Grats Nov 4

I am grateful: 1. Breath. Including the biggish one I just took 2. The mini-Biomat, when it is on low. 3. That L has said he’ll get me one! They are $550.00! I’M certainly not going to do it. Yay. I think he will! 4. That maybe he’ll give me the money he owes me next weekend. ($127). I’m sure he will. 5. That my mother gets to go home today. I do NOT look forward to picking her up, and spending the time with aides and all, the time and effort and energy that are coming this week. But I am SO glad she is FINALLY getting to go home. 6. That I got to see L teach. It was awesome. He is a fantastic teacher. I am a teacher, and a good one (I hope), and I KNOW that I know a good one when I see one! 7. That I am knitting that sweater. 8. That he finally agreed to it, and took me to the yarn store near him and picked the yarn. 9. That he so appreciates that I’m doing it. 10. He seems to be learning something about gifts from me. 11. I’m grateful that with the time change, we GAINED an hour last night. 12. I’m grateful that my principal texted to see if we’re all okay! That was SO nice of her! 13. I’m grateful that I got to be on the Internet Friday at L’s college. 14. And that the school one was down due a lack of connection to their own server. So I don’t have to worry about 4000 work emails now. 15. And that they will certainly extend our current deadlines for things, since we lost a week! 16. I am grateful for this brand of socks. They do the job, of course. But they are so cute! They’re from a site (and they sell in stores too, I think). You get THREE, not two, socks. And they are coordinated in some kind of cute way, but they don’t match. So fun! 17. The ones I’m wearing now. They are cute animals as if drawn on. An one is like an almost chartreuse color with a good deal of orange in the ribbing and design. And the other is reverse colors (plus others) with different animals. So cute 18. I am grateful for this gift of life. 19. And that M CALLED yesterday 20. And that Jo did too. 21. And she said, she actually said, that I am the most positive person she knows – I am kind of at my best lately, and certainly around these people. Believe me, they are so good for me! 22. And I am grateful that they are so good for me! 23. And she gets such a good energy from me 24. And I’m grateful that l hears that 25. And later he even said to me that he’s glad she gets so much out of talking with me. 26. And truly think we helped her last night and the night before, with her depression. 27. All these experiences I’m having now. They’re bringing me maturity. 28. And bringing me out of myself. 29. And opening my world. 30. And even expanding my comfort zone. 31. That “every time I step outside of my comfort zone, it expands.” 32. The “Indra” thing where I learned that wonderful expression and fact. 33. That I can go to more of them too! 34. That based on past experience, today with all the mother stuff won’t be as bad as I expect. 35. And I shall learn yet another lesson about worry. 36. That I got brave and told L about the new last name I’m thinking of taking. 37. And he responded so nicely. 38. I know this seems small, but I’m grateful that he change out of the sweater his first love gave him, and 39. Jewelry dream – another jewelry lost all over the place dream. I’m grateful that J made such great and obvious sense of the first one, regarding my father’s blood. 40. And that I think this one has helped me make some sense of some of what I went through with J. The deep sadness over him not wanting me to wear jewelry Ji had bought for me. His not wanting me to was actually evidence that he DID love me! Yay! 41. And my feeling so bad is evidence that I felt lacking. I put it off on thinking he DIDN’T love me as Ji did (maybe he didn’t, but who cares). But maybe he did, and I just THOUGHT that. (I’ve been struggling lately with thoughts that maybe he never did, as he has believed lately. Ouch ouch ouch). 42. My dr. knew and even treated J (shrink). He says he cannot be 100% sure of course, but that he really thinks J did love me. And that it certainly seemed that way. Oy. 43. That it seems I’ve finally gotten the gauge on the sweater. 44. That L made us, after the great garlic appetizer, a very nice salad last night. 45. That he has introduced me to the joys of dandelion greens! Organic. Wow! 46. And he just automatically put out my favorite salad dressing for me. 47. And then canned soup (I had asked for it). 48. To which he added fresh black pepper 49. And a little cayenne pepper (after asking me) 50. And it had beans and veggies and was tasty and nutritious 51. and organic. 52. I am grateful for coffee. I’m gonna stop and go get some right now. 53. That since L has been doing all the cooking, I’ve been doing the dishes (finally thought of that) 54. And that he seems to appreciate it 55. And I CERTAINLY appreciate him doing all the food serving 56. And that I was comfortable enough to go downstairs and get my own coffee just now 57. And that it happens to taste good (organic vanilla coconut milk) 58. Canvas bags for shopping 59. And the expensive one that was a present from a parent, that I’m using for my knitting and some books 60. FREE ebooks – yay! 61. This laptop 62. This robe. Oh, how I love this robe. It is gorgeous! And flattering! And the tie is like BETWEEN the two sides, so that it lays a little big open and you see a bow. So special. 63. And I bought it at --- drumroll please –HARROD’S! 64. I see my life literally as divided into two parts: before London and after London 65. And JE was a little surprised by that when the 5 of us were out at dinner the other night. He said, “I’d have thought you’d say before L and after L.” But no! And that’s GOOD! Because I’m sure that for me it should NOT be about someone else, but about independence. 66. And I was certainly independent planning that trip, which was no small feat for me 67. And paying for it with my own money 68. That I EARNED myself 69. And going BY MYSELF 70. And even LOVING it! 71. That I got to be at the place where Ann Boleyn died. 72. And that it was such a sacred time for me being there. 73. That I got inside of Windsor Castle! 74. And Kensington. Oh. 75. And I saw the “mourning gates.” (Diana). 76. And sat in a peace sit-in with Thich Nhat Hahn (and about 4 thousand others) in Trafalgar Square. 77. And that Brit, to whom I said with such excitement upon arriving there, “Is this Trafalgar Square? I’m in it now?!” And she replied, with a big smile, “It’s just the park.” So cute. 78. The friendly friendly friendly people I met throughout that whole city. If anyone from London reads this, please know, your city was so gracious to me! And I kept telling them! Yay. 79. That about a day or so before the panic a few stories underground in the tube system, Thich Nhat Hanh had taught us about, “Hello fear (or pain or sorrow or loneliness…). I recognize you. I will take good care of you.” And I swear, that “panic” rising lasted only about 20 seconds! This technique works SO well! 80. That I have used it before too. 81. Thay. Our teacher. I am so grateful for Thich Nhat Hanh 82. And G, who introduced me to the whole practice 83. And that it is NOT a practice of deprivation or of, “Suffer through this and a reward will come after . . .” It is a JOYFUL practice. IN the DOING 84. L and I, at his suggestion near insistence lol, having a day of hedonism yesterday. I took a shower in the morning and got right into another pair of clean jammies. And we watched DVD’s on his 47 inch screen in his bed all day! 85. It was fun to see episodes of tv shows from when we were little or young adults. 86. Like Lost in Space 87. And Little Lulu. 88. And The Saint. Which I’d never seen before, but liked (in a hokey sort of way). (The show with Roger Moore). 89. And a show called the Betty White Show. From before our time. From before our time. Long before The Golden Girls or even The Mary Tyler Moore Show. It was TERRIBLE! But we had fun laughing at it. 90. And Superman! I loved those. 91. And “Get a Life” with Chris Elliot. Which is truly crazy, thought. Maybe too much so for me. But L. sees it as “surrealism.” Lol. 92. And the truth is, there is a lot of (not unkind to others – I am using this word loosely) hedonism in every one of my days. 93. I shall borrow a couple of DVD’s from L! And yes he has said I could. 94. For knitting, I do not just sit in a quiet house and knit. I like tv or movie or even book on tape… 95. That I have the John Gray CD’s. I can listen to them in the car! 96. OR – maybe even while knitting. 97. My dear friend, M. 98. And MA, whom I love so much 99. My mother, who loves me so much (and I love her too, of course). 100. That I didn’t lose people or my home in this terrible, terrible storm. 101. That L had me come here.