CoDA Morning Work Today

I woke up - really really really early -
did readings and grats and a little e-mail (that part was a mistake)
and had coffee and I feel:

Useful, open, calm, empowered, grateful, safe, sane, healthy, loving, inspired, awed, forgiving, forgiven, sacred, better divine, blessed, trusting, recharged, kind of delighted, kind of worthy

and
Powerless, willing and humble

and
Jittery, a little nervous, a bit dejected and excluded, swamped, in some ways distrustful, betrayed

I think it is because:
First stuff: I am so lucky in a million ways. And getting better all the time. I have God and friends, life and breath. And my new therapist (the temporary one) situation helps me feel recharged.

Middle stuff: food and eating

Third stuff: jittery - about telling work today, and coffee does that a bit too. The dejected and excluded stuff is from O after concert. But it's not really real. Swamped at work. Distrustful of future men because of what J did. Betrayed by J because he used me. I know he didn't mean to, but it affects my trust.

I acted out codependently:
with Mer? - getting too close? - staying in last night over mother stuff? -

Next time I think I'll do differently:
*Pray on it! : )

Five Good Things about Me:
Oh boy. I thought this would be easier today.
Um.

1. I have nice feet.
2. I play some piano.
3. I try.
4. I am loyal.
5. I am trustworthy.

The end. Yay.