The loneliness

is consuming me.

I am doing GREAT at work. Thank God. I am *really* helping kids. And am the utmost professional. AND the bonus is that it is good for me to be there.

I am saying yes to invitations even though I find it hard to motivate myself.

I am doing more for my mother.

I am trying to go easier on myself.

But I hate despise loathe detest living alone. So much alone time. So much.
I am a people person; I didn't always know it.
I am a love person: that I did always know.

I am checking out the dating sites.
i am open to meeting people.
I am not desperate for dates; in fact I'm probably not even ready.
But it doesn't hurt to go to dinner or a movie...

I am close with my girlfriends and at least once a weekend and spending a few hours - like 3 - with one of them.

Not being able to play piano (pain - temporary) for weeks is bad for me, I know.
And hating my current still-too-fat body doesn't help.
Although i bought some new clothes and that is good.

--
I've got the dr's advice about doing a bit and then STOPPING. To "catch up" little by little but not become overwhelmed and paralyzed.
I've got the DASH diet nutritional advice - and even on days when cannot follow it, at least having greens.
I've got L's sharing what helped him through his terrible depression (20 years worth!) which includes
getting out and being with people, especially jolly people
basking in sunshine a little each day abosorbing it on skin
museums
exercise
juicing a lot of greens (organic)
germanium supplements - which may be off the market now but ginseng too
listening to depressing classical music (and he names them). says although reinforces dark feelings, also is source of comfort knowing that others "had similar experiences in walking through the valley of darkness."
and homeopathic remedy "Natrum Muriaticum" (sp) BUT - that would put him in a comatose trance for hours although not a drug and he said released years of tension. That one scares me I don't think i will try it.

But I will try some of these other things.

Lord help me.

I would give anything for family here.

ADDENDUM:
I did take a 5 mg valium. It is prescribed. I don't take it often. It calmed me a lot.
And I remembered - I had to take it a bunch when J was here at one point, so that helped me remember he is not the answer.
Trying...