Trying

"In the blackest of your moments, wait with no Fear. "

--Rumi


A. was doing this for me:
"Breathe
In
Out

Slow down
Breathe."

And this:
"You have health, job, home, car, birdies, pension, sexy... You are in the top 1% of the world. Freedom!" (His parents were in concentration camps."
--

I looked online for "reasons to not commit suicide" and for help groups.
--

I called MA. Asked her, "Did you ever think about killing self?"
She said yes in 20's. when lover left her.
And - has come close to that kind of thinking during last few years due to health...
I asked her how didn't.
She said in 20's, figured, chicken and chicken and double chicken, and "let's see if something better happens."
And now, she seems to be just making the most of what she CAN do. "I can go to the supermarket. Read books, watch a movie, see a friend." That sort of thing.
I felt so foolish. She knows that by the end she will be not able to breathe and is hoping they can just sedate her from that.
And wishes she could be around for her grandson to grow up.
And here I am wishing my life away?

God help me to not do that. Please.
Thank you.
Amen.