Grats

I am grateful:

1. Physical recovery from weekend
2. Can handle vegetables again
3. MD yesterday
4. Maybe upcoming tests will straighten out my health
5. Ready to exercise again (wasn’t physically able)
6. I’ve been asked out on a date
7. I’m alive
8. I’m worthwhile. I feel ugly and fat and sick and old, so it’s really important to know that I’m worthwhile.
9. My new behavior plan at work is working. The kids are changing. Phew.
10. I feel angry and nervous today, so it’s really important that I concentrate on the gratitudes. Like, I truly am grateful and lucky that I have all my limbs. And all the following
11. I have never been in a war
12. I have never stepped on a land mine
13. I have never run for my life
14. I have never known starvation
15. Or real thirst
16. As of now, except for the compulsive overeating disease, I do not have any chronic disease that I know of. That’s a nice feeling. Wonderful, in fact.
17. I can see
18. I can hear
19. I can speak
20. I can breathe on my own
21. I have access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
22. I have swum in the ocean, the bay, the sound, a lake, and a river, and pools. Wow.
23. Gonna have lunch with Jo soon and pick her brain about life (she knows this)
24. Some more presents came!
25. So yesterday, I gave Je a princess pencil-case,
26. Ji markers and crayons,
27. and M a gift certificate to pick up dinner on her way home for first night without husband there
28. and today, I give Je a little necklace in an adorable bumblebee box
29. and Ji a little necklace in an adorable panda box
30. and M a bright pink (her favorite color) cosmetics case (she loves cosmetics)
31. and a wonderful coloring book came for me! (adult – like beautiful patterns)
32. These little inexpensive things are making me very happy
33. And French. Every day it brings me happiness. It’s like, my teacher will just quickly explain something to me, but I’ll hear a word, like lorsque, and I’ll blurt out, “Oh. That’s so beautiful.” To be doing this, which I’ve wanted for so long, is – well – something about ME. ME. Me inside. Me who I am. I exist. And I am a person. And I am a woman. And I have something I love.
34. It even adds to it in a way that J hates the sound of French. I cannot for the life of me understand that, as I find the French language to be the most beautiful music in the world.
35. I just ordered the best thing for O’s 40th birthday!
36. D gave me the idea – finally something good from D
37. O has a new, rented little house with a beautiful little outdoor area that feels like a peaceful enclosed sanctuary. And she loves to garden. So I got her a gift certificate to a very well-reputed online gardening site! She can select a couple of live perennials or seeds… (I think she’ll get 2 live perennial plants to plant).
38. And it will be the gift that keeps on giving as it grows and blooms (she’ll select one that flowers, I’m almost positive) year after year: )
39. And if she moves, she can even bring it! I’m so happy about this gift!
40. Mothers are coming in Fri to do special fun activity with class
41. I have great day planned for the kiddies today
42. The gift of giving feels really nice
43. My bowel movements are beginning to turn more “normal.”
44. Fresh fruit. All my life I have had access to fresh fruit. How fortunate is that!
45. The deep breaths I just took
46. Indoor plants
47. OMG why oh why did I look at J’s facebook page in trying to find picture of self to send to someone who wants? Okay. Okay. Breathe. The gratitude is. Um. Here! That I now know and accept that what is is. If someone doesn’t love me, that just is. To try to not face it is insanity. To try to change it is like trying to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try and try and the cat will look at you and say, “Meow.”
48. The book I got that example from, yesterday, while waiting in the dr’s office.
49. I think I can go a while without having to pay for presents for anyone. Except lunch for Mer. Phew.
50. House
51. Car
52. Job
53. Piano
54. Rugs
55. Hardwood floors
56. Toilet
57. Lights
58. Bulbs
59. Electricity
60. That I can pay that bill
61. Phone
62. Cell phone
63. Messages. I like to see it blinking when I come home (as opposed to no one has called, which happens some days too
64. Good movies
65. Dances
66. Dancers
67. My rhythm
68. My hands. They can do so much
69. Typing
70. Flowers
71. Small supermarket near me
72. That I just remembered some of them deliver. If sick again, will not have to ask friend for help maybe
73. Prayer
74. That MD yesterday, said to me, “God bless,” and kissed me.
75. That she was talking about her sons and showing me pictures (I taught one) and I said, “I’m so happy for you. They are your heart.”
76. But she replied, “Yes, but a woman has to have something of her OWN.” And pointed to like her chest in the middle, like “inside here.”
77. That that helped me a bit. She is a good example.
78. Of course, she was raised with self-esteem and I was not, BUT, I am gaining my own now.
79. Just found another deep breath took me
80. That wording, also from the book.
81. That I don’t eat animals.
82. Or nursing secretions of another species, especially so mistreated. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO DOES. THIS IS JUST MY BELIEF SYSTEM
83. That I have the ability to make that choice. I know there are many people who do not.
84. That I give to the food pantry.
85. Everyone who gives to it
86. Or anything like it
87. Animal sanctuaries
88. That people like my humor.
89. Prayer
90. Everyone who prays for me
91. Bananas
92. Green beans
93. God
94. Buddha
95. OA
96. CoDA
97. Sponsors
98. Not feeling like did last year at this time
99. Maybe my journey is helping someone else
100. Dr comes today