My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. For this morning’s For Today quote! 2. That I did today’s yesterday, by mistake, so I saw yesterday’s today. I need that quote this morning. 3. That M called 4. And talked to me last night too. About the L situation 5. And S talked to me twice. 6. And that Jo said I COULD tell L I knew he’d told her about his plans to go to the theater by himself. 7. That I said exactly the things I said to him. 8. In exactly the way I said them. 9. I feel bad. But I’m grateful that I don’t feel worse. 10. And now it is Friday. I am so grateful that my salary is 4000 dollars a year (gross) more than I’d thought! 11. And grateful for sick days. 12. And grateful that I had the wherewithal to get through it all, to get this job 13. And keep it 14. And do it well. No matter what it takes out of me. 15. Every hug I’ve ever had 16. That I can stand to touch my mother now. (I couldn’t always). 17. That her skin no longer feels stretched and cold (which, my dr. tells me, was from medication) 18. That I have life 19. That L. was born (today is his b’day) 20. That he explained al the stuff last night. Finally. Phew. 21. And it makes sense. 22. And he was sweet and dear about it. 23. And I do believe he will never lie to me again! 24. And we are closer now. 25. I think I will have the courage to call my sponsor later, and I’m grateful for that. 26. I am grateful that I got L a membership to WBAI. I know he loves that station. In fact, since then, I’ve found out that he already is a member! 27. But the station got a donation in his name anyway☺ 28. And I’m grateful that I also got him a membership – for 2 tickets each time, with a big discount, for a year – to Film Forum. That’s his favorite theater, and he’s been wishing he had a membership. 29. And a large, hard, eyeglass case. Which he’s REALLY wanted, and has even been asking to borrow mine! Unfortunately, I found out LAST NIGHT that he just bought TWO new pair of better sunglasses, that come with their OWN case! Oh well, ANOTHER gift that didn’t work out lol : ) 30. And grateful that I got him a food thermos with his favorite composer on it. He’s been struggling with what/how to bring to work for lunch every day. 31. And grateful that I got him a shirt of his favorite composer 32. In a color he loves to wear 33. And a list of things great about him. It is 27 pages long! With color pictures! 109 items! 34. And that is 6 presents! 35. Plus I’m taking him out for the day and dinner tomorrow, making 7 presents! And that’s nice! I feel good about it. 36. I am grateful for dental floss 37. And my toothbrush 38. And toothpaste 39. And the toothbrush I leave at L’s too. 40. And that he “lets” me. 41. And I’m grateful that he has his jammy things here 42. And his t-shirt 43. And that we’ve been sleeping there, on the LITTLE Biomat, not the big one. The big one is too intense for me, and I find myself squeadling over to the way edge of the bed. . . 44. I am grateful that he loves to give oral sex 45. And is a master at it. 46. And is such a great kisser. 47. I love that L. loves my “enthusiasm.” 48. I am grateful that I just got the printer to work! : ) 49. As I said in Update Post, I am thrilled because I: actually felt BETTER! Better than I have in weeks! Did NOT want to stop seeing him, and was sad that might, and already missed him and was sad, but that's normal. Felt so much better - relieved - because was TOTALLY true to myself. UNDERSTOOD on the deepest level, that cannot change the other person's feelings or actions, and don't even need to try. Can only be best self and true to self. And that felt so good. And did it without being nasty. Yay. 50. I am grateful that I stood up for myself and my standards 51. And did NOT give in 52. And also proud of self because when we had gotten honest, the night before last, when this all came up, he reverted to what definitely sounded like untruths to me. And I said, plainly, "No, L. We are past that now. I will not go back. This is now a no-bullshit zone." 53. And he did respond! Yay also. 54. I am grateful that I will be creative about the birthday wrappings. Nice, but not harmful to environment. 55. And that I can get my stuff done today. 56. And see L tomorrow and some of Sunday. 57. And have Monday to myself. Hope can shop for clothes! : ) 58. I am so grateful for my shoes. All my shoes. I do not have like hundreds, but maybe 20 for whole year, and am very happy about that. I remember when, teaching in this same district, I had one pair, and they were broken! 59. I am grateful – so grateful – that I am saving. Not enough. Not nearly enough! But I am saving. 60. Certainly not scrounging for food. Or anything like that. 61. L. is a good debater. Doesn’t lose his thoughts or train of thought out of nervousness, as I can. But I managed on every point! 62. I am grateful that the dishwasher is running right now. Finally. Thank God. 63. And that I’m about to put in a load of laundry. 64. What a big sigh of relief I just involuntarily took! I am grateful for that. 65. Phew. I am so grateful for the words in today’s For Today. 66. The whole concept of God’s will. 67. This line, from today’s Voices of Recovery: “Bit by bit, I turn over my will and my life as I become conscious that I am not in a position to control a particular person, place, thing, situation, circumstance, or event.” 68. And this there, which I see as sort of a promise: “As the trust builds, I experience increasing peace of mind and a new reaction to stress, fear, anxiety, frustration, and disappointment; the desire to ask for help.” 69. And this part too. Maybe I’ll get there! : “Instead of the knee-jerk reaction of stuffing my face, I pray when I am in distress, either out loud or on paper to go in my God box.” 70. And, “Peace of mind returns and the trust increases.” 71. And, “With the trust comes another day of freedom from the insanity of compulsive eating and from the pain of living with myself.” 72. I am grateful for this, from today’s In This Moment: “Then I remember to "Keep it Simple." I pray, "God, please let me know your will for me and please give me whatever I need to carry it out." Said on a daily basis, this prayer connects me to God. I trust that whatever happens, I'll be all right. All I have to do is show up and be willing.” I need that. 73. I love love love this concept, and am so grateful for it (from today’s The Language of Letting Go): “Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.: 74. Especially since J just called. It was SO nice to talk to him. And I am grateful for that. 75. And he wants to see me this weekend to “catch up.” And I’m so grateful for that. Hoping it does not lead to pain… grateful anyway. 76. And grateful to be grateful. 77. And that I will have doggie soon!!!!!! SO happy about that! Miss her so much! [He is ALWAYS open to me having her – I have allergy issues, and moreso since she’s not here all the time so my acclimation is lowered… So it has to be arranged for my sake, that she is clean (which he is more than willing to do), and for her sake (doggie’s) that I am home, not dumping her here alone and going off to work.] 78. I am grateful that I live where I do. 79. And grateful for this, also from the reading: “Our process is our own.” 80. And, “and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.” 81. And this, especially regarding J: “Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change.” 82. And this too: “I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.” 83. I am grateful that I own these daily meditation reading books. 84. I am grateful for doing my spiritual work today! 85. And for my ability to speak. I remember when I couldn’t. 86. And for Weight Watchers. 87. And their online site. 88. And message board(s). 89. I am grateful for this blog. 90. And everyone – EVERYONE – who reads it. 91. I am grateful that my drugstore charges things for me. 92. And delivers! 93. And that my mother’s does too. 94. And – even goes to her place and picks up her prescriptions for her. 95. I am grateful – so grateful – for my eye drops. 96. And my opthamologist. 97. I am grateful for lions. 98. And giraffes. 99. And the innocence of little H. 100. And the happiness I bring Le.