I Will Not Give Up. I WILL Change My Life

God help me. I have never been MORE miserable. I have been AS miserable. These times, that I know of: 1. When I left Hubby #1// 2. When Hubby # 2 left me, AND when I had those bad thoughts at that time // 3. When high school boyfriend, on whom I felt so dependent because my mother was so ill and I was so depressed, cheated on me// 4. When I did that bad thing last Sunday night// 5. When J. left me to move to LA, when we were dating. Those are the times. I lived through them. I will live through this. But I don't ever want it to happen again. So what can I DO? Eat veggies daily! No matter what! // Not eat junk. No matter what!// Lose weight! No matter what! // Pray daily! No matter what! // Do 100 grats a day! No matter what! // I don't KNOW what else!!!! God, help me to know. Please. And to do. Thank you and amen. OR - am i wrong? am i only ok if/when in a good relationship. so confused! wouldn't THAT be okay? Oh God, I don't know.