My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. That my dr. was here last night when the call came about my mother’s new physical troubles. 2. That he stayed so long. 3. That I tried – really TRIED to do the right thing all along. 4. I think I made a big mistake – I let them transfuse her. But that might be against the DNI she wants and has; I’m not sure. But I swear I meant well. Anyway, I’m so grateful that J. got involve and did so much. God bless him. 5. And that L. was warm and nice, albeit on the phone. 6. And that I had talked with my dr. about that situation from the past two weeks. 7. To my great SURPRISE(!) dr. did NOT think what L. did was a big deal! He thought I need too much from men. I’m VERY surprised by this. But grateful too. Because 1) it MAY mean L. wasn’t so bad phew, and 2) it gives me something big to think about/work on – despite this situation – in and of myself. 8. I’m very sad that it seems maybe my needs ARE too great: ( BUT I’m grateful that I’m okay. 9. I’m VERY grateful that I’m NOT OBSESSED about the long-term future! 10. And that MA was in my dream. 11. And that I gave the kids such a nice day yesterday. 12. And they are learning, and enjoying 2nd grade. 13. My roses. Gorgeous. AND they’re a concrete reminder of L’s feelings for me. 14. I am grateful that he’ll be coming with me to the hospital today. 15. Roseanne repeats. I know. I know. But for some reason, they help me feel good. 16. Maybe will have a little unwind/relax time today. 17. Dr. maybe can help me feel better about myself. 18. I’m grateful for this, from today’s Language of Letting Go: "I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. my focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts." Anonymous 19. My post: Today 20. And this thought from one of the readings too: “I am open to understanding and approving life.” 21. My cell phone 22. My shower 23. My Nook! : ) 24. My desk. I don’t even ever sit at it. (J had gotten it). But I like looking at it. 25. Years and years ago, the store that was called Pergament. 26. And the first time I got to go there as a homeowner, after all those times going as an apartment renter and wishing to be going for a house. I remember it vividly. 27. My father. He was the best father ever. 28. That in almost 8 months, I have never said/yelled something to L. that I’d wish I could take back. 29. M this morning. 30. And I am grateful for her sake that she has a good day planned. 31. I am grateful that I have always been safe on the way to and from work. Even though I was hit once, and once got in an accident on the ice and it totaled my car (!) I have always been in –the-longrun-safe. 32. I am so amazingly grateful that J. went to the hospital last night. Wow. 33. Organic whole wheat sourdough bread. 34. Whole grains. 35. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water. 36. Time. I love the time, of my life. 37. My job. That I HAVE a job. 38. And that because of: my principal, working with M, the small class, the individuals in there, their parents, and my own attitude, that I love it now. 39. Orgasms. May I have another with him soon. . . 40. My cozy LITTLE house. 41. Heat. I had none last year at this time. 42. Pension. Little, but something! : ) And I’ve worked so hard for so long for it. 43. College. That I went to college. 44. That my parents paid for it. 45. That I got a Master’s degree. 46. And a 4.0 in it! 47. That I actually went to London! 48. All by myself! 49. And loved it loved it loved it! 50. Kisses. Especially L’s kisses. 51. My daily readings. 52. Email 53. The gardens near my house. 54. The park near my house. 55. The beaches not far at all from my house. 56. Jo and S and that they do love me. 57. Exercise. May my knee let me get back to it soon. 58. Happiness. Every moment of it. 59. That I am not depressed! 60. That I don’t EVER anymore wake up feeling, “Oh no. Why did I have to wake up?” 61. That I sleep at night again. Yay. 62. That I do remember some dreams. I am so lucky. 63. I am a free person. I am so lucky to not be a slave. May I use that freedom well. 64. I am so lucky not to be an innocent imprisoned person. May I help my students to be good citizens. 65. I am so lucky not to be a prisoner of war. May I help promote peace. 66. I am so lucky not to have ever been in a concentration camp. May I help my students as they learn about these things. 67. I am so lucky to have a boyfriend, and plans on the weekends. May I get all my stuff done and enjoy the weekends yet more thoroughly. 68. I kept my house neat all week. May I continue! 69. I am grateful that I AM able to relax. 70. And that L and I sometimes relax together reading. Twice so far. Plus a little on the train. 71. That I have love in my life. 72. That I am not terminally ill right now. 73. That I have God in my life. 74. That I have Thich Naht Hanh in my life. 75. And his monks and nuns. 76. And Jesus. 77. That I can read 78. And write 79. And type 80. That my mother is alive today 81. That J let me sleep last night. 82. That I had that little talk with La and M yesterday at snack time. 83. That I had a good breakfast today. 84. And the idea of vegan yogurt with a sliced banana and 6 almonds and a sprinkling of chia seeds is a good breakfast for tomorrow. 85. And I bought some things L loves, at the hfs. 86. And maybe he’ll pay me back the over-a-hundred-dollars that he owes me, soon. 87. Kairava having come here and given Reiki to me, and L, and M in July! 88. I love her. I am so grateful that she has been in my life. 89. And for the ring I wear daily. A good and constant reminder. 90. That I am doing the 100 grats 91. That I can meditate. 92. That I can play piano. 93. Coffee 94. And that I made it here again. And don’t have to go to the store. 95. Soon I will jump in the shower, put on a bit of makeup, get dressed, meet L, and go to hospital and out to play together. That is a very lucky day! 96. Fruit. I have fresh organic fruit in the refrigerator right now! 97. Vegetables. I have organic salad greens. AND I have frozen organic vegetables here right now. 98. And organic canned beans. 99. And I shall make chlli tomorrow night. 100. I am so grateful to not feel the way I felt when I started this blog. 101. I am SO GRATEFUL to EJ and Birdie and JJ!