I feel:
Above all else:
Relieved
Dr. said I've got the L thing in perspective.
I know I will get through the conferences.
I am eating better and losing weight.
Relieved.
Relieved and very, very grateful!
5 good things about me.
I am open-minded
I am cute
I am funny
I am smart enough
I work hard
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Readings
For Today:
"Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy if I could say how much." William Shakespeare
Wow. How brilliant.
"There are many in OA who are known to be working a good spiritual program, maintaining abstinence and normal weight - and who are neither on the 'speaker circuit' nor among those who always volunteer to pitch at meetings.
Their silence does not disparage in any way the sharing of their more articulate fellow members. it is simply a fact, one which enlightens us with the understanding that we can be 'happy, joyous and free' and communicate that condition not through words but in that unmistakable glow found in the beautiful faces of recovering compulsive overeaters.
What we ARE does indeed speak louder than what we say.
For today: It is not necessary to describe my happiness; it is enough to feel it. My family, friends and fellow OAs will know it from what i do and say in going about the everyday business of living.
--
Voices of Recovery
"We complete our amends for our wrongful actions of the past by changing our actions in the future." OA 12 & 12 p. 78
"Though it can be humbling to apologize for something I've done wrong, it's easy to feel remorse when the pain of a recent mistake is still with me. The test of my commitment to the ninth Step is if I continue to improve my behavior after the initial feelings of regret have passed.
To amend something means to alter it. To be free of the wreckage of my past, I have to do more than just say I'm sorry when i harm another person. I have to change my behavior. This can be hard and sometimes even disconcerting, particularly when my old behavior patterns and beliefs are stronger than I thought. But continuing to work the Steps moves me through the difficult spots to new experiences of freedom and joy.
The fruits of recovery are great motivators to change, but alongside the hope of a brighter future is the equally powerful consequence of not changing - compulsive eating. if i don't change my thoughts and actions to reduce the harm I do in the future, I will overeat. Fro me, to overeat is to die.
A life well-lived requires that i continue to change, grow and clean up the wreckage of my past - and my present. If I do that, my life is better than I could have ever imagined. I thank my Higher Power for OA!
--
In This Moment
"In This Moment, I learn the most important thing.
I am grateful for my life today. When I came into recovery, i was newly separated. i was desperate to find someone who could give my life purpose - someone I could take care of, my soul mate. I heard at meetings that recovery meant learning how to take care of me, how to love myself. I didn't have a clue. I never learned that concept. Through working my program, I learned the most important lesson: 'I am all I need.' Today, I can say, 'I like me. I really like me!'
--
The Language of Letting Go:
"Surrender
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Step Three of Al-Anon
"Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.
We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible.
Doors open. Windows open. Possibilities occur. our energy becomes channeled, at last, in areas and ways that work for us. We become in tune with the Plan for our life and our place in the Universe.
And there is a Plan and Place for us. We shall see that. We shall know that. The Universe will open up and make a special place for us, with all that we need provided.
It will be good. Understand that it is good, now.
Learning to own our power will come, if we are open to it. We do not need to stop at powerlessness and helplessness. That is a temporARY PLACE WHERE WE RE-EVALUATE WHERE WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE POWER WHEN WE HAVE NONE.
ONCE WE SURRENDER, IT IS TIME TO BECOME EMPOWERED.
LET THE POWER COME, NATURALLY. IT IS THERE. IT IS OURS.
TODAY, I WILL BE OPEN TO UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT MEANS TO OWN my power. I will accept powerlessness where I have no power; I will also accept the power that is mine to receive.
--
Caps are by accident - no time to fix
But oh! I feel so much better now. Than ever. Step three has finally, really, fully set in!
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me, and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do They will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.
==
"Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy if I could say how much." William Shakespeare
Wow. How brilliant.
"There are many in OA who are known to be working a good spiritual program, maintaining abstinence and normal weight - and who are neither on the 'speaker circuit' nor among those who always volunteer to pitch at meetings.
Their silence does not disparage in any way the sharing of their more articulate fellow members. it is simply a fact, one which enlightens us with the understanding that we can be 'happy, joyous and free' and communicate that condition not through words but in that unmistakable glow found in the beautiful faces of recovering compulsive overeaters.
What we ARE does indeed speak louder than what we say.
For today: It is not necessary to describe my happiness; it is enough to feel it. My family, friends and fellow OAs will know it from what i do and say in going about the everyday business of living.
--
Voices of Recovery
"We complete our amends for our wrongful actions of the past by changing our actions in the future." OA 12 & 12 p. 78
"Though it can be humbling to apologize for something I've done wrong, it's easy to feel remorse when the pain of a recent mistake is still with me. The test of my commitment to the ninth Step is if I continue to improve my behavior after the initial feelings of regret have passed.
To amend something means to alter it. To be free of the wreckage of my past, I have to do more than just say I'm sorry when i harm another person. I have to change my behavior. This can be hard and sometimes even disconcerting, particularly when my old behavior patterns and beliefs are stronger than I thought. But continuing to work the Steps moves me through the difficult spots to new experiences of freedom and joy.
The fruits of recovery are great motivators to change, but alongside the hope of a brighter future is the equally powerful consequence of not changing - compulsive eating. if i don't change my thoughts and actions to reduce the harm I do in the future, I will overeat. Fro me, to overeat is to die.
A life well-lived requires that i continue to change, grow and clean up the wreckage of my past - and my present. If I do that, my life is better than I could have ever imagined. I thank my Higher Power for OA!
--
In This Moment
"In This Moment, I learn the most important thing.
I am grateful for my life today. When I came into recovery, i was newly separated. i was desperate to find someone who could give my life purpose - someone I could take care of, my soul mate. I heard at meetings that recovery meant learning how to take care of me, how to love myself. I didn't have a clue. I never learned that concept. Through working my program, I learned the most important lesson: 'I am all I need.' Today, I can say, 'I like me. I really like me!'
--
The Language of Letting Go:
"Surrender
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Step Three of Al-Anon
"Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.
We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible.
Doors open. Windows open. Possibilities occur. our energy becomes channeled, at last, in areas and ways that work for us. We become in tune with the Plan for our life and our place in the Universe.
And there is a Plan and Place for us. We shall see that. We shall know that. The Universe will open up and make a special place for us, with all that we need provided.
It will be good. Understand that it is good, now.
Learning to own our power will come, if we are open to it. We do not need to stop at powerlessness and helplessness. That is a temporARY PLACE WHERE WE RE-EVALUATE WHERE WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE POWER WHEN WE HAVE NONE.
ONCE WE SURRENDER, IT IS TIME TO BECOME EMPOWERED.
LET THE POWER COME, NATURALLY. IT IS THERE. IT IS OURS.
TODAY, I WILL BE OPEN TO UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT MEANS TO OWN my power. I will accept powerlessness where I have no power; I will also accept the power that is mine to receive.
--
Caps are by accident - no time to fix
But oh! I feel so much better now. Than ever. Step three has finally, really, fully set in!
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me, and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do They will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.
==
Grats
I am grateful:
1. My doctor yesterday.
2. He has helped me so much.
3. For so long.
4. Has been devoted to my well-being. I am so grateful for him.
5. My mother’s okay for today. And I’m taking her for a milkshake later.
6. Birthday coming Saturday.
7. I know I’ll get a present from M and D!
8. And maybe a card or two from others!
9. And L is taking me to dinner!
10. I hope to have a whole selfish weekend.
11. Conferences start today. I hate them. I’m very shy, and 20 minutes (or more) with each and every parent, twice a year is SO hard for me. But I am truly grateful. Grateful that I’ve gotten through them every time until now.
12. Grateful that I’ll probably get through them now too.
13. And grateful that I have the physical capacities.
14. That I have the physical capacity to walk.
15. To shower.
16. To dress.
17. To drive.
18. To speak.
19. To hear.
20. To understand.
21. And the psychological capacity to really listen.
22. And the open-mindedness to change as needed (not to a parent’s “command,” but as I learn more about the child…)
23. And empathy. I so deeply remember who/how I was in second grade. Am aware that they are not me. But can relate to much of what many (all, at least sometimes) go through.
24. That L seems to me to be a great teacher. Both of us seem to really get it. That if learning doesn’t take place, there is no teaching.
25. Elegance. Everywhere I find it.
26. Kindness. Everywhere I find it.
27. S, the teacher who said on the video, to 5th graders before they left us for the Middle School, “Be nice to each other.” That’s what he cared about most.
28. And that I still remember it. And I even say it to my little ones sometimes. Like when we’re breaking into groups for math or something: “Be nice to each other.”
29. Meditation.
30. Cats
31. Slightly sweet red wine. Maybe in a week or two I’ll have some more at home.
32. And I’m grateful that I don’t have, and never have had, a drinking problem.
33. The Five Mindfulness Trainings.
34. That as of this birthday, Saturday, it will be the first birthday I’ve ever had, independently. Not dependent on any man. Not desperate for one. No miserable without one.
35. Just me.
36. With lots of friends
37. And love
38. And hope
39. And interests
40. And happiness even.
41. And most of all, a desire to live!
42. And an appreciation of many of life’s wonders. (I have a feeling there are even more).
43. I had what I thought was a close friendship with a teacher, Li, for years. As it turned out, our definitions of friendship differed greatly. We had a falling out, and that was that. We still work well together, as we are both truly professionals, but have not been “friends” for years. Yesterday, in talking about something having to do with a project our classes are doing together, something came up and I realized she couldn’t possibly know about me and J. Now she has been here many times, been out with us many times,…I probably never spoke with her without mentioning him! She fully knew how I adored him and how close we were. So when I realized she didn’t know, I told her. She, who is known for being, um, cold, looked shocked and horrified.
44. Which told me gossip is not taking place all around the building about me. As it did for so long about everything! So I’m grateful that the building has changed.
45. And she said, “I don’t know how you’re even functioning.” Which told me she knew how big this was to me.
46. And she – known for being cold – spontaneously threw her arms around me and held me. (We were in the hall – no kids around). That meant a lot to me.
47. Later she wrote, and said, “If you ever want to talk.”
48. I’m grateful for my iPhone. I love it!
49. And that L, who swears he hates texts, has texting me about a million times lol.
50. I’m enjoying texting.
51. And I’ve taken pictures of my kids with it.
52. I’ll be in London within the month!
53. Giving a lotus to others (bowing with hands in sort of a prayer position but open in palms).
54. Ability to give Reiki energy to self.
55. And others (with permission, or in the case of a child, with parent’s permission).
56. And general others without permission (ex. after a tornado or something like that).
57. And non-human animals. Yes, doggy has received: )
58. And plants.
59. And minerals.
60. Humor
61. Sleep. I need a LOT more of it. And I’m grateful for the sleep I get.
62. L reminding me to tell students about the sky tonight.
63. That I just e-mailed the parents about it, with a link with beautiful pictures and great instructions
64. The internet
65. My little doggie. Well, I think she’ll really be J’s little doggie now. And I’m *fine * with that. I have some say in it, in fact.
66. Enough money to make it. For today. (May it continue).
67. Vegan foods.
68. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
69. I’m going to read le Petit Prince with my teacher! Yay! I mean, read it in high school, but didn’t really “get” it. Saw movie – disliked it. But now, will be able to read it with understanding!
70. L just wrote. He is fine fine fine following a “proper pace,” if you know what I mean. Yay. No pressures. Just enjoyment.
71. My dr. reminded me yesterday to enjoy!
72. AND – not to lose myself into anyone.
73. I’m finally starting to feel awake and not jittery, having been up and coffeed for almost 2 hours already!
74. I can do a favor for a friend this am.
75. Tibetan bells
76. Laughter
77. My principal’s kindness to me.
78. And to M.
79. Especially at this time.
80. Kids who don’t suffer with allergies. Whether they have them or not. That they don’t suffer.
81. My deep desire for, and taking proper actions toward, eating better.
82. And leaving the rest in God’s hands.
83. Pretty undies.
84. Lacy stockings and ankly type socks
85. That they get noticed : )
86. I am a woman. I feel like a woman.
87. Washing out the container M brought with lunch in it for me yesterday
88. That she did bring me lunch yesterday
89. Protein
90. Summer will come.
91. And I know I will have a GREAT one!
92. What a wonderful feeling to know that!
93. When my classroom is neat
94. Plants
95. Jade plants in particular
96. And “Christmas cactuses” in particular as well
97. And ornamental orange trees
98. I might get myself one, even. We’ll see.
99. Buddha
100. Doing my morning work. Although I’m mighty tempted to skip morning after b’day, and I might…
1. My doctor yesterday.
2. He has helped me so much.
3. For so long.
4. Has been devoted to my well-being. I am so grateful for him.
5. My mother’s okay for today. And I’m taking her for a milkshake later.
6. Birthday coming Saturday.
7. I know I’ll get a present from M and D!
8. And maybe a card or two from others!
9. And L is taking me to dinner!
10. I hope to have a whole selfish weekend.
11. Conferences start today. I hate them. I’m very shy, and 20 minutes (or more) with each and every parent, twice a year is SO hard for me. But I am truly grateful. Grateful that I’ve gotten through them every time until now.
12. Grateful that I’ll probably get through them now too.
13. And grateful that I have the physical capacities.
14. That I have the physical capacity to walk.
15. To shower.
16. To dress.
17. To drive.
18. To speak.
19. To hear.
20. To understand.
21. And the psychological capacity to really listen.
22. And the open-mindedness to change as needed (not to a parent’s “command,” but as I learn more about the child…)
23. And empathy. I so deeply remember who/how I was in second grade. Am aware that they are not me. But can relate to much of what many (all, at least sometimes) go through.
24. That L seems to me to be a great teacher. Both of us seem to really get it. That if learning doesn’t take place, there is no teaching.
25. Elegance. Everywhere I find it.
26. Kindness. Everywhere I find it.
27. S, the teacher who said on the video, to 5th graders before they left us for the Middle School, “Be nice to each other.” That’s what he cared about most.
28. And that I still remember it. And I even say it to my little ones sometimes. Like when we’re breaking into groups for math or something: “Be nice to each other.”
29. Meditation.
30. Cats
31. Slightly sweet red wine. Maybe in a week or two I’ll have some more at home.
32. And I’m grateful that I don’t have, and never have had, a drinking problem.
33. The Five Mindfulness Trainings.
34. That as of this birthday, Saturday, it will be the first birthday I’ve ever had, independently. Not dependent on any man. Not desperate for one. No miserable without one.
35. Just me.
36. With lots of friends
37. And love
38. And hope
39. And interests
40. And happiness even.
41. And most of all, a desire to live!
42. And an appreciation of many of life’s wonders. (I have a feeling there are even more).
43. I had what I thought was a close friendship with a teacher, Li, for years. As it turned out, our definitions of friendship differed greatly. We had a falling out, and that was that. We still work well together, as we are both truly professionals, but have not been “friends” for years. Yesterday, in talking about something having to do with a project our classes are doing together, something came up and I realized she couldn’t possibly know about me and J. Now she has been here many times, been out with us many times,…I probably never spoke with her without mentioning him! She fully knew how I adored him and how close we were. So when I realized she didn’t know, I told her. She, who is known for being, um, cold, looked shocked and horrified.
44. Which told me gossip is not taking place all around the building about me. As it did for so long about everything! So I’m grateful that the building has changed.
45. And she said, “I don’t know how you’re even functioning.” Which told me she knew how big this was to me.
46. And she – known for being cold – spontaneously threw her arms around me and held me. (We were in the hall – no kids around). That meant a lot to me.
47. Later she wrote, and said, “If you ever want to talk.”
48. I’m grateful for my iPhone. I love it!
49. And that L, who swears he hates texts, has texting me about a million times lol.
50. I’m enjoying texting.
51. And I’ve taken pictures of my kids with it.
52. I’ll be in London within the month!
53. Giving a lotus to others (bowing with hands in sort of a prayer position but open in palms).
54. Ability to give Reiki energy to self.
55. And others (with permission, or in the case of a child, with parent’s permission).
56. And general others without permission (ex. after a tornado or something like that).
57. And non-human animals. Yes, doggy has received: )
58. And plants.
59. And minerals.
60. Humor
61. Sleep. I need a LOT more of it. And I’m grateful for the sleep I get.
62. L reminding me to tell students about the sky tonight.
63. That I just e-mailed the parents about it, with a link with beautiful pictures and great instructions
64. The internet
65. My little doggie. Well, I think she’ll really be J’s little doggie now. And I’m *fine * with that. I have some say in it, in fact.
66. Enough money to make it. For today. (May it continue).
67. Vegan foods.
68. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
69. I’m going to read le Petit Prince with my teacher! Yay! I mean, read it in high school, but didn’t really “get” it. Saw movie – disliked it. But now, will be able to read it with understanding!
70. L just wrote. He is fine fine fine following a “proper pace,” if you know what I mean. Yay. No pressures. Just enjoyment.
71. My dr. reminded me yesterday to enjoy!
72. AND – not to lose myself into anyone.
73. I’m finally starting to feel awake and not jittery, having been up and coffeed for almost 2 hours already!
74. I can do a favor for a friend this am.
75. Tibetan bells
76. Laughter
77. My principal’s kindness to me.
78. And to M.
79. Especially at this time.
80. Kids who don’t suffer with allergies. Whether they have them or not. That they don’t suffer.
81. My deep desire for, and taking proper actions toward, eating better.
82. And leaving the rest in God’s hands.
83. Pretty undies.
84. Lacy stockings and ankly type socks
85. That they get noticed : )
86. I am a woman. I feel like a woman.
87. Washing out the container M brought with lunch in it for me yesterday
88. That she did bring me lunch yesterday
89. Protein
90. Summer will come.
91. And I know I will have a GREAT one!
92. What a wonderful feeling to know that!
93. When my classroom is neat
94. Plants
95. Jade plants in particular
96. And “Christmas cactuses” in particular as well
97. And ornamental orange trees
98. I might get myself one, even. We’ll see.
99. Buddha
100. Doing my morning work. Although I’m mighty tempted to skip morning after b’day, and I might…
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Affirmations
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.
Amen.
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.
Amen.
CoDA Morning Work Today
I feel:
Jittery
Grateful
Obsessed about food, about not obsessing about food, about J. and the loss, about L. and the fun diversion
Excited about French lessons, London soon, Jo's suggestions to treat myself more like company and my doing so
Nervous about being good enough to/for the children today
Confident that with preparation and prayer, it is all in God's hands and I will do the right things.
5 good things about me
I have integrity.
I can give Reiki.
I would never abuse that by giving without the adult's permission, or in the case of a child, without his parent's permission.
I am funny.
I appreciate life! Yay!
Jittery
Grateful
Obsessed about food, about not obsessing about food, about J. and the loss, about L. and the fun diversion
Excited about French lessons, London soon, Jo's suggestions to treat myself more like company and my doing so
Nervous about being good enough to/for the children today
Confident that with preparation and prayer, it is all in God's hands and I will do the right things.
5 good things about me
I have integrity.
I can give Reiki.
I would never abuse that by giving without the adult's permission, or in the case of a child, without his parent's permission.
I am funny.
I appreciate life! Yay!
Readings
Today's For Today:
"Those things are dearest to us that have cost us most." Michel de Montaigne
"I paid a very high price to get to OA, and my life of abstinence and sanity are worth more to me than anything. But it is easy to forget. The lonely days of compulsive overeating can become hazy and I can get caught up in the cares of a day, running here, going there. It is easy to drift into old habits and thought patterns that block my usefulness to myself and others. I need to remind myself that the OA program is one of action: going to meetings, working the steps, making twelfth-step calls - all part of my life of abstinence and sanity.
For today: There is nothing in the world I would take in exchange for what I have in OA. I go to any length to keep it.
--
Today's Voices of Recovery:
"Instead of acting on impulse, we pause long enough to learn God's will. Then, instead of resorting to willpower, we relax and reach out to receive help from our higher Power. All we need say is 'God, please help me do Your will.' OA 12 & 12 p. 26-27
"In my recovery, I am learning to slow down and listen to the voice inside me that is my Higher Power. This presence is always with me, but in the chatter of everyday life and wanting to do things my way, this voice is often drowned out. When I slow down and tune in, I hear it loud and clear. In revisiting the Third Step through these words whenever I need to, I live my recovery. That is a true miracle - to know that through these few words of supplication - let me do your will - I move beyond myself to something greater. It always guides me and is always a gift - because when I ask for willingness to do God's will, I give up control of what I think should happen. I am always surprised."
--
Wow! I really both above this morning!
--
Today's In This Moment:
"In This Moment, I imagine.
Imagination makes dreams a reality.
A glorious world of outstanding beauty.
A consciousness of inner glory.
Kind words abound in absolute caring;
Encouragement and enrichment flow to peace.
An unyielding challenge brings confidence,
Not doubt or denial, but hope for new life in recovery."
--
Today's Language of Letting Go:
"Fulfillment
'Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.' Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning o the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know waht we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do.
Today, I will affirm that my needs will be met. I will affirm that God cares and is the Source of my supply. Then I will let go and see that what I have risked to believe is the truth."
--
Wow. I needed all four of these today!
"Those things are dearest to us that have cost us most." Michel de Montaigne
"I paid a very high price to get to OA, and my life of abstinence and sanity are worth more to me than anything. But it is easy to forget. The lonely days of compulsive overeating can become hazy and I can get caught up in the cares of a day, running here, going there. It is easy to drift into old habits and thought patterns that block my usefulness to myself and others. I need to remind myself that the OA program is one of action: going to meetings, working the steps, making twelfth-step calls - all part of my life of abstinence and sanity.
For today: There is nothing in the world I would take in exchange for what I have in OA. I go to any length to keep it.
--
Today's Voices of Recovery:
"Instead of acting on impulse, we pause long enough to learn God's will. Then, instead of resorting to willpower, we relax and reach out to receive help from our higher Power. All we need say is 'God, please help me do Your will.' OA 12 & 12 p. 26-27
"In my recovery, I am learning to slow down and listen to the voice inside me that is my Higher Power. This presence is always with me, but in the chatter of everyday life and wanting to do things my way, this voice is often drowned out. When I slow down and tune in, I hear it loud and clear. In revisiting the Third Step through these words whenever I need to, I live my recovery. That is a true miracle - to know that through these few words of supplication - let me do your will - I move beyond myself to something greater. It always guides me and is always a gift - because when I ask for willingness to do God's will, I give up control of what I think should happen. I am always surprised."
--
Wow! I really both above this morning!
--
Today's In This Moment:
"In This Moment, I imagine.
Imagination makes dreams a reality.
A glorious world of outstanding beauty.
A consciousness of inner glory.
Kind words abound in absolute caring;
Encouragement and enrichment flow to peace.
An unyielding challenge brings confidence,
Not doubt or denial, but hope for new life in recovery."
--
Today's Language of Letting Go:
"Fulfillment
'Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.' Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning o the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know waht we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do.
Today, I will affirm that my needs will be met. I will affirm that God cares and is the Source of my supply. Then I will let go and see that what I have risked to believe is the truth."
--
Wow. I needed all four of these today!
Grats
I am grateful for these things:
1. My new iPhone!
2. That M. took me there and walked me through it – it was more complicated than I’d thought
3. Great call with sponsor just now
4. My pink iPhone case
5. My white iPhone
6. That I can afford it! (At least for now)
7. That I set a bell tone for a something-or-other – maybe when text or e-mail comes or something? Don’t understand yet. But in my Buddhist tradition (Community of Interbeing – Thich Nhat Hahn) a bell is a reminder to breathe – to focus on the breath – to “go back to the inbreath.” Lovely
8. My beautiful date with L. Sat. evening.
9. His kisses. They’re amazing.
10. Museums
11. Beautiful art work
12. Met with J. yesterday morning. Can’t put much store in this because it is still dependent on both his good will AND how realistic/unrealistic he is in a given moment, but he was very nice.
13. Showed me how to do the bills online.
14. I can do them now. (I think).
15. And swore he does NOT intend to take advantage of me financially.
16. And now it is Tuesday. MUST commit to not skipping! Have been so busy, and, frankly, distracted, and that’s not good! I’m grateful for a little red wine now and then.
17. And yesterday’s sweet, wonderful day that I gave the children. I prayed so hard to be able to, and I did it!
18. That Ji and Je’s “nanny” loves them so.
19. The math game for the two classes yesterday.
20. Cezanne
21. Picasso
22. *Kandinsky! *
23. Although I wish we’d leave nature alone, I do love beautiful architecture
24. Should be great day for kids today
25. *****Doggie (during J’s custody day) was found in woods by strangers yesterday! How the f did she wind up there alone? There are streets all around those woods, and she knows them all! This was terrifying! The gratitude is that she got “home” to him safely.
26. And that she’s here now. I must figure out what to do long-term. Feel caught between rock and hard place: want her safe! - don’t want to anger himself and cause problems for my money – but then am I putting my finances above her life? Anyway, so grateful she’s here now. Safe for this day. I love her.
27. Grateful for her.
28. Grateful that I love her.
29. Grateful that for the first time ever, I texted last night!
30. And that I will cement my plans for touring in London and for car from airport, today.
31. London – me!
32. A *fabulous * French lesson yesterday!
33. That L is so gentlemanly and tender with me.
34. That I will continue to take it slow.
35. That he is cooperative with that.
36. M calling just now. Great am talk.
37. iTunes.
38. And I may be using them soon.
39. Rich people who donate to the arts.
40. Not-rich people who donate to the arts.
41. L. understanding my need for freedom.
42. J calling to fyi me yesterday, so that I didn’t die of shock when messages on home machine about missing dog! (from the women who found her)
43. M and D’s support.
44. Possible doggie day-care solution? Money, though. But a possibility.
45. Lightheartedness. Every time I have it.
46. Every time I don’t ask someone else for help when I might *feel like * I need it, but don’t really.
47. Chairs
48. I prayed on my knees to God to help me do the right thing by others. And He did.
49. Am praying same for today.
50. That I am smart enough to do my job.
51. Sleep. I need more. And MUST get it tonight. MUST remain true to SELF – not L’s phone schedule, as tempting as it is! But grateful for sleep I did get.
52. That I am able to walk about my house on my own
53. And to drive to work
54. And that it’s a relatively pretty drive
55. Healthy foods
56. Organic peanut butter
57. Cabbage salad
58. Water. Water to drink.
59. Water to swim in.
60. Water with which to wash clothes.
61. Water with which to wash dishes.
62. Leases (doggie)
63. Smiling babies
64. Tiger cubs
65. Dr. Oz. Not his schmaltzy stuff, but his smart stuff.
66. Gary Null
67. Clothes
68. Cut shoes
69. That I don’t want around looking the way I was walking around looking a few years ago.
70. It is Wednesday. I shall not put myself down, rather just continue.
71. I am grateful that I speak better again now, thanks to L’s influence.
72. I am so grateful for Jo. She is not only a wonderful tech person, but a beautiful human being and I hope, a friend. I would love that.
73. I am grateful that I had wine, in gorgeous stemware, as per one of her instructions to treat myself well. And that I told her.
74. I am grateful that I prayed the third step prayer to God every day lately.
75. And first thing this morning.
76. And with full heart.
77. I am grateful that I shared with A, a teacher whose father was my principal at another school, about my current doggie situation. She is a dog person and I knew she’d “get” it. So when I saw her in the parking lot, I decided to tell her, in my usual Lynn-laughing way. But she showed more maturity than I’ve even known her to show, and was so compassionate, that I started to really cry. Right there in the parking lot (no kids or parents around, of course!)
78. And she said, “I love you.”
79. Twice.
80. I am so glad I’m honest with so many others (I don’t talk about my personal life with the parents or kids in terms of separation – I don’t think that’s dishonest, just professional and appropriate.) but I’m grateful that I’m open with some people.
81. And that they are compassionate in return.
82. And that they’re not too overboard either.
83. I’m grateful that I’m feeling better about myself.
84. And that I get to work with children.
85. And that I have prayed so fervently to God to help me be good enough to them during this hard time.
86. And that God *is * helping me with that.
87. I’m grateful for humor. Mine and others’.
88. And for Centers (thing we do with kids).
89. And for all the honors in my life. Like the working with children, and the being able to communicate with other adults.
90. And the having taught some others meditation.
91. And the sharing of Reiki.
92. And that we are never supposed to give Reiki energy, from near or far, without the person’s permission.
93. And never ever to a child, without the *parent’s * permission.
94. And that I would never break either rule.
95. And that the sort of “exception” is a general population Reiki, such as after a tornado…
96. I am very grateful for my spiritual nature. Thank you, God.
97. And that I feel sensuous today.
98. And for the laughter yesterday at school with others, all due to a joke L was playing on me and I didn’t know it.
99. That I value my life now.
100. That I helped M by covering her class while my kids were at Spanish, and she needed some minutes out of there.
101. That the principal walked in with a new parent touring the school, and I handled it with grace and all went perfectly.
102. That M found out the principal had been in. And she panicked. But I *knew * nothing was wrong. She had to leave the room – it’s no different than having to go to the bathroom – and she *did * get coverage. I am a professional, paid, tenured teacher and was there with them. They weren’t unsupervised! But M, who worries, went to the principal to sort of confess/explain. And the principal said, because of all M is going through, “Nothing to worry about. Lynn handles it graciously. It all went so well. You have my permission, any time Lynn offers, to have her cover your class – for up to 10 minutes – every day for the rest of the school year.” Bless her heart, I love(!) our prinicipal!
103. Reba McIntire’s voice. (Not her choice of songs, lol, but her voice).
1. My new iPhone!
2. That M. took me there and walked me through it – it was more complicated than I’d thought
3. Great call with sponsor just now
4. My pink iPhone case
5. My white iPhone
6. That I can afford it! (At least for now)
7. That I set a bell tone for a something-or-other – maybe when text or e-mail comes or something? Don’t understand yet. But in my Buddhist tradition (Community of Interbeing – Thich Nhat Hahn) a bell is a reminder to breathe – to focus on the breath – to “go back to the inbreath.” Lovely
8. My beautiful date with L. Sat. evening.
9. His kisses. They’re amazing.
10. Museums
11. Beautiful art work
12. Met with J. yesterday morning. Can’t put much store in this because it is still dependent on both his good will AND how realistic/unrealistic he is in a given moment, but he was very nice.
13. Showed me how to do the bills online.
14. I can do them now. (I think).
15. And swore he does NOT intend to take advantage of me financially.
16. And now it is Tuesday. MUST commit to not skipping! Have been so busy, and, frankly, distracted, and that’s not good! I’m grateful for a little red wine now and then.
17. And yesterday’s sweet, wonderful day that I gave the children. I prayed so hard to be able to, and I did it!
18. That Ji and Je’s “nanny” loves them so.
19. The math game for the two classes yesterday.
20. Cezanne
21. Picasso
22. *Kandinsky! *
23. Although I wish we’d leave nature alone, I do love beautiful architecture
24. Should be great day for kids today
25. *****Doggie (during J’s custody day) was found in woods by strangers yesterday! How the f did she wind up there alone? There are streets all around those woods, and she knows them all! This was terrifying! The gratitude is that she got “home” to him safely.
26. And that she’s here now. I must figure out what to do long-term. Feel caught between rock and hard place: want her safe! - don’t want to anger himself and cause problems for my money – but then am I putting my finances above her life? Anyway, so grateful she’s here now. Safe for this day. I love her.
27. Grateful for her.
28. Grateful that I love her.
29. Grateful that for the first time ever, I texted last night!
30. And that I will cement my plans for touring in London and for car from airport, today.
31. London – me!
32. A *fabulous * French lesson yesterday!
33. That L is so gentlemanly and tender with me.
34. That I will continue to take it slow.
35. That he is cooperative with that.
36. M calling just now. Great am talk.
37. iTunes.
38. And I may be using them soon.
39. Rich people who donate to the arts.
40. Not-rich people who donate to the arts.
41. L. understanding my need for freedom.
42. J calling to fyi me yesterday, so that I didn’t die of shock when messages on home machine about missing dog! (from the women who found her)
43. M and D’s support.
44. Possible doggie day-care solution? Money, though. But a possibility.
45. Lightheartedness. Every time I have it.
46. Every time I don’t ask someone else for help when I might *feel like * I need it, but don’t really.
47. Chairs
48. I prayed on my knees to God to help me do the right thing by others. And He did.
49. Am praying same for today.
50. That I am smart enough to do my job.
51. Sleep. I need more. And MUST get it tonight. MUST remain true to SELF – not L’s phone schedule, as tempting as it is! But grateful for sleep I did get.
52. That I am able to walk about my house on my own
53. And to drive to work
54. And that it’s a relatively pretty drive
55. Healthy foods
56. Organic peanut butter
57. Cabbage salad
58. Water. Water to drink.
59. Water to swim in.
60. Water with which to wash clothes.
61. Water with which to wash dishes.
62. Leases (doggie)
63. Smiling babies
64. Tiger cubs
65. Dr. Oz. Not his schmaltzy stuff, but his smart stuff.
66. Gary Null
67. Clothes
68. Cut shoes
69. That I don’t want around looking the way I was walking around looking a few years ago.
70. It is Wednesday. I shall not put myself down, rather just continue.
71. I am grateful that I speak better again now, thanks to L’s influence.
72. I am so grateful for Jo. She is not only a wonderful tech person, but a beautiful human being and I hope, a friend. I would love that.
73. I am grateful that I had wine, in gorgeous stemware, as per one of her instructions to treat myself well. And that I told her.
74. I am grateful that I prayed the third step prayer to God every day lately.
75. And first thing this morning.
76. And with full heart.
77. I am grateful that I shared with A, a teacher whose father was my principal at another school, about my current doggie situation. She is a dog person and I knew she’d “get” it. So when I saw her in the parking lot, I decided to tell her, in my usual Lynn-laughing way. But she showed more maturity than I’ve even known her to show, and was so compassionate, that I started to really cry. Right there in the parking lot (no kids or parents around, of course!)
78. And she said, “I love you.”
79. Twice.
80. I am so glad I’m honest with so many others (I don’t talk about my personal life with the parents or kids in terms of separation – I don’t think that’s dishonest, just professional and appropriate.) but I’m grateful that I’m open with some people.
81. And that they are compassionate in return.
82. And that they’re not too overboard either.
83. I’m grateful that I’m feeling better about myself.
84. And that I get to work with children.
85. And that I have prayed so fervently to God to help me be good enough to them during this hard time.
86. And that God *is * helping me with that.
87. I’m grateful for humor. Mine and others’.
88. And for Centers (thing we do with kids).
89. And for all the honors in my life. Like the working with children, and the being able to communicate with other adults.
90. And the having taught some others meditation.
91. And the sharing of Reiki.
92. And that we are never supposed to give Reiki energy, from near or far, without the person’s permission.
93. And never ever to a child, without the *parent’s * permission.
94. And that I would never break either rule.
95. And that the sort of “exception” is a general population Reiki, such as after a tornado…
96. I am very grateful for my spiritual nature. Thank you, God.
97. And that I feel sensuous today.
98. And for the laughter yesterday at school with others, all due to a joke L was playing on me and I didn’t know it.
99. That I value my life now.
100. That I helped M by covering her class while my kids were at Spanish, and she needed some minutes out of there.
101. That the principal walked in with a new parent touring the school, and I handled it with grace and all went perfectly.
102. That M found out the principal had been in. And she panicked. But I *knew * nothing was wrong. She had to leave the room – it’s no different than having to go to the bathroom – and she *did * get coverage. I am a professional, paid, tenured teacher and was there with them. They weren’t unsupervised! But M, who worries, went to the principal to sort of confess/explain. And the principal said, because of all M is going through, “Nothing to worry about. Lynn handles it graciously. It all went so well. You have my permission, any time Lynn offers, to have her cover your class – for up to 10 minutes – every day for the rest of the school year.” Bless her heart, I love(!) our prinicipal!
103. Reba McIntire’s voice. (Not her choice of songs, lol, but her voice).
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