My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I am alive 2. I am healthy 3. I have so much good healthy food in the house 4. I am a vegan 5. I have a new Vitamix! 6. And a great recipe book that goes with it 7. We got to go out last night, L, MA O, and I. 8. I slept. I am so tired right now, but I did sleep. 9. L helped me a little with idea this morning after the stubborn mother call 10. I did try to practice a little (couldn’t do more than like 6 – 7 minutes, but did that). 11. L and I took about a one and a half hour walk this morning! SO glad for that! 12. Tv 13. The New Adventures of Old Christine (repeats) 14. That I DIDN’T spend money I don’t have on an iPad mini I don’t need! 15. This laptop 16. Doing the grats 17. Singing – other people 18. Singing – me 19. Enough money. I mean, I DO have enough money to live 20. My house was not damaged in this storm 21. I am not diagnosed with a scary illness 22. I am speaking up for myself. I’m sure not right yet. Maybe too much, maybe too little. Btu at least I am. And I am TRYING to do it right. 23. MA’s honestly. She said some hard things to hear, and I’m sure to say, to me this morning, but I do so appreciate the honest friendship. 24. Phones 25. Cell phones 26. Texting. I used to have no interest, and I am so loving it now. 27. St 28. O sharing her impression of L with me: that he is “coocoo.” “But not in a bad way.” “In some other reality” or something like that. 29. And MA: “Very good looking. Sweet. So intelligent. But has no social skills. High on Asberger’s scale?” 30. That FINALLY some more of MY friends hav gotten to meet HIM. 31. I’m sorry I feel like – depressed, and like crying all day now (again). But I’m glad I am accepting the feelings. 32. And that they won’t kill me. 33. And that I’m off tomorrow. Oh God, how grateful I am for that. 34. That I see that many people have looked here yesterday and today. SO grateful for each of them. 35. That I think the parents this year at the very least don’t hate me. 36. That I am open-minded. 37. That I can breathe. I remember various kinds of inhalers and nebulizers and oxygen treatments. It is SO GOOD to be able to breathe. 38. The walk this morning was in the park. Such good air there. 39. Good doctors 40. Good pulmonologist 41. Good oxygen therapy people 42. That I walked so much when in hospital with pneumonia 43. That I walked so much when in hospital with hysterectomy 44. Funny shows 45. Jokes 46. Humor 47. Laughter 48. My piano 49. That I am not buying a Biomat. He had said he would “help me” or “buy it for me” but is not coming through. And I can put that money, and the money from the iPad mini I didn’t buy, toward a vacation next summer. 50. That I can drive 51. That I have a car 52. That I like my car 53. That even L, when passing it this morning, called it “sexy.” 54. That I used to have nice sexual times with him. He has not come near me in nine fucking weeks. And I’m disgusting by that. And I don’t know how much longer I can see him. But I am grateful that I USED TO have such nice sexual times with him. 55. “I ask for your directions. Lord.” From today’s Food for Thought. I can’t even concentrate on the reading, I’m so brokenhearted and depressed. But I noticed that line. And I needed it. 56. That I straightened yesterday. It took me literally 4 hours. Moving VERY slowly. Plus SO MUCH, since that storm. But I did it! and it is all in order now! 57. “Listen, trust, and obey.” From today’s Language of Letting Go. Oh God, help me to do this! 58. I went to London! 59. And Bath! 60. And Windsor! 61. By myself! 62. And LOVED it!!!!!!! Yay!!!! 63. I am saving for another trip! 64. I MIGHT go to RUSSIA with O next summer! 65. I can play piano 66. I have a heated mattress pad! 67. I shopped at Harrod’s! 68. And bought a beautiful robe there! 69. And I am wearing it right now! SO pretty. And unique. 70. And BEAUTIFUL, SOFT, jammies! I can’t find the top right now (could I have left it at L’s?) but I bought them! And love them! 71. That I can read. I am so happy that I can read. 72. And that my mood is getting better right now, just from doing the spiritual work 73. The gorgeous, glorious leave – with shining golden colors on the green right now, on the magnificent oak tree outside my window. Oh, how I love that tree. How grateful I am for that tree! 74. Today’s Gift reading – oh, I really needed that. 75. Have I learned a small thing today? Um, well, may be that in time things will get better. I cannot settle for unhappiness out of fear of being alone. 76. The readings. The availability of the daily readings. 77. And that I share them here. 78. And EVERYONE who reads this blog! Ever! 79. From today’s Touchstone: :Real emancipation can't come at someone else's initiative or as a gift. It can only begin from within, by saying, 'I will take my independence.' Then we begin to be responsible men because we own it on the inside.” Oh boy, I do need that message. 80. O. On the phone just now. Telling me her truths about L, and the truth is she really DOES like him. 81. Her friendship. 82. Oh my God, friends! Thank God for friends! 83. JJ! 84. EJ! 85. Birdie! 86. MA! 87. ML! 88. St! 89. O! 90. M! 91. MA’s phone call today. 92. That I finally got to meet her grandchild 93. That I returned her flashlight yesterday 94. And thanked her. 95. That L. paid for all four of us at dinner. 96. The knowledge that I will one day die. This helps me to TRY to LIVE TODAY! 97. From today’s last reading, “Prayer for the Day - I pray that I may not need to see the whole design of my life. I pray that I may trust the Designer.” Oh how I need that! 98. My legs 99. The park near my house, where we walked today 100. The happy people there 101. That woman, young, who looked like maybe she’d just had a stroke and her husband we think – was walking her. Lucky that she has him. And that she is walking! Maybe healing!