Feelings Work

I feel: Confused! I am not really happy, like with L. I don't like that it seems he is limited in terms of relationship. But then he is a good man, and is sweet to me, and I believe he loves me as much as he could ever love anyone. And when I'm physically in his presence, I feel love and his innocence. But I am tense lately. I don't like my life. I feel that I am having some physical reactions to not doing things right for myself. Like not looking at all the truths or something (think Louise Hayes). And like I do not have answers for how to live/where to go from here. And I do NOT think it is a good time to make a "decision." And I would feel a real loss were I to stop seeing him or something. Also, M does not think I should. Dr. says that in a way, he is a disturbed man, which is difficult. But in another way, I have far too big a NEED with a man. His, dr's, bottom line is, "If the pleasure outweighs the difficulty, you might want to stay. If not, not." I think this (confusion) is because: I have NOT been putting my own needs and responsibilities first. And that builds like some anger and resentment and depression and sleep-disturbance in me. Next time I will do differently: PUT MY OWN NEEDS FIRST. STARTING THIS MINUTE. 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I am insightful 2. I am self-honest 3. I do not eat animals 4. I try to give humorous fun little moments to the children. 5. I try. I try I try I try