Back? And Grats

Oy. So much. Mother stuff. Self stuff. And went away. I am grateful: 1. Great physical therapists 2. Good doctors 3. Fresh, clean water 4. J’s help with the paperwork that night, for so long 5. I am alive 6. My mother is alive 7. L is alive 8. J is alive 9. MA is alive 10. ML is alive 11. O is alive 12. M is alive 13. St is alive 14. K is alive 15. Li is alive 16. Jo is alive 17. K is alive 18. I am going to a party tonight: ) 19. And another one next week too 20. I have been to the beach with L 21. And he actually liked me in my bathing suit 22. He has shared some intimate things with me lately 23. I have breath 24. On my own 25. I can see. !. 26. I can walk 27. I am free 28. I can drive 29. I have a car 30. It is summer 31. And I am off from work 32. I have seen two good movies lately, with L. (Deconstrucing Dad, and Bernie). 33. These are luxuries, and I’m grateful that I know it. 34. Stationary 35. Stamps 36. Email 37. This blog. (Believe it or not). 38. Sitcoms 39. “My” little doggie – well, I guess his, now 40. It’s never in my life crossed my mind, “Will I not be able to have fruit today?” 41. Or vegetables 42. Or fresh, clean water. 43. As I am here on number 43, it is 5:18 am, and I have been on the phone with L or half an hour: ) 44. And we have just talked about gratitudes. 45. Honestly 46. I am so grateful that L is honest with me. 47. Ji. And all he did for me. 48. That the kids at school, sometimes treat me like a rock star. 49. That I get so many hugs at school. 50. I heard from Y! A student! A student I taught 10 years ago. She called me from Japan the other night! 51. That M’s divorce is coming through. 52. That I do have a home 53. And that I practically killed myself getting it. 54. Because as hard as that was, that means I got it BEFORE J. And he CANNOT take it! Phew. 55. That I have that appointment with the social worker at the nursing home today. 56. And I will do the right thing. For my mother. 57. Claritin 58. That I feel so much better today. Have been depressed. It was disturbing and frightening. I’m so glad I’m feeling better today. 59. That I eat better now. 60. For the wonderful life-changing phrase I’ve learned from program (OA): “Just do the next right thing.” 61. For my sponsor. I hope she’s still speaking to me, since I dropped off the face of the earth recently 62. City tomorrow possibility 63. Salad 64. That I have enough money to pay my bills. 65. Living more in the moment than I used to. 66. The music to which L has introduced me. 67. Air conditioning. 68. That J put it in for me this year. 69. That I can keep it on really low. 70. Leafy greens 71. Cruciferous vegetables 72. I’m grateful that L got to go in the water at the ocean yesterday 73. Laughter 74. Cheerfulness. Any time I have it. And for every one of us that has it. 75. MA being so much closer to me now again. 76. Oak floors. Red oak floors. 77. Gary Null. 78. Thich Nhat Hanh 79. Jesus 80. Onions 81. Garlic 82. That I have L’s shirt here 83. That I made him that nice scarf. 84. And am making one for MM 85. That I bought him that little “doll.” 86. Glasses. My new eyeglasses. 87. Lights 88. Electricity 89. My gorgeous new prescription sunglasses. Whoopee! 90. That L got a new, larger beach umbrella. I can’t wait to use it: ) 91. That doggie is a CGC (canine good citizen, which she had to qualify to receive) 92. And was a therapy dog 93. That I have a desk 94. My beach hat 95. That my bathing suits are a smaller size than in like 2 decades! 96. Wood 97. That lovely wood thing I have hanging on the wall, that J got for me on our walk after my hysterectomy, when he loved me. Or thought he did. 98. My Chopin biography that I’m reading. 99. I have 2 sofas and a loveseat. Wow. To even HAVE a sofa. 100. That I get my hair cut and colored regularly.