# 12:
It doesn't really make a real difference most minutes of the day, whether I'm married to J. or not. All the minutes - I'm HERE> Or I"m walking over to pick up my car. Or I'm teaching, eating, typing, chatting with M (next to whom I'm lucky enough to work)... Yes there is an underlying KNOWLEDGE that he's not here. But - for example, picturing the empty house when I get home. Well, I'm not IN that moment here - I'm HERE!
# 13:
I think of how I almost fall into unhappiness and obsession and wishing the minutes away - and I remember how much of the past decades it has been like that anyway. Which means - was NOT happy. Sooo.
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