God made me!
I exist!
I am good enough!
My life is perfect!
So there:)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Feelings Work
I feel:
Nervous about all I have to do
Nervous about the condition of the house, especially considering possibly special visit this weekend
Happy and relieved that they just took my recycling
Thrilled and beyond grateful that I am - okay
Worried about this damn food disorder
Very very thankful for the changes in just over a year,
so far.
Excited about London.
A bit anxious about it too, now.
And that's okay.
5 good things about me.
Uh oh.
1. I'm curvy
2. I play piano
3. I am interested in learning new things
4. I am kind-hearted
5. I am affectionate.
There
Nervous about all I have to do
Nervous about the condition of the house, especially considering possibly special visit this weekend
Happy and relieved that they just took my recycling
Thrilled and beyond grateful that I am - okay
Worried about this damn food disorder
Very very thankful for the changes in just over a year,
so far.
Excited about London.
A bit anxious about it too, now.
And that's okay.
5 good things about me.
Uh oh.
1. I'm curvy
2. I play piano
3. I am interested in learning new things
4. I am kind-hearted
5. I am affectionate.
There
Readings
For Today:
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wow
"Like it or not, I am part of a world that searches after possessions and prestige as if they are the key to happiness. Owning certain luxuries is called 'living well.' But is it, really? Living well is an internal condition, not an external one. It means feeling good about myself. if i rely on something outside myself - possessions, people, places - the good feeling can be taken away as easily as it is given.
I want my feeling of worth to come from within, my place in the world to come from being at peace with myself. That is what the twelve-step program promises, and delivers. The inner peace i achieve as I grow in the program enables me to provide for ALL my needs.
For Today: I cannot will myself to have peace of mind, but I can re-examine my priorities. Am I putting enough time and effort into activities that nurture my spirit?
--
Voices of Recovery
"One aspect of this program that keeps us here is the promise of permanent recovery from this baffling malady." OA 12 & 12 p. 83
Oh. I really needed to hear this!
"Day after day I admit my powerlesness over food and everything else in my life. By turning my powerlessness over to God, I am accepting help. I ask my Higher Power to show me His will for me and for my ability to concentrate on recovery.
Reading Twelve-Step literature reminds me that i have a disease and that I can RECOVER, one day at a time. The program teaches me that I must commit to work and live the Steps. maintaining abstinence, being accountable to my sponsor, giving service, and making amends are some of the actions that keep me in recovery. As I keep these commitments each day, I receive the healing, happiness, joy, and freedoms that eluded me before program.
I am grateful to God, to my family, to my OA family, and to all who love me unconditionally for their part in helping me become the woman i am meant to be. Permanent recovery is possible, and I am worth receiving it.
--
In This Moment
"In This Moment, I need meetings."
Oh, boy, is there a message here above!
"As I was sitting in a CoDA meeting the other night, slowly feeling better as folks shared, it suddenly struck me - for the hundredth time - how indispensable meetings are in my recovery. I nee to be in meetings regularly to keep my disease at bay. i need to hear people talking about taking care of themselves, and i need to share my recovery with others. I need to hear over and over that I have a right to take care of myself, that my Higher Power is within me - not in people, place, and things. Today, in my new life, I am so grateful I have healthy meeting that I can attend regularly. I need 'em."
--
The Language of Letting Go
"Trusting ourselves
Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery. Who do we trust/ For what?
The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.
There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves, we are off base and out of whack. There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.
Fear and doubt are our enemies. Panic is our enemy. Confusion is our opposition.
Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.
We know what is best for us. We know what is right for us. If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that - but only by trusting where we are today.
We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.
Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, stand in our own light. We have it NOW> Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.
Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do . When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth.
God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion - the enemies of self-trust. help me go forward in peace and confidence. Help me grow in trust for myself and You, one day at a time, one experience at a time."
Wow! Did I need THIS one today!
==
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wow
"Like it or not, I am part of a world that searches after possessions and prestige as if they are the key to happiness. Owning certain luxuries is called 'living well.' But is it, really? Living well is an internal condition, not an external one. It means feeling good about myself. if i rely on something outside myself - possessions, people, places - the good feeling can be taken away as easily as it is given.
I want my feeling of worth to come from within, my place in the world to come from being at peace with myself. That is what the twelve-step program promises, and delivers. The inner peace i achieve as I grow in the program enables me to provide for ALL my needs.
For Today: I cannot will myself to have peace of mind, but I can re-examine my priorities. Am I putting enough time and effort into activities that nurture my spirit?
--
Voices of Recovery
"One aspect of this program that keeps us here is the promise of permanent recovery from this baffling malady." OA 12 & 12 p. 83
Oh. I really needed to hear this!
"Day after day I admit my powerlesness over food and everything else in my life. By turning my powerlessness over to God, I am accepting help. I ask my Higher Power to show me His will for me and for my ability to concentrate on recovery.
Reading Twelve-Step literature reminds me that i have a disease and that I can RECOVER, one day at a time. The program teaches me that I must commit to work and live the Steps. maintaining abstinence, being accountable to my sponsor, giving service, and making amends are some of the actions that keep me in recovery. As I keep these commitments each day, I receive the healing, happiness, joy, and freedoms that eluded me before program.
I am grateful to God, to my family, to my OA family, and to all who love me unconditionally for their part in helping me become the woman i am meant to be. Permanent recovery is possible, and I am worth receiving it.
--
In This Moment
"In This Moment, I need meetings."
Oh, boy, is there a message here above!
"As I was sitting in a CoDA meeting the other night, slowly feeling better as folks shared, it suddenly struck me - for the hundredth time - how indispensable meetings are in my recovery. I nee to be in meetings regularly to keep my disease at bay. i need to hear people talking about taking care of themselves, and i need to share my recovery with others. I need to hear over and over that I have a right to take care of myself, that my Higher Power is within me - not in people, place, and things. Today, in my new life, I am so grateful I have healthy meeting that I can attend regularly. I need 'em."
--
The Language of Letting Go
"Trusting ourselves
Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery. Who do we trust/ For what?
The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.
There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves, we are off base and out of whack. There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.
Fear and doubt are our enemies. Panic is our enemy. Confusion is our opposition.
Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.
We know what is best for us. We know what is right for us. If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that - but only by trusting where we are today.
We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.
Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, stand in our own light. We have it NOW> Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.
Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do . When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth.
God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion - the enemies of self-trust. help me go forward in peace and confidence. Help me grow in trust for myself and You, one day at a time, one experience at a time."
Wow! Did I need THIS one today!
==
Grats
I am grateful:
1. I got out the paper recycling this morning. Had fallen behind in that.
2. Working on not obsessing over L.
3. Lesson(s) being learned about me from this near-obsession.
4. M’s help yesterday at school.
5. That all my conferences have gone well so far.
6. The many accolades and much gratitude I have received.
7. My open-mindedness at work.
8. L understanding and actually helping ME, as I am the weak one too(!), to get off the damn phone and get to sleep.
9. My principal
10. Lovely e-mail from Joa
11. Lovely e-mail from K
12. Ch’s phone number (s)
13. And K’s too
14. And Joa’s too
15. That I admitted totally honesty to my principal and her assistant, that I am not with J
16. And admitted it was his choice, not mine
17. And admitted I am fine.
18. And admitted it is hard.
19. And explained that the difficulty showing up in my work is dates and stuff.
20. But that I’m grateful (and of course I am) that it is in that area, as I can keep careful notes, or shoot a quick e-mail question to someone a la “are our classes together at 9 or at 11 tomorrow?”
21. Whereas, and this is another gratitude: I AM able to be kind to the children
22. I AM able to think straight
23. And they ARE learning. Phew.
24. I think I will be free of all this soon. And I am so grateful for that.
25. Many e-mail kisses. So lovely. Lovely.
26. Texting. Who knew? I was sure I would never want/like it. But I love it!
27. Turning the phone off during professional time yesterday lol!
28. Humor
29. Maybe not obvious on blog, but my vocab. is improving lately.
30. As is my knowledge of art.
31. I am grateful that both of these facts thrill me.
32. I am grateful for awakening to a wonderful e-mail from L.
33. And my lawyer.
34. And that she is one of the top divorce lawyers around – and is not charging me her price, because of what I did for her child.
35. My mother’s life. For now. I think she is ready to go – not depressed, just ready. And I think she might have a point. But I’m grateful for the happy times she does have. And that she doesn’t seem to be in too much pain.
36. My happy happy students yesterday!
37. And I expect, today.
38. Ma and his math explanations.
39. That I am ‘here for” Mary Allen.
40. And that I just e-mailed her.
41. And that I think I will clean here soon.
42. And my car too!
43. Just two weeks til London!
44. My Italian heritage. I used to not like it (long story). But I have come to appreciate it now.
45. O
46. The necklace I gave her for her citizenship day.
47. And that one of the mothers was wearing the exact same thing at our parent-teacher conference yesterday!
48. Most all of M’s advice
49. That MA has her dear friend R, close from childhood, and living so near.
50. ML
51. Ma’s birthday presents to me
52. My doctor comes today
53. I WILL fit in some French hw time. Somehow.
54. That I AM working on my schedule.
55. That I’m wondering if it is time for me to get up later, and do all my spiritual work stuff AFTER school? I don’t know. But I’m glad for the thought.
56. I am grateful for the life lessons I’ve received.
57. And will receive.
58. And that I can walk!
59. And that I am free!
60. And that I have of late experienced happy feelings I thought I never would/could.
61. And in other cases, thought I never would/could again.
62. Smiles. Those I get.
63. And those I give.
64. My hands. My precious hands.
65. Piano
66. Every stitch of embroidery I’ve ever done.
67. Good books.
68. Especially non-fiction.
69. And my French picture books.
70. That I am a teacher.
71. And I am truly grateful to be grateful that I am a teacher.
72. That my life is changing.
73. And that those changes are for the better.
74. And that *I * am responsible for many of them!
75. Everything that is empowering to me.
76. And every way in which I empower my students.
77. That I haven’t been late for a conference lol.
78. Coffee
79. Emergen-C
80. Vitamins
81. Especially my new ones
82. My car
83. L sharing those gratitudes with me the other day.
84. That I was able to tell him, or to try at least, how very special that was/is to me.
85. And always will be.
86. My tender heart.
87. His tender heart.
88. My students’ tender hearts.
89. M’s tender heart.
90. MA’s tender heart.
91. St’s tender heart, although it is somewhat more buried.
92. Her husband A’s tender heart.
93. Her son S’s tender heart.
94. Her son A’s tender heart.
95. My principal’s tender heart.
96. Fake meats. For transition purposes.
97. And for now and then.
98. You.
99. Me. Wow. Me. Wow. That’s a gratitude? Wow.
100. Life.
101. Hope. Always hope.
1. I got out the paper recycling this morning. Had fallen behind in that.
2. Working on not obsessing over L.
3. Lesson(s) being learned about me from this near-obsession.
4. M’s help yesterday at school.
5. That all my conferences have gone well so far.
6. The many accolades and much gratitude I have received.
7. My open-mindedness at work.
8. L understanding and actually helping ME, as I am the weak one too(!), to get off the damn phone and get to sleep.
9. My principal
10. Lovely e-mail from Joa
11. Lovely e-mail from K
12. Ch’s phone number (s)
13. And K’s too
14. And Joa’s too
15. That I admitted totally honesty to my principal and her assistant, that I am not with J
16. And admitted it was his choice, not mine
17. And admitted I am fine.
18. And admitted it is hard.
19. And explained that the difficulty showing up in my work is dates and stuff.
20. But that I’m grateful (and of course I am) that it is in that area, as I can keep careful notes, or shoot a quick e-mail question to someone a la “are our classes together at 9 or at 11 tomorrow?”
21. Whereas, and this is another gratitude: I AM able to be kind to the children
22. I AM able to think straight
23. And they ARE learning. Phew.
24. I think I will be free of all this soon. And I am so grateful for that.
25. Many e-mail kisses. So lovely. Lovely.
26. Texting. Who knew? I was sure I would never want/like it. But I love it!
27. Turning the phone off during professional time yesterday lol!
28. Humor
29. Maybe not obvious on blog, but my vocab. is improving lately.
30. As is my knowledge of art.
31. I am grateful that both of these facts thrill me.
32. I am grateful for awakening to a wonderful e-mail from L.
33. And my lawyer.
34. And that she is one of the top divorce lawyers around – and is not charging me her price, because of what I did for her child.
35. My mother’s life. For now. I think she is ready to go – not depressed, just ready. And I think she might have a point. But I’m grateful for the happy times she does have. And that she doesn’t seem to be in too much pain.
36. My happy happy students yesterday!
37. And I expect, today.
38. Ma and his math explanations.
39. That I am ‘here for” Mary Allen.
40. And that I just e-mailed her.
41. And that I think I will clean here soon.
42. And my car too!
43. Just two weeks til London!
44. My Italian heritage. I used to not like it (long story). But I have come to appreciate it now.
45. O
46. The necklace I gave her for her citizenship day.
47. And that one of the mothers was wearing the exact same thing at our parent-teacher conference yesterday!
48. Most all of M’s advice
49. That MA has her dear friend R, close from childhood, and living so near.
50. ML
51. Ma’s birthday presents to me
52. My doctor comes today
53. I WILL fit in some French hw time. Somehow.
54. That I AM working on my schedule.
55. That I’m wondering if it is time for me to get up later, and do all my spiritual work stuff AFTER school? I don’t know. But I’m glad for the thought.
56. I am grateful for the life lessons I’ve received.
57. And will receive.
58. And that I can walk!
59. And that I am free!
60. And that I have of late experienced happy feelings I thought I never would/could.
61. And in other cases, thought I never would/could again.
62. Smiles. Those I get.
63. And those I give.
64. My hands. My precious hands.
65. Piano
66. Every stitch of embroidery I’ve ever done.
67. Good books.
68. Especially non-fiction.
69. And my French picture books.
70. That I am a teacher.
71. And I am truly grateful to be grateful that I am a teacher.
72. That my life is changing.
73. And that those changes are for the better.
74. And that *I * am responsible for many of them!
75. Everything that is empowering to me.
76. And every way in which I empower my students.
77. That I haven’t been late for a conference lol.
78. Coffee
79. Emergen-C
80. Vitamins
81. Especially my new ones
82. My car
83. L sharing those gratitudes with me the other day.
84. That I was able to tell him, or to try at least, how very special that was/is to me.
85. And always will be.
86. My tender heart.
87. His tender heart.
88. My students’ tender hearts.
89. M’s tender heart.
90. MA’s tender heart.
91. St’s tender heart, although it is somewhat more buried.
92. Her husband A’s tender heart.
93. Her son S’s tender heart.
94. Her son A’s tender heart.
95. My principal’s tender heart.
96. Fake meats. For transition purposes.
97. And for now and then.
98. You.
99. Me. Wow. Me. Wow. That’s a gratitude? Wow.
100. Life.
101. Hope. Always hope.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
100 Daily Grats
Oh no no no!
I did the 100
cut
got phone call
took some work notes from phone call, involving cutting and pasting in different document,
and lost the 100!
cannot retrieve!
But did. And that means I have.
And I am grateful.
I did the 100
cut
got phone call
took some work notes from phone call, involving cutting and pasting in different document,
and lost the 100!
cannot retrieve!
But did. And that means I have.
And I am grateful.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Feelings Work
I feel:
sick
tired
infatuated
scared of other people's problems
worried about money
hopeful about life
okay overall
grateful
5 good things about me:
1. I am very sweet
2. I am very sensitive
3. I am very kind
4. I am able to have fun
5. I keep confidences extraordinarily
sick
tired
infatuated
scared of other people's problems
worried about money
hopeful about life
okay overall
grateful
5 good things about me:
1. I am very sweet
2. I am very sensitive
3. I am very kind
4. I am able to have fun
5. I keep confidences extraordinarily
My One Hundred Gratitudes Today
I am grateful:
1. K
2. All that she’s taught me about how to be independent.
3. Ka. And all that she’s given me with regards to Reiki.
4. And that I can help others with that
5. And do
6. E-mail from St this am
7. And text from L
8. And I am *loving * texting!
9. Hot coffee right now
10. G, one of my aides
11. N, texting me yesterday, to say hope had great b’day night.
12. And me showing someone.
13. Great comment from someone about 100 grats yesterday. I won’t put it here yet. I’ll explain why in a week or two.
14. French lesson today at lunch! Yay!
15. Mani/pedi on Sat am!
16. And free massage coming soon!
17. I think I’ll take it right after London. Or maybe right before? I think right after.
18. That I am a grown-up. I was a child. And I’m glad for those times. But I am a grown-up. And it’s time that I know it.
19. That I know it.
20. That I’m behaving it, mostly. Have fallen behind in some house things. But mostly.
21. I am eating better.
22. I am moving more.
23. I am pretty good around here.
24. I am trying again to get enough sleep. Had lost that for a couple of weeks.
25. Taking vitamins.
26. Staying spiritual.
27. Doing some meditation.
28. And some Reiki.
29. I especially love love love doing Reiki for others.
30. Just e-mailed my two much-loved cousins.
31. WILL do mindfulness meditation (“the breathing game”) with my students today.
32. St. Patrick’s Day packet! Thank you, M.
33. Journals
34. Math pages
35. This: http://earthsky.org/tonight/best-venusjupiter-conjunction-in-years-mid-march-2012
36. That I have seen planets. And likely will again. For example, I *expect * to be alive for these 3 days to see, as per above link
37. That I SO appreciate my life now!
38. Just having it.
39. AND the quality of it.
40. Despite all the “problems.” I’m still so lucky!
41. Greek style vegan yogurt.
42. Fresh veggies
43. Water. Always water.
44. My hands.
45. Sweet kisses.
46. Being treated with compassion
47. And care
48. And tenderness
49. And appreciation
50. And endearment
51. And humor
52. And lightness
53. And honesty
54. And adultness. Wow I am grateful for all of that.
55. The woman I’m seeing after school today. Nice.
56. That yesterday’s 100 came so quickly and easily.
57. Maybe I will be able to concentrate despite this fatigue and cold I have.
58. TWO people at dinner the other night at my birthday, whipping out Vitamin C, from their pockets, to give me! Fun!
59. My new birthday bracelet from school friend, Ma.
60. I’ll wear it today!
61. That although I lost an earring yesterday, I’m not crazed about it!
62. That I have a fireplace. Probably won’t use again til next year, for sure, but I have it.
63. That I’m okay despite these allergies.
64. That I love birds.
65. I am grateful for the birds – AND that I love them
66. That I just read on msn.com home page in one of the articles, that they consider “slow and steady” exercise, a 4-mile jog every day! Ah. This reminds me of how much I used to move!
67. Will make much more realistic, gentle-to-self schedule – today!
68. 28 that I have listed but won’t put here just let, bringing it to 96.
97. Breath
98. Sick days with pay when I really need them.
99. Love. All kinds of love.
100. My Reiki master/teacher/friend.
1. K
2. All that she’s taught me about how to be independent.
3. Ka. And all that she’s given me with regards to Reiki.
4. And that I can help others with that
5. And do
6. E-mail from St this am
7. And text from L
8. And I am *loving * texting!
9. Hot coffee right now
10. G, one of my aides
11. N, texting me yesterday, to say hope had great b’day night.
12. And me showing someone.
13. Great comment from someone about 100 grats yesterday. I won’t put it here yet. I’ll explain why in a week or two.
14. French lesson today at lunch! Yay!
15. Mani/pedi on Sat am!
16. And free massage coming soon!
17. I think I’ll take it right after London. Or maybe right before? I think right after.
18. That I am a grown-up. I was a child. And I’m glad for those times. But I am a grown-up. And it’s time that I know it.
19. That I know it.
20. That I’m behaving it, mostly. Have fallen behind in some house things. But mostly.
21. I am eating better.
22. I am moving more.
23. I am pretty good around here.
24. I am trying again to get enough sleep. Had lost that for a couple of weeks.
25. Taking vitamins.
26. Staying spiritual.
27. Doing some meditation.
28. And some Reiki.
29. I especially love love love doing Reiki for others.
30. Just e-mailed my two much-loved cousins.
31. WILL do mindfulness meditation (“the breathing game”) with my students today.
32. St. Patrick’s Day packet! Thank you, M.
33. Journals
34. Math pages
35. This: http://earthsky.org/tonight/best-venusjupiter-conjunction-in-years-mid-march-2012
36. That I have seen planets. And likely will again. For example, I *expect * to be alive for these 3 days to see, as per above link
37. That I SO appreciate my life now!
38. Just having it.
39. AND the quality of it.
40. Despite all the “problems.” I’m still so lucky!
41. Greek style vegan yogurt.
42. Fresh veggies
43. Water. Always water.
44. My hands.
45. Sweet kisses.
46. Being treated with compassion
47. And care
48. And tenderness
49. And appreciation
50. And endearment
51. And humor
52. And lightness
53. And honesty
54. And adultness. Wow I am grateful for all of that.
55. The woman I’m seeing after school today. Nice.
56. That yesterday’s 100 came so quickly and easily.
57. Maybe I will be able to concentrate despite this fatigue and cold I have.
58. TWO people at dinner the other night at my birthday, whipping out Vitamin C, from their pockets, to give me! Fun!
59. My new birthday bracelet from school friend, Ma.
60. I’ll wear it today!
61. That although I lost an earring yesterday, I’m not crazed about it!
62. That I have a fireplace. Probably won’t use again til next year, for sure, but I have it.
63. That I’m okay despite these allergies.
64. That I love birds.
65. I am grateful for the birds – AND that I love them
66. That I just read on msn.com home page in one of the articles, that they consider “slow and steady” exercise, a 4-mile jog every day! Ah. This reminds me of how much I used to move!
67. Will make much more realistic, gentle-to-self schedule – today!
68. 28 that I have listed but won’t put here just let, bringing it to 96.
97. Breath
98. Sick days with pay when I really need them.
99. Love. All kinds of love.
100. My Reiki master/teacher/friend.
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