CoDA Work Today

I woke up and thanked God, whether felt it or not (didn't) and I feel:

Intimidated, dsturbed, envious, wounded, alone, dejected, encumbered, ridiculous, defective, deflated, disconnected, toppled, blue, low, jilted, desolate, downcast, estranged, isolated, inept, rejected, unhappy, upset, imprisoned, battered, abandoned, frightened, sad, left out, jealous, regretful, shaky, lonely
AND
humble
AND
sacred, blessed, grateful, divine

I think it is because:
I miss J
I am mad about the vows
I was asleep when he called and that call made me feel bad
I'm in week two of being cold and now no hot water either
I'm still a yo-yo to his feelings
I'm still detoxing from the crap I ate on the weekend
I realize I have to take another day for the furnace next week
I ate the crackers last night
I'm overwhelmed by having it all on my own plate
I want my marriage back

I acted out codependently:
still caring how I come across to him
thinking about asking him to do hotel with me while so cold
eating the fucking crackers

I think I'll do differently next time:
self-care like yesterday but more
keep to my new idea about not analyzing feelings throughout (except CoDA work), just doing the next right thing