CoDA Work This Morning

God, thank you so much for this day, and today I mean it. (Sponsor said say it whether mean or not, so I do).

I woke up and I feel:

Low, lonely, disturbed, rejected, unhappy, sad, regretful, neglected, worried, left out, estranged, anxious, disconnected, and overlooked.
AND
Humble, broken, defeated, encumbered, powerless
AND
Blessed, grateful, sacred, divine, gleeful, supported, activated, and vital.

I think it is because:
The negatives - all J. stuff.
The humble etc. - all OA-needing stuff
And the goods - MA yesterday, nice talk with J, great new book, piano things, decision about eating better and how to spend my winter, and God

I acted out co-dependently:
Falling apart over J early yesterday

I think I'll do differently next time:
Remember the positives.
Do more gratitudes (in head)
Do what sponsor said, more - "No. Right now I'm..." and it's something for *me.*

Thank you, Jesus, for your help with all this.