Journal

I seem to need to PREPARE.
To WAIT.
This is a giant WASTE of TIME.

It must come from the years
with a schizophrenic mother.
WAITING
for her to get better
for things to be okay
and eventually, to just get the fuck out of there.

I think that when I get sick, it is really psychologically caused.
And causes more of the PREPARING.
The WAITING.

PREPARING to LIVE.

And I do here and now proclaim:
I do not need this mechanism anymore!!