Honest Truth Confessions Plan Time

I have gone to pot.
Weight has been creeping up.
Hair greying not bothering to go get it colored.
Canceled shrink Wed.
House a mess.
YES I'm embarrassed.
But I need to admit it.
To myself.
And to anyone reading this.
Because it might HELP YOU.
I CANNOT go on this way.
Had plans last night. Showered dressed makeup hair jewelry turned around came back and cancelled. Felt fat ugly lose shy . . . couldn't do it. Friend tried to convince. Could not.
Silent stream - stream - of tears followed, no matter what I was doing, for over an hour.
i can only do what I can do.
I CANNOT go back in time.
I can LIVE today or not. MY choice.

I didn't have the wherewithal to wash my own fucking hair this morning.
Talked on phone to M, who is my dear friend and a true sister.
She said, "I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice. THAT shows. You can pull yourself together but THAT shows. Do the hair.
I LOVE her for that.
I hung up and washed my hair.
So I can go later and get it done.

And
the birds are flying now. They need that.
And
I am having dark leafy greens for breakfast. Yes I said that
And
I am going to the corner and getting a pedicure. Haven't had one since - I don't know but many months -
And
I will practice piano
and do SOMETHING FOR 10 OR 15 MINUTES that counts as exercise
and meditate for 5 minutes

And I will report later

And YOU will see a different person 3 months from now.

If you have read this, I love you.

Bless you.