Need to Be Here More

Well I couldn't do it - the Refresh. Tons of good feelings day 1 but then could not sleep. Hours. Finally got up and had meal.
Friend next day said, "You were detoxing." I see others who have luck with this. Oh well, it is not me. I was doing fine the regular way; I must just go back to that.

Meanwhile, work is crazier than I can remember it being in many years. None of us can keep up. No one is happy. The whole place has a down sort of feeling. We hide it as much as possible from the children. Bush was very very bad for education. Obama is yet worse. Cuomo is bad. Our ass't. superintendent of education is bad. We have more meetings than one can imagine. I recently had 17 meetings in 6 days. When shall I prepare, correct, think, eat, breathe???  17 meetings in 6 days, AROUND the teaching. How can I be in the right "place" to teach, like that?
More CRAP paper work... Teaching always had a lot of paperwork, of course. But I'm talking about CRAP. Tons of it. I seem to be the last holdout. Everyone's been saying for like 2 years, "There's no joy in it anymore." I'm only feeling it now. But I'm feeling it.

The killings yesterday in Jerusalem. They've changed me. So much for so many years. I can't wrap my head around any of it. Such evil. It's not about politics or sides. It's not about Palestinians to me, in this case... I have known and loved Palestinians. I have known and loved Jews. I'm talking about the bigger picture. Any people doing this kind of thing. Beheadings. I have known and loved Muslims. I am not condemning any group. I am terrified of the amount of evil. I am also terrified of environmental destruction all around. Where is God? And so...
I said to A, "How? How could God let these things happen? HOW?" And he replied simply, and I quote: "because there is no god." And I am scared now that there isn't. It's like a shift.

*I am not depressed. Just confused. And feeling helpless because all my feelings can't help and I don't know what actions to take -it seems none of them could possibly help.

I will continue on,
doing my best today to be dignified
and honest
to teach well
and kindly
to do the crap tons of paper work
to eat well
to exercise
and to get enough sleep.

What will YOU do today?

Love to you, peace and happiness to you, if you're reading this xo