First 50 of Today's 100 Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. That by making L. the picture walks and picture books I make for him in emails and Word documents, I enjoy myself so much! I am spending time surrounded by loveliness throughout my searches for pics! 2. It is Wed am now. So many gratitudes! I cancelled my dr. for today (shrink) 3. And it was better for HIM too! 4. And so, L and I can go to the beach where he grew up! Yay! I’m going to see the community! 5. That he grew up on NYC’s lower east side AND that beach community in summers. 6. M – M! She had a lawyer, soon-to-be-ex-husband, his lawyer and her meeting last night. Finally. She has wanted this for like 5 months! 7. And – although it took FOUR HOURS, and she says she cried “the whole time,” IT IS SIGNED! Their legal separation is signed! 8. And in two weeks it goes for divorce! 9. And I am so happy for her that she is to be free of him!! 10. And – she may well get that house (rental) that she loves. 11. I have seen it online. 12. It is perfect for her and her girls! And in a perfect community! 13. I am so grateful that I am experiencing such happiness – such JOY – on another’s behalf! 14. And that although I’m at L’s (swoon), I did text her last night and call her this morning! Because this is that important! 15. I am grateful for a safe and uneventful trip out here yesterday. 16. And L’s affection upon seeing me. 17. And his amazing kiss. 18. And that he seems, lately, to kind of love me. 19. And I him. 20. I’m grateful that we had naked time together in bed yesterday right after I got here! 21. And then went into the city 22. And ate delicious Indonesian food at a lovely little restaurant. 23. And that I liked his friend, BW. 24. I’m grateful that we then went to Lincoln Center. 25. And heard Dutteleux music. 26. With a great conductor, whose name escapes me, but for whom this is his swan song season. 27. And - Yo Yo Ma! Oh my gosh, I’ve wished to see him for like 35 years! 28. He was, of course, amazing! 29. And L. had binoculars as we were in the highest tier where the sound is perfection but they’re visually kind of far away. So I could see close up twice when I felt like it. 30. And Yo Yo Ma was so gracious. In many ways. 31. And then, although the two men didn’t care to, L just “wanted me to be happy,” and I would have adored meeting Yo Yo Ma, so he took me to the green room! 32. I had never known about this. But he has met so many greats this way there! 33. Unfortunately we couldn’t get in. They’ve apparently changed the rule recently: ( but I’m so grateful that he tried. Fro me. And then we went to the subway and the ferry and bus. I prefer “taking a car(!)” But that IS expensive. 34. I have showered safely. Not always the easiest feat at his house. Grateful. 35. And I look cute. 36. And we’re kissing again! (Couldn’t last night because of my sore throat) 37. We’re going to have dinner out. 38. But lunch too! Yay! 39. And drinks. Like wine or beer. 40. I shared so much of my food and drink with him last night. 41. Here he comes down the stairs. That makes me grateful. 42. His tight body. 43. That I am able to sit here and do gratitudes. 44. Italy is here today! 45. And Latvia! 46. And United Kingdom! 47. And Canada! 48. And Russia! 49. And United States! 50. Maybe I’m helping someone!

Affirmations

I am great! I am lovable! I am sexy! I am desirable! I am smart! I have a wonderful personality! People love to be around me! I am great! I am lovable! I am sexy! I am desirable! I am smart! I have a wonderful personality! People love to be around me! I am great! I am lovable! I am sexy! I am desirable! I am smart! I have a wonderful personality! People love to be around me! I am great! I am lovable! I am sexy! I am desirable! I am smart! I have a wonderful personality! People love to be around me! I am a wonderful, lovable, desirable girlfriend! I am a wonderful, lovable, desirable girlfriend! I am a wonderful, lovable, desirable girlfriend! I am a wonderful, lovable, desirable girlfriend! I am a wonderful, lovable, desirable girlfriend!

Feelings Work

I feel: Happy to be off from school. But WORRIED about money, regarding the J. stuff Determined to get lawyer etc. on all of it asap. Scared. Fat. In love. Horny. Hoping L. still accepts and wants me. Sore throat. Took Ziacam. Basically good. But nervous. Next time I will do differently: Maybe exercise FIRST. Same = keep functioning after school gets out, as this year. Eat so well as do more and more. Do ALL my spiritual work, pretty early. Practice EVERY day of the year (virtually) - (piano) 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I am sexual 2. I am generous 3. I am fun to be with. L. says so, MA says so, and M says so. And they're not the only ones, either. 4. I have always kept up with my mother, which is about a million times more than the "sister" does/has EVER done! 5. I have a conscience.

100 Grats Today

I am grateful: I am grateful: 1. That I DID call sponsor this morning. That sponsor said, “Not one living entity lives without problems. Because that’s what living is: problem solving.” 2. That that helped me. Because I am SO HAPPY to be off from work! But immediately started worrying about my financial future as per J. but am calming down now. 3. That little doggie is here. It is raging storm outside, and she is scared, but I am a comfort to her. In fact, she is resting her chin on my hand as I type! 4. That although it does seem to have given me a sore throat (allergies), that she slept with me in bed last night. The spinach salad I threw together Saturday. ) Fresh baby spinach leaves, ripped Garlic powder (noticeable amount) Little dried oregano Extra virgin olive oil Balsamic vinegar Mix WELL – want moist Add whole (or half) pistachios, straight from the shell) 5. That L. loved it 6. And K and I too 7. That I served us 3 great hfs lunch 8. That K was here! 9. And at the same time as L and doggie! Happy me! 10. That L ADORED his double-session with K. I am SO gratified that it was so good for him! 11. And that I treated him to it! 12. That he was in a state of real relaxation for hours! 13. And we then had a great time in the little town, T. 14. And then perhaps even better in I! 15. And lovely glass of wine(me) and beer(him) 16. And then great Indian dinner 17. And home to relaxation together. 18. And a good night’s sleep – well good enough – not deep and perfect straight through when sleeping together (yet?) but when I would roll over and put my hand on his chest, he would smile and moan “lovelyly” IN HIS SLEEP: ) 19. That we were so caress/affectionate Sun. morning. 20. Oh, I love his touch. And mine of him. Both are beautiful to me! I am so HAPPY to have L’s touch! 21. And that we are both so touch-sensitive. 22. Friends. 23. That I have friends. AND that L. has friends. 24. And that we now share some in common. 25. Bear cubs 26. Wolf pups 27. Tortoises 28. That Alex Trebec’s heart attack was mild 29. L’s kiss. Oh my gosh, I have never in my life felt anything like it. 30. That I am learning (finally!) to keep things a bit lighter/less complicated! Yaaaay! 31. Orgasms 32. L’s body 33. Plants 34. Flowers 35. Flowering plants 36. My pillowcases, 3 sets, that I have embroidered myself, with crewel work. They are beautiful. 37. That I have a house. 38. That it is neat! 39. That I intend to keep it that way! 40. The healthy breakfast I had this morning: Ezekial cinnamon raison toast with pb and a banana, coffee with vanilla almond milk, supplements, and water: ). So lucky! 41. That my mother is okay, in the day. 42. That doggie is sleeping against me right now. 43. My feet 44. My current pretty pink pedicure 45. That I am going to L’s tomorrow! 46. And in the am we shall make love, I expect! Yaaay! 47. And then do some work. 48. And then have some MORE fun. 49. And then go into the city for dinner. 50. Maybe with one friend. 51. Or two. 52. And we will be on the romantic ferry. 53. And then to Carnegie Hall! 54. For Duttelieux 55. With Yo Yo Ma! 56. And then a sleep-over with my L. 57. POSSIBLE beach day Wed. 58. OR dr. 59. That M is coming here on July 2 for K session! Reiki! 60. And L should be here too, for another one: ) 61. That I am about to practice piano. 62. That I went to O’s child-students’ concert yesterday! 63. By myself! 64. And – and this is HUGE – I “encouraged” L. to leave here early, as he was only going to stay like another half hour, and that would have meant I would miss the concert. 65. I’m glad I was there for her (O) 66. And for the two little girls I love, both of whom played 67. And for all the kids, because I am a very good clapper 68. And for me! Because it inspired me. And I came home and had a very good practice. 69. I am grateful that L is cleaning his bathrooms today for my visit tomorrow! 70. And that he is steam cleaning his kitchen floor too! 71. And that he brought masking tape and taped the openings in my air conditioners in windows for me 72. And Styrofoam for me to put inder my laptop so there is air flow (it has negative space) for the heat generated by the laptop. These were very caring things. 73. And he put Gary Null on my iPod for me! 74. That I HAVE a new iPod! 75. That some old people look young. 76. And maybe I will too! 77. That I feel well! 78. That I did a little school work yesterday. And happily. 79. This: 80, And this, which sums up my deepest spiritual belief: “I repeat: We are called upon to treat animals with kindness, not because they have rights or power or some claim to equality, but because they don’t; because they all stand unequal and powerless before us.” -- Matthew Scully from Dominion 81. That J will pick up doggie later 82. That my pharmacy delivers 83. That they are delivering to me this morning. 84. That M and I just ordered books from Booksourse. 85. I will do some planning today. At table. D.r. or sunroom. With music on! 86. And listen to Gary Null! 87. And cook something healthy! : ) 88. And continue eating well! 89. That I haven’t ever had a horrible disfiguring accident. I did have a bad accident, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been! 90. That I speak pretty well. 91. That I am reading a good book I’m enjoying. 92. Doggie at my feet now 93. I can nap today if I feel like it! 94. That my mother has her friend M! 95. That my M has her parents to help her through all the horribly complicated divorce stuff (I wish I had that, but I’m glad she does) 96. And I’m so grateful that I do feel that way! 97. That I do this spiritual work 98. that K was a reminder to me that we also need bodily strength 99. Coffee. I do believe I’m about to have a little more! : ) 100. Honest people who courageously reveal the truth!

Readings - The Language of Letting Go

Withholding Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person we're in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we're not. We're not available to participate in the relationship. We shut down. Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to shut down in a relationship. We may legitimately need some time out. Sometimes it is self-defeating to close ourselves off in a relationship. To stop being vulnerable, honest, and present for another person can put an end to the relationship. The other person can do nothing in the relationship when we are gone. Closing ourselves makes us unavailable to that relationship. It is common to go through temporary periods of closing down in a relationship. But But it is unhealthy to make this an ongoing practice. It may be one of our relationship sabotaging devices. Before we close down, we need to ask ourselves what we are hoping to accomplish by shutting down. Do we need some time to deal To heal? To grow? To sort through things? Do we need time out from this relationship? Or are we reverting to our old ways - hiding, running, and terminating relationships because we are afraid we cannot take care of ourselves in any other way? Do we need to shut down because the other person truly isn't safe, is manipulating, lying, or acting out addictively or abusively? Are we shutting down because the other person has shut down and we no longer want to be available? Shutting down, shutting off, closing ourselves `and removing our emotional presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to us it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in a relationship, we need to be present emotionally. We need to be available. God, help me be emotionally present in the relationships I choose to be in.

Readings - In This Moment

In This Moment, I'm grateful for the bad times. I'm grateful for all my life experiences, good and bad. If I could go back in time, do things differently, and have only "good" days, who would I be? I know I wouldn't be who I am today. The good days are smooth sailing and fun, but I've learned so much about myself from these bad days. The bad times test my strength and open my eyes to the issues I need to address. i now see painful experiences as growth opportunities. At these times, I travel further along the road of recovery.

Readings - Voices of Recovery

A person doesn't have to be abstinent to be welcome at OA meetings . . . In fact, many of us have kept coming back to OA despite problems with abstinence and have found this to be the key to our recovery. OA 12 & 12 p. 130 - 131. I am thankful that OA doesn't base its membership requirements on weight, but only on a desire to stop eating compulsively. Sometimes I could only show up at a meeting and contribute to the Seventh Tradition. I cried, nodded, and tried to act as if everything was okay, even though i was falling apart emotionally. By the grace of my God and my courage not to leave the rooms, something miraculous happened over time. i heard the message of those long-time abstaining members. It didn't happen that one day I did everything OA suggests, but slowly I started to ask the right people profound questions. This eventually led me to the one person who was willing and strong enough to overcome every obstacle I put up to resist recovery. It works, no matter what.