July 20 :(? :)?

To Self:

July 19

It’s okay.

It’s okay. You are BUILDING toward something.

Getting fitter, trimmer, healthier, stronger emotionally, more independent, happier, prettier, more energetic!

J will want you after finds himself more!

And – if not, you’ll remember that you’ll be better on as self and for someone else too.

And – you’ll remember the lonely times when you were with him but it wasn’t right. Like on email in middle of night 3am…. (and you will NOT blame yourself for not having done more about it then. Because you will remember that you have always done what you COULD.”)

Your life is good!

Just ENJOY!

And also if not, remember the times you’ve been happy. Like at beg. with L. when thought was good for you. And when busy and active work piano French friends etc. (but not overworked lol) and night before last and yesterday morning when was happy inside! It is coming more and more!

You are fine.

You are fine you are fine you are fine you are fine.

And – he IS still thinking! 

Also - You ARE loveable. More than ever. You are a real and full person. Like never before.

Wow. I am suffering today. And A. not being there is making it much harder.

Which shows that I just need more growth, that’s all! 

Ok.

--

July 20

I am ok. I cheated by going ahead and measuring my waist last night although should wait til Monday morning. 1 ½ inches off. And THAT - is just for ME! I am doing it for MYSELF!

Practiced piano a LOT yesterday. Just kept going back to it.

Slept and dreamt a ton. SUCH interesting dreams! Not good dreams. Not bad dreams. Just so INTERESTING! ___

It is my anniversary today. Yesterday I was very sad about it. Today I am great so far. Bigger picture and all that…

I will see MA. She wants to get together, and I think it is smarter for me to keep busy and social.

I am very very grateful for this exercise program daily because my body feels better than at least when I was a teen, if not even better than EVER. I am IN TOUCH with my body as part of me. Not just ALL spiritual. Is important.

I have piano. And birds. And friends. And books. And laptop. And tv. And beautiful weather. And ability to walk. And movies. And bookstores. And library.

_

So I am fine.

Not in a war.

Not without water.

Not blind and deaf.

Not poverty-ridden.

Not in an iron lung.

Will go do grats Magic work now.

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