Stresses

I am so tired and overwhelmed, that I can barely breathe. Yesterday, for the first time in YEARS, since some VERY BAD things, I felt - like - trapped. Like in a closet. M, whom I love, was crowding in on me. She does that sometimes. Like a close talker. And I was winding up back and back further, until there was no place to go. And I was kind of squished against some boxes. I love her! And yet I wanted to scream, "Back up! Back up! I need breathing room!" I had to turn away and step into a room and wipe beginning tears from my eyes. I am overwhelemd. Well, my sponsor would say no, I just "feel" overwhelmed. I am SO BEHIND! After this storm, house messy, laundry behind, overate for two nights, bills way behind including my mother's, other things to do about her, lawyers to call and that's like an emergency! Plus school is like a crazy-zone. My area of classrooms is under downed trees on live wires. So I am misplaced. Working in a music room with risers and a piano but no desks, books. We were told Mon to go into our classrooms - in the deadly unsafe area(!) - and get some things to use for teaching. So we have a few spelling and math books... But I did NOT like going in the closed off area due to unsafety! And then we were told DO NOT park back there. Front only! Not safe! Park up the block if no spots in lot - do NOT park back there. Then the voters showed up. And we were actually told to move our cars to the back to make room for them! What?! I did not do this. Some parents were afraid their kids could get kidnapped because the building was filled with strangers. We have to do recess duty for about a half hour after school. I don't even have a coat yet this year, and it is cold out; today I will have uncontracted dismissal duty in the cold windy rainstorm. Oy. I need the day off! I need to do the lawyer things for my mother! And now it is Thursday. I didn't even GET TO my spiritual work yesterday! Too stressed. Too busy. Too tired. Bones and joints ache. Got stuck - literally stuck - on way home in car. Thank God J helped me with what to do, on phone. Treacherous ride! Then talked to MA (she called) during part of it. And L (I called him) during part. Treacherous. 2 hours for what is usually 25 minutes. Now I have to take the day, and I don't feel like I can even DO the things. But I must. I must AT LEAST: -set up the closing for my mother! This is vital! -pay the bills - hers and mine! This is vital! Even if I don't get to finding a coat or my car windshield scraper, at least that will be done. If I could straighten the place, that would be great too. And eat well. God, please help me. I've been depressed. Too depressed even to call my therapist back after he left a message, so that he actually worried about my safety after the storm. i didn't even realize this til yesterday morning. I had another symptom too, that I don't even want to go into here on my blog! That's a first! Please help me. I know you can. Amen.