1. My dr saying if the thing is too hard and scary the way it is,,find a different way to do tit just like you do in school
2. That I gave the kids a great day yesterday
3. That I slept
4. That I dreamt
5. That I woke up. I guess. In a way.
6. Chopin
7. Cruciferous vegetables
8. Leafy green vegetables
9. Veganism
10. Computer room stuff
11. Centers
12. M running off things for me
13. Tires fixed
14. L calling this am. I’m not alone
15. 2 emails from him 2
16. and a fb post fromA
17. My mother. I don’t want my fear about losing her to interfere with my time with her
18. J. Forever and always
19. Doggie. Forever and always
20. That maybe living this way right now will make something worthwhile one day… For me or someone(s) else.
21. I am grateful though that I can breathe on my own
22. And am not in a concentration camp
23. And can see
24. And can hear
25. And can speak
26. And have a home
27. And a job
28. And a car
29. And electricity
30. And a washing machine
31. And a dryer
32. And a dishwasher
33. And a piano
34. And a piano in my classroom
35. And indoor plumbing
36. And a shrink
37. And an eye doctor
38. And eye drops
39. And some some some degree of hope
40. And peace on my street. Not a war. Not guns…
41. And a park nearby
42. And I can drive to the sound, ocean, bay
43. And to the mountains
44. That I have had many vacations with J.
45. And London on my own
46. And loved almost all
47. And did love London
48. That my mother is alive
49. That I have heat
50. And a heated mattress pad
51. And air conditioning
52. And Weight Watchers
53. And a good gym nearby
54. And Zumba nearby
55. And a treadmill here in my home
56. And resistance bands
57. And 3-pound weights
58. And wood floors
59. And a laptop
60. And a Nook
61. And an iPad
62. And an iPhone
63. And a car charger, finally
64. And a principal I love
65. And this particular class. They’re so good
66. And sorry, but that yesterday was easier because of the one who was absent!
67. That I’m not as fat as I used to be
68. Stones from the river
69. Books
70. Landline phone
71. A tv
72. And cable
73. Bookcases
74. New thoughts and beliefs about J.
75. The Law of Attraction
76. All the times J and I walked at the Botanical Gardens
77. Enough money to live.
78. My freedoms
79. My degrees that I’ve earned
80. That I can write
81. That I can read
82. That I have ever had to step foot into a prison
83. Thich Nhat Hanh
84. G, who introduced me to him
85. Tai Chi I used to take (and take for granted☹
86. Sofas
87. A d.r. table (small house – no kitchen table)
88. A bed
89. Sheets
90. A comforter
91. Pillows
92. Pillowcases
93. A dresser – well 2
94. A closet – well 2
95. Towels
96. Toilet paper
97. Napkins
98. Paper towels
99. Dishtowels
100. Dishwashing powder
101. Detergent
102. Softener
103. Soap
104. Shampoo
Hello dear. Sending you good wishes and a reminder that you don't need a man to be complete. Be dependent only on yourself, and remember that YOU are the key to your happiness. Not J. Not A (whoever that is). Not L. YOU. And I know it is hard, but don't romanticize the past, especially with J. It's over. You have lovely memories, and horrible ones. But you've been all about moving on. Don't lose ground, luv.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! I love you!
ReplyDeleteI AM actually doing a lot alone! I told my dr. I WANT a few months without obsessing about guys - well - I WANT forever without obsessing about a guy - and I THINK the WAY is a few months without much guy contact - a little time with L - we're kind of good friends now - same with A which is only online anyway. And no dating! I think I NEED that.
But am lonely and DO obsess about J. lately. But you are SO RIGHT! There were a lot of bad things too!
Again, I love you!
Thank you so much!