only because
even i in my depression and selfishness
don't have the lack of heart to leave
my poor decrepitating elderly sick mother
in need
2 hours
and guess what
wound up being the
greatest therapy for ME
thank you God
keep chuggin
keep tryin
don't give up
and take EJ's advice (on email cause comments wouldn't come through from her device)
read a regular book not self-help
and Watch Roseanne, eat greens, take a walk, play with birdies. Read a wonderful book that isn't about healing but just about reading a wonderful book. East of Eden. The Good House. State of Wonder. The care and come out stronger the other side.
i am so grateful for her
Friday, July 19, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
if you take paxil please read this link (then talk to your doctor - do NOT stop on your own!!!!!!!!!!)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/fda-warns-that-paxil-make_b_21388.html
maybe has added to my troubles
maybe has added to my troubles
not ok
i
am
not
okay
seeing dr today
i dearly dearly wish i were dead
not going to do something about getting there
but hate myself, my life, have no hope
things have happened this week
i cannot even talk about them
might not even have energy to talk to dr
if you see this please pray for me
am
not
okay
seeing dr today
i dearly dearly wish i were dead
not going to do something about getting there
but hate myself, my life, have no hope
things have happened this week
i cannot even talk about them
might not even have energy to talk to dr
if you see this please pray for me
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
100 Grats
I am grateful:
1. My birdies are fine after the wing clipping and nail trimming
2. How nice, gentle, professional, and friendly the two young women who came here were.
3. This _________
4. This _________
5. I have coffee everyd day. And coffee isn’t cheap.
6. Sweaters. Don’t need them now. But I like, and have some, sweaters.
7. ¬¬_________
8. This is definitely true of me. Definitely_________
9. Oh yes this_________
10. Cuttlebone for birds
11. Training starts today
12. J gonna come and try fix toilet
13. Day off
14. Freedom
15. Water
16. The sun
17. Clouds
18. Air
19. Breezes
20. Light rainfall
21. Sweet snowfall
22. Beaches
23. Sand
24. Oceans
25. All the time I’ve gotten to spend at them
26. Health
27. Eyesight
28. That I live here
29. That my grandparents came over
30. Have a date coming Friday eve
31. Movie with M the other night
32. Internet
33. Laptop
34. Fresh organic carrots and greens for the birdies
35. Books
36. Especially good books
37. Guacamole
38. Collards
39. MUST FINISH MUST FINISH MUST FINISH GRATS. WHAT ELSE ARE YOU REALLY GRATEFUL FOR? THINK! Ok legs
40. Kidneys
41. Ears
42. Mouth
43. Esophagus
44. Throat
45. Vocal cords
46. Stomach
47. Intestines
48. Rectum
49. Cervix
50. Vagina
51. Feet
52. Hair
53. J fixing toilet
54. Electricity
55. Food for the birdies
56. My piano
57. Time off
58. My usual ability to heal
59. Ability to walk
60. And to drive
61. Car
62. House
63. Roof
64. Fireplace
65. Washing machine
66. Dryer
67. Dishwasher
68. Dishwasher powder
69. Dishwashing liquid
70. Detergent
71. Softener. Talk about luxuries!
72. In bad place must remember what grateful for. My birds
73. My health
74. My life
75. My ability to see
76. Tv
77. Computer
78. J’s help with toilet
79. I am worrid about money, house, neighborhood… but I HAVE more than many on earth and am grateful that HAVE ability to live in safe place even if must be in small apartment one day soon.
80. That I spoke up today on fb
81. And NICELY. Not antagonizing
82. My skin
83. My skin care – I should start using it lol
84. My feet
85. My ability to walk
86. That doggie, although she’s with J, is safe
87. And healthy
88. And happy
89. Ability to speak
90. And to swallow
91. Not in hospital
92. Can go to bathroom on own. Not wear bag
93. Washing machine
94. Did towels and some clothes last night
95. Hope
96. Cheerful people
97. The singing of my birdies
98. My brain works
99. My hands and all they can do
100. Honesty
101. Confidence keeping. ALL who do that, including me.
1. My birdies are fine after the wing clipping and nail trimming
2. How nice, gentle, professional, and friendly the two young women who came here were.
3. This _________
4. This _________
5. I have coffee everyd day. And coffee isn’t cheap.
6. Sweaters. Don’t need them now. But I like, and have some, sweaters.
7. ¬¬_________
8. This is definitely true of me. Definitely_________
9. Oh yes this_________
10. Cuttlebone for birds
11. Training starts today
12. J gonna come and try fix toilet
13. Day off
14. Freedom
15. Water
16. The sun
17. Clouds
18. Air
19. Breezes
20. Light rainfall
21. Sweet snowfall
22. Beaches
23. Sand
24. Oceans
25. All the time I’ve gotten to spend at them
26. Health
27. Eyesight
28. That I live here
29. That my grandparents came over
30. Have a date coming Friday eve
31. Movie with M the other night
32. Internet
33. Laptop
34. Fresh organic carrots and greens for the birdies
35. Books
36. Especially good books
37. Guacamole
38. Collards
39. MUST FINISH MUST FINISH MUST FINISH GRATS. WHAT ELSE ARE YOU REALLY GRATEFUL FOR? THINK! Ok legs
40. Kidneys
41. Ears
42. Mouth
43. Esophagus
44. Throat
45. Vocal cords
46. Stomach
47. Intestines
48. Rectum
49. Cervix
50. Vagina
51. Feet
52. Hair
53. J fixing toilet
54. Electricity
55. Food for the birdies
56. My piano
57. Time off
58. My usual ability to heal
59. Ability to walk
60. And to drive
61. Car
62. House
63. Roof
64. Fireplace
65. Washing machine
66. Dryer
67. Dishwasher
68. Dishwasher powder
69. Dishwashing liquid
70. Detergent
71. Softener. Talk about luxuries!
72. In bad place must remember what grateful for. My birds
73. My health
74. My life
75. My ability to see
76. Tv
77. Computer
78. J’s help with toilet
79. I am worrid about money, house, neighborhood… but I HAVE more than many on earth and am grateful that HAVE ability to live in safe place even if must be in small apartment one day soon.
80. That I spoke up today on fb
81. And NICELY. Not antagonizing
82. My skin
83. My skin care – I should start using it lol
84. My feet
85. My ability to walk
86. That doggie, although she’s with J, is safe
87. And healthy
88. And happy
89. Ability to speak
90. And to swallow
91. Not in hospital
92. Can go to bathroom on own. Not wear bag
93. Washing machine
94. Did towels and some clothes last night
95. Hope
96. Cheerful people
97. The singing of my birdies
98. My brain works
99. My hands and all they can do
100. Honesty
101. Confidence keeping. ALL who do that, including me.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
MUST REGISTER
that since the talking with J
honest
sharing
money talk
noble both sides
I feel SO MUCH BETTER!
And ok to move on if must.... must
honest
sharing
money talk
noble both sides
I feel SO MUCH BETTER!
And ok to move on if must.... must
Nails Trimmed and Wings Clipped
These two women came and did, for both birds.
Please KNOW:
It is like a haircut - not hurt!
It is temporary - grows back
It is for THEIR safety - two flighted birds, 9 months old when got - I am able (the books and bird people I know say no one would be) to get them trained. Tamed, yes, come to my hand and eat etc. But not trained - as in come to me upon command. They HAVE TO - for their SAFETY. If they are flying around and I need to get them in the cage for some safety reason/ if there is a power outage again and it is cold - no heat no electricity, which happened here for five days in the fall/ if I need to take them from their flight cage into a carrying cage to get to vet/ if I need to give them medicine... I cannot, unless they will come to my hands (besides when THEY feel like for treat and then fly away when feel like).
I COULD force them by grabbing them with a towel. But that is so frightening to them. THIS is apparently MORE humane.
It gives me about 6 months to tame them (carefully - so they don't try to fly, and fall - following instructions).
If need more, can trim again...
Eventually it WILL work.
Plus - I AM very good with animals....
Okay, Boys, I talked to you and tried to help you intuit about this last night. You seem perfectly fine right now. I will let you rest, then give you millet treat later, My sweeties. xo
One held while the other trimmed. I was away trying not to watch except for snapping the pic:
One holding Summer:
20 minutes after, they're already perched and singing - phew:)
Please KNOW:
It is like a haircut - not hurt!
It is temporary - grows back
It is for THEIR safety - two flighted birds, 9 months old when got - I am able (the books and bird people I know say no one would be) to get them trained. Tamed, yes, come to my hand and eat etc. But not trained - as in come to me upon command. They HAVE TO - for their SAFETY. If they are flying around and I need to get them in the cage for some safety reason/ if there is a power outage again and it is cold - no heat no electricity, which happened here for five days in the fall/ if I need to take them from their flight cage into a carrying cage to get to vet/ if I need to give them medicine... I cannot, unless they will come to my hands (besides when THEY feel like for treat and then fly away when feel like).
I COULD force them by grabbing them with a towel. But that is so frightening to them. THIS is apparently MORE humane.
It gives me about 6 months to tame them (carefully - so they don't try to fly, and fall - following instructions).
If need more, can trim again...
Eventually it WILL work.
Plus - I AM very good with animals....
Okay, Boys, I talked to you and tried to help you intuit about this last night. You seem perfectly fine right now. I will let you rest, then give you millet treat later, My sweeties. xo
One held while the other trimmed. I was away trying not to watch except for snapping the pic:
One holding Summer:
20 minutes after, they're already perched and singing - phew:)
My 100 Gratitudes Today
I need to do gratitudes!
1. Three hours and 40 minutes J was here just now. But he helped with some things (although I did not ask)
2. And we were nice to each other
3. And we talked – gulp – money – and it was good
4. And I DO trust him
5. And I’m beginning to know and to accept it’s really over.
6. Being so decent to each other
7. Mindfulness
8. Roseanne repeats on right now. No, really. They help me be calm.
9. O sent me an email. I feel bad. But also have learned from it. COMPASSION. Still more omg
10. I am grateful that I am free
11. And have never been shot
12. Levi
13. The lessons I learned from him.
14. Sumer
15. Jewel
16. The flight cage
17. I am grateful that I just changed their cage lining paper (newspaper).
18. And that I always do
19. J brought new toilet seat
20. Installed
21. Is going to fix flush too
22. And help with papers
23. I paid a 70.00 bill of his
24. Showed me how to and I emptied and put in new vacuum bag
25. Showed me floor things he had bought to clean newly done floors without damaging finish
26. Facebook
27. That I can walk
28. And see
29. And read
30. And write
31. And talk
32. And type
33. And play piano
34. Move hands
35. Spell
36. Play scrabble
37. Word Mine
38. Spellathon
39. Laughter
40. And especially laughing out loud!
41. Last night with M! My true sister!
42. Our drinks and guacamole at the Mexican restaurant
43. And then the movie, The Heat
44. And our hug
45. And our sisterhood
46. I am thankful for my recent phone cahts with L
47. And A last nigh!
48. I have a home
49. I am able to do my work
50. I ate at the table
51. I eat greens
52. I have raw kale for the birdies. Organic
53. And pellets
54. And seed
55. And water
56. And toys!
57. They LOVE their new toys!
58. So all toys that are in there: )
59. I don’t know who said it but, “Until you make peace with who you are you will never be content with what you have.”
60. From fb page Moonlight Serenade: “When you dance to your own rhythm,
Life taps its toes to your beat.”
~Terri Guillemets
Artist~Stephen Mackey __________
61. That I own a piano
62. And am saving a little more money
63. And eating better
64. My lilac yarn that J bought and brought here when I was sick
65. That I did some of the crocheting last night
66. That I dusted some
67. And vacuumed some
68. And – gulp – the hard way – learned to use a plunger! Lol
69. This _________
70. My brain
71. My heart
72. My liver
73. My lungs
74. My blood
75. My bones
76. My bone marrow
77. My breasts
78. My kidneys
79. That I can think
80. And remember
81. Pens
82. Lists
83. This blog!
84. YOU!
85. This is so pretty: ) _________
86. Brief phone chat with mother this morning
87. That perfect swing for the birdies
88. Them in my life. That I DID that for myself for my b’day
89. That O’s husband pointed out to me that not only did I put two birds here who already loved each other, BUT = by doing o I ALSO prevented them from getting separated!
90. I am grateful that confidence is sexy.
91. That my true sis, M and I have that deal and neither of us will ever be desperate or homeless. Like the deal on the Golden Girls.
92. This _________
93. _________
94. I am grateful for my den
95. And my l.r.
96. And my d.r.
97. And that soon I will be able to use my sunroom again
98. And for dsmiles
99. And children
100. And a salary
101. AND vacation time off too lol
1. Three hours and 40 minutes J was here just now. But he helped with some things (although I did not ask)
2. And we were nice to each other
3. And we talked – gulp – money – and it was good
4. And I DO trust him
5. And I’m beginning to know and to accept it’s really over.
6. Being so decent to each other
7. Mindfulness
8. Roseanne repeats on right now. No, really. They help me be calm.
9. O sent me an email. I feel bad. But also have learned from it. COMPASSION. Still more omg
10. I am grateful that I am free
11. And have never been shot
12. Levi
13. The lessons I learned from him.
14. Sumer
15. Jewel
16. The flight cage
17. I am grateful that I just changed their cage lining paper (newspaper).
18. And that I always do
19. J brought new toilet seat
20. Installed
21. Is going to fix flush too
22. And help with papers
23. I paid a 70.00 bill of his
24. Showed me how to and I emptied and put in new vacuum bag
25. Showed me floor things he had bought to clean newly done floors without damaging finish
26. Facebook
27. That I can walk
28. And see
29. And read
30. And write
31. And talk
32. And type
33. And play piano
34. Move hands
35. Spell
36. Play scrabble
37. Word Mine
38. Spellathon
39. Laughter
40. And especially laughing out loud!
41. Last night with M! My true sister!
42. Our drinks and guacamole at the Mexican restaurant
43. And then the movie, The Heat
44. And our hug
45. And our sisterhood
46. I am thankful for my recent phone cahts with L
47. And A last nigh!
48. I have a home
49. I am able to do my work
50. I ate at the table
51. I eat greens
52. I have raw kale for the birdies. Organic
53. And pellets
54. And seed
55. And water
56. And toys!
57. They LOVE their new toys!
58. So all toys that are in there: )
59. I don’t know who said it but, “Until you make peace with who you are you will never be content with what you have.”
60. From fb page Moonlight Serenade: “When you dance to your own rhythm,
Life taps its toes to your beat.”
~Terri Guillemets
Artist~Stephen Mackey __________
61. That I own a piano
62. And am saving a little more money
63. And eating better
64. My lilac yarn that J bought and brought here when I was sick
65. That I did some of the crocheting last night
66. That I dusted some
67. And vacuumed some
68. And – gulp – the hard way – learned to use a plunger! Lol
69. This _________
70. My brain
71. My heart
72. My liver
73. My lungs
74. My blood
75. My bones
76. My bone marrow
77. My breasts
78. My kidneys
79. That I can think
80. And remember
81. Pens
82. Lists
83. This blog!
84. YOU!
85. This is so pretty: ) _________
86. Brief phone chat with mother this morning
87. That perfect swing for the birdies
88. Them in my life. That I DID that for myself for my b’day
89. That O’s husband pointed out to me that not only did I put two birds here who already loved each other, BUT = by doing o I ALSO prevented them from getting separated!
90. I am grateful that confidence is sexy.
91. That my true sis, M and I have that deal and neither of us will ever be desperate or homeless. Like the deal on the Golden Girls.
92. This _________
93. _________
94. I am grateful for my den
95. And my l.r.
96. And my d.r.
97. And that soon I will be able to use my sunroom again
98. And for dsmiles
99. And children
100. And a salary
101. AND vacation time off too lol
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