Wow. It went great.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be with my mother.
her aide DIDN'T come, but we did great.
Thank you, God.
As hard as this morning was, I got THROUGH - which is MORE THAN I did last year.
As bad as I am, I am better than I was.
Amen.

--
Also - my mother was excited about how very much she loves me

And - she does not like J's mother.
Why?
Because she raised them all so - unable to live.
Hm.
What people who knew always said to me about me vs J.
*I * just paid off my mortgage. You know, the one for which 92 banks turned me down. And i paid it every month, on time, for 26 years.  And J. has never yet supported himself, at 54 years of age. And oldest brother does fine in jobs but is a biyter and miserable sot. Oldest sister has had serious breakdowns and hospitalizations, and youngest sister is an alcholic, more often than not unemployed, and has never had a long-term relationship (all are over 50).
I am NOT making fun!
But I AM saying - it IS ludicrous - as my dr's been trying to tell me for YEARS - to think *I* cannot live without HIM.
Thank you, God. I know it will come back... I don't feel I'm there yet, but thank you. For THIS moment.
Amen.

--

And
May her example - such dignity even with all the things she cannot do for herself...
And the saving - sacrificing - and the level of care it is affording her now. Bless my mommy.