1. This is a day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice in it. That I had that thought upon awakening.
2. I am grateful for this beautiful day and to be alive in it.
3. My birdy babies are flying right now and happy and chirping
4. “If you're lonely when you're alone,
you're in bad company. “
~ Jean-Paul Sartre
5. "Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire."
--- W,B. Yeats (posted by Marianne Williamson)
6. This_____
9. And – I felt – great.
10. I. Felt. Great. Driving. Free.
11. And ince out.
12. And I called m. Ad shared it with her
13. And she feels it is like miraculous.
14. She has been through this whole journey with me.
15. And she is there too now. Yay.
16. ***********I am NOT dependent on J!!!!!! (Maybe I never was, as dr. says and others, but – I NOW IT NOW!)
17. I can eat like a person.
18. And lose the rest of the extra weight
19. Yesterday, driving home, U was a big down and nervous, frightened of the emptiness and depression, loss, - and I SMILED AND FELT HAPPY – picturing my BIRDS! I am SO GLAD that happened.
20. I am SO GLAD I got them – took them into my home – on March 10.
21. They are happy
22. And healthy. Yay.
23. Meditation
24. And sharing it with the kids in that special way yesterday.
25. And letting them each keep a stone.
26. And that THAT meant so MUCH to them! They are RICH. And one little river stone – meant so MUCH to them. Because they are exceptional human beings. And they value love and connection and mental health and joy more than material things. They like their material things. And I know that once you have all that it frees you to not worry… But they are 8 years old. And they *get it * like some classes do not. I am happy FOR them.
27. And of course that I got to work with them.
28. Hope!
29. And knowledge – that is IS really good out there!
30. And in here
31. This is not manic. If anyone reads this and thinks I’m manic depressive. No. This is just finally good. Better. On the steps of healing for the past 3 and a half years.
32. I’m glad that I have read in reliable scientific sources that it often takes people 3 – 4 years to heal. That means I am on schedule. (I’m not foolish – don’t think now is bliss forever. But have felt 2 other bump-ups before. And this is a third. And each is bigger.)
33. To be – to be able to – be – me. Without J. I am living as a PERSON. A whole person. FOR THE FIRST TIME!
34. This________
36. What would I do if I weren’t afraid? I’d SHOW UP for my LIFE – every day
37. And I’d be sick less : )
38. I went to England!
39. BY MYSELF!
40. And I LOVED EVERY MINUTE! Miracle miracle miracle
41. I used to have this dream – this wish – this fantasy – that J. would come back. And I would stay all night and the next day, lying in be with him. Resting like I haven’ in years. Because Then, Then, my life would be back. And I would be okay. Phew. Breath. But NOW – NOW - I KNOW that is crazy. And that even if it HAD happene, it COULDN’T have worked. A HEALTHY lie HAS TO BE a WHOLE life. I never really became whole before. I am not. Becoming whole. On my own. (And only then, COULD I even have a good relationship, ever.)
42. I – am not lonely. I am fine. And – I have something (piano with others) to do later too.
43. Had nice chat with my mother this am.
44. And am taking her OUT Monday. Good. Nice.
45. This_____
49. THIS friendship is good. I think it was very bad when he still wanted to date, and we would get into misunderstanding, little fights… THIS is not co-dependent and not datey and is good.
50. This ____
51. And – it does mean that others need this too. And it helps us all…
52. This is huge to me. Maybe I was too different from J. But just wanted him so much…______
55. This____
57. I have loved loved loved driving today. A free feeling. Like J used to talk about having. And I never did, really.
58. Went to the students of O recital. Very nice. Glad went.
59. Looked good.
60. Saw 2 kids from my school.
61. Mom told me older one would NOT have gone if weren’t for me!
62. Glad to be out day after school closes
63. And I’m not sick the day after school gets out (last year was sick ‘til July 8!)
64. And - I’m not vegging out unable to do anything but lie down, day after school closed.
65. Up and down little worries but really feel FINE
66. And HOPEFUL
67. And HAPPY even
68. It’s also inspirational for me. Like, *I * know that although they’re nervous, NOTHING rides on how they “do “ – well – same for me!
69. And – they’re no more nervous than I am - *they * can do it – so can I !
70. This _____
73. I am grateful that Jewel’s flow throughout the house
74. And keeps exploring
75. Summer less so but is
76. O’s mother. Great to see her (in from Russia)
77. Looks great
78. And said I look great
79. “"It is a miserable state of mind to have few things to desire and many things to fear."
To clear up the mind, one thing has to be accepted:
You can choose what to think about.
Now granted, it's difficult at first. I won't lie to you. It's difficult to change how you think because you've been practicing your particular pattern for years, but with persistence and observation and awareness, you can change it.
So many times we think that we are miserable because of the circumstances of our life, but that is never the case. It is always, 100% of the time, what we are thinking about those circumstances that is making us miserable. Change your thoughts about your life and your life changes. Stop thinking about what you fear and think about what you love and appreciate instead.” From Happiness Convert fb page
80. Great phone call with M today
81. She has CHANGED HER WEEKEND AWAY EVEN THOUGH IT INVOLVES OTHERS – to be at my recital for me!!!!!
82. And that *I * will try to be so good, for HER doing this too. So maybe she can enjoy! : )
83. Nice breeds nice doesn’t it; it seems to feed and grow
84. “…gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” G.K. Chesterton
85. I virtually ALWAYS do sleep at night. I’m grateful for that.
86. A is going out tonight. Maybe I’ll read. Wow. Realizing how much time I do spend chatting with him!
87. May I remember this forever now ____
89. And really to me a lot too! Wow!
90. "A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships"
Helen Keller
91. I’ve eaten healthfully so far today
92. Had a good day
93. Can have relaxing evening
94. Have eyedrops
95. And Paxil
96. Affectionate Jewel
97. Timid little Summer
98. I do love them both
99. Friendship
100. Love
101. Appreciation of me for who I am
No comments:
Post a Comment