My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. That I am alive 2. That I do not feel as bad as I did on Christmas, that deep, overwhelming depression. 3. That I hav not given up. 4. That I enjoy something each day now. 5. Sunday. I’m so grateful that the aide-care situation for my mother worked out for today. 6. And that I had the courage 7. And the help from A. to do what I had to regarding L. last night. Finally. 8. And all the time A. wanted to spend with me yesterday. 9. And last night. 10. That my house is still clean, oh thank God. 11. Coffee made this morning from yesterday. Yes! 12. I have seen some horrible things lately. Horrible. I am so grateful that I’m not in a country where they do those things to me. May I use my freedoms well. 13. This laptop. 14. And that I’ve never had a computer virus on it. 15. That I even know how t use a computer. I remember when I didn’t. And I remember typewriters… 16. Orgasms 17. Hope 18. Jesus 19. Buddhism. 20. J. 21. MA 22. M 23. St and her intelligence and sanity. 24. I am grateful that I just managed to put so much of it into words. Written words. For myself. 25. And shared then in email with A. too. 26. And IF HE ASKS, will send to L. 27. I’m grateful that I am not in a state of depression like the times I TRIED to break up with him. 28. For whatever reasons, I am breathing today. As in emotional clear breaths. Thank God. 29. And as I no asthma breaths too. Thank God again. 30. I am grateful that despite all the ickies and pain and hardship regarding L, I did learn that I can kiss again. 31. And look forward to things again. 32. And have orgasms again. 33. And be – uninhibited again. 34. And feel desirable again. 35. And go out with friends – couples – and have fun again. 36. And smile and laugh 37. And be loved (by the friends) 38. I am so amazingly overwhelming grateful that I went to London. 39. Alone. Beyond words how grateful I am for this. 40. I am grateful for Thich Nhat Hanh and all eh has done in my life. 41. And that I’ve gotten to sit with him at retreats FOUR times! 42. So grateful that the teacher’s one, in London, was about US. Finding our OWN breath and solace. SO helpful. 43. I feel freer today! NOT depressed exactly. Not even obsessing that L. didn’t respond and might be glad to be rid of me. Don’t care. It’s like, irrelevant. So pure. So clean. So good. 44. I’m grateful for the little time I had with A and that it helped snap the rubber band of obsession about L. Phew. 45. And that I don’t think I need someone lesser than. Yay. 46. This: “Today, I will weigh my behavior carefully. Responsible behavior builds gladness of heart.” 47. I shall again be with somehow who cherishes me. 48. And looks at my fingernails and touches my hair and just. loves. me. 49. My becoming more educated about the things going on in the world. 50. My being better able to stand up for myself. 51. My paying the cell phone bill today. That feels so good. I hate paying the bills. But it feels so good when it’s done. And I will find a way to make it easier. 52. That I am finding my gratitudes easier to do today 53. Thai tofu and potatoes and peppers in peanut curry sauce. 54. And that I’m getting 3 good servings out of one portion. 55. Spinach 56. Salad 57. Water. Access to plenty of fresh clean water. 58. Some trust in self. I don’t know if what I wrote last night was really the perfectly right thing to do. But I did my best, gave it thought, ran it by someone, and sent it. Did I remember to pray?! Anyway, I’m trying to do the right thing. But right by ME as well as by other. 59. Huge: “If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life." Beyond Codependency 60. I am grateful to have just talked with M today: ) 61. And that my vegan baked ziti – first one ever, maybe – is in the oven now. 62. This: “We are children of the earth, and we have our different moods and phases, too. There will be periods of darkness when we try to find our way by the light of the stars. Again and again we will grow to our full size, only to fade and grow again in a new way.” 63. That M seems to approve of what I’ve done re L. 64. As does A. 65. I’m grateful for the concept of small steps. 66. And I’m grateful on A’s behalf, that he’s having sex with his wife right now! : ) 67. And that my digestive system works. 68. And my lungs 69. That I’m OKAY INSIDE right now! 70. I am grateful for Scrabble 71. I am grateful for summer. 72. And for winters too 73. And my hat 74. I am so grateful for the daily readings. 75. And for this blog. 76. And YOU. 77. Grateful for the happy times I’ve had this past year. Not sadly. Really gateful!: ) 78. And for the lesson to not take the happy times for granted. 79. As I am getting pretty GOOD at not taking for granted the health that I have! 80. This thought, that “the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness.” 81. That I have a car. A working car. I remember when I had a job and no car! 82. Orange juice. 83. Indoor plants 84. That my spider plant is a grandmother. 85. Comedies 86. Lamps 87. Electricity 88. No storm or its bad effects here right now. 89. Chinese food 90. My homemade pizza 91. My homemade eggplant “parm” 92. My homemade lentil soup 93. My homemade bean and veggie soups 94. Coconut 95. My hands 96. My timer 97. I had breakfast today and I had lunch. Both healthy. Not everyone in the world gets to. 98. That I am okay! 99. That I am religiously tolerant. And others are of my too. 100. God in my life.