100 Grats

I am grateful:

1. Woke up in good mood. That’s GOOD MOOD DESPITE the million things I have to do and not enough time today. That’s a great thing, this good mood!
2. Hppinesses abounding yesterday regarding birds.
3. O.
4. A this morning all that time
5. Did get to ww
6. Did get to bird store
7. Got them millet
8. Did get to health food store
9. Have frozen
10. And green things
11. I do wish I could have had the courage to have killed myself. Even moreso, that I had not been born. But since I am here, I’m glad to have health
12. The freedoms I’ve afforded Summer and Jewel
13. MA on phone right now. As I’m desperately typing these
14. She says, “I have touched SO MANY lives.”
15. MAYBE just MAYBE I’ll be ok?
16. I have eyesight. It would be worse if I didn’t
17. And can walk. Also would be worse without.
18. Not major car accident today. Would also be worse
19. Same with stroke
20. Or cancer
21. Or heart attack
22. I was not able to do this internal work years ago I guess. If I could have, I would have. Maybe I can now?
23. Grateful. Grateful. Um. Hands to type
24. Can read
25. Water
26. Peace where there is
27. You if you are reading this
28. Anyone who prays for me
29. MA says there is a reason for me being around. I think I should be grateful for that
30. Phones?
31. Electricity?
32. Water
33. Washing machine
34. Dishwasher
35. Hope
36. Anti-depressants?
37. I have having a very desperately very very bad symptom. Wanting to hurt my eyes. It has happened over the years. Gone for long time. But back today. I guess I am grateful I never did that. For sure.
38. I have shoes
39. And feet
40. And underwear
41. I have my piano
42. Stone
43. Friends
44. Trees
45. Prayer. Please pray for me
46. Um.
47. Timer
48. Have car
49. With gas
50. Have a piano
51. Have the birds
52. Have a park nearby. Can’t imagine going there. So many fucking memories. But it is here
53. All the time I swam with J
54. All the times I made love with J.
55. That I have slept at nights.
56. When we bought furniture together
57. When he cared about my health
58. And about being with me
59. And did stuff around here even

I will try to do the rest later

and here they are:)


60. That L just shared with me again about his 20 years of depresses
61. and – that it went away in 2002 or 3 for him. I’m grateful for that.
62. And that he got over it also, selfishly, gives ME hope.
63. That he and I are friends again.
64. That he IS in my life.
65. This weather. Is really paradise.
66. MA calling
67. M. calling.
68. And loving me so much.
69. Dr. calling
70. Me seeing O.
71. Having picked those 3 new little toys for the birds today. I KNOW they will love them.
72. That I can talk now, without getting breathless.
73. That I did practice piano a little bit today after all.
74. That I DID go to ww
75. That I bought some healthy frozen dinners, Amy’s today. Even if I can’t do more, I can have some greens and one of them.
76. Soups. I am grateful for soups
77. And fresh greens
78. And that I give them to the birds too.
79. Koko. That I am getting to share about her with the kids
80. The fuses came in the mail.
81. The happy nights I spent at L’s before. They were nice.
82. Honestly
83. Birds flying around
84. and EACH came TO me tonight – outside of cage to my finger.
85. Google Images
86. Talking with friends. Friends are important.
87. My hair when it is colored
88. My little bit of makeup when I eat it
89. The drawer where I’ve made room for the birds’ stuff
90. Breezes
91. People’s acceptance of things
92. Lessons
93. Joys
94. People who believe in me
95. Ability to walk.
96. Medications for when needed
97. Fruits. Organic.
98. My Kandinsky calendar
99. O’s texts
100. A. texting with me for over 3 hours today.