I Want. No More Bullshit. From Anyone.

I am so tired of bullshit.

L. is my friend and I am happy he is. But as a bf, he lied and tricked me and THAT is not good.
As is M.A. Long-term.
As is St.
A. is a sort of friend for now.

I got sick of O's bullshit and told her so.
And I am sick of M's people-pleasing bullshit and empty promises and outright lies. Have been for a while now.
And I am sick of W wanting to date me. Okay, his is not bs and lies, but he is too troubled too. I am not in charge of taking on other crazy people. I have enough crazies of my own.
MA says do not see him because he has own troubles (has explained them to me).

Anyway, the big point is that
I hate my life.
The kids and their parents this year are horrible.
I have been sick already (though didn't take a day).
I am alone and miss J and see no hope for a relationship.
And I'm angry at "friends."

So I have to look at myself.
Why am I so angry?

And I have to look at my expectations.
But I don't think that's it. Like with MA - she breaks confidences! That is HUGE to me! But her friendship is so big and worthwhile to me that I see past it and watch what I say or let it go all together.
*** I am afraid of being so isolated and lonely.
And making it worse.
But do NOT want to fill my dance card with troubled losers,
or my friend card with phony friends.

There MUST be better than that, no?

I KNOW my flaws.
But I am a GOOD person. Like I remember when someone here thought I might be being passive-aggressive in my answer to M about if knew 2 weeks to live and what I would say to John. But the TRUTH is that I AM that nice and it was NOT passive aggressive.
I know an old couple now. She has Parkinson's and they need to move into a place. They have to rent an apartment there while waiting for their buy-it-one to come up. He would rather wait on the sale of their house. She NEEDS to go. Here *I* am thinking, I would do ANYTHING for J's health and comfort. And I don't get to BE with HIM. But this guy gets to BE with wife for 50 years even though so selfish?
What the fuck is wrong?

That's all.
Lonely
Angry
Somewhat hopeless...