1. Great time yesterday
2. Saw MA
3. And ML
4. Had a pina colada
5. And lunch
6. With broccoli
7. And great talk with friends
8. Laughter
9. Tears
10. Honesty
11. Love
12. And ML said few time MUSTN’T wait so long (we used to do this frequently and don’t now)
13. And I was able to help MA with suggestions (her life is changing – ill – etc.)
14. Loving female friends. I didn’t used to appreciate but I do now
15. THAT I do now
16. And have for a while now
17. The Five Mindfulness Trainings
18. That M read them with me last night
19. The stream of positive fb posts I get in the mornings
20. All the pages I’ve “Liked”
21. EJ
22. Birdie
23. JJ
24. Kayleigh
25. M
26. MA
27. ML
28. L
29. A
30. St
31. Tv
32. Computer
33. books
34. that I can read again
35. and look forward to it
36. and bought a book light
37. cause can’t handle dealing with the den lighting at this point yet. But instead of putting self down, or suffering unable to read in here, got book light and can just enjoy: )
38. *****THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN 14 MONTHS I HAVE NO “EMERGENCIES’ HANGING OVER MY HEAD
39. Omg. What a feeling. And *I * am going to have a pina colada tonight to celebrate: )
40. And I have learned a MJOR lesson. One I ALWAYS knew, and have learned a little bit before but this time is HUGE. Because SO MUCH (mother stuff) has been hanging over my head and it all taps into my weakest weak points (counting its relation with the J stuff) and to have it DONE – my part – is SUCH a relief. I have not felt this way in like 7 years. Omg.
41. Tomorrow I can do just for ME.
42. And tonight – I can even JUST ENJOY
43. I saw MA today
44. I as busy all day and that was goo dfor me
45. ***Jewel has had 2 sessions of learning “Come here.” Summer is timidly watching and moving a LITTLE BIT closer (and getting rewarded). This is different than just walking on me for food. And should help for me to let their wings grow out and have them flying again : )
46. Thich Nhat Hanh saying, “You HAVE all the conditions for happiness.”
47. That I KNOW he is right
48. The nice nice pharmacy lady to my mother
49. The nice nice doctor’s office to my mother
50. I saw my principal today. And that was great too.
51. And T, who also said I looked great (as did principal)
52. I was able to copy a few things there
53. And mail from there
54. I am having a good dinner
55. I went to health food store.
56. And got organic green beans fresh
57. And organc baby kale fresh – good for me AND is birdies’ favorite : )
58. And good whole grain bread
59. And organic fake meat
60. And great broccoli rabe with garlic
61. And organic tomato sauce Italian
62. And water
63. I shall stop giving the birdies tap water because I read to in a source I trust
64. *****That FEELING when I was driving away from school today, knowing I was DONE. Omg how I’ve missed that feeling!
65. T stopping at post office for me
66. My mother’s helpers
67. Meals on Wheels for her
68. My healthy skin
69. My strong feet
70. And hands
71. That I just played Chopin
72. And Mendelssohn
73. And Rachmaninov
74. And tomorrow I shall play Tchaikovsky
75. And Rachmaninov
76. And something else but I haven’t fully decided what yet
77. That I am 7 degrees of teacher separation from Beethoven himself!
78. My time with MA today
79. That my birdies love when I play piano
80. My eye drops
81. I have been loved by a number of men. I mean love. I’m not talking about sex, but love.
82. *****That I thanked God. So heartily. I mean really. When J first left, I used to lay prone on the floor and pray to God to help me so he would come back! Tonight – FIRST TIME EVER – I lay prone and said, God. I used to lay here and beg you for what I thought I needed. What I wanted. Now I lay here to say but one thing to you: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
83. That I was FORCED BY MY CIRCUMSTANCES to do the things that fucking scared me so! Because I will NEVER have to feel dependent IN THAT WAY again!
84. But that I am NOT adverse to taking HELP! Lol
85. That MA can AFFORD financially to do the things her health is leading her toward needing/ Phew on her behalf.
86. Birdsong, for which I was always grateful (outside) throughout my HOUSE now! What a thrill
87. Joy
88. My bamboo garden!
89. Shih tzus
90. The love I had for two
91. And the love I had FROM the two also
92. Smiles
93. Ability to enjoy anything I have the ability to enjoy
94. Inspirational people
95. “The only journey is the one within.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke_________
96. That I am free
97. That I can see
98. Poetry
99. Native poetry
100. Peace everywhere there is peace
101. Access to water
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