Today, I will eat to nourish my body.
Not my emotions. Food does not really nourish them anyway. Well, the food that nourishes my body does. But not junk, and not overeating.
I might report back later on what I ate.
It will be fruits, veggies, primarily whole grains, and protein. And water. And tea. And I've already had coffee.
And it will be in human amounts.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Must Do 100 Gratitudes
I am grateful:
1. I woke up today
2. And despite the cold here for all these days, I am not sick.
3. And although I made a *big * mistake regarding the carbon monoxide detector and there *is * a problem, I am alive and well
4. And so is doggie
5. Who is here with me! : )
6. Til noon today
7. I want to go in. That’s a great feeling in itself.
8. But if I cannot, it’s okay.
9. Fresh coffee. I made it and it tastes awful, but the caffeine is the reason.
10. Although it is a real financial hardship, I will manage to get the furnace stuff done that I need. Thank God.
11. I am thinking of doing things *I * need.
12. In *my * time.
13. *Not * to impress J.
14. Had some moments of despair yesterday, but made it through.
15. Had wonderful lunch with OA friends (for a change).
16. Was able to appreciate it/them.
17. Blankets.
18. Doubled.
19. The recurring dream recently about having a baby, and putting the baby down because I had things I *had * to do, like school. And realizing hours and hours later, in an absolute panic, “Oh my God! The baby! Where’s the baby?! Did she eat? Did someone care for her? Did she poop? Is she clean? Is she crying? Is she alive? What have I done? How could I have forgotten to take care of my baby? Oh my God, if only I could go back a few hours…” Panic. And I think the baby, is me. So it’s a good dream.
20. Unless the baby is J and the marriage. Then yuck, sad dream. But even then, I cannot go back, can only learn for future. So good dream. Thank God for dreams.
21. That I feel this morning – capable.
22. That I’m *looking forward * to going to work. Wow.
I might or might not get to, but I’m looking forward.
23. The electric heater.
24. That J brought it up (it’s heavy) for me yesterday.
25. That he has been helping with this heating situation.
26. New starts.
27. MA offering that I can go there and shower and/or sleep!
28. I will probably go there to shower.
29. If not, I also have the option of the gym.
30. OA meeting yesterday. Good. So glad went. For me.
31. And for my treasurer commitment.
32. So, glad did right thing for the commitment. But also glad because the commitment helps me do the right thing.
33. How good typing feels.
34. And that I can do it.
35. And am still doing my hand exercise, so maybe will not need the surgery.
36. CoDA meeting last night.
37. And that O came.
38. And that we had a bite together first.
39. And the adorable, happy 2-year-old who was there. Cheerful for all of us.
40. A day totally off from all commitments Saturday.
41. And hating it, so I learned a lesson.
42. Will probably go to one or even two OA meetings this week during the week.
43. Meeting that adorable shih tzu yesterday.
44. And he may need a home. And there’s a slight chance that home could be mine. Which would mean doggie not alone and I could have her more.
45. That I’m being realistic too. About money, and allergies, and whether should really take that on.
46. Thank God for this. Today’s For Today: “There is no fruit that is not bitter before it is ripe.” Pubilius Syrus
47. “Experience is not acquired without bruises and pain.” I guess I am part of the human race after all.
48. “That’s why I say I am grateful to be a compulsive overeater. Without the disease, I would not know of Overeaters Anonymous and the twelve step program of recovery, which has been called a blueprint for a sane and happy life.
49. “To wish for the rewards of growth without having to go through the growing pains is futile.
50. “Avoidance of pain stops growth cold; and when growth stops, regression is next.
51. “Recovery calls for going through each step, feeling all the feelings and having the patience to wait for results.
52. “For today: I accept with gratitude whatever progress I am making, however small.”
53. That I am not tired this morning. It’s like a miracle.
54. Yesterday’s For Today: “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Lao-tzu
55. “An OA member who has maintained a weight loss of more than 200 pounds for nearly ten years is the same person who was barely able to walk in the door of her first meeting.
56. “There are a few people around who remember her as she was then – grotesquely obese, wearing a size 52 dress that was bursting at the seams, and unable to sit on any of the chairs in the meeting room
57. “But she took that first step.
58. “She came to the meeting,
59. “got help in dragging a bench to the table where she sat with the others.
60. “She kept right on coming back,
61. “parlaying that single step into a size 3 dress, a 110-pound body
62. “and a brand new life.
63. “For today: Now is the time to begin; tomorrow is too late.”
64. Wow. These are all huge for me today. Nov. 5’s For Today: “In the carriages of the past you can’t go anywhere.” Maxim Gorky
65. “I needd not wallow in the pain of yesterday,
66. “nor shun it out of shame.
67. “The lesson of my past is part of me,
68. “and I use it for greater understanding of myself,
69. “greater empathy for those who still suffer
70. “and as a solid foundation for my recovery.
71. “The past is the sum total of experience that made possible what I have today.
72. “The OA program helps me to keep my past in perspective.
73. “As I practice each of the steps, the guilt, shame and self-pity engendered by defects and wrongdoings are dissipated.
74. “With my amends, I sweep it all away.
75. “I belong to the world today,
76. “and I will be part of its tomorrows.
77. “For today: I have no desire to live in the past; rather, I embrace it and feel joyous about the experiences that brought me to Overeaters Anonymous.
78. Pooping. Finally.
79. Nov 4 For Today: He is not poor that hath not much, but he that craves much.” Thomas Fuller
80. …”The truth is I have what I need.
81. …”Having turned my will and my life over to god as I understand God, I no longer need to agonize over what I eat and how much I weigh.”
82. “In this, as in every area of my life, God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.
83. “For today: I accept with gratitude the many blessings that are mine thanks to the OA program.”
84. Nov 3 For Today: “When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.” Confucius
85.
I did not deliberately choose my faults, but neither do I have to be afraid of letting them go.
86. “I can establish what they are (I have many more faults than I am aware of)
87. “by taking steps four and five,
88. “and I can abandon them in steps six and seven.
89. “What would any thinking person give for such simple, direct therapy?
90. “And it doesn’t cost a dime.
91. “Do my faults include any of these: sloth, bad temper, promiscuity, rudeness, dishonest, child abuse, violence?
92. “God, who loves me and wants me to be free, will accept them all.
93. “For today: I need not be afraid to admit anything to God and to another person, under god’s guidance.”
94. Nov 2’s For Today: “Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it.” Thomas Paine
95. “Freedom isn’t free; it costs something.
96. “The source of all the blessings I have received needs my support to stay alive and strong.
97. “I support my freedom from compulsive overeating by: - being willing to give up the pleasure as well as the pain of excess food, abstaining no matter what.
98. “ – nurturing my spiritual condition through daily contact with a Power greater than myself, even if it is limited to an expression of thanks.
99. “ – practicing the twelve steps to the best of my ability.
100. “ – taking responsibility for keeping OA alive by attending meetings as a personal commitment and doing service at whatever level it is needed.
101. “ – contributing as much as I can afford toward the cost of carrying the message and maintaining OA services at all levels.
102. “For today: Does the support I give my freedom come close to this checklist?
1. I woke up today
2. And despite the cold here for all these days, I am not sick.
3. And although I made a *big * mistake regarding the carbon monoxide detector and there *is * a problem, I am alive and well
4. And so is doggie
5. Who is here with me! : )
6. Til noon today
7. I want to go in. That’s a great feeling in itself.
8. But if I cannot, it’s okay.
9. Fresh coffee. I made it and it tastes awful, but the caffeine is the reason.
10. Although it is a real financial hardship, I will manage to get the furnace stuff done that I need. Thank God.
11. I am thinking of doing things *I * need.
12. In *my * time.
13. *Not * to impress J.
14. Had some moments of despair yesterday, but made it through.
15. Had wonderful lunch with OA friends (for a change).
16. Was able to appreciate it/them.
17. Blankets.
18. Doubled.
19. The recurring dream recently about having a baby, and putting the baby down because I had things I *had * to do, like school. And realizing hours and hours later, in an absolute panic, “Oh my God! The baby! Where’s the baby?! Did she eat? Did someone care for her? Did she poop? Is she clean? Is she crying? Is she alive? What have I done? How could I have forgotten to take care of my baby? Oh my God, if only I could go back a few hours…” Panic. And I think the baby, is me. So it’s a good dream.
20. Unless the baby is J and the marriage. Then yuck, sad dream. But even then, I cannot go back, can only learn for future. So good dream. Thank God for dreams.
21. That I feel this morning – capable.
22. That I’m *looking forward * to going to work. Wow.
I might or might not get to, but I’m looking forward.
23. The electric heater.
24. That J brought it up (it’s heavy) for me yesterday.
25. That he has been helping with this heating situation.
26. New starts.
27. MA offering that I can go there and shower and/or sleep!
28. I will probably go there to shower.
29. If not, I also have the option of the gym.
30. OA meeting yesterday. Good. So glad went. For me.
31. And for my treasurer commitment.
32. So, glad did right thing for the commitment. But also glad because the commitment helps me do the right thing.
33. How good typing feels.
34. And that I can do it.
35. And am still doing my hand exercise, so maybe will not need the surgery.
36. CoDA meeting last night.
37. And that O came.
38. And that we had a bite together first.
39. And the adorable, happy 2-year-old who was there. Cheerful for all of us.
40. A day totally off from all commitments Saturday.
41. And hating it, so I learned a lesson.
42. Will probably go to one or even two OA meetings this week during the week.
43. Meeting that adorable shih tzu yesterday.
44. And he may need a home. And there’s a slight chance that home could be mine. Which would mean doggie not alone and I could have her more.
45. That I’m being realistic too. About money, and allergies, and whether should really take that on.
46. Thank God for this. Today’s For Today: “There is no fruit that is not bitter before it is ripe.” Pubilius Syrus
47. “Experience is not acquired without bruises and pain.” I guess I am part of the human race after all.
48. “That’s why I say I am grateful to be a compulsive overeater. Without the disease, I would not know of Overeaters Anonymous and the twelve step program of recovery, which has been called a blueprint for a sane and happy life.
49. “To wish for the rewards of growth without having to go through the growing pains is futile.
50. “Avoidance of pain stops growth cold; and when growth stops, regression is next.
51. “Recovery calls for going through each step, feeling all the feelings and having the patience to wait for results.
52. “For today: I accept with gratitude whatever progress I am making, however small.”
53. That I am not tired this morning. It’s like a miracle.
54. Yesterday’s For Today: “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Lao-tzu
55. “An OA member who has maintained a weight loss of more than 200 pounds for nearly ten years is the same person who was barely able to walk in the door of her first meeting.
56. “There are a few people around who remember her as she was then – grotesquely obese, wearing a size 52 dress that was bursting at the seams, and unable to sit on any of the chairs in the meeting room
57. “But she took that first step.
58. “She came to the meeting,
59. “got help in dragging a bench to the table where she sat with the others.
60. “She kept right on coming back,
61. “parlaying that single step into a size 3 dress, a 110-pound body
62. “and a brand new life.
63. “For today: Now is the time to begin; tomorrow is too late.”
64. Wow. These are all huge for me today. Nov. 5’s For Today: “In the carriages of the past you can’t go anywhere.” Maxim Gorky
65. “I needd not wallow in the pain of yesterday,
66. “nor shun it out of shame.
67. “The lesson of my past is part of me,
68. “and I use it for greater understanding of myself,
69. “greater empathy for those who still suffer
70. “and as a solid foundation for my recovery.
71. “The past is the sum total of experience that made possible what I have today.
72. “The OA program helps me to keep my past in perspective.
73. “As I practice each of the steps, the guilt, shame and self-pity engendered by defects and wrongdoings are dissipated.
74. “With my amends, I sweep it all away.
75. “I belong to the world today,
76. “and I will be part of its tomorrows.
77. “For today: I have no desire to live in the past; rather, I embrace it and feel joyous about the experiences that brought me to Overeaters Anonymous.
78. Pooping. Finally.
79. Nov 4 For Today: He is not poor that hath not much, but he that craves much.” Thomas Fuller
80. …”The truth is I have what I need.
81. …”Having turned my will and my life over to god as I understand God, I no longer need to agonize over what I eat and how much I weigh.”
82. “In this, as in every area of my life, God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.
83. “For today: I accept with gratitude the many blessings that are mine thanks to the OA program.”
84. Nov 3 For Today: “When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.” Confucius
85.
I did not deliberately choose my faults, but neither do I have to be afraid of letting them go.
86. “I can establish what they are (I have many more faults than I am aware of)
87. “by taking steps four and five,
88. “and I can abandon them in steps six and seven.
89. “What would any thinking person give for such simple, direct therapy?
90. “And it doesn’t cost a dime.
91. “Do my faults include any of these: sloth, bad temper, promiscuity, rudeness, dishonest, child abuse, violence?
92. “God, who loves me and wants me to be free, will accept them all.
93. “For today: I need not be afraid to admit anything to God and to another person, under god’s guidance.”
94. Nov 2’s For Today: “Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it.” Thomas Paine
95. “Freedom isn’t free; it costs something.
96. “The source of all the blessings I have received needs my support to stay alive and strong.
97. “I support my freedom from compulsive overeating by: - being willing to give up the pleasure as well as the pain of excess food, abstaining no matter what.
98. “ – nurturing my spiritual condition through daily contact with a Power greater than myself, even if it is limited to an expression of thanks.
99. “ – practicing the twelve steps to the best of my ability.
100. “ – taking responsibility for keeping OA alive by attending meetings as a personal commitment and doing service at whatever level it is needed.
101. “ – contributing as much as I can afford toward the cost of carrying the message and maintaining OA services at all levels.
102. “For today: Does the support I give my freedom come close to this checklist?
CoDA Work Today
I woke up and I feel:
bewildered, unhappy, anxious, estranged, exposed, bruised, regretful, defective, shaky, wounded, blue, upset, low, ill, tense, jittery, jilted, abandoned, frightened, envious
AND
humble
AND
sacred, blessed, alive, inspired, healthy
I think it is because:
I ate like crap all weekend
I don't like how J is moving further away emotionally
I'm still cold and have no hot water
But I went to OA and CoDA
And new furnace is coming
And I smell coffee brewing
And there is hope. For *me.*
I acted out codependently:
being too mushy and weak on the phone with J. My OA friend could hear my side and she said so
offering to bring him dinner because he helped with the furnace stuff - she also said that was wrong
Next time I'll do differently:
Lean on my own strength
Thank you, God, for the insights.
bewildered, unhappy, anxious, estranged, exposed, bruised, regretful, defective, shaky, wounded, blue, upset, low, ill, tense, jittery, jilted, abandoned, frightened, envious
AND
humble
AND
sacred, blessed, alive, inspired, healthy
I think it is because:
I ate like crap all weekend
I don't like how J is moving further away emotionally
I'm still cold and have no hot water
But I went to OA and CoDA
And new furnace is coming
And I smell coffee brewing
And there is hope. For *me.*
I acted out codependently:
being too mushy and weak on the phone with J. My OA friend could hear my side and she said so
offering to bring him dinner because he helped with the furnace stuff - she also said that was wrong
Next time I'll do differently:
Lean on my own strength
Thank you, God, for the insights.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Great Pasta Dish with Protein and Veggie
Great Pasta Dish
Boil water with some salt for pasta
In large fry pan put oil and coo 4 Gardein “chicken” scallopini
Remove the “chicken” and cut it up
In same pan heat sauce – Ragu garlic something is good
Add one can French style green beans to the sauce and a little hot pepper
Cook whole grain linguini, undercook it by about 2 minutes
Drain and put into pan with the sauce and green beans and heat for about 2 minutes
Add the Gardein
Boil water with some salt for pasta
In large fry pan put oil and coo 4 Gardein “chicken” scallopini
Remove the “chicken” and cut it up
In same pan heat sauce – Ragu garlic something is good
Add one can French style green beans to the sauce and a little hot pepper
Cook whole grain linguini, undercook it by about 2 minutes
Drain and put into pan with the sauce and green beans and heat for about 2 minutes
Add the Gardein
Grats
I am grateful:
1. Doggie is here
2. I took my mother for a milkshake yesterday
3. J and I were so nice to each other yesterday
4. He certainly gives off a feeling that he’s ambivalent
5. There might be hope for someday
6. My best friend thinks so too, and she knows him very well. That there is *some * hope
7. That I am continuing to grow for *me *
8. Live, raw food and how it makes me feel
9. Prayer
10. No emergencies so far today, and I can probably clean some
11. And do some laundry
12. And clean out all the rotted food from the power outage
13. And clean fridge
14. And buy some food
15. And not too much
16. And healthy stuff only
17. Not freezing in here today
18. Not too much to do this weekend that will keep me away from doggie
19. I looked cute yesterday
20. Buddha
21. I’m grateful for every minute I’m nice to the kids
22. And help them learn
23. That I’m doing my hand exercises
24. And so far my thumb is still good
25. Magazines
26. That M let me stay there last Sunday night
27. And that I got to come back home Monday evening
28. Spirituality
29. Finished reading The Kitchen House
30. Started reading My Stroke of Insight
31. Being more careful with money
32. My hair
33. Slept last night. Funky dreams, but slept.
34. Weather should be good this weekend
More later
1. Doggie is here
2. I took my mother for a milkshake yesterday
3. J and I were so nice to each other yesterday
4. He certainly gives off a feeling that he’s ambivalent
5. There might be hope for someday
6. My best friend thinks so too, and she knows him very well. That there is *some * hope
7. That I am continuing to grow for *me *
8. Live, raw food and how it makes me feel
9. Prayer
10. No emergencies so far today, and I can probably clean some
11. And do some laundry
12. And clean out all the rotted food from the power outage
13. And clean fridge
14. And buy some food
15. And not too much
16. And healthy stuff only
17. Not freezing in here today
18. Not too much to do this weekend that will keep me away from doggie
19. I looked cute yesterday
20. Buddha
21. I’m grateful for every minute I’m nice to the kids
22. And help them learn
23. That I’m doing my hand exercises
24. And so far my thumb is still good
25. Magazines
26. That M let me stay there last Sunday night
27. And that I got to come back home Monday evening
28. Spirituality
29. Finished reading The Kitchen House
30. Started reading My Stroke of Insight
31. Being more careful with money
32. My hair
33. Slept last night. Funky dreams, but slept.
34. Weather should be good this weekend
More later
CoDA Work Today
I woke up and I feel:
1. nervous about the housework
2. happy that doggie is here
3. more energetic than I would ordinarily feel
4. scared about J
5. upbeat too
I think it is because:
1. I have so much to do and I know I've lost some jewelry and things and I don't believe when I'm done it will even feel/look like a home at all and it's so dard
2. not as lonely because doggie - yay
3. more energetic because of how eating
4. miss J so much
5. again, how I've been eating
I acted out codependently:
putting off the straightening/cleaning/car straightening for so long
falling behind in the garbage/recycling pick-up stuff
I think I will do differently next time:
do even a little each day on the days when I feel like I can't do any
stick to my work here daily
pray
resume trying to have fun daily
continue eating so well
exercise
1. nervous about the housework
2. happy that doggie is here
3. more energetic than I would ordinarily feel
4. scared about J
5. upbeat too
I think it is because:
1. I have so much to do and I know I've lost some jewelry and things and I don't believe when I'm done it will even feel/look like a home at all and it's so dard
2. not as lonely because doggie - yay
3. more energetic because of how eating
4. miss J so much
5. again, how I've been eating
I acted out codependently:
putting off the straightening/cleaning/car straightening for so long
falling behind in the garbage/recycling pick-up stuff
I think I will do differently next time:
do even a little each day on the days when I feel like I can't do any
stick to my work here daily
pray
resume trying to have fun daily
continue eating so well
exercise
Friday, November 4, 2011
I haven't been here since Monday?!
I am grateful.
Also unhappy.
Yes, at the same time.
Busy.
Cold (heating problems).
Praying still, of course.
Will come back to regular posting tomorrow.
Also unhappy.
Yes, at the same time.
Busy.
Cold (heating problems).
Praying still, of course.
Will come back to regular posting tomorrow.
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