I feel:
and - although it is his birthday and that's affecting me - this is and has to be apart from J. This is me.
Okay.
Bothered, betrayed, jittery, bruised, shaky, rejected, abandoned, lonely, overlooked
amd
Humble
Powerless
Willing
and
Sacred, divine, safe, forgiven, recharged, useful, grateful, whole, empowered, healthy, open, optimistic
I think it is because:
First stuff: J'd b'day. Just some mornings jittery. Nervous about leaving in a few minutes to take mother to bank and shopping. Because of my own internal shyness AND because of her new and depressing need for walker: (
Second: about food and program(s)
Third: God. Jo. has helped me feel empowered. I am not sick like last weekend. I've begun to believe I am safe.
I acted out co-dependently:
1. being so nervous in front of Ma when I made the (one of three) scheduling mistake yesterday
2. making it in the first place, because too jittery and let self rush instead of slow, steady, step by step
Next time I'll do differently:
the opposite.
regular, habits, take time
5 good things about me
personable
funny
never give up (so far)
helpful to loved ones
compassionate
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