Feelings Work

I Feel:
nervous about whether A accepts me.
stupid for feeling that way!
nervous about health and energy
so many many times better than I felt Sunday
ok in the moment
grateful to people who love me

I Think It Is Because:
I am getting better but still have a way to go.

Next Time I'll Do Differently:
Don't skip the daily spiritual work.
Keep giving a ton at work.
Practice piano, which helps me a lot.
Do grats in the MORNING>

5 Good Things about Me:
1. I care about others' feelings
2. I love animals
3. I keep trying to improve
4. I do try ot enjoy the day also
5. I can sing on tune.

Feelings Work

I Feel:
Tense. Chest hurts. Like constricted. But hundreds of times better than even this morning, let alone yesterday.

I Think It Is Because:
DID the right things. Ate the broccoli. Wrote the difficult email to A that can't do anymore... Go the car taken care of. Laundry, garbage. CAME TO WORK. AND GAVE TO THE CHILDREN THE WHOLE TIME.

Next Time I'll Do Differently:
STAY OUT OF HEAD AND Just do the next right thing!

5 Good Things about Me:
1. I do come to the right thing. Like the email to A.
And changing the way I said the other thing to L.
2. I AM a person of substance. Like this morning, reading the Five Mindfulness Trainings again. (more than I "have to.")
3. I do try to spare people's feelings.
4. I do try to keep the kids smiling, laughing, happy while learning.
5. God gave me intelligence. I am intelligence.
and 6. I don't give up really.

Feelings Work

I Feel:
Well.
Physically so much better.
And like I'm good enough. What I do is good enough. I am who I am and I do my best.
Still a bit nervous. About Life, money, house, J., how I'm going to do all the things I have to do,, And men.
But a million times better! And so grateful for that.

I Think It Is Because:
New and improved blog.
Did little exercise
Did little meditation
Did little prayer
Ate healthily so far today.
Drank some nice green tea
Devoted myself this morning to the kids.
Showered and dressed pretty well.
Slept. Granted, on sofa, which is not good, but slept.
Am determined.

Next Time I'll Do Differently:
STOP when I can FEEL that I should be sliding physically and/or emotionally. like recently this time, when I KNEW I was letting some "little" things go, and stupidly believed that I was getting away with it, and COULD get away with it. No! *I* MUST keep up with certain things EVERY day!

5 Good Things about Me:
1. THAT I am determined!
2. That I am more cheerful than I used to be.
3. I can read
4. I am trustworthy.
5. I am funny.

Feelings Work

I Feel:
hopeful
physically well though a touch dizzy
determined
positive
a little scared about ability to do it all
very very grateful. To John, God, etc.

I Think It Is Because:
physically coming out of this bug
ate fresh healthy greens and protein and whole grains
took vitamins day 3 in a row
let friends help me on phone, like emotionally and even in IMing

Next time I'll do differently:
stay on top more EVERY day

5 Good Things about Me:
1. I am nice to people
2. I am sincere
3. I am more positive than I used to be
4. I am able to do some things. Like teach and keep secrets and cook
5. I don't give up. Never have yet:)

Feelings Work

I am a bit NERVOUS, I admit
About L
I am concerned that he is inconsistently romantic
Very very much for example this Mon and Tues, less so Tues night and yesterday...
I am also AWARE that i should not be so obsessed
And am working on that with dr AND by keeping my OWN things - piano, French, friends, . . .
I am also AWARE that we are in the movie stage and as my dr agrees, the discovery stage so SOME of the excitement is due only to that and I really DON'T know what's under it all.

But I DO have strong feelings for him in terms of infatuation, romance, sex, kissing omg like no one else on earth can possibly be capable of kissing, love of his integrity (!), enjoying his brain and enjoying his humor, having great times together, and sharing some wonderful things in common

EXCITED about tonight

GOOD about self in terms of things I'm doing

GRATEFUL in a million ways!

5 good things about me:

1. I am smart
2. I am funny
3. I never give up. Never have.
4. I am able to enjoy myself! (Yay - able again!)
5. I am a positive role model in many ways.

Feelings Work

I feel:

Excited about tomorrow night
So pleased about L using words like Darling and My Sweet and Sweetheart and My Love
Happy about work and the way it's going
Very very grateful
Loving of people
Warm about my colleagues (most)
Nervous about J and my still-some-feelings
Nervous about J and money
Basically happy
Happy it's spring!
So so so happy didn't kill self. So grateful
Spiritual

5 Good Things about Me:

1. I am honest
2. I am open-hearted
3. I am devoted to the children
4. I am smart
5. I am a fast typist

Feelings Work

I feel afraid of time and all I "have to" do.
And whether L. will be comfortable here this weekend. Because I don't have the comfort-things he loves at his house.
I am happy to not be desperate for J anymore
I am happy to be enjoying time with L.
And happy to be enjoying time lovemaking with him, especially since the fear I first had
And that he used that word: lovemaking.
I am grateful for my health.
I am determined. To meditate with the kiddies today.
And excited about the fun I'm likely to have this weekend. If I can just keep the insecurities at bay.

Feelings Work

I feel:

Nervous about how strongly I feel for L and that he hasn't sent me a card or written me a poem lately.
Scared about being nervous.
Needful of working with my dr. on this

Next time:
Keep doing MY things. My friends, my French, my piano...
Keep eating well, including lots of veggies and water.
Keep doing Affirmations

5 Good Things about Me.
1. I work on myself
2. I am orgasmic
3. I am open-minded
4. And open-hearted
5. I am devoted to my students

Feeings Work

I feel:

Happy about L
Proud about London
Scared about J
Scared about money
Anxious about finding, and getting all the paperwork and answers to my lawyer
Grateful for M
Scared of her frenetic energy
Determined to deepen my mindfulness. Through practice
Wishing for more selfish-time to do more spiritual stuff

I think it is because:
I grew up not believing I could have any impact on my environment
I am so inexperienced with bill-paying and taxes and paperwork
But I have grown SO MUCH and done SO WELL especially this past year, so I do have HOPE! :)

Next time:
Make realistic schedule of the things I dread, and follow it.

5 Good Things about Me:
1. I am passionate
2. I am affectionate
3. I am sexual
4. I am devoted to the students. My students.
5. I am a good friend to my friends.

Feelings

I feel:

Lucky!
Fortunate!
Grateful!
Sad that I'll miss L. for 9 days
Happy because know this is better for me, the going
Very relieved and looking forward because the course part sounds, now that I've seen the paperwork, like the retreats with Thich Nhat Hanh that I've already done! Just with the talks geared more specifically toward educators...
Nervous that I'll fuck up and not get there because of lack of experience and misunderstanding about bringing all the right paperwork...
Grateful for friends!
And for L. kisses!

5 good things about me:

1. I have courage
2. I do not give up
3. I am smart enough. I *think.* NO. I *am,*! Yes. Good.
4. I am pretty enough. ?
5. I am so good at meditation and Reiki and at sharing both!

Feelings Work

I feel:

Excited
Hopeful
Loved
Happy

Nervous about England

5 Good things about me:

1. People like me. That must mean I'm good.
2. Although I always think I won't be able to, I m able to carry on conversations.
3. I laugh with me.
4. I help my students.
5. I am self-aware.

Feelings Work

I feel:

Somewhat depleted.
Hydrationally, sexually, emotionally, sleep-deprivedarily.

But not totally depleted. Still able, thank God.

Grateful for a beautiful weekend.
And for Miss Anonymous.

Skin-sensitive - don't know why (Reiki related??)

Excited about the things I have for the students today!

Excited about *my * future - especially internal changes I expect after London (based on past experiences).

Excited about all the things in my life that I KNOW are not dependent on a man! For the first time ever I know it! Including,
my job,
my house,
my friends,
my health,
my financial future,
my spiritual life,
my breath,
England,
French,
piano,
...all these fulfilling things! All from God and me!

5 Good Things about Me:

1. I am compassionate.
2. I am open-minded to people's quirks.
3. I am forgiving
4. I am so spiritually attuned.
5. I am treating my body better lately!

Feelings

SO much better.
I guess to key to these problems, like yesterday's, is to either work it through on own, or talk it through with the person.

I am a good person.
I am a good friend.
God made me.
God loves me.
I am okay.

And I will be fine.
I think.

:)

Feelings Work Today

I feel:

Wanted - L.
Playful - life
Relieved - my visit yesterday AND acceptance via divorce
Respected - work people
Amorous - L
Ready - for London, for relationship with L, for everything
Joyous -
Sensual -
Loving - all 3, L.
Hopeful - and more - life
Open - and relievedly so
Brave - to do the things I have to do
Sexy - L

Baffled - food stuff
Powerless - food stuff

Uncertain - L. Insecurities creeping in. Trying to keep them at bay
Bothered - the ickidy stuff I have to do
Delighted - L and this new aspect of my life, with him

Somewhat secure - somewhat

Worthy - because I am a really good person
Better - than before!
Alive - and loving it
Gleeful - like lighthearted and positively gleeful!
Supported - by L yesterday
Gratified - by it all
Welcomed - into L's home and bed, by him
Triumphant - over life's visisitudes
Awed - by being in love
Valued - by L and by friends
Trusting - in L. Mostly trusting, anyway.

Sacred - thank God.
Blessed - in countless ways. And very grateful.
Whole - because I am
Loved - by L. And by students
Welcoming - of L. And of this day. And of life
Fine - yay
Cheerful - Finally!
Free - no cheater, beater, user, stealer, addict in my house! AND Free to do what the fuck I want!
Amazed - at the magnificent twist in my life that is L. So grateful that I've met him.
Healthy - because I am. Lucky me!
Glorious - just glorious!
Empowered - to be able to be independent, and do all that is needed
Grateful - for such much!
Thrilled - about life. And about L.

5 Good Things about Me:

1. Compassion
2. Humor
3. Hair
4. Conscience
5. Openness

Feelings

Gratefulness!
Happiness!
Hope!
Ecstasy!
Tiredness!
Looking forward to helping M. tonight, after her surgical procedure, and
happy to be able to help with her precious girls
and *hoping to get some sleep!*
Grateful for veggies!
And more weight loss!

Grateful for the influence my relationship with L. is having on my eating!

And that I'll have French lesson today!

*****not worried****** SO RARE!

5 Good Things about Me:
1. I am sexual
2. I am orgasmic
3. I am affectionate
4. I am able to have an open mind and learn and grow and change, like when M. pointed out - and it took great courage on her part - what I had been doing that could have sabotaged my relationship with dear L, or even hurt him.
5. I am funny

Thank you, God.

God, I offer my self to thee. To build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the burden of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of they power, they love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. Amen.

God, please give me a good day. Thank you for life. Please help me use this day to help others. Amen.

Feelings Work

I feel:

Fatigued
Coughy
Cold - like there's not enough hot liquid or heat on the earth for me

Happily anxious! I see L in a few hours. For an overnight visit. I can't wait for him! His touch, his kiss, our laughing together (unrelated to the touches and kisses lol), lying with him.
Hopefully tonight he'll be able to stay in bed longer. (Insomniac).
Hopefully tonight something else might be able to come around and stay around a little too: )

I'm a TINY bit nervous about the drive - about not going 70 mph because of my tire - but how to do that when everyone else will be

I'm almost frantic about getting this place cleaned and getting ready for London in time. Since I work all week, and sleep over L's once a weekend now (or he, here)...

I'm EXCITED ABOUT LIFE!
And THAT'S the big news!

Thank you, God.

Feelings Work

I feel:

Nervous about all I have to do
Nervous about the condition of the house, especially considering possibly special visit this weekend
Happy and relieved that they just took my recycling
Thrilled and beyond grateful that I am - okay
Worried about this damn food disorder

Very very thankful for the changes in just over a year,
so far.

Excited about London.
A bit anxious about it too, now.
And that's okay.

5 good things about me.
Uh oh.
1. I'm curvy
2. I play piano
3. I am interested in learning new things
4. I am kind-hearted
5. I am affectionate.

There

Feelings Work

I feel:

sick
tired
infatuated
scared of other people's problems
worried about money
hopeful about life

okay overall

grateful

5 good things about me:
1. I am very sweet
2. I am very sensitive
3. I am very kind
4. I am able to have fun
5. I keep confidences extraordinarily