1. I am grateful for the Cablevision problem so that I was “forced” to talk with J about the lawyer stuff
2. He is coming 8:30 tom. Am to help with the lawyer stuff
3. J. was here.
4. He helped
5. Will help. Thank God for that much
6. Grateful that can breathe on my own
7. That am not a slave
8. And that have never had a slave
9. That A helped me last night
10. And MA
11. And M
12. That practiced piano this am
13. That birds are well
14. And singing
15. And flying
16. And have food and water
17. That *I * have them. They do bring me joy. Thank God.
18. YOU. If you are reading this, I cannot tell you how much it means to me that I am not alone in cyber-space.
19. EJ
20. Birdie
21. JJ
22. Might go meet St for coffee later
23. Not in as bad shape as last night. Thank you, God!
24. That there was info on not killing self online last night
25. There are self-help groups
26. And self-help books
27. Owls.
28. Pictures of owls too
29. This: Appreciate everything, even the ordinary. Especially the ordinary.
- Pema Chodron____
You have to IMAGINE YOURSELF THAT WAY....
That's how the Magical Manifestation begins...the Image you hold of yourself is who you become.....Period.________
31. Wed. now. Grateful saw St yesterday. Was better for me
32. Was there for 3 ½ hours at bookstore. Was good for me.
33. She still loves me.
34. Dr. helped a little on phone
35. J. is going to help me a bit.
36. I am off today.
37. Birds are flying.
38. M called
39. Nice pone chat with L. yesterday
40. A helped a little too
41. Vegetables. I fucking didn’t have the right greens. Those iceberg lettuce things don’t count. For like 3 days. And wow. Last night I ate veggies – real ones- and I felt the difference right away. And still do. Thank you, God
42. I have opportunities. I do.
43. My sweet beautiful dear birds.
44. Some people sort of laugh at that. I don’t know for sure why. But I’m grateful that I don’t care. These boys give me joy. And I am good for them.
45. The Microsoft Word page I have, about how to feel better. Memories of the SHIT. And it IS sthit. That is MINE> Not about J.
46. That I am aware. That part of me feels better when hear from or see J, because is like a drug hit. And how pathological that is.
47. Friends. I am so grateful for St’s friendship.
48. And for O’s
49. And of course M’s. My true sister.
50. M and I will, should have some fun this summer together: )
51. Movies. I like to go to movies.
52. And I should at night. Will I think maybe 3 x this summer.
53. That although my stomach is nervous, I do NOT feel like I did yesterday thank you, God.
54. MA
55. Her friendship
56. That she is still alive
57. And her example
58. And that she feels my love for her too, I think.
59. This: Zen to Zany There are moments when you have to find a safe peaceful place to hide from the "doom and gloomers" the negative nellies..they just see the world as a place one must survive, instead of thrive. I don't argue their "realities" but I won't be pulled into them either. So I hide in the garden of my own Happy thoughts. It works.
-z2z- _________
61. That I am a free person. Even free like able to go to the bookstore yesterday.
62. I feel like shit. Already. But am grateful. KNOW have much to be grateful for. Like eating veggies right now for breakfast.
63. And not working in a mine or a factory
64. Why why why the fuck why is my stomach killing me with nervousness? But 1) I am not dying of a dread disease and 2) I can take a valium if I need to
65. Learning
66. Good helpful books
67. That there apparently IS a place for fiction, too.
68. That I DID it. I ate veggies at breakfast today. Phew.
69. That I practiced piano already this morning. Twice
70. That M is coming Sat
71. That St might even show up too
72. J yesterday saying that there are people who really can’t live with themselves for things they’ve done. I said, “oh. Like murder.” He said, “And worse.”
73. I will. I will I will I will I will clean my kitchen and the birdcage today.
74. This I made up my mind not to care so much about the destination, and simply enjoy the journey.
Living in the Present moment and embrace and enjoy the moments of bliss.
Appreciate what I do have, and try to make the best out of what I do have.
Sometimes letting GO and just going with flow is the best thing to do.
When we stop trying to control and obsesses over things, and let let them happen in their own way - We feel less anxious, as if a burden has been lifted off our shoulders.
With that Faith, We feel light hearted, more Positive and Calmer.
And being in that state raises our vibration and attracts more goodness our way.
Try and be Positive and Stay Strong.
Have a Wonderful day.
Tree Tunnel, Azerbaijan ________
78. I was a support to O after her trauma finding her neighbor dead on her front property this morning!
79. This ________
82. And today I’m going to buy, “And the Mountains Echoed,” by the guy who wrote Kite Runner (and Thousand Splendid Suns)
83. O will give me a lesson Sunday! The day after the concert! To come up with what to play next. Phew. I really need that. I told her I do. Piano, despite growing up being beaten (literally) into submission over it, saves me so many many times now! For the past several several months! And even like a year and a half! Phew
84. St. might even be in the area of my recital and stop by on Sat! Exciting
85. THAT it is an exciting thing. In every way. Nerves included. But it’s good!
86. I will go with O to kickboxing next week.
87. This is not like the kickboxing you can see on youtube. This is world-class guy. And I’m very excited. I could not stand the Zumba music. Want this
88. And I’m so glad for her that she had it today! Because she just called me a little while ago after finding her neighbor dead: ( Omg: ( But after 911 and police and all, she did go to kickboxing, and the guy worked her EXTRA hard because of the trauma, and it helped her. Good.
89. A. just wrote to me, and I quote, “SURE IT WILL MASKE U TOUGHER” about going to kickboxing.
90. This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFdvzH24LP8
91. Pictures of cheerful colorful balloons
92. That M is working these few days and making extra money
93. Lunch soon.
94. Veggies at dinner again! And maybe at lunch too. Serious serious about veggies! Oh Lord help me to DO it. No matter what! EVERY day.
95. I played the Mendelssohn. Not tooooooo bad.
96. The Rachmaninov not toooo bad.
97. My sweet birds. Jewel right now playing and Summer eating.
98. Rori Raye and the emails I get from her
99. The fb page Romancing Your Soul and Regina
100. That I am here, with THESE problem, breathing on my own, and – about to – gulp – clean my kitchen!
101. That I had veggies at breakfast AND at lunch today. Phew. Thank God.
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