My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I am grateful for my headboard. I love it. I awakened this morning and it was the first thing I saw. I loved it the first time I saw it in the store, and kept going back to it in my mind even though was looking at others. I really like it – it’s cheerful looking. 2. *** God last night. This was HUGE. I felt so bad – long story, doesn’t need to be put into gratitudes. I WANTED – DESPERATELY – to lie down and surrender, as when a little child. I lay there missing that feeling from childhood, and from J. And something happened! It was like I was lifted. This happened to me once or twice during Reiki. Like floating! Well, I suddenly felt that last night. Like lifted. I swear I was being held by God. I’m sorry if you think I’m crazy. It was a REAL REMINDER that I AM that innocent child, safe and sound. Not in J’s arms, or my parents, but in the arms of God Himself. Thank you for that! 3. Memory just had while on phone: Superintendent of 6-family building, had a dump truck when I was when little. A couple(!) of times a summer, he would pick us up! Bunch of kids from the neighborhood out playing, and he would come along and say, “Get in!” (Days before seat belts, and our parents all knew and approved of him and this). And we would get in and he would drive about and we would sing, “Hail hail, the gang’s all here.” 4. And a neighbor, a woman, who had a dog – we all wanted a dog and didn’t have. She would walk the dog up the aquaduct each summer evening – yes, the aquaduct was a safe place – and any time we wanted, all we had to do was show up at her door and she would take us with her. Oh, I loved those walks. Children, that nice lady, and the dog, the nature and the walking. 5. I am grateful that I am on the phone right now with MA. 6. And that earlier I was on with L. 7. I am grateful for last night. L and I finally had a long HONEST talk. HE wants to see me, but be free to see lots of women. I cried and sobbed – my shirt was wet! BUT – it is GOOD. Phew. Good. This is what I wanted in the FIRST PLACE! And HE insisted on exclusivity. Well blah blah blah good times, drama, bad times, … finally the truth all came out last night. And the result of it all is: We do not have to ignore each other. We can be friends, or date lightly while free to see others. Anyway, after hours of crying, I slept. In my own bed, not on the den sofa, for the first time in over a week. And no nightmares. Phew. 8. I am my own person again. 9. Thank God I am alive and well enough physically to BE my own person. 10. And I’ll enjoy it right now. 11. I actually feel free! Oh I am so grateful for this! 12. Helpers. I read a Mr. Rogers quote, after the horrendous Newtown Connecticut tragedy about his mother telling him to always look for the helpers. It’s good to remember so many people help. 13. Legos. Kids love legos. And some adults too. 14. And that I have some in my classroom 15. And paid for them myself. 16. And the kids loved them so much. 17. I am grateful that I’m going out with MA and ML today! 18. And that I then get to take my mother shopping. 19. And in between, I’ll pick up the three things I need: ) 20. I am grateful on behalf of my cousin MM, that she is now pregnant with her first baby! I’m happy for her! 21. That L. told me last night about his upcoming jaunt with that woman. I don’t know; I’m just glad for every speck of honesty. 22. And that MA told me this morning how much she appreciates my amazing self-honesty. 23. I am grateful for phones. They help people to keep in touch with each other. 24. I am grateful for the healthy discipline I did have regarding piano at different times in my young adult life. And all that it did for me. 25. And that I’m to play in a recital again in January! 26. I am grateful for jigsaw puzzles. 27. And that J will be coming over soon to fix the tv cables that were cut by workers. So I can have tv on in the background and clean, cook, do treadmill, and do puzzles. 28. The Roseanne show repeats. I don’t know why, but I find it comforting somehow to have them on. 29. And Lipton tea. 30. And Earl Grey tea. 31. And cherry tea. 32. And cherries. 33. I cooked and ate 2 beautiful fresh artichokes this past week. 34. I am grateful for sleep. 35. And for my heated mattress pad! 36. And that I might be getting a foot and calf massager for Christmas. 37. I am grateful for facing the L. situation, so that I can move on in my life. 38. And for EJ’s help throughout all of this. 39. And JJ’s. 40. And Birdie’s. 41. Pictures 42. Paintings 43. Hobbies 44. Needlepoint 45. Crewel work 46. Knitting 47. Blankets 48. Sweaters 49. Lamps 50. Electricity! 51. The Internet 52. My laptop 53. My iPhone 54. My stereo 55. Friends 56. Time 57. Life. The ift of life. 58. That I am not desperate, as I used to feel! 59. God! 60. Today’s readings. 61. This blog. 62. I think, I used to feel, um, that L. and his friends were healthy. And I felt healthier when I’d be there for the weekend. But now I KNOW that *I * have to find the healthiness for and IN mySELF. And I am grateful for that. 63. And I DID get something out of that, for the time. And I am grateful for that. 64. That I guess I finally know it’s true – that every experience I’ve had – the good and even the bad – have contributed to everything GOOD I have in my life right now. 65. That I’ve finally started to register: I AM powerful (in a normal way). 66. That I might just start taking a little Stitch ‘N Zip Needlepoint or little knitting squares with me everywhere. I seem to need to keep my hands busy. And love that feeling. And I finally don’t care what the hell others think of me. I think I shall start always having something my hands are doing, for a while. 67. Betty White 68. The Golden Girls 69. Hot in Cleveland 70. That I am not one of the people hooked on porn. 71. That I believe I will have sex again. Good, happy, orgasmic, loving, sharing sex. 72. I will have a week off next week. Beginning on 12 noon on the 21st. Phew. 73. One day, I think I’ll go into NYC to a museum or something nice like that: ) Maybe even see friends. 74. I am okay. I am okay, I am okay. Yes. Good. 75. My eyes wil be okay. Yes. 76. “Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are." Madeleine L'Engle. Yeah. Dangerous. Don’t do THAT anymore: ) 77. Nice, and inexpensive wine club I just found and ordered, as a gift for someone: ) 78. And little soft things for someone else: ) 79. “Our” (MA, ML, and my) pizza restaurant has just revamped and reopened, and we’re about to try it. 80. I’m expecting an email later from a guy who seems nice, and is interested in my. 81. Life is FULL of surprises! 82. Museums 83. Movies 84. I had some spinach yesterday and today. 85. Cards 86. Papyrus, the very few times I’ve splurged on them. 87. That I am where I am. I never thought I’d say THAT! 88. My hair 89. Ice water 90. That my mother has help now!!!!!! 91. And is doing so well! 92. That I am able to talk professionally and cordially to Li at work. 93. Every moment of safety I’ve ever had. 94. Laughter. 95. That I have some today! 96. That A. has been so nice to me. S. was right about him : ) 97. Facebook. Yup. Finally. Really. 98. Thich Nhat Hanh 99. New starts 100. Microsoft Word