I am lovable.
I am loved.
I am okay.
I am alive.
I am here.
I am healthy.
I can have some fun this very day.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Grats
I am grateful:
1. This is the chance to find out who I am.
2. And to be it.
3. And then we can see who would *really * want me.
4. Worry is a monumental waste of energy and time.
5. Sponsor just reminded me of Alfred (E?) Newman? “What, me worry?”
6. That sponsor was able to speak to me today, even though I called an hour and a half late!
7. That I *enjoy * my morning coffee.
8. *This * can be the first day of the rest of my life. In fact, it *is. * Whether I want to believe/face that or not.
9. Sponsor’s sharing about surgeries and near-deaths and appreciation of life.
10. I have a lovely jigsaw puzzle.
11. I bought it for myself.
12. After I finish it, I might just put sections of it into baggies, and bring it to school for my class to get to do it and put it all together. And then we can glue it and hang it up!
13. The child who shared that idea with me; that her father would do that.
14. That my sponsor’s infection in shin, is practically done.
15. “The spirituality that people don’t talk about, but we talk about it in the rooms.” My sponsor this morning
16. That I now *want * to live.
17. P. 98 in the Big Book. That my sponsor’s been trying to get me to read for several days. And finally, we just did together.
18. And that it says, in the middle (4th edition): “It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give.
19. “That often makes the difference between failure and success.
20. “The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.
21. And the next word. “Nonsense.” A very important word here.
22. “Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth:
23. “Job or no job – wife or no wife – we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God
24. “Burn into the consciousness” Burn
25. “Burn into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone.
26. “The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.”
27. The “only” condition.
28. God, I now put my trust in you. And I will clean house. Step Eight. I will start tomorrow morning, 10 – 20 minutes a day, every day, just like I did with Step Four.
29. I WILL eat well today. I CAN and I will.
30. And I thank God that I have the tools too.
31. The food.
32. The money.
33. The stove.
34. The hands.
35. The pots.
36. The dishes.
37. May this be the first day of my LIFE OF THANKSGIVING.
38. Anything is possible. At least almost anything.
39. I’m going to try to crochet today.
40. The Law of Attraction IS really at work. I mean, all my life, I pretty much never really liked the Thanksgiving “obligations.” And here I am alone on this day. Of course I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be WITH. But after all, I got what I unconsciously and deeply wished for, due to my own shyness etc. Right? Hmmm.
41. My sponsor’s understanding of the Big Book, and constant study of it.
42. I’m going to ask if we can go back to studying it daily. So carefully. Word by word and sentence by sentence.
43. D’s peace.
44. Thich Nhat Hahn’s peace.
45. That I’ve gotten to be near both.
46. That this blog, these gratitudes, these shares from the books, might be helping somebody somewhere.
47. My mother just called back and she *does * have plans with her friend after all. Yay.
48. Later in the morning: I am grateful that I just had breakfast.
49. Roseanne sort of marathon today.
50. I’ve already practiced piano a little bit today, and can see/feel hear the little difference already.
51. My only job today, is to get through this one day. And to try to enjoy. As it is the first Thanksgiving in almost 30 years that I am without J., I will not burden myself. I will probably wait tomorrow to clean or straighten. It’s enough holding on. And not overeating. And that’s fine and good.
52. Today’s For Today: “The absurd man is he who never changes.” Auguste Barthelemy
53. J. just called.
54. I am grateful that he called
55. And wished me a happy Thanksgiving.
56. And asked me what I’m doing.
57. And he’s just hanging around.
58. And I’m grateful that I didn’t call him.
59. And that when he called, I didn’t invite him to do anything. He needs to be free. To feel free and to truly be free.
60. I want that for him. AND for me too.
61. That I just talked to MA too.
62. Okay. So For Today goes on to say: “The compulsive overeater in me never changes, but the recovering member of Overeaters Anonymous does.
63. And “I am aware that my thinking has changed in many ways.
64. “Where once I dieted for a specific length of time, only to break loose on holidays and other occasions, I am now thankfully abstinent every day.” I see that as a promise.
65. “It is an incomparable pleasure to use the power this program gives me to eat moderately even on days when excess is the norm.
66. “For today: I thank God and Overeaters Anonymous for my abstinence and for the new life it has given me.
67. “I wouldn’t trade it for any food on earth.”
68. Today’s Voices of Recovery: ”Think gratefully how fortunate you are to have a disease that can be arrested,
69. “one day at a time,
70. “simply by not taking that first compulsive bite.” From “Before you Take That First Compulsive Bite, Remember…”
71. “When the mental obsession and cravings hit, I have many thoughts and actions that help me avoid that first compulsive bite.
72. “I remember the tools and the guilt and remorse I feel after a slip or a binge.
73. “Why compound the uncomfortable feelings o food thoughts and cravings with remorse, guilt, and self-condemnation?
74. “Why not live through the food thoughts and relish the knowledge that this too shall pass if I’m willing to turn my attention to prayer, phone calls, OA service, literature, housework, or anything else until it’s time for my next abstinent meal?
75. “Often I tally the number of obsessive food thought I overcome during the day with my Higher Power’s help.
76. “It’s amazing how many times I’ve received the miracle of recovery in just one day!
77. “Try it; you’ll like it.
78. Okay. And I shall.
79. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I give thanks.”
80. “I heard the doctor say there was a spot on my Ct scan which needed follow-up with an MRI. I felt fear and anxiety. I imagined all the dark possibilities of what the test might reveal. I had survived cancer fourteen years ago. Recovery teachers me to stay in the moment, to focus on one day (or one minute) at a time.
81. “But I was obsessing, I concentrated on breathing and asked my Higher Power for guidance.
82. “It was all I could do.
83. “Twenty-four achingly long hours after the test, I heard my doctor’s voice on the phone. ‘Benign,’ he said. I wished the doctor a Happy Thanksgiving, hung up the phone, and dropped to the floor to thank God.”
84. I am also grateful that that person got the good news.
85. Maybe if I become truly independent, J. will want me again. Maybe that will work out. And maybe I won’t NEED it. That’s the point. And maybe I won’t even want it. Or maybe I will. Or maybe I’ll be happy alone. Or with someone else.
86. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Surrender.”
87. “Surrender means saying, ‘Okay, God. I’ll do whatever You want.’
88. “Faith in the god of our recovery means we trust that, eventually, we’ll like doing that.
89. “Today, I will surrender to my Higher Power.
90. “I’ll trust that God’s plan for me will be good, even if it is different than I hoped for or expected.”
91. Relief. I a grateful for every moment of relief.
92. And hope.
93. And water.
94. And my 3 meals planned for today, including greens.
95. I am grateful that doggie will be with J. today. For her AND for him.
96. I am grateful for the woman who gave me the idea of 100 gratitudes a day, a few years ago.
97. And that I do it now.
98. I am grateful for having become open to so many different kinds of people: religions, sexual orientations, political beliefs, financial situations, families and those alone,…
99. I am grateful that I am *so * much less judgmental than I used to be. Even though I’ve had to go through hard times to get to it.
100. I am grateful for my free tech sessions once every 12 days.
101. A whole day to myself.
102. And I'm actually enjoying it.
103. And without overeating.
Thank you, God.
1. This is the chance to find out who I am.
2. And to be it.
3. And then we can see who would *really * want me.
4. Worry is a monumental waste of energy and time.
5. Sponsor just reminded me of Alfred (E?) Newman? “What, me worry?”
6. That sponsor was able to speak to me today, even though I called an hour and a half late!
7. That I *enjoy * my morning coffee.
8. *This * can be the first day of the rest of my life. In fact, it *is. * Whether I want to believe/face that or not.
9. Sponsor’s sharing about surgeries and near-deaths and appreciation of life.
10. I have a lovely jigsaw puzzle.
11. I bought it for myself.
12. After I finish it, I might just put sections of it into baggies, and bring it to school for my class to get to do it and put it all together. And then we can glue it and hang it up!
13. The child who shared that idea with me; that her father would do that.
14. That my sponsor’s infection in shin, is practically done.
15. “The spirituality that people don’t talk about, but we talk about it in the rooms.” My sponsor this morning
16. That I now *want * to live.
17. P. 98 in the Big Book. That my sponsor’s been trying to get me to read for several days. And finally, we just did together.
18. And that it says, in the middle (4th edition): “It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give.
19. “That often makes the difference between failure and success.
20. “The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.
21. And the next word. “Nonsense.” A very important word here.
22. “Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth:
23. “Job or no job – wife or no wife – we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God
24. “Burn into the consciousness” Burn
25. “Burn into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone.
26. “The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.”
27. The “only” condition.
28. God, I now put my trust in you. And I will clean house. Step Eight. I will start tomorrow morning, 10 – 20 minutes a day, every day, just like I did with Step Four.
29. I WILL eat well today. I CAN and I will.
30. And I thank God that I have the tools too.
31. The food.
32. The money.
33. The stove.
34. The hands.
35. The pots.
36. The dishes.
37. May this be the first day of my LIFE OF THANKSGIVING.
38. Anything is possible. At least almost anything.
39. I’m going to try to crochet today.
40. The Law of Attraction IS really at work. I mean, all my life, I pretty much never really liked the Thanksgiving “obligations.” And here I am alone on this day. Of course I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be WITH. But after all, I got what I unconsciously and deeply wished for, due to my own shyness etc. Right? Hmmm.
41. My sponsor’s understanding of the Big Book, and constant study of it.
42. I’m going to ask if we can go back to studying it daily. So carefully. Word by word and sentence by sentence.
43. D’s peace.
44. Thich Nhat Hahn’s peace.
45. That I’ve gotten to be near both.
46. That this blog, these gratitudes, these shares from the books, might be helping somebody somewhere.
47. My mother just called back and she *does * have plans with her friend after all. Yay.
48. Later in the morning: I am grateful that I just had breakfast.
49. Roseanne sort of marathon today.
50. I’ve already practiced piano a little bit today, and can see/feel hear the little difference already.
51. My only job today, is to get through this one day. And to try to enjoy. As it is the first Thanksgiving in almost 30 years that I am without J., I will not burden myself. I will probably wait tomorrow to clean or straighten. It’s enough holding on. And not overeating. And that’s fine and good.
52. Today’s For Today: “The absurd man is he who never changes.” Auguste Barthelemy
53. J. just called.
54. I am grateful that he called
55. And wished me a happy Thanksgiving.
56. And asked me what I’m doing.
57. And he’s just hanging around.
58. And I’m grateful that I didn’t call him.
59. And that when he called, I didn’t invite him to do anything. He needs to be free. To feel free and to truly be free.
60. I want that for him. AND for me too.
61. That I just talked to MA too.
62. Okay. So For Today goes on to say: “The compulsive overeater in me never changes, but the recovering member of Overeaters Anonymous does.
63. And “I am aware that my thinking has changed in many ways.
64. “Where once I dieted for a specific length of time, only to break loose on holidays and other occasions, I am now thankfully abstinent every day.” I see that as a promise.
65. “It is an incomparable pleasure to use the power this program gives me to eat moderately even on days when excess is the norm.
66. “For today: I thank God and Overeaters Anonymous for my abstinence and for the new life it has given me.
67. “I wouldn’t trade it for any food on earth.”
68. Today’s Voices of Recovery: ”Think gratefully how fortunate you are to have a disease that can be arrested,
69. “one day at a time,
70. “simply by not taking that first compulsive bite.” From “Before you Take That First Compulsive Bite, Remember…”
71. “When the mental obsession and cravings hit, I have many thoughts and actions that help me avoid that first compulsive bite.
72. “I remember the tools and the guilt and remorse I feel after a slip or a binge.
73. “Why compound the uncomfortable feelings o food thoughts and cravings with remorse, guilt, and self-condemnation?
74. “Why not live through the food thoughts and relish the knowledge that this too shall pass if I’m willing to turn my attention to prayer, phone calls, OA service, literature, housework, or anything else until it’s time for my next abstinent meal?
75. “Often I tally the number of obsessive food thought I overcome during the day with my Higher Power’s help.
76. “It’s amazing how many times I’ve received the miracle of recovery in just one day!
77. “Try it; you’ll like it.
78. Okay. And I shall.
79. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I give thanks.”
80. “I heard the doctor say there was a spot on my Ct scan which needed follow-up with an MRI. I felt fear and anxiety. I imagined all the dark possibilities of what the test might reveal. I had survived cancer fourteen years ago. Recovery teachers me to stay in the moment, to focus on one day (or one minute) at a time.
81. “But I was obsessing, I concentrated on breathing and asked my Higher Power for guidance.
82. “It was all I could do.
83. “Twenty-four achingly long hours after the test, I heard my doctor’s voice on the phone. ‘Benign,’ he said. I wished the doctor a Happy Thanksgiving, hung up the phone, and dropped to the floor to thank God.”
84. I am also grateful that that person got the good news.
85. Maybe if I become truly independent, J. will want me again. Maybe that will work out. And maybe I won’t NEED it. That’s the point. And maybe I won’t even want it. Or maybe I will. Or maybe I’ll be happy alone. Or with someone else.
86. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Surrender.”
87. “Surrender means saying, ‘Okay, God. I’ll do whatever You want.’
88. “Faith in the god of our recovery means we trust that, eventually, we’ll like doing that.
89. “Today, I will surrender to my Higher Power.
90. “I’ll trust that God’s plan for me will be good, even if it is different than I hoped for or expected.”
91. Relief. I a grateful for every moment of relief.
92. And hope.
93. And water.
94. And my 3 meals planned for today, including greens.
95. I am grateful that doggie will be with J. today. For her AND for him.
96. I am grateful for the woman who gave me the idea of 100 gratitudes a day, a few years ago.
97. And that I do it now.
98. I am grateful for having become open to so many different kinds of people: religions, sexual orientations, political beliefs, financial situations, families and those alone,…
99. I am grateful that I am *so * much less judgmental than I used to be. Even though I’ve had to go through hard times to get to it.
100. I am grateful for my free tech sessions once every 12 days.
101. A whole day to myself.
102. And I'm actually enjoying it.
103. And without overeating.
Thank you, God.
Okay, So Here's Today's Eating
For breakfast I have had:
1 cup of coffee with a little bit of plain soymilk
2 slices of Ezekial 4:9 bread, toasted (dry)
1 cup of Lady Grey tea (black)
And I mostly ate slowly and kind of mindfully.
And enjoyed it.
Healthy. Not too much. crunchy. Tasty. Good start.
(And someday I will probably have one slice).
--
And for lunch,
I had a nice bowl of the "Such Yummy Soup"
and 12 whole grain Ritz crackers
and water
and vitamins and Claritin before it.
--
One pot of flower tea, black
And for dinner,
1 piece of the enchilada pie
and one kale salad sandwich on 2 Ezekial toast
And I am satisfied and I also have memories of how often, when I was young and thin, I ended a meal with a salad sandwich.
And I will have water with my nighttime pill (or without it, as I'm allowed to skip)
1 cup of coffee with a little bit of plain soymilk
2 slices of Ezekial 4:9 bread, toasted (dry)
1 cup of Lady Grey tea (black)
And I mostly ate slowly and kind of mindfully.
And enjoyed it.
Healthy. Not too much. crunchy. Tasty. Good start.
(And someday I will probably have one slice).
--
And for lunch,
I had a nice bowl of the "Such Yummy Soup"
and 12 whole grain Ritz crackers
and water
and vitamins and Claritin before it.
--
One pot of flower tea, black
And for dinner,
1 piece of the enchilada pie
and one kale salad sandwich on 2 Ezekial toast
And I am satisfied and I also have memories of how often, when I was young and thin, I ended a meal with a salad sandwich.
And I will have water with my nighttime pill (or without it, as I'm allowed to skip)
If I Were to Have a Little Holiday Party, Whom Could I Invite
MA
M
O
St
ML (if she'll come out in evening)
S
Mart
J. A.
K
Ka?
+ me is 11
And doggie can be here too.
And I can serve good stuff.
and have a tree.
And even jigsaw puzzle in a room, for people to go to.
And maybe even some piano singing.
M
O
St
ML (if she'll come out in evening)
S
Mart
J. A.
K
Ka?
+ me is 11
And doggie can be here too.
And I can serve good stuff.
and have a tree.
And even jigsaw puzzle in a room, for people to go to.
And maybe even some piano singing.
CoDA Morning Work Today
Thank you, God, for this day.
I woke up and I feel:
Stomach sinking.
Numb.
Don't want to face feelings.
But know must do the magnet feelings box work.
But have to call sponsor in five minutes.
Maybe just will do this after that call, just this once.
Okay. Have talked to sponsor and even done some gratitudes.
Now I can do this today.
I feel:
Lonely, Regretful, Estranged, Lonesome
AND
Grateful, Sacred, Healthy, Affirmed, Fantastic, Unencumbered, Secure, Blessed, Optimistic
I think it is because:
Lonely without J and without family and without Thanksgiving plans. First time in almost 30 years.
Regretful for not seeing this coming and preventing it in my marriage.
Estranged from J and his family. I hate that feeling.
Lonesome. Well, obvious
Grateful because of all I have that I am aware of. Like things to do. NOT in an iron lung...
Sacred because I am God's.
Healthy and grateful for it. breath coming better. All that rest must have helped.
Affirmed because M. called first thing and great talk with sponsor. Will probably also talk with MA. and with mother. And all of that means, my whole life, feeling, everything, is NOT ALL about ONLY J.
Fantastic. Hard to believe, right? But not worrying about my mother (although in the middle of this we just spoke, and she does NOT have plans after all, but will still probably see her best friend and feels absolutely fine. Plus - I don't want to make her sick with my throat and coughing stuff so okay. So, fantastic, in a way, because really okay. And free to do whatever the fuck I want.
Unencumbered. Because it's like, the feeling of being encumbered, is bullshit. With what am I encumbered? I have a brain, and an education, and my senses, and a home, and food and water and shelter and a car. And talents. I'm not really so encumbered am I?
Secure. Because I have God. And some good people too. And life is only really available in the present moment. And in the present moment I'm fine. So, secure. The future doesn't exist. And in this moment I'm secure and fine. This moment.
Blessed. With so much. Including this bit of relief.
Optimistic. Because I will learn to be okay on my own.
And then, IF I WANT, I can be okay WITH someone. But okay.
So I don't know what the future holds, but there's no reason to not assume it's good, and then forget about it.
Thank you God, for this Thanksgiving Day.
I always do NOT relate when they talk in CoDA about caring more for others than self. Yet I *do * do that too. And I'm glad. Because in one way, it makes me feel better about myself, even though I need to stop,
and in another way, it means there's really nothing to which i can't relate in this program.
The thing with my mother this week has made me realize this.
And maybe today, I'm feeling like, I can really just care for myself.
Good.
I woke up and I feel:
Stomach sinking.
Numb.
Don't want to face feelings.
But know must do the magnet feelings box work.
But have to call sponsor in five minutes.
Maybe just will do this after that call, just this once.
Okay. Have talked to sponsor and even done some gratitudes.
Now I can do this today.
I feel:
Lonely, Regretful, Estranged, Lonesome
AND
Grateful, Sacred, Healthy, Affirmed, Fantastic, Unencumbered, Secure, Blessed, Optimistic
I think it is because:
Lonely without J and without family and without Thanksgiving plans. First time in almost 30 years.
Regretful for not seeing this coming and preventing it in my marriage.
Estranged from J and his family. I hate that feeling.
Lonesome. Well, obvious
Grateful because of all I have that I am aware of. Like things to do. NOT in an iron lung...
Sacred because I am God's.
Healthy and grateful for it. breath coming better. All that rest must have helped.
Affirmed because M. called first thing and great talk with sponsor. Will probably also talk with MA. and with mother. And all of that means, my whole life, feeling, everything, is NOT ALL about ONLY J.
Fantastic. Hard to believe, right? But not worrying about my mother (although in the middle of this we just spoke, and she does NOT have plans after all, but will still probably see her best friend and feels absolutely fine. Plus - I don't want to make her sick with my throat and coughing stuff so okay. So, fantastic, in a way, because really okay. And free to do whatever the fuck I want.
Unencumbered. Because it's like, the feeling of being encumbered, is bullshit. With what am I encumbered? I have a brain, and an education, and my senses, and a home, and food and water and shelter and a car. And talents. I'm not really so encumbered am I?
Secure. Because I have God. And some good people too. And life is only really available in the present moment. And in the present moment I'm fine. So, secure. The future doesn't exist. And in this moment I'm secure and fine. This moment.
Blessed. With so much. Including this bit of relief.
Optimistic. Because I will learn to be okay on my own.
And then, IF I WANT, I can be okay WITH someone. But okay.
So I don't know what the future holds, but there's no reason to not assume it's good, and then forget about it.
Thank you God, for this Thanksgiving Day.
I always do NOT relate when they talk in CoDA about caring more for others than self. Yet I *do * do that too. And I'm glad. Because in one way, it makes me feel better about myself, even though I need to stop,
and in another way, it means there's really nothing to which i can't relate in this program.
The thing with my mother this week has made me realize this.
And maybe today, I'm feeling like, I can really just care for myself.
Good.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Affirmations
I am a child of God.
I have interests.
I have assets.
I have intelligence.
I have capabilities.
I have beliefs.
The universe supports me.
God supplies me with all I need.
I am enough.
I am happy.
My life is fulfilled and safe and healthy and joyous and happy and wonderful.
I have interests.
I have assets.
I have intelligence.
I have capabilities.
I have beliefs.
The universe supports me.
God supplies me with all I need.
I am enough.
I am happy.
My life is fulfilled and safe and healthy and joyous and happy and wonderful.
Grats
All I have time for now.
Will add more later.
I am grateful:
1. Hope
2. The breath that I do have.
3. Can call sponsor soon.
4. This day will pass.
5. I typed up all those recipes, like 30 pages, for Me. I hope I’m allowed to get them to her, and that she makes use of and enjoys them.
6. God
7. Help from any/every source.
8. That I can walk
9. Talk
10. Work
11. See
12. Hear
13. Toda’s For Today: “You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.” Kahlil Gibran. Oh, God, I promise.
14. …“When practiced daily prayer and meditation become a channel through which consciousness of the presence of God in my life is heightened.
15. “This consciousness not only comforts me in times of stress and trouble,
16. “but it gives new dimensions of peace and contentment to the joy and freedom of recovery.
17. “For today: Prayer can be only ‘Thank you’ – which is as appropriate in my need and distress as it is in my abundance and joy.”
18. I’m grateful for gratitudes.
19. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Service is its own reward.”
20. And last year I’d written: “How – Why-“ but now I get it.
21. “When I came into OA, I thought that service givers were an elite class of people, and I had to earn my place among them. I also thought service was about giving.” And I’d written “me too.” But now I get that too.
22. “Our tools tell us to ‘give what we have so generously been given.’
23. “I’ve discovered that service is for everyone, and everyone has something to contribute.
24. “Those who give service stay in OA longer than those who don’t,
25. “and relative newcomers who take on even a small service come back to meetings.”
26. Like me being treasurer at that one meeting. I came so close to not taking it, or to giving it up, like 3 times. And I’m glad now, that I have that commitment.
27. “My experience tells me that when I give service, I receive more than I could ever give.” And I’d put a ? there. But now I get it.
28. “When I share my experience, strength, and hope with someone, I often say just what I needed to hear.
29. “I have learned skills I would not have today if I had not given service above the group level. I learned to work in a team and to look for what is best for the whole. I learned to speak in front of people and found that I was good at it. I learned to give workshops and facilitate meetings. Through these new skills, I embarked on a new career. Service has taught me more and given me more than I could ever have given.” Okay.
30. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I celebrate.”
31. “In recover, I learn the power of truth.
32. “Denial is no longer in charge of my life.
33. “Instead of running from fear, I learn to fact it, using the tools of the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous.
34. “I learn it doesn’t happen overnight.
35. “I take delight in feeling cared for and respected in my CoDA family.
36. “I am elated by the presence of a Higher Power in my life.
37. “I have more energy.
38. “I celebrate, as I feel the excitement of a full and positive life.”
Okay. Now the rest.
39. ****Today’s Daily OM:” Maybe you are using a desire you can’t fulfill to distract you from truly engaging the blessings you already have.” I am actually doing this during the rest of the Conversation with Koko movie. It’s better than the tears that were starting to come from my eyes right at my classroom desk! Gratitudes gratitudes gratitudes.**
40. And it goes on to say: “When it comes to the things we want, there always seems to be an endless list.
41. “No matter how many times we get something off that list, we add new things to replace it.
42. “In life, this drama of wanting and getting and wanting is all part of the dance.
43. “The things we want motivate us to get up and get them.
44. And it goes on further to say: “And yet, at the same time, we can torment ourselves with our wanting, especially when we want something we can't have or can't find.
45. “It is in cases like these that it might be fruitful to entertain the idea that maybe what you really want is right in front of you.” Big. Big big big.
46. Now the kids have left and I’ll continue at home. Okay. I’ve been home for a long while. I’m grateful that M. invited me for dinner tonight. Even though she had to cancel because went to dr. not feeling well.
47. And I’m kind of grateful she canceled. I would have been better off going, but I’ll just chill. And it’ll be fine too.
48. Okay. That thing goes on to say: “Maybe you are using this desire you can't fulfill to distract you from truly engaging the blessings you already have.
49. “It may seem like that doesn't make sense, yet we do it all the time. It may be easier to see in other people than to see it in ourselves. We have all heard our friends wishing they were more this or less that, and looking at them we see clearly that they are everything they are wishing they were.
50. “We know people who have wonderful partners and yet envy you yours. We wish we could give these people a look at their situations from our perspective so that they could see that what they want really is right in front of them. It's not too far-fetched to consider that we might be victims of the same folly.
51. “It can be scary to have what we want.
52. “We get caught up in the chase and forget to enjoy the beauty right in front of us—like a child who never wants the toy she has in her hand but always the one just out of her reach.
53. “Take a moment today to consider the many things you are holding in the palm of your hand
54. “Take a moment today to consider the many things you are holding in the palm of your hand.
55. “and how you might best play with them.”
56. Today’s Language of Letting Go:…”Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way we learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love – for ourselves or others.
57. …”some of us may have gotten involved in sexual codependeny: not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn’t want, sexually; allowing ourselves to et involved sexually because it was what the other person watned; shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings; denying ourselves healthy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings.
58. “Our sexuality is a part of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy.
59. “It is a part of us that we can allow to become connected ot the whole of us;
60. “it is a part of us that we can stop being ashamed of.
61. “It is okay and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed.
62. “It is connected to our creativity and to our heart.
63. “We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control us or our relationships.
64. “We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality.
65. “We can discover what that means in our life.
66. “We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting that gift.
67. Today, I will begin to integrate my sexuality into the rest of my personality.
68. “God, help me let go of my fears and shame around my sexuality.
69. “Show me the issues I need to face concerning my sexuality.
70. “Help me open myself to healing in that area of my life.”
71. That books exist that discuss everything about humans and problems and needs…
72. Magazines
73. A really great talk with my sponsor yesterday morning.
74. And today too.
75. The idea to look for the 60-something “musts” in the big book.
76. And I got a different colored highlighter to highlight them.
77. The adorable second grader who said, “We got our turkey two days ago. So it’s already a chicken.”
78. And the other 3 who didn’t respond at all as if they made no sense.
79. The adorableness of their developmental reality.
80. The amazing relief – so strong – that because I’ve been under the weather and coughing a lot all week, my mother will go with her best friend tomorrow, and I won’t have to worry about her being alone, or about what to do about her not knowing…BIG relief.
81. Maybe I’ll clean this weekend?
82. Or at least straighten?
83. I know I’ll cook some.
84. And do some laundry.
85. Rest tonight.
86. And even computer games.
87. And even tv.
88. It’s fine. And I just practiced piano. Yay.
89. Bach. I love it.
90. Caring that much about my mother and her no suffering, is a sign that J. is NOT *all * I care about.
91. There is hope for *my * future.
92. My feet. They’re comfy and they work and they’re even pretty.
93. Saving a little bit of money.
94. The furnace. Yes, I’m still grateful for the furnace.
95. And as always, for water.
96. And for Birdie and her comment yesterday.
97. I’m so grateful that I can type.
98. And so quickly.
99. And that I’ve loved it since high school when I took it and shined so.
100. And that people in offices have always made such a scene over my typing.
101. And in schools too.
Will add more later.
I am grateful:
1. Hope
2. The breath that I do have.
3. Can call sponsor soon.
4. This day will pass.
5. I typed up all those recipes, like 30 pages, for Me. I hope I’m allowed to get them to her, and that she makes use of and enjoys them.
6. God
7. Help from any/every source.
8. That I can walk
9. Talk
10. Work
11. See
12. Hear
13. Toda’s For Today: “You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.” Kahlil Gibran. Oh, God, I promise.
14. …“When practiced daily prayer and meditation become a channel through which consciousness of the presence of God in my life is heightened.
15. “This consciousness not only comforts me in times of stress and trouble,
16. “but it gives new dimensions of peace and contentment to the joy and freedom of recovery.
17. “For today: Prayer can be only ‘Thank you’ – which is as appropriate in my need and distress as it is in my abundance and joy.”
18. I’m grateful for gratitudes.
19. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Service is its own reward.”
20. And last year I’d written: “How – Why-“ but now I get it.
21. “When I came into OA, I thought that service givers were an elite class of people, and I had to earn my place among them. I also thought service was about giving.” And I’d written “me too.” But now I get that too.
22. “Our tools tell us to ‘give what we have so generously been given.’
23. “I’ve discovered that service is for everyone, and everyone has something to contribute.
24. “Those who give service stay in OA longer than those who don’t,
25. “and relative newcomers who take on even a small service come back to meetings.”
26. Like me being treasurer at that one meeting. I came so close to not taking it, or to giving it up, like 3 times. And I’m glad now, that I have that commitment.
27. “My experience tells me that when I give service, I receive more than I could ever give.” And I’d put a ? there. But now I get it.
28. “When I share my experience, strength, and hope with someone, I often say just what I needed to hear.
29. “I have learned skills I would not have today if I had not given service above the group level. I learned to work in a team and to look for what is best for the whole. I learned to speak in front of people and found that I was good at it. I learned to give workshops and facilitate meetings. Through these new skills, I embarked on a new career. Service has taught me more and given me more than I could ever have given.” Okay.
30. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I celebrate.”
31. “In recover, I learn the power of truth.
32. “Denial is no longer in charge of my life.
33. “Instead of running from fear, I learn to fact it, using the tools of the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous.
34. “I learn it doesn’t happen overnight.
35. “I take delight in feeling cared for and respected in my CoDA family.
36. “I am elated by the presence of a Higher Power in my life.
37. “I have more energy.
38. “I celebrate, as I feel the excitement of a full and positive life.”
Okay. Now the rest.
39. ****Today’s Daily OM:” Maybe you are using a desire you can’t fulfill to distract you from truly engaging the blessings you already have.” I am actually doing this during the rest of the Conversation with Koko movie. It’s better than the tears that were starting to come from my eyes right at my classroom desk! Gratitudes gratitudes gratitudes.**
40. And it goes on to say: “When it comes to the things we want, there always seems to be an endless list.
41. “No matter how many times we get something off that list, we add new things to replace it.
42. “In life, this drama of wanting and getting and wanting is all part of the dance.
43. “The things we want motivate us to get up and get them.
44. And it goes on further to say: “And yet, at the same time, we can torment ourselves with our wanting, especially when we want something we can't have or can't find.
45. “It is in cases like these that it might be fruitful to entertain the idea that maybe what you really want is right in front of you.” Big. Big big big.
46. Now the kids have left and I’ll continue at home. Okay. I’ve been home for a long while. I’m grateful that M. invited me for dinner tonight. Even though she had to cancel because went to dr. not feeling well.
47. And I’m kind of grateful she canceled. I would have been better off going, but I’ll just chill. And it’ll be fine too.
48. Okay. That thing goes on to say: “Maybe you are using this desire you can't fulfill to distract you from truly engaging the blessings you already have.
49. “It may seem like that doesn't make sense, yet we do it all the time. It may be easier to see in other people than to see it in ourselves. We have all heard our friends wishing they were more this or less that, and looking at them we see clearly that they are everything they are wishing they were.
50. “We know people who have wonderful partners and yet envy you yours. We wish we could give these people a look at their situations from our perspective so that they could see that what they want really is right in front of them. It's not too far-fetched to consider that we might be victims of the same folly.
51. “It can be scary to have what we want.
52. “We get caught up in the chase and forget to enjoy the beauty right in front of us—like a child who never wants the toy she has in her hand but always the one just out of her reach.
53. “Take a moment today to consider the many things you are holding in the palm of your hand
54. “Take a moment today to consider the many things you are holding in the palm of your hand.
55. “and how you might best play with them.”
56. Today’s Language of Letting Go:…”Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way we learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love – for ourselves or others.
57. …”some of us may have gotten involved in sexual codependeny: not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn’t want, sexually; allowing ourselves to et involved sexually because it was what the other person watned; shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings; denying ourselves healthy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings.
58. “Our sexuality is a part of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy.
59. “It is a part of us that we can allow to become connected ot the whole of us;
60. “it is a part of us that we can stop being ashamed of.
61. “It is okay and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed.
62. “It is connected to our creativity and to our heart.
63. “We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control us or our relationships.
64. “We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality.
65. “We can discover what that means in our life.
66. “We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting that gift.
67. Today, I will begin to integrate my sexuality into the rest of my personality.
68. “God, help me let go of my fears and shame around my sexuality.
69. “Show me the issues I need to face concerning my sexuality.
70. “Help me open myself to healing in that area of my life.”
71. That books exist that discuss everything about humans and problems and needs…
72. Magazines
73. A really great talk with my sponsor yesterday morning.
74. And today too.
75. The idea to look for the 60-something “musts” in the big book.
76. And I got a different colored highlighter to highlight them.
77. The adorable second grader who said, “We got our turkey two days ago. So it’s already a chicken.”
78. And the other 3 who didn’t respond at all as if they made no sense.
79. The adorableness of their developmental reality.
80. The amazing relief – so strong – that because I’ve been under the weather and coughing a lot all week, my mother will go with her best friend tomorrow, and I won’t have to worry about her being alone, or about what to do about her not knowing…BIG relief.
81. Maybe I’ll clean this weekend?
82. Or at least straighten?
83. I know I’ll cook some.
84. And do some laundry.
85. Rest tonight.
86. And even computer games.
87. And even tv.
88. It’s fine. And I just practiced piano. Yay.
89. Bach. I love it.
90. Caring that much about my mother and her no suffering, is a sign that J. is NOT *all * I care about.
91. There is hope for *my * future.
92. My feet. They’re comfy and they work and they’re even pretty.
93. Saving a little bit of money.
94. The furnace. Yes, I’m still grateful for the furnace.
95. And as always, for water.
96. And for Birdie and her comment yesterday.
97. I’m so grateful that I can type.
98. And so quickly.
99. And that I’ve loved it since high school when I took it and shined so.
100. And that people in offices have always made such a scene over my typing.
101. And in schools too.
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