Belinda of Living from the Inside Out wrote that she ran into someone who said her whole life was different from a year before because of her page and that now:
"My whole perception has changed - I now
meditate, do yoga, use visualisations and affirmations, visit the
farmers markets every week and practice The Law of Attraction."
Just thought that was good to share.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Affirmations
I am healthy.
I am able.
I am smart.
I am energetic.
I am competent.
I have a long, healthy, fulfilling, happy life in front of me.
I give to others and help the world.
I am loveable.
I am loved.
I am able.
I am smart.
I am energetic.
I am competent.
I have a long, healthy, fulfilling, happy life in front of me.
I give to others and help the world.
I am loveable.
I am loved.
If
Fell. Hand/finger hurt. Couldn't type. Am fine. Can now.
If -
If I can just buckle down for this ONE WEEKEND,
I will be in shape housewise and paperworkwise, to move forward with getting things fixed,
and to sit and read... ... ... in a comfy environment without guilt.
I can do it!
If -
If I can just buckle down for this ONE WEEKEND,
I will be in shape housewise and paperworkwise, to move forward with getting things fixed,
and to sit and read... ... ... in a comfy environment without guilt.
I can do it!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I Can Only Do
The best that I can do.
And maybe - when I can't - there is a reason.
Or maybe - there isn't, bu it will all turn out ok anyway because I'll grow from it.
And maybe - when I can't - there is a reason.
Or maybe - there isn't, bu it will all turn out ok anyway because I'll grow from it.
Yes Yes Yes!
I used to know this! Deep down heart know.
Then
I forgot.
Thankful for this post.
And that I've begun to know it again.
Maybe even fully now!
Then
I forgot.
Thankful for this post.
And that I've begun to know it again.
Maybe even fully now!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
100 Grats
I am grateful:
1.
7:57 on Sun night. I just saw a fb post that said,
“you deserve to be happier than you are.” And I thought, “I don’t think I could
be happier than I am.” Because I AM happy. Right now. Content. Fine. He moment
is so fine.
2.
Had GREAT day with my
mother and gave her great day too!
3.
And with her aide, M
4.
Remembered something
about Ji with like a fond longing. Which was great. Because it wasn’t aobut J!
The whole universe and all in it is NOT ABOUT J!
5.
I am having
fresh-brewed hazelnut coffee
6.
I am enjoying the
movie Must Love Dogs.”
7.
And thoroughly
enjoying my girlie time this morning.
8.
On this glorious day
off
9.
This glorious day of
life
10.
With my boys chirping
and singing
11.
I have a good book
going.
12.
I will cook one thing
– my whole grain pasta with sauce and green beans and Gardein and spices, and
have containers for the week. I may even add artichoke hearts.
13.
I am going to try to
remember doing 20 grats at NIGHT! Maybe 20 every morning and 20 every night
now. It should be good to do at night.
14.
My deep clean breath.
These are the first months ever with them. Not even as an infant.
15.
Not feeling worried.
14 days straight. Even at age 10, and 7, and FIVE I always had some fear.
16.
Poetry
17.
Paintings
18.
Music
19.
My two coloring books
that I bought at the Tate Museum! Could also be purchase online I’m sure. One
is “Color Your Own ABSTRCT ART Materpieces by Muncie Hendler. The other is
Color Your Own MODERN ART Masterpieces rendered by Muncie Hendler.
20.
And that I have
shared them with my class.
21.
And that they love
them.
22.
And as weird as this
sounds, I am grateful that I am not afraid to color IN them. Like, don’t have
to Xerox copies first. It is just coloring! Have done one, and I must say, it
is gorgeous. I love it. Different than the real one, but nice: )
23.
Now it is Wednesday
morning. I might have to stick to mornings and do a lot of grats in AMS then as
EXTRA try for PMs. That’s fine. And that is fine is a good thing for which I’m
grateful. It’s better than worrying.
24.
I had a horrendous commute
home yesterday. 1 hour 40 minutes for 20 minute drive but that’s not the worst
at all. The worst is the slipping and sliding. I was losing control of the car
a few times. I became convinced that I do not EVER want to drive in that car in
the snow again! I may seriously have to change my money plans and get a used 4
wheel drive. I do not want to go through this again! I am so so so grateful
that I DID get home safely! And I tried to stay positive and picture it too.
While driving slowly and carefully (and of course ignoring the phone that
rang…)
25.
And I am grateful
that although it was really tough and I wished for the days of J and the
safety-feeling, I didn’t fall. I didn’t sink. I was tense, but that was NORMAL
tense!
26.
My car got stuck
outside and I did the things I had to do. Called police and parking people and
walked upstairs to neighbor to explain (although I knew they wouldn’t be using
it, I was blocking their driveway…) I am proud because as simple as those
things sound, I did them and in years past I would have let J take them over. I
would have even felt I NEEDED him to.
27.
I KNOW the Law of
Attraction works. I spent years and years picturing how I could be strong if
God forbid ever had to be alone. Reading, tv, every way I could picture it.
DUH! So I DREW IT to me. That fear became my reality. But the good news is, it
is (empirical anyway) proof that the Law of Attraction works.
28.
And I am doing better
at not tormenting myself for the past. I am HERE now. And I have a future. And
more importantly, I have this day!
29.
Rather than wait
another week, my new French teacher (who was scheduled to come today) is coming
Friday. Yay!
30.
Tomorrow morning I
have profession development for a bit.
31.
And afternoon more.
32.
Then Friday I have
morning teach/ lunchtime French, and afternoon at another building doing
science work.
33.
This weekend I intend
to finish all the cleaning up stuff in the house no matter what. AND to see my
mother of course.
34.
I WANT to get to
work! No – you can’t know how big this is! I am so so embarrassed to admit
this, but I was always relieved by any opportunity to be off from work. Snow
day. Surgery! Any. Now I WANT to get in. Finally! Partly for conscience but I
always had conscience – it is more that – 1. I realize I AM important there.
NOT same as sub. And 2. I LIKE contributing. Wow. I’d have never guessed it…
35.
This. Which looks
great to me. Healthy inexpensive, tasty. http://www.vegkitchen.com/recipes/bountiful-beans/bean-salads/chickpea-and-raw-kale-sandwich-spread-or-salad/
36.
Ok. So. Guys I pay
screwed up. I couldn’t get car out. But
– it is fine. No one died over it. And THAT is a good feeling to not be so
upset
37.
And – a phone call
came which J. may have needed(!) so I called him. While on phone, chatting, and
he asked about something which led to something which led to – uh oh gulp – me
crying while he said, “Stop! That makes me crazy and I’m trying to help you
with this.” We hung up; I did what had to do. Was still crying though. A lot.
And, well, you know, talking to him does bring up the love and the loss a bit.
Plus after yesterday. Plus, once feeling bad about THIS (which had to do with
yet another screw-up of mine about money and mother), I started feeling – about
ALL my regrets J etc. So – I texted And I texted M and I asked each – pray for
me. M got it and did. And I could feel that. And – I had already taken some
action. Because J was coming and we had to go somewhere… - so – instead of
sobbing in nightgown hair icky begging, which IS WHAT I FELT LIKE DOING, I got
dressed nicely, put on my little necklace and earrings, and a smile, and acted
like the grown-up I am. Oh thank God!
38.
Then I remembered
ALSO – that I am a woman, a sexual being, desirable (to someone somewhere I
assume lol). And I behaved as such.
39.
And – J. did the
rest of what the guys I pay didn’t do!
40.
(And I will
straighten this out or get new guys)
41.
And – then *I *
stayed out for 30 minutes doing the rest – the part *I * could do. (He’d said –
anything wet today will be ice tomorrow morning and make it harder for you. So
while sun has been out is out and will be out more, do it now.). And I did.
42.
I am grateful for
the advice AND that I did it!
43.
Then came in and
warmed and dried toes.
44.
And – then put on
dry socks and shoes and walked to corner. For liquor. Not kidding. Want a drink
(maybe have 4 a month).
45.
Keeping track in
book of every penny spent.
46.
Not feeling J.
owes me.
47.
Not having anger
toward him.
48.
Starting to have almost
no anger toward self.
49.
My boys flying.
50.
Doing the best I
can.
51.
I didn’t sink
after all.
52.
I. Am.
Respectable.
53.
I. Am. Reliable.
54.
I. Am.
Compassionate.
55.
I. Do NOT. Panic.
Like. I. Used to.
56.
The book The Power
57.
Life
58.
What it may turn out
the “purpose of life” is: Live!
59.
Jigsaw Planet online
free jigsaw puzzles.
60.
Knadinsky
61.
Hope
62.
Bird food
63.
Salad greens for ME!
Lol
64.
I’m watching King of
Queens repeat now. Doug is having daydream or dream (half watching) of being
back on the road driving (cause stuck behind management desk temporarily). And
how he LOVES his job. It is cartoonish in fact. But – I REMEMBER watching it
before – and WISHING for that feeling. And I HAVE it now!
65.
Validating words from
my principal today.
66.
J’s help today with
bank stuff
67.
And snow stuff
68.
And offered to cover
the 15
69.
And my paying him
back anyway
70.
And we shall get
together Sun evening.
71.
Fell asleep! Now is
Thurs morning. I am not upset that it takes days often now for the 100. They
are deep ones. Grateful for grats
72.
Lots professional
development today. I think it will be kind of fun. And I hope so.
73.
No prep or lunch
break though. But will be with others in different way for some of it.
74.
Tomorrow French
teacher comes!!!!!
75.
And more professional
development
76.
And some time with
class both days too – that’s good lol
77.
Waking up
78.
Feeling that nice
feeling before sleep of being ok.
79.
I used my
Nutribullet! Oh my gosh it is the best thing ever! You throw whatever in it,
screw it on, prewss down for seconds (I did 20 – you don’t do even a minute)
and pour. THIS could solve the – days-I-might-not-get-enough-greens-otherwise
dilemma! I loved it! I threw in fresh kale, little bit frozen strawberries,
little chia seeds and water. Can put in anything. Basically gonna mostly taste
the sweet of the fruit. Healthy, low-cal, easy, quick, yummy. What a great
thing the Nutribullet is! No fuss like big blenders Vitamix etc. And 2 size
cups, each has lid, can bring with too if want!
80.
Car good
81.
Laptop
82.
Books
83.
Puzzles
84.
Enough money to live.
May have to move for safety as neighborhood changes. Well see. Then wouldn’t
have little house, only condo. But will put energy into attracting the best…
85.
Snow removal
services.
86.
Garbage removal
services.
87.
That great Indian
restaurant I took my mother to last weekend
88.
Sleep
89.
And – that I should
be able to get a little more tonight – just right
90.
Exercising and
movement of all types
91.
EJ
92.
Birdie
93.
JJ
94.
Kayleigh
95.
M
96.
A
97.
L
98.
Music
99.
Tchaikovsky
100. L. sent me this this morning. http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/gallery/2013/aug/13/tchaikovskys-wrong-note/
The fact that he sent it
101. And, I find it interesting!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I'm Down and That's Good!
Because it was a VERY stressful day.
Including but not limited to THE worst drive I've EVER had! White knuckling, sliding, slipping, squiggly light on, car stuck etc etc etc for just under 2 hours.
And something with A.
And so I'm a bit down.
Yay!
Because - it's NORMALLY down!
I am NOT feeling - therefore I am worthless
or therefore my life is worthless
... ... ...
I'm feeling - Oh - lie down- watch tv - relax - feel better, Sweetie.
And I shall.
WHAT a difference!!!!!!
What a gift this day has been!
Including but not limited to THE worst drive I've EVER had! White knuckling, sliding, slipping, squiggly light on, car stuck etc etc etc for just under 2 hours.
And something with A.
And so I'm a bit down.
Yay!
Because - it's NORMALLY down!
I am NOT feeling - therefore I am worthless
or therefore my life is worthless
... ... ...
I'm feeling - Oh - lie down- watch tv - relax - feel better, Sweetie.
And I shall.
WHAT a difference!!!!!!
What a gift this day has been!
Yes
Art © Albena Vatcheva
Monday, January 20, 2014
This Is All But Unbelievable to Me! EJ, JJ, Birdie, Everyone - Read!
It. Is. Day. 14.
Day 14 that I am fine.
I am not keeping track; I just happened to realize it.
I am fine.
I am fine.
I am fine every day and night for 14 days.
Something big happened to hurt me.
Something else happened to piss me off.
Something else happened to scare me.
And - I still can't get track of the house. But now - NOW - I KNOW I will!
And through it all
I am fine.
Like the "overnight success" in Hollywood, I have worked and worked and worked and worked. For like over 4 years. (Since before J left). And now
I
Am
Fine
And will CONTINUE the work. In different forms perhaps. Like, I used to do FOUR daily readings A DAY! I would literally read them and type them out here! I am not doing that right now, but I am meditating at least 5 days a week.
The grats I am changing in terms of number, but becoming only more and more different and always authentic, and I am practicing piano more.
I am not praying with desperation and pleading, but positively.
I am closer to remembering and tapping into the Law of Attraction daily.
I am reading again.
I am MUCH more outgoing at school. And every time I step outside my comfort zone, it expands.
I went to London alone! The first 4 (out of 9) days were going to the American school for retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh and his monks and nuns. That helped. The next 5 were go-about days. And I loved every one!
I read the 5 Mindfulness Trainings (can easily be found on plumvillage.org) once a month aloud with another person.
I have made new friends on fb.
I have gotten my budget under control.
I start French lessons this Wednesday! With a native French person!
I take much better care of my body now.
And -
for the FIRST TIME since I moved out of parents' house at age 23 (I am 58 now) I DO NOT HAVE SICK CRAZY INCREDIBLE OVERAGE OF FOOD IN THE HOUSE. AND I DON'T WANT IT! Ex - on the top shelf of my 3-shelf cabinet (I don't have a pantry in the little house lol), I always had 2 rows of things lined up side by side like books on a library shelf. Now, I have some items, facing front, with all space behind.
And - it FEELS GREAT!
The FACT has always been that there is more than enough food for me. I live near NYC. Can you IMAGINE how many stores and restaurants are around? I can walk TO SEVERAL! I couldn't run out of food if I tried. Oh in a bad enough storm - although there has never been one bad enough - I could wind up eating something I don't adore - like plain broccoli with brown rice. Would that kill me? And again - it has never happened. So FINALLY - FINALLY - the FACT is recognized!
And my dr says I am finally "beginning to see my assets."
And - I am LOVING my job!
I have hope.
I am enjoying the moment.
I go to sleep fine. I wake up fine.
I know sadnesses will come. Some will be big. That is part of life. PART of life.
And I am fine.
I know that very recently I was severely depressed. I don't think I will fall that far again. But I don't forget, don't worry.
Oh thank God. There is probably a number of years of time left for me to enjoy. And be thankful and be fine.
I am sitting here right now, on a day off, watching "Must Love Dogs" while I do my spiritual work. Then - I shall clean something. And maybe - get to take my mother to a movie today too!
And - I FINALLY know I am FREE. I mean, I can move if I want. Anywhere I want (yes I am taking into account the money I have to give he who made a vow but left me). I could move to Florida. Or Hafuckingwaii (in one room with a roommate practically - it's so expensive lol). Or half an hour away from where I am. Or France. Or Bali. Or Japan. THERE IS NO ONE AND NOTHING TO STOP ME. Of course I choose to stay to get my pension 97.3 of which has come from my OWN paycheck anyway! And of COURSE I choose to not desert my mother! But these are CHOICES. Wow.
They always were, of course. But I GET IT now!
I have NEVER been okay for 14 days. I mean without internal worry or loneliness or fear. I always - ALWAYS looked at single women with DREAD in my heart. "Oh my Dearest God I could NEVER live that way!!!!!!! Hang on! Hang on to J. Hang on for dear life!!! Or you will be annihilated!" And now - no. NO!!!!!! It is NICE! Look: I am an affectionate person. I am a sexual person. I am a romantic person. I love men. I want to have an "other." And in the summer I will probably start dating. And either continue for a long long time, or meet a significant other and be exclusive with him. But for now I am LIKING being alone. I lived here for 6 years on my own once before, but I was never ok. I AM now. I am not only ok, but I am LIKING it!!!!!!!!!! All but unbelievable.
Oh - and maybe I'll have a PARTY this summer! With lots of people. Right here at the house. I am excited about that!
Everyone who reads this helps me. I so dearly hope I am helping someone.
And my heart is always filled with love for EJ. Who came on one day in the beginning, when every morning at like 4 or 4:30 am I would be here crying, "Dear God please don't let me be alone in cyberspace." And one day, up popped an angel who said, "Honey you are not alone." EJ. I am crying now typing this. Thank you.
Words CAN'T do. So thank you.
JJ and Birdie for commenting with me. Thank you so.
I love you three women.
I dearly hope to meet you irl.
Perhaps you will be in NYC.
And I will come there and meet you.
And you are ALWAYS WELCOME to come here. The house will be fixed, and clean, and you are welcome even to sleep over.
Day 14 that I am fine.
I am not keeping track; I just happened to realize it.
I am fine.
I am fine.
I am fine every day and night for 14 days.
Something big happened to hurt me.
Something else happened to piss me off.
Something else happened to scare me.
And - I still can't get track of the house. But now - NOW - I KNOW I will!
And through it all
I am fine.
Like the "overnight success" in Hollywood, I have worked and worked and worked and worked. For like over 4 years. (Since before J left). And now
I
Am
Fine
And will CONTINUE the work. In different forms perhaps. Like, I used to do FOUR daily readings A DAY! I would literally read them and type them out here! I am not doing that right now, but I am meditating at least 5 days a week.
The grats I am changing in terms of number, but becoming only more and more different and always authentic, and I am practicing piano more.
I am not praying with desperation and pleading, but positively.
I am closer to remembering and tapping into the Law of Attraction daily.
I am reading again.
I am MUCH more outgoing at school. And every time I step outside my comfort zone, it expands.
I went to London alone! The first 4 (out of 9) days were going to the American school for retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh and his monks and nuns. That helped. The next 5 were go-about days. And I loved every one!
I read the 5 Mindfulness Trainings (can easily be found on plumvillage.org) once a month aloud with another person.
I have made new friends on fb.
I have gotten my budget under control.
I start French lessons this Wednesday! With a native French person!
I take much better care of my body now.
And -
for the FIRST TIME since I moved out of parents' house at age 23 (I am 58 now) I DO NOT HAVE SICK CRAZY INCREDIBLE OVERAGE OF FOOD IN THE HOUSE. AND I DON'T WANT IT! Ex - on the top shelf of my 3-shelf cabinet (I don't have a pantry in the little house lol), I always had 2 rows of things lined up side by side like books on a library shelf. Now, I have some items, facing front, with all space behind.
And - it FEELS GREAT!
The FACT has always been that there is more than enough food for me. I live near NYC. Can you IMAGINE how many stores and restaurants are around? I can walk TO SEVERAL! I couldn't run out of food if I tried. Oh in a bad enough storm - although there has never been one bad enough - I could wind up eating something I don't adore - like plain broccoli with brown rice. Would that kill me? And again - it has never happened. So FINALLY - FINALLY - the FACT is recognized!
And my dr says I am finally "beginning to see my assets."
And - I am LOVING my job!
I have hope.
I am enjoying the moment.
I go to sleep fine. I wake up fine.
I know sadnesses will come. Some will be big. That is part of life. PART of life.
And I am fine.
I know that very recently I was severely depressed. I don't think I will fall that far again. But I don't forget, don't worry.
Oh thank God. There is probably a number of years of time left for me to enjoy. And be thankful and be fine.
I am sitting here right now, on a day off, watching "Must Love Dogs" while I do my spiritual work. Then - I shall clean something. And maybe - get to take my mother to a movie today too!
And - I FINALLY know I am FREE. I mean, I can move if I want. Anywhere I want (yes I am taking into account the money I have to give he who made a vow but left me). I could move to Florida. Or Hafuckingwaii (in one room with a roommate practically - it's so expensive lol). Or half an hour away from where I am. Or France. Or Bali. Or Japan. THERE IS NO ONE AND NOTHING TO STOP ME. Of course I choose to stay to get my pension 97.3 of which has come from my OWN paycheck anyway! And of COURSE I choose to not desert my mother! But these are CHOICES. Wow.
They always were, of course. But I GET IT now!
I have NEVER been okay for 14 days. I mean without internal worry or loneliness or fear. I always - ALWAYS looked at single women with DREAD in my heart. "Oh my Dearest God I could NEVER live that way!!!!!!! Hang on! Hang on to J. Hang on for dear life!!! Or you will be annihilated!" And now - no. NO!!!!!! It is NICE! Look: I am an affectionate person. I am a sexual person. I am a romantic person. I love men. I want to have an "other." And in the summer I will probably start dating. And either continue for a long long time, or meet a significant other and be exclusive with him. But for now I am LIKING being alone. I lived here for 6 years on my own once before, but I was never ok. I AM now. I am not only ok, but I am LIKING it!!!!!!!!!! All but unbelievable.
Oh - and maybe I'll have a PARTY this summer! With lots of people. Right here at the house. I am excited about that!
Everyone who reads this helps me. I so dearly hope I am helping someone.
And my heart is always filled with love for EJ. Who came on one day in the beginning, when every morning at like 4 or 4:30 am I would be here crying, "Dear God please don't let me be alone in cyberspace." And one day, up popped an angel who said, "Honey you are not alone." EJ. I am crying now typing this. Thank you.
Words CAN'T do. So thank you.
JJ and Birdie for commenting with me. Thank you so.
I love you three women.
I dearly hope to meet you irl.
Perhaps you will be in NYC.
And I will come there and meet you.
And you are ALWAYS WELCOME to come here. The house will be fixed, and clean, and you are welcome even to sleep over.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
100 Grats Today
I am grateful:
1.
Met with financial
person again yesterday
2.
It went well.
3.
A. helped me with
yet another idea, too.
4.
I will do it
today.
5.
My new routine is
get up, start the coffee brewing, change the birds’ greens, fill the
humidifier, drink coffee. Good 1st thing am routine.
6.
Sleep last night
and such interesting dreams!
7.
Have been ok for
over a week. Wow.
8.
Friday (tired lol)
9.
3 day weekend.
I’ll have one day with my mother and the other two to do stuff around here
10.
My class
11.
Teaching math
12.
That I can walk. I
know two people who basically can’t. I am very lucky that I can.
13.
This. One of only
2 passages of Shakespeare’s that I’ve ever memorized:
(from
the Merchant of Venice – part of Portia’s speech)
The quality of mercy is not strained;
It droppeth as the gentle rain from
heaven
Upon the place beneath.
It is twice blest; It blesseth him that
gives and him that takes:
'T is mightiest in the mightiest;
it becomes The throned monarch better
than his crown:
His sceptre shows the force of temporal
power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of
kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthronèd in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest
God's
When mercy seasons justice.
14.
That I shared it with
my principal today
15.
And that she
appreciated getting it
16.
That I really DID
start fresh Tuesday morning after our big meeting Monday afternoon.
17.
And every morning
now, really.
18.
The EPIPHANY last
Tues. at lunch! Like a actor who is “an overnight success,” it didn’t’ all
HAPPEN that day. But it all CLICKED that day. I became allowed (when
honestly, became AWARE that I’m allowed) to take the reigns over my own life!!
19.
And now it is
Saturdayl Huge. Huge huge huge hugge huge. So glad I saw this today! Living
the Law of Attraction / The Secret
What is it you really want? What is the
outcome you want? Your job is to hold to the outcome of what you want, and to
feel the outcome of what you want, and to feel the outcome as though it is here
now. That is your job. The HOW it will come about is the Universe’s work. So
many people trip up on this and try and work out the how. (The Secret Daily
Teachings)
20.
Plenty of sleep
Thursday night
21.
And last night
22.
Amazing dreams last
night
23.
Am awake this
morning.
24.
Was *super-teacher *
yesterday!
25.
With no aide no less!
26.
I can be anybody I
want (so can you). I can be the strongest person you’ve ever known.
27.
Fractals
28.
Art
29.
Digital art
30.
Online jigsaw
puzzles, especially on those 3 things, and on objects and close-ups and houses
too
31.
I am finding that I’m
taking weekends OFF. Doing stuff for ME. Like cleaning, laundry… AND –
RELAXING. Good!
32.
I. Start. French.
Lesson. This. Coming. Wednesday!
33.
My new budget. Yes I
love it. I can follow it. I can control
myself. I can eliminate worry this way too!
34.
I. Am. On. Day.
TWELVE. Of. Being. Okay. !!!!!!!!!
35.
I’m great. My whole
life has changed. Because my whole outlook has changed. I am not saying I won’t
feel sad or or or or – grief, fear, etc. I am saying they won’t DESTROY me.
36.
I’m not even obsessed
about my house anymore. It’s getting done. Should be nice by summer.
37.
And then – and then
- maybe I’ll only stay 3 years or so.
38.
Because - because – I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!
39.
I can move to
Florida.
40.
Or Hawaii.
41.
Or 2 towns away from
where I am
42.
Or stay
43.
Move to a small
townhouse or apartment or coop…
44.
Substitute teach.
45.
Or not.
46.
Do Reiki
47.
Or on non-human
animals.
48.
Move to freakin
France if I want!
49.
Sunday. I am grateful
for this morning. And freedom this very morning
50.
Fresh brewed coffee!
Yay.
51.
My time with A
yesterday
52.
The laws of
attraction. Well, I elieve it was always
in fact. What I’m grateful for is actually knowing about it!
53.
Fresh vegetables.
54.
Frozen vegetables
55.
Canned organic green
beans which save me sometimes.
56.
For the FIRST TIME in
my life – I do not have extra, ridiculous, overage, reserve, portions of food!
I have a normal, human amount in my fridge and freezer and cabitnet (I don’t
have a pantry)
57.
And – I. FEEL. GOOD.
ABOUT HAVING THAT AMOUNT. This is truly
a first.
58.
Also, spent less on
food this week. And will continue to.
59.
And – having
“control” over my budget is helping me keep things in reign AND have hope.
60.
IMIng with dear L
right now. I’m glad we are friends (and glad we are nothing more!)
61.
Friends.
62.
That I have grown to
not so much expect them to be perfect or perfectly THER for me.
63.
Seeing Saving Mr. Banks
with my mother and her aide.
64.
Indian food together
too.
65.
I have looked online
to help mother’s aide with her loss of pet grief, as per her request. I hope my
info helps her.
66.
Books
67.
Libraries
68.
Wednesday is French!
69.
Posted pics of my
beloved boys today! (birds)
70.
That I TOOK this very
life-affirming step of taking them into my life.
71.
That I am so good to
THEM
72.
AND – kept them
together! They were so close! They very
likely would have been separated otherwise!
73.
Movies
74.
Indian food
75.
Water
76.
My homemade healthy
vegetable bean soup.
77.
That is is delicious
and comforting too.
78.
That I have a job
79.
Helping children
80.
Soon will get piano
tuned
81.
That I have earrings
82.
Especially my newest
(year?) pair, which I wear almost daily I love them so much.
83.
And that I don’t
VALUE this CRAP as measure of self-worth, as I used to!
84.
That Indian restaurants always have vegetarian
and vegan choices. Well almost always vegan. And if not, they have always
thrown something together for meJ
85.
The years I used to
walk on the Rockefeller estate. Before it was open to the public. Happy
Rockefeller lived there, and allowed this group of joggers to use her property,
not near the house, and it had 50 miles of trail! I would break off from the
group to walk. It was great! Then we would meet up.
86.
The time I got lost there!
But didn’t panic!
87.
And as I realized
hours were going by, and it could get dark – that I didn’t want – I got nervous
but not panicked. Just kept walking figuring eventually I will reach a road at
worst.
88.
And I did!
89.
And there was one
house
90.
And I rang bell and
they weren’t serial killers and I used their phone. Phew.
91.
How I used to listen
for the sound of the cows to guide my way! : ) (Except this time when I did
that, they were a different group of cows! That’s how I managed to get lost
lol)
92.
Humor
93.
That I can drive
94.
That my car works
95.
That I put gas in it
96.
My happy birdy boys
walking and flying and chatting and singing virtually all day yesterday and
already for hours this morning!
97.
MA. I may see her
tomorrow
98.
That I don’t take
being treated like shit anymore
99.
Chopin.
100. My singing with kids and piano yesterday, based on book SHE
had shared, and principal came in during : )
101. My piano
102. My tv
103. My laptop
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