Today's Readings - Voices of Recovery

"By following these Steps, thousands of compulsive overeaters have stopped eating compulsively . . . What we do have to offer is far greater than any of these things - a fellowship in which we find . . . the healing power of lo e." OA 12 & 12 p. ix It is sometimes asked which is more important, the Steps or the Fellowship? For me the answer is that the Steps and the Fellowship are like two oars in a rowboat. If I only row with one arm I will go around in circles. Before I was an OA member, i had a copy of the Twelve Steps on my wall. With great enthusiasm i went around making amends and went home to overeat. I'm glad to say I found healing power in the OA Fellowship. On the other hand, I have a friend who loved to socialize after meetings but thought the Steps were optional. She couldn't stay abstinent until she embraced the Steps. Today, we are both among the thousands of OA members who have many years of freedom from compulsive eating. With one hand rowing the Steps and the other hand rowing the Fellowship, I have no free hands with which to overeat. God is on board directing me to the dry land of a contented abstinence.

Today's Readings - For Today

"To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of a total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness." Erich Fromm Am I still using food to avoid my feelings? Does the term, "fat serenity," describe where I am today? If it does, i accept it without judgment. in time, perhaps I will tire of that bland feeling-no-pain state of escape that robs me of my humanity. Perhaps I will have the courage to acknowledge pain, to feel the feelings without reaching for an escape, and to have faith that my Higher Power is directing my life, not i. I accept unconditionally wherever I am today, acknowledging the truth without reservation or recrimination. For today: The OA program, the people and God are all there for me, loving me fat or thin, abstinent or compulsively overeating. Can i do any less for myself?

Affirmations

I am good enough God loves me I love me Life is wonderful The universe is taking care of all my needs Everything is perfect. I am good enough God loves me I love me Life is wonderful The universe is taking care of all my needs Everything is perfect. I am good enough God loves me I love me Life is wonderful The universe is taking care of all my needs Everything is perfect. I am sexually desirable! Any man is lucky to be with me I am a wonderful person I am sexually desirable! Any man is lucky to be with me I am a wonderful person I am sexually desirable! ANy man is lucky to be with me I am a wonderful person

Feelings

I feel: Healthy (yay!) Energetic (yay!) A bit down because I am not FIRST to anybody. Not even L. : ( Wanting more romance and sex Grateful that I have the amount I have. I think this is because: I have not been doing all my spiritual work every day! And I overeat a couples of times this week And I have not been doing ENOUGH for MYSELF. So that causes me to start becoming more emotionally dependent. What I will do differently next time: Do it daily Both the spiritual stuff AND the stuff for self - especially the filling, fun stuff. 5 Good Things about Me 1. I try to do the right thing always 2. I always try to "just do the next right thing." 3. I am affectionate 4. I am loving 5. I am fun to be with, people say.

Hi EJ!!!! XOXO! Plus 100 Grats Today Here

I am grateful: 1. Scrabble Blast wiredarcade free online scrabble 2. Making love to L last night! 3. Gratitudes 4. L’s orgasm. It felt like a good one. 5. Our kisses 6. That I did what I had to for my mother Friday before coming here 7. I am grateful that I got to read the Five Mindfulness Trainings aloud yesterday. 8. And that L did that with me 9. And that, because he pays for everything, I treated him to drinks and dinner last night. 10. And that it was another vegan place. We are so fortunate to live where we have access to vegan restaurants. 11. This pretty robe, which I bought when I was in LONDON! 12. My feet. I am so glad that I can walk 13. Chanel Eau Tendre scent. It seems to be my summer scent this year. I have never had a sort of a scent, a signature scent, in almost 30 years! Back then it was Georgio Armani 14. Armani Code. It was “my scent” last winter. And I think it will be this winter, too. 15. The fun times O and I have shopping together. 16. That she recently BOUGHT ME a bright yellow scarf! 17. And helped me (encouraged me) to buy the two really cheap but cute pink rings. 18. And I am more outwardly girlie because of this friendship, which is both deep and light. 19. Romance. Romance in my life. I have had it, and I have had times without it. And I have some now and I am so grateful! 20. The beautiful flowers L bought me last weekend. 21. The pretty bracelet I love, that he bought me last weekend also. 22. The pretty necklace he gave me this Friday. 23. The lavender soap he had for me for my shower yesterday. That’s 4 little presents in a week! (Although I feel like I remember that he did not buy the lavender soap, but showed it to me in the past as like, a new wrapped soap someone from the past had left here or something, but he says he bought it for me . . . ) 24. That L has instant regular coffee here for me. 25. And makes it FOR me virtually every morning I am here. That’s nice 26. SoDelicious vanilla coconut milk 27. M 28. MA 29. Google images. Like love, romance, couples, … illustrations, drawings, . . . 30. The “picture walks” I make for L and email to him (with little phrases or sentences and google images) 31. I am so very grateful that I can see 32. And that I don’t have to be TOTALLY responsible for anyone else right now. I THINK. 33. That I can drive 34. That my bills are paid. Phew. 35. That I still have time to go in and do my classroom. Somehow . . . I have NO IDEA how I moved furniture last year, without J’s help, but somehow it was done. I THINK, though, that custodian put it back almost exactly where it had been, and unfortunately he, the nice one, has since left! Uh oh. Oh well, WILL get it done; I know that. And am grateful for it. 36. Painting. 37. And my paints. I think I shall go home and use them. 38. That I think I will ask J to re-hook up the little tv in the d.r. Then I can use it for painting. 39. And for treadmill! 40. DVDs 41. That L’s friends are so invested in him being with me : ) 42. I am grateful for this laptop! Even though I can’t fully use it yet! Hope I can get those free or almost free lessons! 43. Classical music. 44. All the support I have ever had 45. That way back when I was desperate for money to finish my Masters and keep my job, I offered to pay my uncle back AT THE INTEREST RATE HE WAS MAKING, and within 2 years, if he could lend me a couple (2? 3? 5?) thousand dollars. I asked this through my mother. I am grateful that I had the courage to ask it. 46. And that she did it for me. 47. And that he said yes! 48. And – that I wound up not needing to borrow it after all! 49. That I can read 50. And write 51. And teach 52. And love 53. Compassion. In every one of us who has it, whenever we have it 54. Honestly. In ever one of us who has it, whenever we have it 55. Laughter 56. Smiles 57. Greetings 58. Pleasant people. In NYC. Despite what some “outsiders” think, I meet more pleasant people! Helpful people. Smiling people. Chatting with me and L people. That’s such a nice surprise 59. That he took me to TWO movies yesterday! I’ve never done that before 60. Sandwiches. I love sandwiches. 61. Gas in my car. Enough gas in my car. 62. That I love me. I kind of do! In terms of my womanliness. 63. And my scents 64. And my wanting to and trying to take care of myself 65. And my growing self-acceptance. 66. That I tucked L in so lovingly last night after his orgasm. 67. And I think he went to sleep happy : ) * 68. And I said I love you 69. And he said I love you too. 70. And thanked me. That was so nice. 71. That I feel so good this morning. 72. Didn’t wake up late. 73. And am energetic. 74. And haven’t been overeating. As hadn’t ever before when with L. EXCEPT last weekend! 75. That I type so quickly and so well 76. And can play piano! 77. And have just recently played in a recital! 78. And will again! 79. And have BEAUTIFUL pieces to go home and work on. This very day! So fortunate to have the fine arts in my life! 80. My Chopin biography that I am reading. It is so good 81. And the Elizabeth (I) book that I just finished. 82. That it’s ok if I really don’t love Beethoven 83. This blog 84. Everyone who ever reads it 85. My spiritual work 86. I am finally ready to exercise daily. Phew 87. That I have a coupon for a massage! From D and M 88. I am grateful that I have girlfriends 89. And that I have learned to be close with women 90. And that I am not all alone 91. And for that little short film by the Harvard person, about orgasms of all things, that they showed before the movie yesterday. It was telling and I’m grateful for it 92. Chairs. Yup. I’m grateful for chairs. 93. And pineapple juice. 94. L’s feet. I like them. They’re so cute and manly too. 95. And his lovely, even, olive skin. 96. French 97. Air conditioning! I don’t use it much, but boy am I grateful to have it! 98. Beaches 99. Parks 100. Doggie

100 Gratitudes Today

I sm grateful: 1. That I enjoyed the party last night! 2. That I looked cute enough 3. That I’m ready to continue losing weight 4. That L and I are going into the city to see a movie together today 5. That I finally saw the movie from the 60’s (!), “Charade,” yesterday! 6. In his bed 7. On his large screen 8. Caressing the whole time. Ahhh. 9. That he danced a lot last night. 10. And had fun 11. And exercise 12. And that *I * suggested it. 13. And didn’t feel jealous. (I couldn’t dance last night). 14. That I told him, the night before last, about my fears about yesterday morning and the things I had to do for my mother 15. And he was understanding 16. And even helpful in a practical way 17. And – said he LIKES when I share these things. WANTS me to. 18. That I DID go there (rehab at nursing home). 19. And met with the social worker at 7:30 am, so could “sneak” in without my mother seeing me. 20. And then with her, in the presence of the social worker. 21. And said the hard things. 22. And stayed calm and said them nicely. 23. And she was finally, finally, able to hear 24. And that I then made the difficult phone calls. 25. And was able to spend over 4 hours, I think, on all of this (thank God for the day off) 26. And got the help secured for her. 27. And am away again, without having to call. Other than honeymoon, first time EVER not having to call my mother. She is safe and I can be away for a couple of days, like last weekend for 3, and not have to call. 28. That L’s friends are SO INVESTED in us doing well together! 29. That they truly love and care for him. 30. And apparently like me very much too. 31. And they speak to him. About things boyfriends do for girlfriends. L is a lovely man. A pure soul. A romantic person. A gentle, generous person. And actually brilliant. But had a certain type of childhood damage that has made him wind up not very experienced in healthy relationships. And they help him. Because they want him to have it. 32. And that they talk to me a bit about it, on his behalf, and how to understand him. But always – always – lovingly toward him. 33. That L. made me a beautiful salad last night. 34. And I shall make that one, with dandelion greens, for myself when I get home, too. 35. That MA and I are so close. 36. That L bought me flowers last weekend. 37. And said something about feeling so good in my positivity presence 38. And bought me a little bracelet too. 39. And when I got here yesterday, he gave me a bag with a box in it. And inside was a little necklace he’d bought me. 40. That I love him. I am so grateful. I don’t know where this is going, and I don’t even know where I would WANT it to go, but I am grateful that I love him. 41. And although they were, and sometime still are, so painful, I am grateful for the lessons I learned from my relationship with J. Like being gentle. 42. And especially, not needing/wanting/expecting someone ELSE to fulfill ME. 43. My sponsor 44. My doctor (therapist). 45. That although my bedroom at home is currently messy : ( , the rest of my house is in order right now. 46. O. I am so glad she is my friend. 47. That L is such a good lover to me. 48. That I basically don’t care what others think anymore. 49. This quote: “The teacher asked the students, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ One child wrote, “Happy.” The teacher said, “You don’t understand the assignment.” The child replied, “You don’t understand life.” 50. Peacemakers 51. Children 52. Poetry 53. Firefox allowing me to insert pics into emails and size them… Safari doesn’t allow 54. Jo – computer techie/friend at work 55. Compassion. 56. This quote: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” The Dalai Lama 57. That although L is brilliant and I am not – really – he is like a genius – I can read more quickly with comprehension than he. Hee hee: ) 58. This quote too: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi 59. And this quote, oh my gosh I love it: The world, we are told, was made especially for man – a presumption not supported by all the facts.… Why should man value himself as more than a small part of the one great unit of creation?
—John Muir, naturalist and explorer (1838–1914) 60. And this: There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher animals in their mental faculties.… The lower animals, like man, manifestly feel pleasure and pain, happiness, and misery.
—Charles Darwin, naturalist and author (1809–1882) 61. Even in the worm that crawls in the earth there glows a divine spark. When you slaughter a creature, you slaughter God.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991) 62. As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991) 63. My spirituality 64. My little doggie, although I rarely see her now. I hope hope hope that she is happy! And I believe that she is. 65. The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man.
—Charles Darwin, English naturalist (1809–1882) 66. Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.
—James A. Froude, English historian (1818–1894) 67. If you visit the killing floor of a slaughterhouse, it will brand your soul for life.
—Howard Lyman, author of Mad Cowboy 68. A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral.
—Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist (1828–1910) 69. In fact, if one person is unkind to an animal it is considered to be cruelty, but where a lot of people are unkind to animals, especially in the name of commerce, the cruelty is condoned and, once large sums of money are at stake, will be defended to the last by otherwise intelligent people.
—Ruth Harrison, author of Animal Machines 70. The beef industry has contributed to more American deaths than all the wars of this century, all natural disasters, and all automobile accidents combined. If beef is your idea of “real food for real people,” you’d better live real close to a real good hospital.
—Neal D. Barnard, MD, President, Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine 71. Now I can look at you in peace; I don’t eat you anymore.
—Franz Kafka, while admiring fish in an aquarium 72. I am SO grateful that all these well-known people feel this way and share it. 73. Poor animals! How jealously they guard their pathetic bodies…that which to us is merely an evening’s meal, but to them is life itself.
—T. Casey Brennan (1948–) 74. And this, which I really believe: Life is life – whether in a cat, or dog or man. There is no difference there between a cat or a man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man’s own advantage.
—Sri Aurobindo (1872–1950) 75. Maybe my mother will be doing much better now. 76. I WILL find the strength to continue doing what I need to do for her. I will. With God’s help. 77. Humanity’s true moral test, its fundamental test…consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect humankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
—Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, 1984 78. What is it that should trace the insuperable line?… The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
—Jeremy Bentham (1748–1832) 79. Can you really ask what reason Pythagoras had for abstaining from flesh? For my part I rather wonder both by what accident and in what state of soul or mind the first man did so, touched his mouth to gore and brought his lips to the flesh of a dead creature, he who set forth tables of dead, stale bodies and ventured to call food and nourishment the parts that had a little before bellowed and cried, moved and lived. How could his eyes endure the slaughter when throats were slit and hides flayed and limbs torn from limb? How could his nose endure the stench? How was it that the pollution did not turn away his taste, which made contact with the sores of others and sucked juices and serums from mortal wounds?… It is certainly not lions and wolves that we eat out of self-defense; on the contrary, we ignore these and slaughter harmless, tame creatures without stings or teeth to harm us, creatures that, I swear, Nature appears to have produced for the sake of their beautyand grace. But nothing abashed us, not the flower-like tinting of the flesh, not the persuasiveness of the harmonious voice, not the cleanliness of their habits or the unusual intelligence that may be found in the poor wretches. No, for the sake of a little flesh we deprive them of sun, of light, of the duration of life to which they are entitled by birth and being.
—Plutarch 80. I abhor vivisection. It should at least be curbed. Better, it should be abolished. I know of no achievement through vivisection, no scientific discovery, that could not have been obtained without such barbarism and cruelty. The whole thing is evil.
—Charles Mayo, founder of the Mayo Clinic 81. Truly man is the king of beasts, for his brutality exceeds them. We live by the death of others. We are burial places.
—Leonardo Da Vinci (1452–1519) 82. As long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other. Indeed, he who sows the seeds of murder and pain cannot reap the joy of love.
—Pythagoras 83. When a man wants to murder a tiger, he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him, he calls it ferocity.
—George Bernard Shaw, writer and Nobel laureate (1856–1950) 84. It is my view that the vegetarian manner of living, by its purely physical effect on the human temperament, would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind.
—Albert Einstein (1879–1955) 85. When a human being kills an animal for food, he is neglecting his own hunger for justice. Man prays for mercy, but is unwilling to extend it to others. Why then should man expect mercy from God? It is unfair to expect something that you are not willing to give.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991) 86. A dead cow or sheep lying in the pasture is recognized as carrion. The same sort of carcass dressed and hung up in a butcher’s stall passes as food.
—J. H. Kellogg, American physician (1852–1943) 87. Reiki 88. Compassion 89. My Buddhist name that they gave me, “True Compassion of the Heart.” 90. It ill becomes us to invoke in our daily prayers the blessings of God, the Compassionate, if we in turn will not practice elementary compassion towards our fellow creatures.
—Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948) 91. That L is going to read the Five Mindfulness Trainings with me, aloud, this weekend. Yay. 92. Kisses. I thank God that I can enjoy kisses. 93. That L. is opening up more and more to me. 94. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
—Margaret Mead, American cultural anthropologist (1901–1978 95. TheMan’s mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions. 
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., American jurist (1841–1935) 96. There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
—Elie Wiesel, writer and Nobel laureate (1928–) 97. My hair (superficial) 98. My eyes (not superficial) 99. Treetops. I am looking at them now. 100. Every hand-hold, kiss, and hold I’ve ever had.

Dear God

Good Morning on this glorious day of life. Thank you for my life. Thank you for this day. Thank you that I am not depressed. Thank you for everywhere where there is peace. Praise to you. Amen.