CoDA Work Today

I woke up, prayed, had coffee, did grats, and I feel:

Estranged, regretful(!), jilted, lonely, burdened, encumbered, frustrated

and
Powerless, humble, willing

and
Useful, divine, grateful(!), hopeful, alive(!), gifted, sacred, accepted, glorious, healthy, blessed, delighted, valuable, happily Buddhist

I think it is because:
First stuff: J. All the mistakes I've made. Every time I acted in a low manner and not honoring the Spirit inside me. Also, faulty and encumbered by my own shit. So therefore frustrated. Getting things done, etc.

Second stuff:
Food. First step.

Third stuff:
Honoring life. Grateful for life. Grateful didn't kill self! I feel alive and grateful for it, healthy and grateful for it, accepted by friends and students and most parents and my own mother, glorious because I am part of something greater, and all is created by God, including me. Delighted because the kids smile and laugh and I bring them some happiness. Gifted with abilities, and intending to put them all to use. Happy to have my Buddhism and my Reiki and my spirituality.

I acted out codependently:
Going to that funeral? I thought like 20 people from my building would be there. I was so surprised that only like 6, and all had taught the children. I have to look at ALL the reasons I was there.

What I would do differently:
I feel like I would still go. This deserves more thought.

Uh oh, 5 good things about me:
1. I pray for others.
2. Tr wants to go out with me - so I must be desirable as a friend.
3. I don't give up. Almost, but don't. Yay
4. I generally accept others and their viewpoints.
5. I am a good cuddler, with people and doggies.
Okay.