1. Orange juice. Organic
2. Whole grain spelt bread
3. Organic peanut butter
4. Aspirin
5. Vitam C
6. Vitamin D-3
7. Lysine
8. Water
9. Fresh brewed coffee
10. With chocolate non GMO soymilk
11. About to clean kitchen.
12. Then den.
13. Then piano
14. And read IN LIVING ROOM
15. Will NOT allow sex with L. this weekend! Because he is losing still more sexual functioning, so it would be like a favor and I would not like that. I would rather neither of us feel the pressure.
16. And that I dumped S. yesterday. I am sick of his pushy know-it-all incendiary hurtful to Christians posts. Defriended, wrote that would and why.
17. And don’t care what he or anyone else thinks about it. And that is the best part.
18. And will also not do cyber sex with a. NEED to focus on self.
19. Am standing at edge – precipice. Looking into the abyss. Endangered. And today, today, am DETERMINED not to give in.
20. Dr. should come. Good.
21. Salt water gargles
22. Claritan
23. Paxil
24. That when I was a teen I use to make halter tops for myself.
25. Using a piece of newspaper for a pattern!
26. And sew them by hand!
27. That I have embroidered beautiful pillow cases.
28. And have them now.
29. That I have a washing maching here.
30. Rachmaninoff
31. Schubert
32. Mendelsohn
33. Books
34. E-books
35. Weight Watchers altogether
36. And the meetings
37. And online
38. And the Success stories I read this morning.
39. Microsoft Word
40. The Internet
41. This blog
42. Message boards
43. Facebook
44. “My” oak tree. (I put quotes because I don’t really think we can OWN Mother Nature).
45. Googld Images
46. Dudeism – funny – “Let It Be”
47. Buddhism. For real.
48. Doggies
49. Bunnies
50. Owls
51. The colors of birds
52. And of flowers
53. Hummingbirds
54. The smallest one, the bee hummingbird
55. Kitties
56. Peace. Everywhere there is peace.
57. I have never in my life had to worry about whether to get water.
58. Or whether I’d be put in a concentration camp.
59. Or be a victim of child-rape. I am so fortunate to have been spared that worry.
60. I may have reached my bottom.
61. Humor.
62. Funny quotes.
63. Laughter.
64. Horses.
65. Wild horses.
66. People who are kind to horses.
67. That I don’t eat animals. I have been tempted lately. So grateful that I don’t!
68. That I have some liberal and some conservative beliefs.
69. Prayer
70. Thich Nhat Hanh
71. Mindfulness
72. That I am off from work this week.
73. Crazyons
74. Markers
75. Paints
76. Paintbrushes
77. Canvas
78. Kind people
79. Generous people.
80. Friends
81. O calling yesterday.
82. M feeling better yesterday than the day before.
83. Sex that I have had.
84. And that I finally believe that the next time will be even better.
85. That *I * can control my own body and who gets to touch it. .
86. That I do not feel AS bad physically as I did. Only ears are worse. But throat not quite as bad. And nose getting better.
87. My eyedrops
88. That my new health card DI come.
89. That I have a treadmill
90. And an ActiveLink
91. And 3-lb weights
92. And resistance bankds
93. And a good exercise DVD
94. And a regular DVD player for my treadmill
95. And Zumba classes. Wow. I have a LOT!
96. That I am breathing well today.
97. Yogi “Breathe something-or-other” tea
98. Great inspirational facebook sites – pages?
99. ***THAT I HAVE HIT SORT OF A BOTTOM. LAST NIGHT WAS THE CULMINATION, I THINK. AND SO I REALIZE – WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE? A bf with DID? A paramour who has life security and doesn’t always see/ treat me the way I’d like? A husband who chooses not to be with me? The company of an old man who used to abuse me? A snotty pretend-friend who thinks he knows everything? His selfish girlfriend? The opinions of others? Who gives a shit?! And THAT is one of the most healthy things I have ever felt.
100. Fresh organic salad greens.
101. And more available.
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