Healing

I need time to digest.
Wish weren't working today.
Then again, 1. is opportunity for me to put into practice my sacred and *UN*selfish self
and 2. gets mighty lonely here...

something is brewing though...

exciting and scary....

hmmm

Ahhh.

May I behave today
from places only
of the sacred self
which I really am.

The Magic September 22

So today's magic:

I am so beyond grateful for Saturday and that almost 10-hour course of lectures by Hay House.
Because I needed that tremendously. It was just exactly right for me and at the exact right time too.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am deeply thankful that I didn't go yesterday, because I wouldn't have gotten to the laundry and straightening and cooking and seeing MA. So for my self-care, it was important to NOT go yesterday.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so thankful that last night I got to spend the time with MA at the bookstore and dinner. I love her. She loves me. We are long-term friends.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I love my Nook and am very grateful that I have it. it is perfect for me reading at night in bed.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am happy that I even sleep in the bed! Because I didn't for over a year!
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am quitting the book group. I am thankful that i can read the things *I* want to and enjoy them and not feel pressured. This is the right decision for now. I don't really love fiction for the most part.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am glad that I eat in the teacher's room a lot now. Because I get to see some people even though I won't be in the book group:)
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am grateful for the realization that I have nothing to prove to anyone (thank you again, Saturday). Because it is so freeing.
Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you for the realization of my sacred self. Because I deserve it. You do too.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I am profoundly grateful that I am living more in the moment, but think I *do* have - time. Because life - I am ready to enjoy life, I think.
Thank you thank you thank you.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Some of Yesterday's Blessings, for Which I Am So Grateful:

1. doing the laundry
Thank you thank you thank you!

2. remembering that today is picture day lol
Thank you thank you thank you!

3. cooking something healthy and 21 Day Fix friendly, that I like
Thank you thank you thank you!

4. seeing MA
Thank you thank you thank you!

5. mother was happy
Thank you thank you thank you!

6. reading. Ahhh
Thank you thank you thank you!

7. buying healthy magazines
Thank you thank you thank you!

8. subscribing to my favorite again: Vegetarian Times
Thank you thank you thank ytou!

9. exercising!
Thank you thank you thank you!

10. Lower Fix was not as difficult as last time or too! I exerted effort, but am not in pain!
Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Healing

Rough Times During Week

Yesterday became a miracle for me

I went into New York City for this event:

http://www.hayhouse.com/i-can-do-it-2014-new-york

Here are SOME of the points I remember most, for now (more to digest still):

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

60’s 70’s 80’s and 90’s and into 100’s are MY decades!

Be like a cat – cats take the best seat in the house and let you hold the door for them for so long while they “decide.” And you DO it. Even if you’ve had 2 NYTimes bestsellers etc etc. Because of their CONFIDENCE. Go out with that confidence!

Joy! You are meant for JOY!

SELF-CARE:

Nutrition – not as deprivation – as energy and joy and life producint

Exercise – same

Rituals of pleasure – sacred holy ritual – even if it is a cigar or a glass of good good wine or a piece (little) of good good chocolate or whatever – and you don’t have to finish it – it is the ritual of it

Standing up for self or other innocents

Be own best friend.

Have own back.

Even if fall, or “fail”

Always there for self.

ALWAYS can count on self.

FOCUSING on the positive life-enhancing things not the absence or avoidance of bad things, which just brings them up

Every time you remember a bad thing, you relive every aspect of it. In your cells…

You DESERVE to be joyous. Yes, even though there is ebola… Still!

A cat walks into a room and selects the MOST luxurious spot and sprawls on it.

A cat will have you open the door and stand there “deciding” in or out, for a long time. And YOU, a person, with all your accomplishments, will DO it. Because of the cat’s CONFIDENCE! YOU go out there and have that confidence!

Much of what we accept as part of “aging” is NOT normal part of growing older!

Why some societies’ women have babies into 50’s and 60’s “because they don’t have the internet and don’t know that eggs are supposed to get too old” lol! But true

Kris Carr after 9 years working on getting rid of the cancer decided to stop focusing on the cancer. And the next year, first time ever, her tumors had shrunk.

Power of the mind

***You are NOT your ego. You are NOT separate.

You are part of something INFINITE

One way to meditate (and can put rose quartz by heart):

Left eye = I

Right eye = Am

Third eye pineal glad = Light

ALL is inside you

God – the spirit of all life and creation and good and light is everywhere, and is inside everything, therefore is inside you!

All the answers are inside you

Me:

The second you were born, you were screaming for whatever you needed.

That healthy love for self was taken by (well-meaning) people, over time

But it is THERE – inside you!

We have a need for tribe: And that very tribe (family) has caused us to HIDE real self, by fears of

Abandonment

Betrayal

And shame

I am light

Passion – FOLLOW YOURS!

Me:

I am wonderful.

Someone will want me or not.

J will want me or not

Regrets are NOT worthwhile

I AM worthshile.

These can be the 4 greatest decades of my life, starting now!

Mind – the mind body connection. The mind’s power

MY passions for animals and for foster children

My desire to play piano more and more!

And then - in terms of self-care, I did not go back today, although invited and requested. Better for me to not. So I can do laundry and straighten and cook. And relax and digest.

XO, Self 
---and well, I think I am destined for greatness.
Maybe I'll do something no one's ever done. Or maybe I'll do something others have done but it is great and wonderful anyway! There IS time!

The Magic Sept 17

Sept. 17

Count your blessings. Make a list of ten blessings. Write why you’re grateful. Reread your list, and at the end of each blessing say thank you, thank you, thank you, and feel as grateful for that blessing as you can.

I am truly blessed to have professional development this morning

Because I will learn what I need to know, PLUS being out of the classroom a LITTLE invigorates me to have even MORE to give when back

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful for M.

Because she called last night and this morning. And she loves me. And her friendship is like sisterhood to me.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for TWO people (who don’t know each other) asking yesterday to get together with me

Because they love who I AM. That feels SO nice!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for my leg healing.

Because I should not have exercised the day before yesterday when it had hurt to begin with,

and doing so made it worse.

But I skipped yesterday and it has started to feel a lot better already

Thank you thank you thank you!                                                                                                       

I am truly blessed to be doing better

Because I felt like I was sinking a little for 2 days or so and more last night. But I am more positive again now.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful that yesterday, I wore a pair of pants all day that I couldn’t even zip up last week!

Because I am really DOING this!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for my health and fitness abilities!

Because when I stop and think of it, you know, the truth is that I am very very very lucky to have these abilities to just – live!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for my compassion

Because I so want to be a more and more and even more compassionate person, and I am pretty much so. Always growing…

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for all my safety.

Because every day of safety has been and is a gift. I appreciate.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for all this good food.

Because I not only don’t have to worry about starving, but I actually struggle with overeating. What a “problem” to have. I have access to healthy foods and am very very grateful for that! And am eating better and better!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

2. Remember The magic by counting the blessings of yesterday and writing them down. Ask yourself the question: What are the good things that happened yesterday? Scan the surface of yesterday until you feel satisfied that you’ve remembered and written down all the blessings of the day.

1.      I wore, comfortably, all day, a pair of pants I couldn’t come near zipping up last week!

2.      A boy volunteered to lead “the breathing game” while I’m out at professional development this morning!

3.      I typed for him. Showed him. He liked.

4.      I made a copy for sub in case he loses his lol

5.      He decided to take it home to practice, the little doll! (I wish I could be there to hear him do it : )

6.      He said wants to use the bell.

7.      M called last night

8.      I slept a LOT. Really needed it.

9.      Safe day

10.   Good eating

11.   Leg started getting better

12.   Read some of the book I have to finish by next week.

13.   Birds good

14.   Car good

15.   Kids adorable.

16.   Left desk perfectly neat. Again.

17.   Did GREAT sub plans.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

The Magic Sept 16

Sept. 16

Count your blessings. Make a list of ten blessings. Write why you’re grateful. Reread your list, and at the end of each blessing say thank you, thank you, thank you, and feel as grateful for that blessing as you can.

I am truly blessed to have this life.

Because I am growing and changing and am really ok inside for the most part. I am healthy. And I didn’t kill myself when wished to die. It is MY life. And I am grateful and happy for it!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful for my ability to better accept that I don’t know what’s coming

Because the adventure is exciting.

No. I don’t just accept it – I enjoy it!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for the feeling in my muscles.

Because I love this feeling!!

This strength.

This tightening.

This health.

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for the fb page I’ve joined through beachbody (21 Day Fix people)

Because the people are so nice, and so positive, and we help each other!

Thank you thank you thank you!                                                                                                       

I am truly blessed to have a piano in my classroom

Because if I’m going crazy and can find time, I can practice a little at lunch!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful for coffee in the morning

Because it gives me energy, helps my mood, and is a nice little sort of ritual, hot an soothing going down.

I am aware that it’s a luxury.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for Shakeology after my exercising

Because it is nutrient filled and feels good AND fills me up!

It also tastes good AND I add veggies and fruit as well!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for my meditating yesterday, alone!

Because it was 5 minutes toward a new life!

And – it felt so good.

I did it in classroom before kids were there, so was alone but didn’t feel lonely. A good start.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for my authenticity.

Because I haven’t been able to do it “JUST” for me. But to be authentic for the kids, got me going.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for laughter, and for my having been moved grades

Because laughter is SO important, and these little ones need it so much that I am “forced” to find opportunities…

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

2. Remember The magic by counting the blessings of yesterday and writing them down. Ask yourself the question: What are the good things that happened yesterday? Scan the surface of yesterday until you feel satisfied that you’ve remembered and written down all the blessings of the day.

1.      Gave kids great day

2.      Energy (til home, then dead lol)

3.      Dreams

4.      Magic Rock practice

5.      Figured out something I needed too about new program

6.      Safe rides

7.      Mother was happy

8.      Ate well

9.      Exercised no matter how tired!

10.   Awakened so happy – that was really NICE!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Changing, changing!

Sept. 15

Count your blessings. Make a list of ten blessings. Write why you’re grateful. Reread your list, and at the end of each blessing say thank you, thank you, thank you, and feel as grateful for that blessing as you can.

***I am truly blessed to have HUGE HUGE HUGE REVELATION!

Because I almost contacted J. Because I NEED meditation but hate it alone. Thought maybe could stop there for 10 minutes each morning just do together. NEED it. HATE it alone.

But REALIZED –

THAT is the point!

I MUST do it alone!

This could be the “last step” in my independence!

So grateful for this.

Starting today

(Gulp)

I am truly blessed to have turned a bad situation around yesterday.

Because I was feeling BAD. But showing self I CAN turn it around. Keep going. Doing positive things…

I am so happy and grateful for greens.

Because my body desperately needs them for my emotions to be ok!

I am truly grateful for the beautiful weather these days.

Because it helps a lot with emotions!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for somewhere to go.

Because although I feel like I WANT more weekend time, I need to be active and busy and doing and contributing and to feel good about myself. So it is another reason I am grateful for work.

Thank you thank you thank you!                                                                                                       

I am so happy and grateful for not being called to crime, or drugs, or even alcohol.

Because life is easier without those problems and people can be called by those things and have to fight them their whole life.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for cheerful people. People who know that happiness takes work. That doesn’t mean it’s torture. It means it takes work. People who seem cheerful all the time must have problems too…

Because knowing this, helps me continue being one of them. The people who behave cheerfully. And I am grateful for the day O said those words to me, “Being happy is work.” Because I am willing to keep doing the work. And to accept it.

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for my decision to enjoy the day.

Because as Thich Nhat Hanh says, and it is TRUE: Life is only available in the present moment.

THIS is the only day I HAVE.

I might as well ENJOY it!

Take it easy. Relax. Do the work but take it easy and relax from worries!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for my having made my vegetable stew, my pasta bake, and my green beans and protein and pasta dish.

Because I have healthy food for the whole week! Lots of portions. I might even bring a bit to my mother.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for every person who has helped me on purpose

Because there are my parents, my cousin P, some principals, sponsors when I was in OA, people in groups when I was having such troubles with , J, Jim, M, O, MA, L, A., sweet children, Chr., EJ, JJ, Birdie.

Wow!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for every person who has helped me “accidentally” or “incidentally.”

Because people who don’t even know that I follow their example and learn from them. But they ARE helping me. And through me, everyone I touch!

Like C, mother, An, N, Gl, Maa, L, …so many.

Thank you thank you than you!

I am intensely grateful for every beach time I’ve ever had!

Because it is sharing in and enjoying the beauty of God’s earth!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

2. Remember The magic by counting the blessings of yesterday and writing them down. Ask yourself the question: What are the good things that happened yesterday? Scan the surface of yesterday until you feel satisfied that you’ve remembered and written down all the blessings of the day.

1.      Got laundry done

2.      Shopped for mother

3.      Visited her

4.      Bad visit BUT – straightened it out later

5.      Good talk with aide

6.      SO glad didn’t act on it yet though. Better that I calmed down before approaching other aide.

7.      Took drive to health food store

8.      Bought what needed for self

9.      Spent less this time and last! : )

10.   Bought treat of vegan ice creams for mother

11.   Dropped them off. Grateful for all these things.

12.   Was so tired and very very off. Really feeling bad after financial thing am, and then mother thing. But turned it around!

13.   After shopping did manage to come home and cook! THREE things!

14.   Am set for week. Phew!

15.   Stayed on eating well. Recorded it. Feels great.

16.   Was aware of my muscles all day. I exist also in my body. Feels great.

17.   Exercised early again. Loved it all day.

18.   Looked cute

19.   Two long and very good friend talks with L.

20.   Fine with A

21.   M called with great message from precious daughter.

22.   Think am prepared ENOUGH for school today : )

Thank you thank you thank you!

J

1.      Thank you, J, for every beach time we’ve had together!

2.      Thank you, J, for this opportunity for us to grow in independence, strength, and life.

3.      Thank you, J, for being good with the money I earned and we earned.

4.      Thank you, J, for all those meals you made for me!

5.      Thank you, J, for nice times together now!

6.      Thank you, J, for your honesty!

7.      Thank you, J, for your efforts!

8.      Thank you, J, for great fun!

9.      Thank you, J, for great sex!

10.   Thank you, J, for so much laughter always!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Health

1.      Thank you, Health for my muscle strength and it is growing!

2.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to see!

3.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to work!

4.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to laugh!

5.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to drive!

6.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to think!

7.      Thank you, Health, for my great hands!

8.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to eat and swallow and digest and assimilate and eliminate!

9.      Thank you, Health, for my ability to read!

10.   Thank you, Health, for my ability to play piano!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!