I have called my mother
and her aide (2 calls)
MA
M
health food store
bookstore
drugstore
restaurant
supermarket
emergency room
store where I bought the weights
mall that store is in
police station
looked in every inch of the little house
and the car and trunk
and emailed school
Everything came up negative, except school won't be getting back to me til Monday.
1.
Bag costs money.
French books and
CDs cost money.
Pens, pencils, sharpener, post-its and container cost money.
2.
Notebook filled with all my work and everything I've learned, my teacher's work etc. is in there.
3.
Plus I have other paperwork in there!
I don't know if any if needed.
But - I also don't know if any has private info! Like bank account or something!
4. Plus bag has some sentimental value.
***
I have tried to feel better using Thomas Edison's words after his factory burned down. Decades of work, hundreds of notebooks, all gone.
And his attitude was that now he was rid of mistakes or something. He said it was all rubbish now and he would start again tomorrow at age 67.
That helped my stomach calm down a little.
But
- Edison didn't DO the fire.*I* am responsible for being so frenetic and sort of out of control nervous that i must have done something really stupid with this bag:(
So I am nervous.
NEED to get over it.
Also have been so angry, which is another story but angry at mother's one aide, and told her (she lied twice and cost my mother 4 days waiting for dr)/ angry at L (lots)/ was angry at M for nothing really!/ angry at MA for nothing she can help really!/ angry at mother for what? aging?
MUST find a way to deal with all the anger.
At least I have been able to practice piano today (couldn't last night just could not focus at all)
*** I am aware how little this all is! And am so disappointed to be upset over it. Although calmer than this morning. I know that with a diagnosis or... or ... or... I would pray for these "problems" back.
How do YOU keep that perspective?
Anyone?
--hours later:
1. i have been able to practice piano. yay.
2. time has passed and gained some perspective for me
3. i wrote to french teacher and she said - it is all replaceable - i can make copies too - what matters now is what's in your mind. and THAT helped a TON!
So maybe if the maybe reading this did not write, they will read again, and get help from THESE words in case they evever feel so bad about something like this! :)
Well, I think it's great you spoke with your teacher and was reassured that the key papers could be replaced, etc., etc. But I totally get why it felt like such a big deal at the time. And perhaps mostly because you felt out of control (WHERE in the F did I lose this thing??? How? Why?). I don't have pearls of wisdom or perspective, other than this: Shit happens. We lose important things. We make stupid mistakes. We let things get to us. And then it passes.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember it exactly, and can't get my hands on the book, but there is an opening passing in one of the playwright Lillian Hellman's memoirs where she laments that she can handle war and pestilence and poverty and heartache but if the groceries don't arrive on time she falls apart and and finds herself crying on the floor. It's an overstatement on all accounts, of course, but the spirit is true. Sometimes one thing send us over the edge. And another thing will bring us back.
xo
Oh my thank you so much! I see the numbers and countries and was wondering if anyone would answer - I did *not* mean to burden *you!* Thank you so much for the support!
ReplyDeleteYes the biggest deal was what the f is wrong with ME! You get it!
Your words, by the way, ARE pearls of wisdom to me! We lose things... So what it passes. Thank you!
I love the Lillian Hellman reference - the spirit of it - indeed!
I love - you.
XOXOXO!