As Doing

4:35 quick break
lesson 1:
There is no one who is going to take over your life for you, Lynn. So you just fucking do it yourself. That's an important lesson. And frankly, it is how it should be.

4:46 Lesson #2:
Life is a gift.
So there are hardships. So the fuck what?
There is music to be enjoyed. Art to see. There are beaches to breathe and see and sweim and experience. There are squirrels to watch.

and Lesson #3:
You've been working less than half an hour and 3 lessons already. Get off your ass and stay off your ass and ACCOMPLISH! It is always better. In the longrun because things done, of course. But also in the MOMENT!
You hve depression. You are allergic to most of the pills. Do these tings to help yourself!
Nothing is that immediate and urgent and afufl. Just KEEP DOING. Oh, self, honey, DO keep doing!

5:03 Lesson #4:
Who the hell am i to ever judge ANYONE at ALL?! Here I was this very day, Jan. 27 2013, a sniveling partially suicidal feeling little lout!
So, I am not the MOST judgmental person. But I still AM , SOMEWHAT. No. I really don't WANT to be anymore. I want acceptance and understanding and at least an assumption of the best not the wlrst. No body "out there" would have a CLUE what I go through, at home. How much it takes out of me each day.. how I try to "fight it," or when I remember, to "gentle it." So likewise, maybe *I* have no idea what anybody ELSE is going through either!

5:20 Lesson #5:
Hot green tea is a very good thing.
As is working steadily but humanely and taking little regular breaks.

5:35 still in break. Lesson #6. I can't make up for months of letting things go in an evening. AND THAT'S OKAY!
AND #7. that humor is important and so are friends.
And # 8. that there is a God and he will help me/ is helping me.

7:10 not doing anymore since break. and that's okay. and have done not so good thing with a. and 3 gd. things 1 with L, 1 eating broccoli, and 1 calling mother back. and
Lesson #9. i was born. i live. i exist. because that one man doesn't want me CANNOT be enough to die over. Even if it IS J.

Thank you, God. This is better than earlier, that's for sure.
I thank You.
Amen.