Nov 3 Grats (had no Internet due to storm)

I am grateful: 1. I am here with L. 2. J. wrote! He went by my house and says the power is back on! 3. And – he’d already forwarded the Optimum text that Internet is back up! (I hope cable is too for tv but I’m SO grateful about these things) 4. Maybe there WILL be gasoline available tomorrow! That means I could go not only for my mother’s stuff, but maybe even to the health food store for myself! 5. L is sitting next to me and talking to a (male) friend on the phone 6. I just took a warm shower 7. And used his beautiful wonderful, natural, sweet-smelling shampoos and conditioner. 8. And his soap. 9. He was so sweet, and I am grateful, that he put a special bar of soap there for me. Like soap he would call “girlie-soap.” But I have a sort of little allergicy reaction to it, so I’m glad I used his. 10. And I feel and smell so especially fresh and clean now 11. And yesterday, L showed me a dating-service application thingy. And it reminded me: he searched for decades – for a me. For, me. And he does really appreciate me. 12. And – I was walking through his “library” (not really! But he calls it that because it has about 2 bazillion books in it) and saw “THE card” from E on his birthday – the one that caused all the big problem…and it really was a little differently worded than I’d remembered and truly innocent. Phew again. 13. I am so grateful that JE called us yesterday and wanted us to go out with him – and – Bob Fass! THE Bob Fass as in WBAI and peaceful activism and the recent or current movie, “Radio Unnamable!” I very much want to meet him! 14. And – I’m grateful that S and Jo also called, and wanted us to go out with them too! 15. And – S said that Jo was depressed, for which of course I am not grateful (she suffers from depression and cannot take pills…), but that she particularly wanted to see ME! 16. And I’m grateful that L did not want to go! 17. Because he kept saying to me, “I want this night to be just you and me, cozy here.” Swoon. 18. And so many times he said, throughout the last two days, “I’m so happy you’re here, Dear,” and other things like that. 19. And yesterday evening, oh, yesterday evening, he said, and I quote, “Our relationship is so wonderful.” And took me in his arms and said into my ear, “I love you, Dear.” That’s only the second time he ever said that to me first. We don’t say it often, and I usually say it first (or only) on the rare occasion that, and the only other time HE said it on his own was after the first time he gave me an orgasm, he kissed my stomach and said, “I love you, Lynn.” Oh. 20. And they toasted to L choosing me, calling me “the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” 21. I am grateful that although I am not online yet here, I can do my gratitudes in Microsoft Word. 22. On my beautiful MacBook Pro laptop which I am so happy to have. 23. And L’s voice. 24. And that on a tape, I have gotten to here his little-boy voice, 9 years old. 25. And he just got a new program and put it in his computer this morning, and has finally seen those “picture-walks” I’ve sent him. 26. I “invented” those in May. I go to Google Images and find pictures that match what I’m saying, and it can take 40 minutes to do a very short one, and the better part of a DAY or more to do a long one! 27. I finally bought a jar of peanut butter and left it here. 28. And sourdough spelt bread and put in his freezer too. 29. And two Amy’s Indian pockets in his freezer too. 30. And he made the best red chard for us the other night! MUCH better than it sounds. This is what he did. Red Chard Put olive oil in pan Two big fat garlic cloves, chopped thin Sautee VERY LIGHTLY VERY LOW TEMP AND LONG SIMMER – not too much! Put in the washed Swiss chard Add one can tomato paste Stir Add 6 – 8 ounces water 31. Anyway, I helped very much, with L decided whether HE wanted to go last night or not. 32. And we went. I’m so glad. 33. We saw S and Jo and JE 34. And met some very nice people at the restaurant 35. The atmosphere was glorious! 36. And they had a pianist! Live music. Gorgeous music. Old Broadway classics etc. So beautiful. 37. And I bowed to him and thanked him. And he smiled and bowed his head in appreciation. 38. And I got L to put money in the jar, of course. 39. Birthdays 40. And the song, “Happy Birthday.” I guess having it last night for someone made me think of it. 41. Very interesting dreams. The details in my dreams are incredible. 42. My brain. That I have it. And it works so well. For me. And for others. 43. Daily meditation books. 44. Trees changing colors in the fall. And this fall. 45. That NYC has cancelled the marathon. I really understood the motive behind having it. But then I read from a Staten Islander in the newspaper, this: “They’re going to start one mile from where we’re still searching for bodies.” Oh my God. So I’m glad that they’ve cancelled. 46. Lost in Space! Remember that show? 47. L. and I watched one – well part of one because I fell asleep lol – last night on his 48. 47” HD blueray plasma screen tv! 49. In his bedroom! The haven. 50. Where he also has a sauna 51. And a foot massager 52. And a mini-trampoline 53. And so much else. It is a hedonistic paradise. A mess(!) but a hedonistic paradise 54. And that he was sharing with me this morning about all the famous people he’s met. Including his favorite of all time, Shostakovich. 55. And when he was in a stroller, his mother had taken him to Saks Fifth Avenue, and they were in the elevator with Greta Garbo! And she made much over how cute and precious he was! 56. I am grateful to be free this weekend 57. Anyway, back to the restaurant. They made something vegan for the two of us who are 58. And vegetarian for the other three. 59. And the food was wonderful!! 60. And L has eaten my leftovers: ) 61. And the wine was lovely too! 62. L. was so generous. He spends a lot on me 63. And I know Rori Raye would not approve, but I contribute SOMETIMES. Like when he is with me in my neck of the woods, I pay for everything. 64. And last night I paid for the cab. Since he was very nervous about the whole post-storm situation out there… And I did NOT want to be going around on a bus in the dark! So I paid. 65. I’m glad we GOT a cab. 66. And that our driver, Antonio, was SO nice and good to us. 67. I am so grateful that I am doing this spiritual work this morning. 68. I am grateful that I have started L’s sweater. 69. And ripped it out and started it again. And again. Lol. But – maybe THIS time it will work out (gauge). 70. And I think I SHALL finish it 71. Maybe even by New Year’s Eve, as is my plan 72. And the people at the knitting store will help me with the part I don’t know 73. And it will be BEAUTIFUL! 74. And so SOFT! (He picked the yarn). 75. I am grateful that he has music in literally every room in his house, through a speaker system he has set up. I mean EVERY room: bathroom, powder room, basement… 76. And so I had beautiful classical music while in my shower 77. And we will be watching movies and things today! 78. So I showered and - - - put on fresh pj’s! 79. We MIGHT get to go to L’s relatives in Philly soon. Yay I hope so. 80. I “incentivized” L. to put heat on – after sleeping in coats oy! I said, “If we had heat, we could get naked together.” 81. I am grateful that I am going to try to send Jo daily meditation sites or books. And that Affirmations site too. 82. And that J just wrote – wants to use my house for printer (electricity). 83. And I said yes, of course! 84. I can do laundry tomorrow night. Phew. IF I have energy after driving home AND taking care of my mother for hours. 85. I am grateful that J found an assisted living place that is almost half as expensive. 86. And he or I or we will tell my mother about it soon. 87. And it is near my bitch-sister and her family. BUT that is still my mother’s baby and she does love her. 88. And that although I was jealous at first because she would get to see them more than see me, I got over it in like a few seconds! 89. As I got over the “there goes any inheritance money I might have gotten and J too” in seconds! This is HER life! And I WANT her to have QUALITY of life!! 90. Plus, the truth is, I –she – should BE so lucky that they would visit her often enough to possibly come near me being jealous! I actually HOPE it! She has had like 3 decades mostly to MYself. Now she could have some years or months enjoying them (hopefully). 91. And THAT place, unlike some, has a policy that when you run out of money 92. That L UNDERSTANDS – 93. And lets me talk through the difficult stuff about my mother 94. And that that means SOMETHING good has come of his ordeal he had to go through with his own mother 95. And that we are so comfortable together. 96. And maybe, finally, maybe, will have some lovemaking today? It’s been weeks: ( But maybe today! 97. And if not, well, I think I’ll – we’ll – work it out somehow – good enough anyway 98. And the love and care are more important to me anyway, thank God – NOT that I want to do without sex indefinitely! 99. God 100. Thich Nhat Hanh. Oh☺