My One Hundred Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. I am grateful for bookstores 2. For dreams. They are painful, especially the last two nights, but they are telling. 3. For L’s calm, quiet, supportive words regarding the divorce. 4. That I didn’t cheat on J 5. That I didn’t leave J. I would feel so guilty if I’d done either of these things 6. Eye drops 7. Humor 8. That I have a job 9. And half a day tomorrow 10. My doctor (therapist). I revisited yesterday, my notes from Feb. 8. What a help! 11. And yesterday, he made me feel better about myself. Thank God for him. May he have happiness and health. 12. Birdie commenting on my being orgasmic. Yay. 13. L always into pleasing ME in bed! Wow. 14. His kisses. 15. Children 16. J calling night before last “just to say hello.” It has caused me all kinds of world-swirling, but I’m glad he did. 17. And that I called back last night for a moment, as I didn’t chat AT ALL the night before. 18. And that he said if I need anything, really. (As I’d said to him). 19. And that I might just take him up on that. 20. That dr. said I do not have to tell L. everything. Everything about past, etc. Just be self and enjoy… 21. Vacations. I have finally come to understand the importance of them. 22. L. caring about my health. 23. And being such a fine example in terms of the way he takes care of himself. 24. I really felt yesterday like I’m fucking crazy. But dr. says no. 25. Socialization. Less isolating. Finally internalizing that people really are social animals. 26. Feeling like a woman. Am one after all. 27. That I cooked yesterday. 28. And ate pasta fagioli 29. And have more. 30. And I have veggie protein bake 31. And pasta with green beans and protein 32. L. will be here this weekend. Nice. 33. J. told me what might be wrong with the vacuum. 34. Maybe I’ll get to see/be with little doggie this summer. 35. Other dog. One before her. The story of how I saved her 36. and how she trusted me. 37. And how L. appreciates that story! 38. Friendships. 39. M. cleaned up in MY classroom. She’s amazing. 40. Sharing with close girlfriends. 41. This talk with M this morning. It is so deep. So sisterly. 42. That I have my sister now, in my dear friend, M. A real sister. 43. Prayer 44. That I have a home. 45. M’s girls. 46. Roller skating when I was little. 47. And The Danny Thomas Show. 48. And jump roping. 49. And that L talks about his childhood in such happy terms. 50. Peanut butter 51. Whole grain bread 52. Fried peppers 53. Indian food 54. Oranges 55. Bananas 56. Watermelon 57. Coconut milk based yogurt 58. Bras 59. My pretty breasts 60. And that L. loves them. 61. The meditation book For Today 62. And Voices of Recovery 63. And In This Moment 64. And The Language of Letting Go 65. God 66. Buddha 67. Thich Naht Hanh 68. That I’ve been on 3 retreats with him with J 69. And one without J! 70. That I was in London! 71. That I went by myself. I really did it 72. That I had such a WONDERFUL time! 73. Paxil 74. Coffee 75. Jo, and our new friendship 76. And that I helped her this week. 77. Piano 78. That I AM going to be in this concert. Oy lol 79. That L. understands that I need to do it alone, without him there. 80. Dutilleux 81. Yo Yo Ma 82. Music 83. Composers 84. That M is getting to go away with her girls this weekend. 85. Memorial Day 86. All days off 87. That my kids do love me 88. And I them 89. The book Flat Stanley 90. And the projects that go with it 91. Summer is coming 92. I can walk 93. I can talk 94. I can hear 95. I can see! 96. That I have clothing 97. And the new underwear from M 98. Sleep. The sleep I do get. 99. Mindfulness meditation 100. That L. did do it with me for about 7 minutes last Sunday.