I had such a nice time with my mother and she had such a nice time! Very grateful for that!
Had very very bad near tragic accident not kidding have never said that before! LEFT CAR IN DRIVE AND GOT OUT OMG! With mother in it, and aide out! Thank God (!) I was able to open door and get in and apply brake in time. Had it been on a hill... THAT and today's sore throat tell me I am a bit overwrought. And that that's okay because - it just exists and is too late to undo. NOT okay to keep letting it happen though!Was BEYOND grateful!
A bit sad about not having more family, hubby, ... you know. Listened to deep music (Hallelujah Leonard Cohn in different forms KD Lang, Jeff Buckley, groups,... on youtube) and cried. Was cathartic. Had great dreams after and didn't wake overnight (2 nights now) for bathroom. Not 'til 6AM. Feel emotionally well this am!
So:
Tomorrow and Sunday I will clean and shop for food and do laundry (as every Sun. except more to clean but I have two days).
Today:
And eat well. I have plenty of good nutritious food here.
And I already did 2 minutes meditation yesterday and 2 today 'cause I have hated med. at home alone but made promise just 2 minutes a day for 4 days as a start. And am loving it. Thankful!
When I am scheduled to see J, I get nervous - must eat less, exercise more, have great clothes, clean house... !!!!! NO! I will NOT do that to myself! I am a great person and have my flaws and whatever he feels oh well. *I* must put myself first and love myself!
And - I honestly became a beach body coach to help others, thinking it would be nothing but a pain in the neck for me but SO wanting to help others get what *I'm* getting! But now, since Nov 15 when I started, when I want to overeat or eat crap, I feel obligated to be a better role model than that! Like, "THAT would not be good coach behavior!" And it becomes easier for ME!
Wow.
Hope someone reading this gets a good message for SELF from it!
xo!
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