I think I have to - HAVE TO - have a reward at the end of everything. Right now. (Or for the rest of my life?)

And that that's okay.

So, for example. I will go clean the kitchen now.
AFTER that, I will get to make and enjoy my healthful pasta bake.

And maybe even go to library for some French work.

Good.

PS Reminder - I do NOT need to be with anyone who does not want to be with me.
2nd Reminder - I helped a friend (L) today,and another (MA) last night. I am worthwhile.
3rd Reminder - I just played Chopin. Nicely.
4th Reminder - I am good to the birdies
5th Reminder - I DO want to live and finally REALIZE the GIFT that it is! HOLD ONTO THIS!

Ok - going to tackle the filthy kitchen now!