so excited! Doing this just for me! Love love love the sound of French! Always have!
21. I can walk
22. I can talk
23. I have a myriad of experiences that make me me.
24. Everyone is worthwhile. Therefore I am worthwhile.
25. I just breathed a deep breath.
26. I have better plans for next week’s teaching. I’m good, but in terms of their behavior (really rough class), I have an idea and will incorporate it Monday.
27. B felt much better yesterday.
28. Buddhism.
29. Honesty. I am so incredibly tempted to stay home today. Exhausted, some diarrhea, nervous, blood in stool, more to do than time, changes yesterday in plans for today (I’m not in classroom today but elsewhere at work for this one day)…and I want to cuddle up here and read. But I will do the right thing. And I’m glad for that.
30. That K. got back to me. I thought I’d lost my cousins (long story – I did nothing wrong). But it was just that my e-mail had been junked.
31. Also so glad she found it.
32. That other K and Jo are helping me next week with computer!
33. That M. feels I am her sister. (She has only a brother). This is not a fly-by-night thing. We have been friends for over 10 years.
34. That I feel she is my sister too.
35. Finally, it’s like I have a sister.
36. I’m about to do her a big favor for her, but it won’t even cost me a thing. Wonderful.
37. She bought me the same socks she bought her mother. Hearts and word love. Gave yesterday. Made me feel so special.
38. Her class loves me and loves working with me.
39. I’m very nervous today – and funky dreams that I can’t even remember – but I know these feelings don’t last forever.
40. Great sub plans for today while I’m out at math
41. Since I just yesterday found out I have to present next Friday, I’m sure glad I’m not as shy as I used to be.
42. Boggle
43. Scrabble
44. Word mine
45. Art
46. Acrylic paints
47. Green vegetables
48. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water
49. My hands
50. How much typing helps calm me
51. My OA sponsor
52. Hope.
53. My brain
54. My eyesight
55. The desk in the den
56. And that it is neat
57. Children
58. Puppies
59. Kittens
60. My dream about the parrot and tiger and tiger cubs. I remember that one now and I loved it.
61. And people liked me and I got along fine in that dream.
62. People who rescue animals.
63. Trees
64. Oxygen
65. Freedom
66. No more slavery in our country!
67. People who care.
68. My own compassion growing.
69. Wonderful aides.
70. Letting little E drum yesterday. It was fantastic.
71. And just writing his – very difficult – mom about it.
72. I know I am good at work.
73. Wow. That’s huge.
74. My voice. I remember not having it (physically) and am so glad I do now.
75. So many gifts in my life.
76. Doggie. Even though I won’t see her this weekend.
77. Don’t know why O seems to have no time for me since Christmas! But am grateful that I’m ok with that. That’s a biggy for me.
78. Plenty of good food.
79. A house
80. Heat. Especially last night.
81. Lights.
82. MA’s health hopefulness
83. Parties
84. Car
85. Being able to drive
86. Sunglasses
87. Meditation
88. Children who have painted pictures for me and given them to me
89. That I’ve been on a cruise.
90. That I’ve been to beaches
91. That I have seen two oceans
92. Medicines
93. People who are helping the earth
94. G. and what he did for us years ago.
95. Life
96. The fact that I am finally grateful for my life
97. Sleep
98. Not the fatigue of last week
99. Both my programs
100. My devoted therapist who has such integrity
101. Integrity period
1. Fabulous, (though tough: ) session with the new therapist yesterday. Wow. My head is kind of reeling. I’m grateful for it.
2. M seems to be keeping strong about what she has to do.
3. I am there for her.
4. So are many others.
5. I am feeling stronger.
6. I have many (too many lol) plans for the weekend. But that’s much much better than feeling isolated, lonely, useless, bored and depressed.
7. Tomorrow, either I’ll work (for money) or the weather will be prohibitive and I’ll read all day
8. I have 3 great books now!
9. And maybe see M a little
10. Sunday I have OA
11. And I’m ushering for O’s concert in the afternoon.
12. And of course I’ll see my mother
13. And do laundry
14. and cook something
15. and a bit of shopping.
16. But I CAN do it. (Right? : )
17. I have now told two cousins about the separation
18. I have the best French teacher in the world for the summer! (And after if I want).
19. She’s far away, and expensive, but giving me a reduction plus I LOVE her plus she has a way for me to only have to see her once every 4 – 6 weeks. I’m so excited.
20. So I’ll take from one person through June, and then perhaps switch. I’m so excited! Doing this just for me! Love love love the sound of French! Always have!
21. I can walk
22. I can talk
23. I have a myriad of experiences that make me me.
24. Everyone is worthwhile. Therefore I am worthwhile.
25. I just breathed a deep breath.
26. I have better plans for next week’s teaching. I’m good, but in terms of their behavior (really rough class), I have an idea and will incorporate it Monday.
27. B felt much better yesterday.
28. Buddhism.
29. Honesty. I am so incredibly tempted to stay home today. Exhausted, some diarrhea, nervous, blood in stool, more to do than time, changes yesterday in plans for today (I’m not in classroom today but elsewhere at work for this one day)…and I want to cuddle up here and read. But I will do the right thing. And I’m glad for that.
30. That K. got back to me. I thought I’d lost my cousins (long story – I did nothing wrong). But it was just that my e-mail had been junked.
31. Also so glad she found it.
32. That other K and Jo are helping me next week with computer!
33. That M. feels I am her sister. (She has only a brother). This is not a fly-by-night thing. We have been friends for over 10 years.
34. That I feel she is my sister too.
35. Finally, it’s like I have a sister.
36. I’m about to do her a big favor for her, but it won’t even cost me a thing. Wonderful.
37. She bought me the same socks she bought her mother. Hearts and word love. Gave yesterday. Made me feel so special.
38. Her class loves me and loves working with me.
39. I’m very nervous today – and funky dreams that I can’t even remember – but I know these feelings don’t last forever.
40. Great sub plans for today while I’m out at math
41. Since I just yesterday found out I have to present next Friday, I’m sure glad I’m not as shy as I used to be.
42. Boggle
43. Scrabble
44. Word mine
45. Art
46. Acrylic paints
47. Green vegetables
48. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water
49. My hands
50. How much typing helps calm me
51. My OA sponsor
52. Hope.
53. My brain
54. My eyesight
55. The desk in the den
56. And that it is neat
57. Children
58. Puppies
59. Kittens
60. My dream about the parrot and tiger and tiger cubs. I remember that one now and I loved it.
61. And people liked me and I got along fine in that dream.
62. People who rescue animals.
63. Trees
64. Oxygen
65. Freedom
66. No more slavery in our country!
67. People who care.
68. My own compassion growing.
69. Wonderful aides.
70. Letting little E drum yesterday. It was fantastic.
71. And just writing his – very difficult – mom about it.
72. I know I am good at work.
73. Wow. That’s huge.
74. My voice. I remember not having it (physically) and am so glad I do now.
75. So many gifts in my life.
76. Doggie. Even though I won’t see her this weekend.
77. Don’t know why O seems to have no time for me since Christmas! But am grateful that I’m ok with that. That’s a biggy for me.
78. Plenty of good food.
79. A house
80. Heat. Especially last night.
81. Lights.
82. MA’s health hopefulness
83. Parties
84. Car
85. Being able to drive
86. Sunglasses
87. Meditation
88. Children who have painted pictures for me and given them to me
89. That I’ve been on a cruise.
90. That I’ve been to beaches
91. That I have seen two oceans
92. Medicines
93. People who are helping the earth
94. G. and what he did for us years ago.
95. Life
96. The fact that I am finally grateful for my life
97. Sleep
98. Not the fatigue of last week
99. Both my programs
100. My devoted therapist who has such integrity
101. Integrity period
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Today's 100 Gratitudes
I am grateful:
1. It is Dec 27 as I start these. Eleanor Roosevelt
2. Helen Keller
3. That I want to live.
4. And that I want to *really * live. Like DO things.
5. Taking doggie for that nice walk in the brisk air was good for me.
6. For both of us.
7. Now it’s Dec. 28th. I’m grateful that I called O yesterday and asked if she wanted to go (with her mother) out for Indian food lunch
8. And that she said yes
9. We went, and it was great. New place to us. Fabulous food and nice service and atmosphere and price. (Next time buffet, though, ‘cause cheaper).
10. And I ate well. Not pigged out. (I should really learn to cook Indian food).
11. My piano teacher is having a concert given by her – gulp - adult students. I said absolutely not. I will attend and clap; I will NOT perform. LOTS of issues about that. Growing up, beatings, terror, . . .
12. But when I came home, I realized I WANT to. She had said (I think we should TRY.).
13. And I started practicing.
14. And I have just checked my e-mail and she says yes let’s go for it – the two pieces I’d mentioned
15. Having trouble cleaning up these particular four rooms. Gonna right each room gives time to practice or one tv show.
16. And K just e-mailed me, so I called her and it just so happens that yesterday SHE faced a whole day and evening of cleaning up after a long long time!
17. And we had a nice talk.
18. Plus that gave me inspiration.
19. J. called - he called the window and heat people about that room that still needs. I appreciate that.
20. And when window place reopens (6 weeks or something) HE’S going to try to replace – because will save ME money. I’m grateful
21. And he’s gonna talk to the guys about the heat.
22. AND he’s encouraging me to spend the extra and get it done right because, “It will make it more efficient for you anyway, plus someday if you ever sell, you’ll recoup that money. And this all sounds good to me about our treatment of each other.
23. And I’m also grateful – SO grateful – that this all sounds good to me instead of all depressing about future!
24. And I re-offered to help him with his business stuff.
25. And I did NOT mean that with any hidden agenda.
26. He said nothing anyone can do right now but he’s very grateful for the offer and really does want to be friends with me.
27. And that felt good to me and I’m very grateful that it did.
28. And Friday O and her mom and I are going to a Buddhist store in the city! And to see the sights… I’m really looking forward to that.
29. I am so grateful for things to look forward to.
30. I’m going to go do some cleaning NOW. Before I let so much time go that I don’t start. Which is VERY tempting. I will come back and do more grats. later.
31. Adding quickly. Took 90 minutes. Did sunroom.
32.Still no heat and couple broken windows in there, but I've cleaned it out and put it in order
33. And - it is lovely.
34. And - I do have an electric heater if needed before the windows/heat can get done.
35. And - I can do my hw there daily now!
36. And my morning spiritual work!
37. And meditate!
38. J and I have fought about that room that I've been paying for in both mortgages and taxes for almost 30 years and haven't been able to use for almost 25. We have been fighting about that room for 20-something years. And I have it now. And it speaks of me.
39. K might come her on New Year's Day and we can make manifestation boards. If hse doesn't, I think I'll still do one.
40. And put it in the sunroom!
Now must go face the *dreaded* dining room. 90 minutes til next little break.
Be back later with more grats and other spiritual work. Just don't want to put off the cleaning because I know that then I will not do it!
41. Oh my gosh, I have now done the dining room. I can hardly believe it. Over a year of clutter. Gone. And floor cleaned and rug vacuumed, ...
42. And now I get another break.
43. Then I talk to the divorce-specialty therapist
44. Then I do l.r.
45. Then I get lunch
46. Oh - and all this cleaning hurts, but - it must be burning calories, right? : )
I'll be back for rest.
All right. Here come the rest:
47. I am almost finished with the living room. Physically cannot do anymore today. So stopping. But SO grateful!
48. Tomorrow I think I can finish the living room and do the den and bathroom. Then Friday out having fun and later piano tuner comes. Then Saturday more house (and maybe car). I hope and expect to do the bedroom and closet.
49. If I need to (because it’s kind of really hurting physically), I can go into Monday.
50. And on New Year’s Day, I am going to make a manifestation board. Or at least start it.
51. And my friend K might join me here and make one too.
52. And I had nice talks with MA today.
53. And I practiced today. A little Bach and a little Reinhold.
54. I am grateful for this evening. I will eat dinner, watch tv, and chill a bit.
55. And maybe get more sleep.
56. I am so grateful for having more strength emotionally than I’d had or thought I’d have.
57. And more physically too.
58. And that God is helping me.
59. And for my vacuum.
60. I have literally not cleaned for a year. Yes that is embarrassing, but I was depressed … and I’m doing it now!
61. I had healthy breakfast
62. And healthy lunch
63. And healthy dinner is in fridge ready to be heated.
64. Lamps
65. The huge, old oak tree out front.
66. K.
67. O.
68. M is back from being away and we had a GREAT talk today.
69. My sponsor was “kvelling” – sponsor’s word – over how well I’m doing.
70. Oh, and tomorrow afternoon I hope to get my hair done. Otherwise Saturday.
71. I am grateful that I am free.
72. And that I can walk
73. And talk
74. And see
75. And breathe on my own.
76. And that I am not in a hospital
77. And that I still have my mother.
78. And for MA
79. And my hands
80. And my hair
81. And my kidneys.
82. And my table in the sunroom.
83. And my meditation bell
84. And Thich Naht Hahn
85. And music
86. And bookcases
87. And built in bookshelves
88. And towels
89. And soap
90. And hand soap
91. And hand cream
92. And eyeglasses
93. And every person who ever reads this blog
94. And candles
95. And sage for burning and “smudging.”
96. I think when I’m finished cleaning, I’ll do that.
97. And that I got my garbage out today.
98. And they took it.
99. And I’m about to bring down my recycling
100. And I believe they’ll take that tomorrow.
1. It is Dec 27 as I start these. Eleanor Roosevelt
2. Helen Keller
3. That I want to live.
4. And that I want to *really * live. Like DO things.
5. Taking doggie for that nice walk in the brisk air was good for me.
6. For both of us.
7. Now it’s Dec. 28th. I’m grateful that I called O yesterday and asked if she wanted to go (with her mother) out for Indian food lunch
8. And that she said yes
9. We went, and it was great. New place to us. Fabulous food and nice service and atmosphere and price. (Next time buffet, though, ‘cause cheaper).
10. And I ate well. Not pigged out. (I should really learn to cook Indian food).
11. My piano teacher is having a concert given by her – gulp - adult students. I said absolutely not. I will attend and clap; I will NOT perform. LOTS of issues about that. Growing up, beatings, terror, . . .
12. But when I came home, I realized I WANT to. She had said (I think we should TRY.).
13. And I started practicing.
14. And I have just checked my e-mail and she says yes let’s go for it – the two pieces I’d mentioned
15. Having trouble cleaning up these particular four rooms. Gonna right each room gives time to practice or one tv show.
16. And K just e-mailed me, so I called her and it just so happens that yesterday SHE faced a whole day and evening of cleaning up after a long long time!
17. And we had a nice talk.
18. Plus that gave me inspiration.
19. J. called - he called the window and heat people about that room that still needs. I appreciate that.
20. And when window place reopens (6 weeks or something) HE’S going to try to replace – because will save ME money. I’m grateful
21. And he’s gonna talk to the guys about the heat.
22. AND he’s encouraging me to spend the extra and get it done right because, “It will make it more efficient for you anyway, plus someday if you ever sell, you’ll recoup that money. And this all sounds good to me about our treatment of each other.
23. And I’m also grateful – SO grateful – that this all sounds good to me instead of all depressing about future!
24. And I re-offered to help him with his business stuff.
25. And I did NOT mean that with any hidden agenda.
26. He said nothing anyone can do right now but he’s very grateful for the offer and really does want to be friends with me.
27. And that felt good to me and I’m very grateful that it did.
28. And Friday O and her mom and I are going to a Buddhist store in the city! And to see the sights… I’m really looking forward to that.
29. I am so grateful for things to look forward to.
30. I’m going to go do some cleaning NOW. Before I let so much time go that I don’t start. Which is VERY tempting. I will come back and do more grats. later.
31. Adding quickly. Took 90 minutes. Did sunroom.
32.Still no heat and couple broken windows in there, but I've cleaned it out and put it in order
33. And - it is lovely.
34. And - I do have an electric heater if needed before the windows/heat can get done.
35. And - I can do my hw there daily now!
36. And my morning spiritual work!
37. And meditate!
38. J and I have fought about that room that I've been paying for in both mortgages and taxes for almost 30 years and haven't been able to use for almost 25. We have been fighting about that room for 20-something years. And I have it now. And it speaks of me.
39. K might come her on New Year's Day and we can make manifestation boards. If hse doesn't, I think I'll still do one.
40. And put it in the sunroom!
Now must go face the *dreaded* dining room. 90 minutes til next little break.
Be back later with more grats and other spiritual work. Just don't want to put off the cleaning because I know that then I will not do it!
41. Oh my gosh, I have now done the dining room. I can hardly believe it. Over a year of clutter. Gone. And floor cleaned and rug vacuumed, ...
42. And now I get another break.
43. Then I talk to the divorce-specialty therapist
44. Then I do l.r.
45. Then I get lunch
46. Oh - and all this cleaning hurts, but - it must be burning calories, right? : )
I'll be back for rest.
All right. Here come the rest:
47. I am almost finished with the living room. Physically cannot do anymore today. So stopping. But SO grateful!
48. Tomorrow I think I can finish the living room and do the den and bathroom. Then Friday out having fun and later piano tuner comes. Then Saturday more house (and maybe car). I hope and expect to do the bedroom and closet.
49. If I need to (because it’s kind of really hurting physically), I can go into Monday.
50. And on New Year’s Day, I am going to make a manifestation board. Or at least start it.
51. And my friend K might join me here and make one too.
52. And I had nice talks with MA today.
53. And I practiced today. A little Bach and a little Reinhold.
54. I am grateful for this evening. I will eat dinner, watch tv, and chill a bit.
55. And maybe get more sleep.
56. I am so grateful for having more strength emotionally than I’d had or thought I’d have.
57. And more physically too.
58. And that God is helping me.
59. And for my vacuum.
60. I have literally not cleaned for a year. Yes that is embarrassing, but I was depressed … and I’m doing it now!
61. I had healthy breakfast
62. And healthy lunch
63. And healthy dinner is in fridge ready to be heated.
64. Lamps
65. The huge, old oak tree out front.
66. K.
67. O.
68. M is back from being away and we had a GREAT talk today.
69. My sponsor was “kvelling” – sponsor’s word – over how well I’m doing.
70. Oh, and tomorrow afternoon I hope to get my hair done. Otherwise Saturday.
71. I am grateful that I am free.
72. And that I can walk
73. And talk
74. And see
75. And breathe on my own.
76. And that I am not in a hospital
77. And that I still have my mother.
78. And for MA
79. And my hands
80. And my hair
81. And my kidneys.
82. And my table in the sunroom.
83. And my meditation bell
84. And Thich Naht Hahn
85. And music
86. And bookcases
87. And built in bookshelves
88. And towels
89. And soap
90. And hand soap
91. And hand cream
92. And eyeglasses
93. And every person who ever reads this blog
94. And candles
95. And sage for burning and “smudging.”
96. I think when I’m finished cleaning, I’ll do that.
97. And that I got my garbage out today.
98. And they took it.
99. And I’m about to bring down my recycling
100. And I believe they’ll take that tomorrow.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Grats
I'm a little confused. I know I haven't skipped days. Where are they? Hmmm.
I am grateful:
1. Dec. 25 right now. Ability to swallow
2. Coffee in the mornings
3. The sun does come up
4. I can walk
5. My big, old oak tree.
6. Stone steps outside
7. Grass
8. Dirt
9. Breath. Breath. I didn’t always have it. I’m so grateful for breath.
10. Ability to exercise
11. Cheap gym nearby
12. Exercise bands at home
13. And a treadmill too
14. Plus, I can walk
15. And on ww site, there are exercises.
16. And somewhere, I do have little weights.
17. Dec 26 now: I am so grateful for the OA phone marathon that was yesterday and will be today
18. And that I already did the first thing on today’s list.
19. And for that list advice altogether. From MA, who got it from her therapist: Make a list. Do something on the list. Anything. Cross it off. I will be leaning on that this week probably (and maybe beyond).
20. For showering and getting dressed nicely and putting on makeup and driving to get my mother.
21. And going to the place she likes
22. And enjoying our visit
23. And that she did too.
24. And getting to O’s with her special gift.
25. And a nice gift for her mother from Russia too.
26. So in ways, it turned out to be a nice Christmas after all.
27. For the nice dream I had. I’m SO sad that is was but a dream. But maybe it was my psyche’s way of protecting me from constant stress. Grateful for it.
28. In a few minutes, I can call my sponsor.
29. I am grateful for Bach.
30. And that I’m practicing it nowadays.
31. Walks
32. Walks in the woods with J and doggie with her off-leash in front of us. I am grateful I had those.
33. And that she likes swimming. I must find a way to get her some next summer. And I will.
34. People from class (students and parents) giving me gifts. One gave gift from mom, and gift from child. From mom was one thing, from child was stuffed animals and candies. So sweet.
35. WW
36. OA
37. CoDA
38. E-mails
39. Comments on blog. Always so grateful for e-mails and comments on blog.
40. Word games, like boggle and scrabble
41. SMART Board in classroom
42. Piano in classroom – and it got fixed.
43. My mother and I recently sharing things we’ve never shared before.
44. I think I’m ready to be honest with her soon.
45. Maybe it will even be better for me.
46. But I’m also grateful that J was open about not hurting her for Christmas.
47. That the new ww room is bright and cheerful. Not dingy like before.
48. Bright colors, like bright green.
49. That I’m becoming more healthy. Not liking isolating so much. Liking being out and about, walking, driving, talking with others.
50. That counter in our wing, where we gather and talk and sometimes have coffee or tea (or breakfast) for a few minutes before the kids come in, at work.
51. That I get along with the others in my wing.
52. That I just had a great talk with my sponsor.
53. I will walk doggie once or twice today.
54. And cuddle and play with her.
55. And keep OA marathon on.
56. And clean kitchen.
57. And probably bake one protein/veggie bake.
58. And do one load of laundry.
59. And – maybe – see MA
60. And read! I need to read a 500 page book by next week for school! And two chapters of another.
61. I don’t know why, but I feel that I *will * have a life. That I *will * be okay. Even without J.
62. I don’t know what the future brings, but I will keep doing the next right thing.
63. I am so grateful to God.
64. And the cozy time in O’s kitchen while she and her mama were cooking healthy, simple foods for their dinner with her ex-husband, and the house smelled so good, and O was so thrilled with her special present, and her mama kept kissing me and kissing me.
65. And this is the link, if you want to see it. But it’s MUCH prettier in person! Very shiny, and the way the light hits it, I think is why it’s called morph. Sometimes looks wavy…has DEPTH. Inside is shallow – outside is deep. Underneath is the engraving with dot between 12, 16, and 11 for the date of her citizenship. I am not well off and she knows it. But I spend a lot on this. And I’m glad I did. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?mcat=148204&sku=GRP02252&selectedsku=23781999&cid=287465&search_params=s+5-p+61-c+287465-r+101323338-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t&fromgrid=1
66. J’s old coat to keep me warm.
67. I will find my hat. I have my earmuffs. I just need scarf and gloves.
68. God. God is helping me. (God, please continue to keep helping me).
69. For my online spiritual community.
70. And the person who starts it daily.
71. For the show hoarders. I am not anywhere near that extreme, but it helps me get started. And it helps those people too, I think.
72. That I can get out today. I am not homebound.
73. That the past two days I have had such CLEAN eating.
74. Lamps
75. Elephants.
76. Tigers
77. Siberian tigers.
78. That two of my students (that I know of) have gotten to go on safaris.
79. That I have hair.
80. That I’m developing self-respect.
81. That I’m doing my morning work daily, even if I don’t feel like it.
82. Phones
83. Skype
84. That I got to spend that time with the woman from China last year.
85. The Alvin Ailey dancers.
86. That I got to share more with my mother about the musical side of my teaching.
87. And she loved it.
88. And that I got to share with her some of the great things about her as a mother.
89. That I have a home.
90. And a washing machine!
91. That I am free.
92. Quality artisans
93. The times I had in my 20’s, with my piano teacher at the time, at the home of the composer, sitting by her pool, with the chipmunks and rabbits…as she would be in her bathing suit composing operas. What experiences!
94. That I met with Victoria Dreyfus, in her home.
95. And there, I played on a piano on which Chopin himself had played! What an experience.
96. And I have picnicked at Billy Burke’s grounds during a concert.
97. And I have walked, and swam, and loved.
98. And I am not dead yet. There IS more to come.
99. That I am starting to appreciate life.
100. And to take care of myself.
101. And that EJ has been a help with that.
102. And JJ
103. And Birdie
Thank you, Lord.
I am grateful:
1. Dec. 25 right now. Ability to swallow
2. Coffee in the mornings
3. The sun does come up
4. I can walk
5. My big, old oak tree.
6. Stone steps outside
7. Grass
8. Dirt
9. Breath. Breath. I didn’t always have it. I’m so grateful for breath.
10. Ability to exercise
11. Cheap gym nearby
12. Exercise bands at home
13. And a treadmill too
14. Plus, I can walk
15. And on ww site, there are exercises.
16. And somewhere, I do have little weights.
17. Dec 26 now: I am so grateful for the OA phone marathon that was yesterday and will be today
18. And that I already did the first thing on today’s list.
19. And for that list advice altogether. From MA, who got it from her therapist: Make a list. Do something on the list. Anything. Cross it off. I will be leaning on that this week probably (and maybe beyond).
20. For showering and getting dressed nicely and putting on makeup and driving to get my mother.
21. And going to the place she likes
22. And enjoying our visit
23. And that she did too.
24. And getting to O’s with her special gift.
25. And a nice gift for her mother from Russia too.
26. So in ways, it turned out to be a nice Christmas after all.
27. For the nice dream I had. I’m SO sad that is was but a dream. But maybe it was my psyche’s way of protecting me from constant stress. Grateful for it.
28. In a few minutes, I can call my sponsor.
29. I am grateful for Bach.
30. And that I’m practicing it nowadays.
31. Walks
32. Walks in the woods with J and doggie with her off-leash in front of us. I am grateful I had those.
33. And that she likes swimming. I must find a way to get her some next summer. And I will.
34. People from class (students and parents) giving me gifts. One gave gift from mom, and gift from child. From mom was one thing, from child was stuffed animals and candies. So sweet.
35. WW
36. OA
37. CoDA
38. E-mails
39. Comments on blog. Always so grateful for e-mails and comments on blog.
40. Word games, like boggle and scrabble
41. SMART Board in classroom
42. Piano in classroom – and it got fixed.
43. My mother and I recently sharing things we’ve never shared before.
44. I think I’m ready to be honest with her soon.
45. Maybe it will even be better for me.
46. But I’m also grateful that J was open about not hurting her for Christmas.
47. That the new ww room is bright and cheerful. Not dingy like before.
48. Bright colors, like bright green.
49. That I’m becoming more healthy. Not liking isolating so much. Liking being out and about, walking, driving, talking with others.
50. That counter in our wing, where we gather and talk and sometimes have coffee or tea (or breakfast) for a few minutes before the kids come in, at work.
51. That I get along with the others in my wing.
52. That I just had a great talk with my sponsor.
53. I will walk doggie once or twice today.
54. And cuddle and play with her.
55. And keep OA marathon on.
56. And clean kitchen.
57. And probably bake one protein/veggie bake.
58. And do one load of laundry.
59. And – maybe – see MA
60. And read! I need to read a 500 page book by next week for school! And two chapters of another.
61. I don’t know why, but I feel that I *will * have a life. That I *will * be okay. Even without J.
62. I don’t know what the future brings, but I will keep doing the next right thing.
63. I am so grateful to God.
64. And the cozy time in O’s kitchen while she and her mama were cooking healthy, simple foods for their dinner with her ex-husband, and the house smelled so good, and O was so thrilled with her special present, and her mama kept kissing me and kissing me.
65. And this is the link, if you want to see it. But it’s MUCH prettier in person! Very shiny, and the way the light hits it, I think is why it’s called morph. Sometimes looks wavy…has DEPTH. Inside is shallow – outside is deep. Underneath is the engraving with dot between 12, 16, and 11 for the date of her citizenship. I am not well off and she knows it. But I spend a lot on this. And I’m glad I did. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?mcat=148204&sku=GRP02252&selectedsku=23781999&cid=287465&search_params=s+5-p+61-c+287465-r+101323338-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t&fromgrid=1
66. J’s old coat to keep me warm.
67. I will find my hat. I have my earmuffs. I just need scarf and gloves.
68. God. God is helping me. (God, please continue to keep helping me).
69. For my online spiritual community.
70. And the person who starts it daily.
71. For the show hoarders. I am not anywhere near that extreme, but it helps me get started. And it helps those people too, I think.
72. That I can get out today. I am not homebound.
73. That the past two days I have had such CLEAN eating.
74. Lamps
75. Elephants.
76. Tigers
77. Siberian tigers.
78. That two of my students (that I know of) have gotten to go on safaris.
79. That I have hair.
80. That I’m developing self-respect.
81. That I’m doing my morning work daily, even if I don’t feel like it.
82. Phones
83. Skype
84. That I got to spend that time with the woman from China last year.
85. The Alvin Ailey dancers.
86. That I got to share more with my mother about the musical side of my teaching.
87. And she loved it.
88. And that I got to share with her some of the great things about her as a mother.
89. That I have a home.
90. And a washing machine!
91. That I am free.
92. Quality artisans
93. The times I had in my 20’s, with my piano teacher at the time, at the home of the composer, sitting by her pool, with the chipmunks and rabbits…as she would be in her bathing suit composing operas. What experiences!
94. That I met with Victoria Dreyfus, in her home.
95. And there, I played on a piano on which Chopin himself had played! What an experience.
96. And I have picnicked at Billy Burke’s grounds during a concert.
97. And I have walked, and swam, and loved.
98. And I am not dead yet. There IS more to come.
99. That I am starting to appreciate life.
100. And to take care of myself.
101. And that EJ has been a help with that.
102. And JJ
103. And Birdie
Thank you, Lord.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
So Very Sad - Must Do Gratitudes
I am grateful:
1. Cute adorable little doggie is here. She is so sweet and dear and a great lesson in how to live. I love her.
2. Could feel her next to me in bed as I slept
3. I slept some. Not enough. But some is better than none.
4. I have electricity
5. I do not have a serious illness (not counting compulsive overeating).
6. I just took a deep breath, after seeing Birdie's comment and realizing she was here.
7. O called yesterday
8. This COULD possibly be my last lonely and horrible Christmas...
9. I got showered yesterday morning. Didn't wash hair, but did shower.
10. And brush teeth.
11. And put on clean clothes
12. And went to ww meeting.
13. And it was good.
14. And I had already filled my car with gas.
15. I'm still doing my thumb exercises.
16. And it's still working, thank God.
17. And then I did go to an OA meeting.
18. And it was great.
19. And I'll go to that one again, I'm sure.
20. In fact, that may become my new Saturday routine: the one meeting and then the other. And then my mother to the bank and shopping.
21. And then yesterday I did take my mother to the bank and shopping.
22. I ate so well yesterday.
23. J. kissed me like 5 times. Don't worry. I know he doesn't love me in that way. But at least he appreciates that I'm good.
24. Got a great hug from D, guy in whose house J is living, D's dog having recently died.
25. Maybe my mother will be ok today, with my lie to spare her.
26. I finally called that therapist.
27. He will get back to me Monday.
28. Jesus
29. Catholicism
30. Buddhism
31. The people who have e-mailed me yesterday and today. Not alone is good and very important.
32. That I have a washer and dryer here.
33. That I am capable of doing laundry.
34. That I will get to the dentist soon.
35. And the gynecologist.
36. And the regular doctor.
37. And I see my great opthomologist in January.
38. That our union leader thinks our pension might be safe after all. No crystal ball, but a good feeling based on some facts.
39. I WILL clean this week. I WILL.
40. I finally got garbage out Friday.
41. And they took it.
42. Tomorrow I'll bring my car in for headlight and inspection.
43. And if I can, I'll walk home. With doggie That'll be good for us. OR across the street to the gym. We'll see. Or, maybe I'll sit there on my butt and read...
44. Choices
45. Freedom
46. I'll get to give O her present today or tomorrow
47. I practiced a little piano yesterday.
48. I WILL get that broken room (no heat and broken windows) fixed. I WILL.
49. And I WILL light a fire in the little fireplace.
50. And start LIVING in the home I've paid for for so long.
51. Health insurance
52. That I get to keep J on it for a while. It's good for him.
53. That I am able to speak and write well when I need to (work, etc.)
54. I can go to many meetings this week if I'd like.
55. I've decided I have to say no to watching that other cute little doggie at end of January. I'll be allergic /it'll be bad for my doggie/ and she piddles in the house. I'm glad I'm able to say no.
56. Meditation. I am not going to wait for that room to start doing it regularly. Daily.
57. Prayer.
58. My OA sponsor.
59. My CoDA sponsor.
60. My friends. Especially: MA, ML, S, St, O, M, K, Ma, Jo, JA.
61. People at work seem to really like and care for me.
62. I have earned that.
63. Some of the presents I've gotten.
64. I'm starting to get a LITTLE self-pride, the good kind.
65. My lips look pretty with lip pencil.
66. Exercise bands.
67. Dvds
68. The inspiration that O's little house is to me for mine.
69. Plants
70. That someone is watering mine at work during vacation.
71. Even though I love it so much, I'm glad I didn't put up a Christmas tree this year.
72. But next year I think I will somehow.
73. You never know what the future holds. I might wind up happy after all.
74. And in THIS MOMENT, I am safe and can breathe deeply and live well for the moment.
75. One day at a time.
76. Yesterday's OA meeting could be a big help in my eating well today. (And ww too).
77. That I'm not counting my readings as part of my gratitudes yesterday and today. It feels deeper somehow this way.
78. People in the entertainment field who make others laugh.
79. This too, shall pass. Impermanence.
80. Buddhist: "No inferiority. No superiority. No equality." I'm beginning to get that now.
81. My Buddha little necklace from M. It comforts me to wear it.
82. I can't help it. Last time I was cheerful and more independent, J came back. There's a .25 percent he will again. I doubt it. I mean really, POINT 25. But still...
83. OR Maybe we WILL be able to be friends.
84. Or maybe someday I won't care.
85. Maybe someday I'll talk to other-J. again.
86. Maybe someday I'll be in love with someone right for me.
87. I do have enough money to live, for today.
88. I have teeth.
89. I can see. That's huge for me.
90. I can speak. I remember when I couldn't.
91. Maybe this relationship was karma payback for the one that was kind of the opposite. I don't really believe in that, but if it was, I am paid in full.
92. I am learning that I don't NEED another person. I WANT another person - it is wonderful to be loved and to love, but that's different than DEPENDENCE.
93. Tv
94. The light classical music channel
95. Laptop
96. Ability to communicate with people all over the world on the internet.
97. That 6 followers are listed here. I SOOOO don't want to be alone in cyber-space.
98. I have a roof.
99. I have heat. I remember when I didn't.
100. I can walk.
1. Cute adorable little doggie is here. She is so sweet and dear and a great lesson in how to live. I love her.
2. Could feel her next to me in bed as I slept
3. I slept some. Not enough. But some is better than none.
4. I have electricity
5. I do not have a serious illness (not counting compulsive overeating).
6. I just took a deep breath, after seeing Birdie's comment and realizing she was here.
7. O called yesterday
8. This COULD possibly be my last lonely and horrible Christmas...
9. I got showered yesterday morning. Didn't wash hair, but did shower.
10. And brush teeth.
11. And put on clean clothes
12. And went to ww meeting.
13. And it was good.
14. And I had already filled my car with gas.
15. I'm still doing my thumb exercises.
16. And it's still working, thank God.
17. And then I did go to an OA meeting.
18. And it was great.
19. And I'll go to that one again, I'm sure.
20. In fact, that may become my new Saturday routine: the one meeting and then the other. And then my mother to the bank and shopping.
21. And then yesterday I did take my mother to the bank and shopping.
22. I ate so well yesterday.
23. J. kissed me like 5 times. Don't worry. I know he doesn't love me in that way. But at least he appreciates that I'm good.
24. Got a great hug from D, guy in whose house J is living, D's dog having recently died.
25. Maybe my mother will be ok today, with my lie to spare her.
26. I finally called that therapist.
27. He will get back to me Monday.
28. Jesus
29. Catholicism
30. Buddhism
31. The people who have e-mailed me yesterday and today. Not alone is good and very important.
32. That I have a washer and dryer here.
33. That I am capable of doing laundry.
34. That I will get to the dentist soon.
35. And the gynecologist.
36. And the regular doctor.
37. And I see my great opthomologist in January.
38. That our union leader thinks our pension might be safe after all. No crystal ball, but a good feeling based on some facts.
39. I WILL clean this week. I WILL.
40. I finally got garbage out Friday.
41. And they took it.
42. Tomorrow I'll bring my car in for headlight and inspection.
43. And if I can, I'll walk home. With doggie That'll be good for us. OR across the street to the gym. We'll see. Or, maybe I'll sit there on my butt and read...
44. Choices
45. Freedom
46. I'll get to give O her present today or tomorrow
47. I practiced a little piano yesterday.
48. I WILL get that broken room (no heat and broken windows) fixed. I WILL.
49. And I WILL light a fire in the little fireplace.
50. And start LIVING in the home I've paid for for so long.
51. Health insurance
52. That I get to keep J on it for a while. It's good for him.
53. That I am able to speak and write well when I need to (work, etc.)
54. I can go to many meetings this week if I'd like.
55. I've decided I have to say no to watching that other cute little doggie at end of January. I'll be allergic /it'll be bad for my doggie/ and she piddles in the house. I'm glad I'm able to say no.
56. Meditation. I am not going to wait for that room to start doing it regularly. Daily.
57. Prayer.
58. My OA sponsor.
59. My CoDA sponsor.
60. My friends. Especially: MA, ML, S, St, O, M, K, Ma, Jo, JA.
61. People at work seem to really like and care for me.
62. I have earned that.
63. Some of the presents I've gotten.
64. I'm starting to get a LITTLE self-pride, the good kind.
65. My lips look pretty with lip pencil.
66. Exercise bands.
67. Dvds
68. The inspiration that O's little house is to me for mine.
69. Plants
70. That someone is watering mine at work during vacation.
71. Even though I love it so much, I'm glad I didn't put up a Christmas tree this year.
72. But next year I think I will somehow.
73. You never know what the future holds. I might wind up happy after all.
74. And in THIS MOMENT, I am safe and can breathe deeply and live well for the moment.
75. One day at a time.
76. Yesterday's OA meeting could be a big help in my eating well today. (And ww too).
77. That I'm not counting my readings as part of my gratitudes yesterday and today. It feels deeper somehow this way.
78. People in the entertainment field who make others laugh.
79. This too, shall pass. Impermanence.
80. Buddhist: "No inferiority. No superiority. No equality." I'm beginning to get that now.
81. My Buddha little necklace from M. It comforts me to wear it.
82. I can't help it. Last time I was cheerful and more independent, J came back. There's a .25 percent he will again. I doubt it. I mean really, POINT 25. But still...
83. OR Maybe we WILL be able to be friends.
84. Or maybe someday I won't care.
85. Maybe someday I'll talk to other-J. again.
86. Maybe someday I'll be in love with someone right for me.
87. I do have enough money to live, for today.
88. I have teeth.
89. I can see. That's huge for me.
90. I can speak. I remember when I couldn't.
91. Maybe this relationship was karma payback for the one that was kind of the opposite. I don't really believe in that, but if it was, I am paid in full.
92. I am learning that I don't NEED another person. I WANT another person - it is wonderful to be loved and to love, but that's different than DEPENDENCE.
93. Tv
94. The light classical music channel
95. Laptop
96. Ability to communicate with people all over the world on the internet.
97. That 6 followers are listed here. I SOOOO don't want to be alone in cyber-space.
98. I have a roof.
99. I have heat. I remember when I didn't.
100. I can walk.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Must Find 100 Gratitudes for Today
1. Breath
2. Supermarket nearby
3. Access to health food store
4. Water. Plenty of water.
5. Blanket
6. Lights
7. Heat
8. Car
9. Job
10. Fingers that work
11. Hands that work
12. I can walk
13. I can see
14. I can speak
15. I have friends
16. MA
17. ML
18. S
19. St
20. M
21. O
22. Jo
23. Ma
24. Tr
25. B
26. My mother
27. Piano
28. Laptop
29. Furniture
30. Roof
31. Pension, maybe
32. Some health insurance though it's very expensive
33. The park
34. Beaches
35. Two feet
36. Two kidneys
37. Two legs
38. Ability to eat better lately
39. Some weight loss
40. God in my life
41. E-mails from supportive people
42. EJ
43. Birdie
44. JJ
45. Pens
46. Paper
47. Books
48. Dr.
49. Whole food
50. Fruit
51. Collards
52. Spinach
53. Broccoli
54. Artichoke hearts
55. Didn't sleep last night, but there is hope that I will tonight.
56. Most night I have slept
57. Talking with sponsor yesterday
58. Talking with MA yesterday
59. Talking with O yesterday
60. M calling from vacation. I won't tell her the issue til she gets back; don't want her thinking of it on vacation
61. OA meetings
62. CoDA meetings
63. Orange juice
64. Vitamins
65. Needed medications
66. Ginger tea yesterday afternoon
67. Doggie
68. Every doggie I've ever had
69. Wood floors
70. Shoes
71. Windows
72. Vegan cookbooks
73. Bargain stores
74. Reiki
75. Mindfulness meditation
76. MA's friend R wants me to teach her to meditate
77. Ma and all the spiritual stuff we've done together
78. The Five Mindfulness Trainings
79. My spirituality
80. WW today. With good leader.
81. O. will call later. Maybe I'll get to give her her present today.
82. Coat to wear for now. It's just J's old one, but it's warmth.
83. That I've climbed that one time.
84. That I've ridden horses. I wouldn't now, but glad I have.
85. That I've flown.
86. That I've been good to my cousin Joa
87. Phone
88. Cell phone
89. That I've done 3 separate weeks with Thich Nhat Hahn
90. That I'm a vegan
91. Earrings
92. Healthy skin
93. That I'm doing gratitudes
94. Bras
95. My elephant statuette, even though it's broken
96. Hope. For myself
97. Ability to type
98. That O loved the Citizenship book my little class made for her
99. That it helped little W feel good about herself
100. That I went to that concert last week.
Wow. I do have a lot to be grateful for.
2. Supermarket nearby
3. Access to health food store
4. Water. Plenty of water.
5. Blanket
6. Lights
7. Heat
8. Car
9. Job
10. Fingers that work
11. Hands that work
12. I can walk
13. I can see
14. I can speak
15. I have friends
16. MA
17. ML
18. S
19. St
20. M
21. O
22. Jo
23. Ma
24. Tr
25. B
26. My mother
27. Piano
28. Laptop
29. Furniture
30. Roof
31. Pension, maybe
32. Some health insurance though it's very expensive
33. The park
34. Beaches
35. Two feet
36. Two kidneys
37. Two legs
38. Ability to eat better lately
39. Some weight loss
40. God in my life
41. E-mails from supportive people
42. EJ
43. Birdie
44. JJ
45. Pens
46. Paper
47. Books
48. Dr.
49. Whole food
50. Fruit
51. Collards
52. Spinach
53. Broccoli
54. Artichoke hearts
55. Didn't sleep last night, but there is hope that I will tonight.
56. Most night I have slept
57. Talking with sponsor yesterday
58. Talking with MA yesterday
59. Talking with O yesterday
60. M calling from vacation. I won't tell her the issue til she gets back; don't want her thinking of it on vacation
61. OA meetings
62. CoDA meetings
63. Orange juice
64. Vitamins
65. Needed medications
66. Ginger tea yesterday afternoon
67. Doggie
68. Every doggie I've ever had
69. Wood floors
70. Shoes
71. Windows
72. Vegan cookbooks
73. Bargain stores
74. Reiki
75. Mindfulness meditation
76. MA's friend R wants me to teach her to meditate
77. Ma and all the spiritual stuff we've done together
78. The Five Mindfulness Trainings
79. My spirituality
80. WW today. With good leader.
81. O. will call later. Maybe I'll get to give her her present today.
82. Coat to wear for now. It's just J's old one, but it's warmth.
83. That I've climbed that one time.
84. That I've ridden horses. I wouldn't now, but glad I have.
85. That I've flown.
86. That I've been good to my cousin Joa
87. Phone
88. Cell phone
89. That I've done 3 separate weeks with Thich Nhat Hahn
90. That I'm a vegan
91. Earrings
92. Healthy skin
93. That I'm doing gratitudes
94. Bras
95. My elephant statuette, even though it's broken
96. Hope. For myself
97. Ability to type
98. That O loved the Citizenship book my little class made for her
99. That it helped little W feel good about herself
100. That I went to that concert last week.
Wow. I do have a lot to be grateful for.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
100 Gratitudes Toay
I am grateful:
1. Talked to mother last night
2. Will see her today
3. Will pick up O’s gift today
4. J’s been nice
5. Will start cleaning today
6. Will fill car today
7. Will do bit of laundry today
8. And OA meeting too. Good
9. I’m grateful for kale
10. And ongoing, though slow, weight loss.
11. Oh, today’s For Today. The first line. *Exactly * what I was *just * thinking of!: “Never be in a hurry;
12. “do everything quietly
13. “and in a calm spirit.
14. “Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever.”
15. These are reminding me more and more of Thich Nhat Hahn’s teachings. And I’m grateful for that.
16. “Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.
17. “Commend all to God, and then lie still and be at rest in His bosom.” St. Francis de Sales
18. “Inward peace is not easily come by for a compulsive overeater.” That’s me, and so I’m grateful to see it here.
19. “Stuffing down anxiety and fear with food gives an illusion of calm, but food as an anesthetic has the shortest lifespan of all the addictive substances.” Wow.
20. “How then, do I maintain inward peace? The same way I remain abstinent – by giving everything to God:
21. “by giving everything to god: my fears,
22. “my worries,
23. “my life.” Wow
24. “I abandon all efforts to control,” Wow
25. “to force life to conform to my will.” Oh my.
26. “And I rest as peaceful as an infant in its mother’s arms.” Well *that’s * quite a promise.
27. “For today: The twelve-step program might well be called a set of instructions for finding
28. “ – and keeping – inward peace.” Okay. Will keep doing…
29. “Denial of the truth leads to destruction.” OA 12 & 12 p. 6
30. “When I first came to OA, admitting I was a compulsive overeater was a big step toward my recovery.
31. “What about today?”
32. “Have I said the words ‘I am a compulsive overeater’ so many times that they have lost their meaning for me?” Wow. Yeah.
33. “I used to keep in mind that while I’ve been recovering in the OA rooms, my disease has been doing push-ups out in the hall.
34. “My compulsion to overeat is cunning, baffling, powerful” yes it is
35. “ – and patient.” Yes
36. “If I am wanting to eat inappropriately or to overeat, it will do me no good to deny to myself what’s going on or seek to hide it from others.” Oh. Yes. I should call someone when that happens.
37. “That kind of egotistical pride will surely lead to relapse.” Yes.
38. “It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been working the Steps or how many service positions I’ve held or how long I’ve been abstaining or how much physical recovery I have. Today, if I’m wanting to overeat, I need to call someone and talk about it.”
39. “I need to say those humble, magic words I said when I first came to OA: ‘I need help.’
40. “In this way. I admit to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of what’s wrong with me today.
41. “When I stop denying the truth, it loses its power to destroy me.”
42. And back to turn it over to God.
43. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I have shortcomings.
44. “I criticize my husband’s driving. I indulge in self-pity. I hide. I’m envious. I settle for too little. Why am I not ‘entirely ready’ for God to remove my shortcomings? What prevents me from asking God to remove them? Am I afraid of having my life changed? Yes, I dread change. I feel dejected and stuck in a rut, but it’s such a familiar rut.
45. “So I skip over – or trip on – Steps Six and Seven.
46. “higher Power, I need help to become entirely ready. Please, help me to reach out and expand my life.
47. “Help me to overcome my raging codependency.”
48. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Good Things Coming
49. “Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come.
50. “It will come.
51. “do not worry, obsess, think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you.
52. “It will find you.
53. “Surrender to your Higher Power each day.
54. “Trust your Higher Power.
55. “Then, stay peaceful.
56. “Trust and listen to yourself.
57. “That is how the good you want will come to you.
58. “Your healing.
59. “Your joy.
60. “Your relationships.
61. “Your solutions.
62. “That job.
63. “That desired change.
64. “That opportunity.
65. “It will come to you –
66. “naturally,
67. “with ease,
68. “and in a host of ways.
69. “That answer will come.
70. “The direction will come.
71. “The money.
72. “The idea.
73. “The energy.
74. “The creativity.
75. “The path will open itself to you.
76. “Trust that,
77. “for it has already been planned.
78. “It is futile, a waste and drain of energy, to worry about how it will come.
79. “It is already there.
80. “You have it already.
81. It is in place.
82. You just cannot see it!” Yet.
83. “You will be brought to it,
84. “or it will be brought to you.
85. “Today, I will relax and trust that the good I need will find me.
86. “Either through my leadings, or the leadings of others,
87. “all I want and need will come to me when the time is right.”
88. I am grateful for life
89. And breath
90. And voice
91. And home
92. And car
93. And ability to drive
94. And freedom
95. And citizenship
96. And friends
97. And reading with MA. Which will probably be very soon, too.
98. And my job
99. And God. God
100. And forgiveness. The power of forgiveness.
101. And this blog
102. And anyone who sees it
103. And that maybe it will help someone too.
1. Talked to mother last night
2. Will see her today
3. Will pick up O’s gift today
4. J’s been nice
5. Will start cleaning today
6. Will fill car today
7. Will do bit of laundry today
8. And OA meeting too. Good
9. I’m grateful for kale
10. And ongoing, though slow, weight loss.
11. Oh, today’s For Today. The first line. *Exactly * what I was *just * thinking of!: “Never be in a hurry;
12. “do everything quietly
13. “and in a calm spirit.
14. “Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever.”
15. These are reminding me more and more of Thich Nhat Hahn’s teachings. And I’m grateful for that.
16. “Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.
17. “Commend all to God, and then lie still and be at rest in His bosom.” St. Francis de Sales
18. “Inward peace is not easily come by for a compulsive overeater.” That’s me, and so I’m grateful to see it here.
19. “Stuffing down anxiety and fear with food gives an illusion of calm, but food as an anesthetic has the shortest lifespan of all the addictive substances.” Wow.
20. “How then, do I maintain inward peace? The same way I remain abstinent – by giving everything to God:
21. “by giving everything to god: my fears,
22. “my worries,
23. “my life.” Wow
24. “I abandon all efforts to control,” Wow
25. “to force life to conform to my will.” Oh my.
26. “And I rest as peaceful as an infant in its mother’s arms.” Well *that’s * quite a promise.
27. “For today: The twelve-step program might well be called a set of instructions for finding
28. “ – and keeping – inward peace.” Okay. Will keep doing…
29. “Denial of the truth leads to destruction.” OA 12 & 12 p. 6
30. “When I first came to OA, admitting I was a compulsive overeater was a big step toward my recovery.
31. “What about today?”
32. “Have I said the words ‘I am a compulsive overeater’ so many times that they have lost their meaning for me?” Wow. Yeah.
33. “I used to keep in mind that while I’ve been recovering in the OA rooms, my disease has been doing push-ups out in the hall.
34. “My compulsion to overeat is cunning, baffling, powerful” yes it is
35. “ – and patient.” Yes
36. “If I am wanting to eat inappropriately or to overeat, it will do me no good to deny to myself what’s going on or seek to hide it from others.” Oh. Yes. I should call someone when that happens.
37. “That kind of egotistical pride will surely lead to relapse.” Yes.
38. “It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been working the Steps or how many service positions I’ve held or how long I’ve been abstaining or how much physical recovery I have. Today, if I’m wanting to overeat, I need to call someone and talk about it.”
39. “I need to say those humble, magic words I said when I first came to OA: ‘I need help.’
40. “In this way. I admit to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of what’s wrong with me today.
41. “When I stop denying the truth, it loses its power to destroy me.”
42. And back to turn it over to God.
43. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I have shortcomings.
44. “I criticize my husband’s driving. I indulge in self-pity. I hide. I’m envious. I settle for too little. Why am I not ‘entirely ready’ for God to remove my shortcomings? What prevents me from asking God to remove them? Am I afraid of having my life changed? Yes, I dread change. I feel dejected and stuck in a rut, but it’s such a familiar rut.
45. “So I skip over – or trip on – Steps Six and Seven.
46. “higher Power, I need help to become entirely ready. Please, help me to reach out and expand my life.
47. “Help me to overcome my raging codependency.”
48. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Good Things Coming
49. “Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come.
50. “It will come.
51. “do not worry, obsess, think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you.
52. “It will find you.
53. “Surrender to your Higher Power each day.
54. “Trust your Higher Power.
55. “Then, stay peaceful.
56. “Trust and listen to yourself.
57. “That is how the good you want will come to you.
58. “Your healing.
59. “Your joy.
60. “Your relationships.
61. “Your solutions.
62. “That job.
63. “That desired change.
64. “That opportunity.
65. “It will come to you –
66. “naturally,
67. “with ease,
68. “and in a host of ways.
69. “That answer will come.
70. “The direction will come.
71. “The money.
72. “The idea.
73. “The energy.
74. “The creativity.
75. “The path will open itself to you.
76. “Trust that,
77. “for it has already been planned.
78. “It is futile, a waste and drain of energy, to worry about how it will come.
79. “It is already there.
80. “You have it already.
81. It is in place.
82. You just cannot see it!” Yet.
83. “You will be brought to it,
84. “or it will be brought to you.
85. “Today, I will relax and trust that the good I need will find me.
86. “Either through my leadings, or the leadings of others,
87. “all I want and need will come to me when the time is right.”
88. I am grateful for life
89. And breath
90. And voice
91. And home
92. And car
93. And ability to drive
94. And freedom
95. And citizenship
96. And friends
97. And reading with MA. Which will probably be very soon, too.
98. And my job
99. And God. God
100. And forgiveness. The power of forgiveness.
101. And this blog
102. And anyone who sees it
103. And that maybe it will help someone too.
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