Yesterday and Today I

spent money but I'm glad.
I bought:
9 undies
2 bras
2 nighties
2 jackets
4 pants
2 sweaters
6 tops
6 shoes/sandals
all new makeup
food all good ingredients to make: African sweet potato peanut stew AND chili AND my pasta "pesto" AND my veggie protein bake + more (spices, bread, protein, walnuts)

I looked cuter today too.

And I did skin stuff last two days and makeup today (I like the unmade-up look but it takes makeup nonetheless lol)

And - and this is BIG - I am glad I did it all - for ME.
Last time was over two years ago, and a lot for L.
Time before that a lot for J and a bit for self
This - for ME.

Yes I still want what I want.
But it will or won't come.
And if it comes I will or won't want it.
And THIS is for ME!

I have gone years without a jacket, raincoat, or winter coat, with uncomfortable or ugly shoes, wearing no makeup to work etc etc etc.
When I had the flood I *showered* with the pots and dishes IN the bathtub! I was too overwhelmed to do it all!
It is - I am - a LOT different now.

Yay.

Yay.

I WANT to keep losing weight (I am one size smaller now!).
I WANT to replace things like bras (I am HUGE on top) more than every TWO YEARS!
I WANT to have shoes. And coats.
I WANT to have good foods.
I WANT to look good every day.
I have ALWAYS been REALLY CHEAP with myself about clothes! Since 1978! Literally! And I still am. Like, I have nothing to change into when I get home from work,  and still need 2 jammies...
But I am fine.

And
while I was out, my mother said yes, please could I cook and bring it there tomorrow instead of taking her out. I had offered yesterday because she was going to bed at 5:45. Too exhausted - too exhausted. And all she had done was been taken to lunch 5 hours earlier right up the street.
And I am sad about this decline.
And I am a little overwhelmed about this frazzled vegan trying to bring a nice Easter dinner to my mother!
But I am *fine.*
And J. did not call.
And I am *fine.*
And that is HUGE.

PS While I was shopping this lovely woman was trying on a shoe and asking hubby and he was saying not really - so  I made a motion like "he's crazy it's gorgeous on you - buy it" but she didn't understand. So she was like, "What?" not SO friendly. So i laughed and said (so he could hear too): I'm teasing you that he's crazy 'cause that shoe is gorgeous on you and I hope you buy it!" And she smiled and he smiled and they both said, "Are you Mrs. _____?" And I said "Yes! Who ARE you?" (knowing it must have had to do with student).
And they said, "Do you remember ____ ____?" I said, "Yes! Of course!"
Well - they told me they were SO happy to see me! It is EIGHTEEN YEARS LATER! And that they STILL ALWAYS tell this story - hubby said wife is ALWAYS still telling it - and she said yes. We were doing family history, gr. 3. One project was that they were to bring something or share something or tell about something or bring a family member.... anything - as long as MEANINGFUL to their family. Now I work (NOT live but work) in a very well-off community. So they said she was going to be one of the last presenters. And, as you can imagine, people in that community have all kinds of things! One kid's father, the diplomat, brought in a vase from the Ming dynasty. Really! Another had a letter of recommendation to an ancestor, from Abraham Lincoln. Another had the wedding dress ancestor who came over on the Mayflower wore! And so on. THIS child brought in a thermos, her grandma's homemade chicken soup. And put a little in a tiny paper cup for each kind to have a taste. And I had said to her, "Oh Honey. This is SO special! Your grandma's homemade soup! What a *beautiful* family tradition! And you know what? A neighbor will come and with you guys and then someone with them and so on and so on and THAT will make world peace."
Them telling me that made my day - my week.